Seeking support group for families of Veterans

[MarilynO]

I find support groups for Veterans of PTSD, and there are probably not enough of them. War Vets need all the help they can get.

What I am not finding is support groups for families of Veterans who have PTSD. We seem to be part of the "collateral damage" of war.

[nancypreb]

Very interesting, Marilyn! My dad was a Vietnam Marine, forward observer (I've heard they had a life expectancy of 3 months!) and surviver of Khe Sahn and the Tet Offensive (Pretty much only vet's will know this lingo, because we're too 'new-age' these days to teach our children history as we lived it!) And I never knew of my father's heroism until he was stiff and cold and we were preparing his funeral services. He, like so so many, held his story close to the chest because it was not a story to be shared with his little baby girls.... not even at age 36, the age I was when he died. I grew up knowing that there were WWII demons that my grandfather protected us from, Vietnam demons that my father protected us from, yet nobody ever told me or taught me how to cope with those un-named, un-addressed demons that played such a significant role in my every day life.... for better and for worse. At my father's eulogy I spoke about "the look!" There is a look that parents give to their kids that is beyond any warning they can verbally offer, but for post war combat vets, their children learn a "look" that is so far beyond the obligatory parent-child "look," one that says, "Shit's about to hit the fan! Duck and cover until the smoke clears, and stay out of the line of fire!!" And yet, these were the men (at least in my case) who you confidently trusted with your life, who loved you beyond measure, who you both feared and revered, legitimately, at the same time. Am I right?!

This last Monday I went to IKEA with a friend of mine. While on the omni-directional showroom track, I saw a man wearing a Vietnam Vet ball cap, flannel shirt, blue jeans, white socks and sneakers, dutifully following his wife as she perused "home-wares." I lost it!! My eyes started tearing up, my breath became short.... it was like I was seeing the ghost of my father, following the ghost of my mother, through IKEA. I actually walked up to this man and told him what was happening to me. I said, "And I want to thank you for your service, because I know.... I know that you did not receive the respect and honor you deserved when you returned home, I know how much you had to swallow for the sake of your family, I know..... and I want you to know that I am grateful to you, I thank you." And with that, everyone with tears in their eyes, we went our separate ways (actually, no.... we remained in relative close proximity as we awkwardly made our way towards the food court, as it was inevitable..... but you catch my drift.)

Families of PTSD vets do need outreach/ to reach out. We know the greatest, bravest, and most wounded of them all. My father was a most incredible, valiant, devoted, loving, and humble man, and I learned, as did my mother and my sister, how to live with his demons. And now, a generation later, I find myself, like him, unable to relate to those who have never had to see the blood-stained eyes of war, in either the context of love, anger, or resolve. We know a different language, albeit second hand, but a language that is not spoken by the conscientious objector, the peaceful protestor, or their children.

All I can offer is.... I have found my support in the very men and women who walk among me, bearing that ball cap, that badge that says, "I was there with your dad!" I stop them in IKEA to say "Thank you." I let them know that I feel the impact of their experience, their pain, their love, their duty, and I get it. And somehow, in that moment, I feel ok, they feel ok, the world feels ok.

Consequently, the captain of the Patriot Guard Riders who escorted my dad in his wooden box from Sebastopol to Bodega, said to me," Thank you. You made me realize that I need to share my story with my kids." And we hugged.

I will end with this..... as an affectionado of the arts, having a Masters degree in the performing arts.... I would like to see Sebastopol honor its Vets and their families by referencing "The Sebastopol Center for the Arts" as "The Sebastopol Center for the Arts AT the Veteran's Memorial Building!" Always. Yes, it's a long name, but so is war...."long"..... and they (and their families) deserve our respect. Always. Probably not enough for what you're suggesting/asking for, but how can we hope for more if we forget that the building exists for them. In the meantime, don't wait for outreach.... reach out! ;-)

Hooray!

[Shandi]

A free PTSD Clinic is being offered on May 16th and 30th, in Cotati, by Sunnie Skillman.

This isn't a "support group" like we think of, where people share their experiences.
But it's a valuable interactive process shared by attendees that will provide
a sense of well-being in the midst of depression, rage, anxiety, frustration, and
other symptoms of PTSD that we all suffer from to one degree or another, though
they may not be severe enough to be diagnosed.

I find support groups for Veterans of PTSD, and there are probably not enough of them. War Vets need all the help they can get.

What I am not finding is support groups for families of Veterans who have PTSD. We seem to be part of the "collateral damage" of war.

[Ronaldo]

A mutual friend of Steve Waterman's sent me a link to a recent video Steve made about Veteran's organization in Long Beach CA called PIER (Partnerships in Effective Recovery) perhaps this can be useful to you: https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B9z...c2NzFTelk/view