Gaddafi Joins the Race for the Republican Nomination

[Star Man]

The Borowitz Report

AUGUST 22, 2011

Gaddafi Found Running for Republican Nomination
Libyan Madman Turns Up in New Hampshire


CONCORD, NH (The Borowitz Report) – The mystery surrounding Col. Muammar Gaddafi’s whereabouts was resolved today as the dictator announced his candidacy for the Republican presidential nomination in a town hall meeting in Concord, New Hampshire.

In announcing his candidacy, the Libyan madman joins a Republican field which is believed to number in excess of seven hundred candidates.

While some New Hampshire Republicans seemed surprised to see Col. Gaddafi shaking hands and kissing babies at the Concord town hall, an aide to the Libyan strongman said his transformation to GOP candidate made perfect sense.

“In those final days in Tripoli he was becoming increasingly disconnected from reality,” said the aide. “So I think he’ll fit right in.”

Mr. Gaddafi, dressed in his trademark yellow turban and matching robe, got mixed reviews in his first appearance on the campaign trail, with some New Hampshire citizens saying that his six-hour stump speech was badly in need of pruning.

Additionally, some felt that his rhetoric needed to be toned down, especially his closing line about fighting for the Republican nomination “until the last drop of blood.”

But others gave him high marks for his grasp of history and geography, which most agreed was stronger than Michele Bachmann’s.

Perhaps underscoring the challenges that lie ahead for Mr. Gaddafi in his quest for the GOP nod, current polls show him in the back of the pack, leading former Senator Rick Santorum but trailing the pizza guy.

“Unfortunately for Muammar Gaddafi, he might be out of step with the current crop of Republican candidates,” one pollster said. “There’s a perception that he’s too moderate.”

[Star Man]

The Borowitz Report

AUGUST 22, 2011

Gaddafi Found Running for Republican Nomination
Libyan Madman Turns Up in New Hampshire


CONCORD, NH (The Borowitz Report) – The mystery surrounding Col. Muammar Gaddafi’s whereabouts was resolved today as the dictator announced his candidacy for the Republican presidential nomination in a town hall meeting in Concord, New Hampshire.

In announcing his candidacy, the Libyan madman joins a Republican field which is believed to number in excess of seven hundred candidates.

While some New Hampshire Republicans seemed surprised to see Col. Gaddafi shaking hands and kissing babies at the Concord town hall, an aide to the Libyan strongman said his transformation to GOP candidate made perfect sense.

“In those final days in Tripoli he was becoming increasingly disconnected from reality,” said the aide. “So I think he’ll fit right in.”

Mr. Gaddafi, dressed in his trademark yellow turban and matching robe, got mixed reviews in his first appearance on the campaign trail, with some New Hampshire citizens saying that his six-hour stump speech was badly in need of pruning.

Additionally, some felt that his rhetoric needed to be toned down, especially his closing line about fighting for the Republican nomination “until the last drop of blood.”

But others gave him high marks for his grasp of history and geography, which most agreed was stronger than Michele Bachmann’s.

Perhaps underscoring the challenges that lie ahead for Mr. Gaddafi in his quest for the GOP nod, current polls show him in the back of the pack, leading former Senator Rick Santorum but trailing the pizza guy.

“Unfortunately for Muammar Gaddafi, he might be out of step with the current crop of Republican candidates,” one pollster said. “There’s a perception that he’s too moderate.”

At last we have a candidate more batsh*t than Bachmann or Perry. Gaddafi's entry should split the Republican vote and assure Obama of a win.

Star Man

[Dixon]

"...leading former Senator Rick Santorum...”

Some of you may not be aware that Senator Santorum has been given an honor most of us will never achieve: his name has become a word in the English language. And I must say that he richly deserves it. For those who do not yet know what the word "santorum" means, look here:
https://www.google.com/search?client...=Google+Search