Age is not a disease; it happens to everybody

[Barry]

Marin Voice: Age is not a disease; it happens to everybody

https://www.marinij.com/opinion/ci_18532857
By Cris Chater
Guest op-ed column

ON MY WAY to work, I dropped into my favorite coffee shop. It was the morning caffeine rush and the line of customers trailed out the door and snaked around the building.

People were texting work, friends and colleagues; the baristas were humming along making cappuccino, frappuccino, cacchiato, café latte, Americano, chai and skinny non-fat-half-flat-extra-whip-drips.

An old couple, probably in their 80s, walked into the shop. They were affectionately holding hands and keeping each other from falling. She was talking softly to him.

I sighed and registered a moment of hope that my own relationship would come to this: Two people, still in love and caring so sweetly for one another in their very old age.

The couple approached the counter, never realizing that they should get in line and wait their turn.

Everything went downhill from there. As the old man slowly craned his neck to read the menu, the other customers grew irritable and impatient, tapping their feet and mumbling to each other, "Don't they know better — why isn't this old guy in line — I've been here 20 minutes; someone ought a tell them the rules "..."

The old man couldn't decide what to order. Did he want a café latte or a macchiato; what size cup; what kind of milk; what flavor coffee?

Did they want a treat to go with their morning coffee?

He kindly asked the barista to tell him his options?

The barista rolled her eyes; her voice became sharp and short.

She finally took another customer's order while the old man was left behind.

Eventually the old couple settled on water and tried to find a place to sit in the crowded shop. Not one person offered their seat.

Defeated, they left without coffee, muffin or a place to sit.

The old man pulled his wife close and whispered in her ear; she nodded and they crept down the street, invisible, unserved, and unappreciated.

I have been ruminating about this experience ever since it happened.

It saddened me to witness firsthand that, as a group, we think it's OK to snicker at old people instead of showing respect and consideration; how we've forgotten the value of our elders.

I'm often reminded of the great mentors in my own life, the people who inspired me to do the work I do now and guided and helped me become the person I am today.

They were my elders and their gift to me was (and continues to be) their considerable wisdom, wealth of experience and extensive knowledge.

What would it take to change our behavior; to become more patient, respectful, grateful and compassionate?

Age is not a disease; it happens to everybody.

Cris Chater of Point Reyes Station is the executive director of Senior Access, a day center for seniors with memory loss. She is the public member of the IJ editorial board.

[wildinspired]

We need to intervene in these situations! I was once on a long bus ride and an old man was sitting on the side where the sun was hitting his tender bald head. His wife was holding up a magazine to protect him from the sun. No one did anything for a bit. I wanted to get up and ask the man if he might like to exchange seats with me but I knew I would not do well with being in the sun like that myself. What to do? I turned to the young man next to me, a rather strapping one, and asked quietly if he might change seats with the man. He said no that he thought they had it covered with her holding the magazine. Well, she held it up for about 15 more minutes and I couldn't stand it anymore! So, I caught the eye of the woman across the aisle from me and brought her attention to the situation. She said that she had noticed it and wasn't it sweet that the old woman was doing that for him? I suggested that it might be good for someone to ask him about switching and the light went off for her-of course she said and went right away, asked him, and within 5 minutes all was well. The man thanked us over and over and over...
Later on the woman who switched with him expressed her deep regret to me about not acting sooner which began an interesting conversation about how we tend to be unaware of the experience of others around us, and we romanticize, belittle and disregard older poeple.
I think we should intervene in these situations!! Oh, did I already say that?? I'll say it again...
Susan

Marin Voice: Age is not a disease; it happens to everybody

https://www.marinij.com/opinion/ci_18532857
By Cris Chater
Guest op-ed column

ON MY WAY to work, I dropped into my favorite coffee shop. It was the morning caffeine rush and the line of customers trailed out the door and snaked around the building.

People were texting work, friends and colleagues; the baristas were humming along making cappuccino, frappuccino, cacchiato, café latte, Americano, chai and skinny non-fat-half-flat-extra-whip-drips.

An old couple, probably in their 80s, walked into the shop. They were affectionately holding hands and keeping each other from falling. She was talking softly to him.

I sighed and registered a moment of hope that my own relationship would come to this: Two people, still in love and caring so sweetly for one another in their very old age.

The couple approached the counter, never realizing that they should get in line and wait their turn.

Everything went downhill from there. As the old man slowly craned his neck to read the menu, the other customers grew irritable and impatient, tapping their feet and mumbling to each other, "Don't they know better — why isn't this old guy in line — I've been here 20 minutes; someone ought a tell them the rules "..."

The old man couldn't decide what to order. Did he want a café latte or a macchiato; what size cup; what kind of milk; what flavor coffee?

Did they want a treat to go with their morning coffee?

He kindly asked the barista to tell him his options?

The barista rolled her eyes; her voice became sharp and short.

She finally took another customer's order while the old man was left behind.

Eventually the old couple settled on water and tried to find a place to sit in the crowded shop. Not one person offered their seat.

Defeated, they left without coffee, muffin or a place to sit.

The old man pulled his wife close and whispered in her ear; she nodded and they crept down the street, invisible, unserved, and unappreciated.

I have been ruminating about this experience ever since it happened.

It saddened me to witness firsthand that, as a group, we think it's OK to snicker at old people instead of showing respect and consideration; how we've forgotten the value of our elders.

I'm often reminded of the great mentors in my own life, the people who inspired me to do the work I do now and guided and helped me become the person I am today.

They were my elders and their gift to me was (and continues to be) their considerable wisdom, wealth of experience and extensive knowledge.

What would it take to change our behavior; to become more patient, respectful, grateful and compassionate?

Age is not a disease; it happens to everybody.

Cris Chater of Point Reyes Station is the executive director of Senior Access, a day center for seniors with memory loss. She is the public member of the IJ editorial board.