Why Did The Chicken Cross the Road (Update)

[wbreitman]

[ This was posted in our Censored/Uncensored section yesterday. This is good and the Censored/Uncensored section is not included the digest by default, so I am moving it to WaccoReader reposting it. Sorry for the duplication for some of you - Barry]

This is an update of an oldie-but-goodie:

Subject: Why did the chicken cross the road?


SARAH PALIN : The chicken crossed the road because gosh-darn
it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time
for change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he
recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the
chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON : When I was First Lady , I personally helped that
little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely
qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this
country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this
really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the
road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road,
or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no
middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly
see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON : I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE : I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY : Although I voted to let the chicken cross the
road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and
I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now,
and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black
chickens.
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize
that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the
road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road.
What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not
taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which
is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the
chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of
life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just
drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the
chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN : We have reason to believe there is a
chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other
side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty!
You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN : To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART : No one called me to warn me which way that
chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell
my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird
gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a
toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not
been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people
see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my
friends, That chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will
become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this
abomination that the Liberal media whitewashes with seemingly
harmless phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be
crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good
enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we
will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming
story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to
accomplish it's lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads
together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2010, which will not only
cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and
balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of
eChicken2010. This new platform is much more stable and will never
reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the
road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS : Did I miss one?

[Loel]

[ This was posted in our Censored/Uncensored section yesterday. This is good and the Censored/Uncensored section is not included the digest by default, so I am moving it to WaccoReader reposting it. Sorry for the duplication for some of you - Barry]

This is an update of an oldie-but-goodie:

Subject: Why did the chicken cross the road?


SARAH PALIN : The chicken crossed the road because gosh-darn
it, he's a maverick!

...

SONOMA COUNTY LOCAL: The Chicken crossed the road to prove to the Raccoon that it could be done!