For everyone who has ever had an evaluation or performance review just
remember, it could have been worse. These are quotes taken from
United States Federal Government employee performance...

If you’re not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous erudite scientist ( and comedian ) who once said

"I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by...

Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are standing at the throne of heaven.
God looks at them and says, "Before granting you a place at my side, I must ask you what you have learned, what...

Read this and think about how lucky you are

wsermons are lived, not preached, and here are a few testimonies.

1. Today, I interviewed a grandmother for part of a research paper I'm working on...

No wonder the youngsters today think old folks talk weird!







Heavens to Murgatroyd! Would you believe the email spell checker did not recognize the word murgatroyd?

1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

4. Change is inevitable, except...

Irish Compassion....

Shortly after take-off on an outbound evening Air Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston,
the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her...

Homographs are words of like spelling but with more than one meaning. A homograph that is also pronounced differently is a heteronym.

You think English is easy??
I think a retired...

Aphorisms--- A tersely phrased statement of a truth or opinion.




If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
~Jay Leno~

The problem with political jokes is they get...

Subject:Business is Business

One day at kindergarten the teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give $10 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived."

A...

The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing and stopped at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The...

Heavens to Murgatroyd! Would you believe the email spell checker did not recognize the word murgatroyd?

Lost Words from our childhood:

Words gone as fast as the buggy whip! Sad really! The...

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. . . . In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods..


On Marks & Spencer Bread...

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After the eighty seven year old lady finished her annual physical examination, the doctor said, "You are in fine shape for your age, but tell me, do you still have intercourse?" "Just a minute,...

https://www.waccobb.net/forums/waccobb/keep90days/2015-11-26_10-26-34.png"The most beautiful and most profound emotion we can experience is the sensation of the mystical. It is the sower of all true...

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Subject: Fwd: LEXOPHILIA - WHO ON EARTH DREAMS THESE UP?

· How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.

· Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

· A cartoonist was found dead in his home....

Here is a lesson in our history of the 1930s and 1940s. Before there were interstates, when everyone drove the old 2 lane roads, Burma Shave signs would be posted all over the countryside in...

WHY GOD MADE MOMS


Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?

1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.

2. Mostly...

Sometime between Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year) and Yom Kippur (the Jewish day of repentance -- the highest holy day in the Jewish religion), it is customary among Ashkenazim (the name given to...

Engineers and medical folk may be interested in these conversion factors





Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

2000 pounds of Chinese Soup = Won ton
1...

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale 'He rings the bell, and the owner appears and tells him the...

The following concerns a question in a physics degree exam at the University of Copenhagen:

"Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper using a barometer."

One student replied:
...

As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to "make a difference" in the world. It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other "seniors" who have...

Once upon a time there was a king who wanted to go fishing.



He called the royal weather forecaster and inquired as to the weather forecast for the next few hours.



The weatherman...

An oldie but goodie!

STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM
I would have given him 100%!

Each answer is absolutely grammatically correct, and funny too.
The teacher had no sense of humor.
...

Florida

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little...

Some new words being proposed for inclusion in Oxford English Dictionary :

Errorist : Someone who repeatedly makes mistakes.

Askhole : A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always...

A great oldie but goodie!

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky ...

INTERESTING INFORMATION



Glass takes one million years to decompose, which means it never wears out and can be recycled an infinite amount of times!


Gold is the only metal that...

A civil engineer dies and soon finds himself in

Hell. The engineer gets dissatisfied with the

level of comfort in Hell and starts designing and

building improvements.

MENSA & THE SALT AND PEPPER SHAKERS





Some years ago, there was a Mensa convention in San Francisco. Mensa, as you know, is a national organization for people who have an IQ of 140 or...

Four friends (Ladies) meet 30 years after school at a reunion.....








One goes to take food while the other 3 start to talk about how successful their sons became.

Murphy's Real Laws

1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

4. ...

HOLY HUMOR

During these serious and troubled times, people of all faiths should remember these four great religious truths:
1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's Chosen People.
2. Jews do...

An oldie but goodie!


After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling.


When asked what the problem was,...

God visited a woman and told her she must give up smoking, drinking and sex if she wants to get into heaven.The woman said she would try her best.

Not bad" said the woman, "I've given up smoking...

How the Internet Began, According to the Bible.


In ancient Israel , it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name...

An Australian Poetry Competition held in the Sydney Opera House had come down to two finalists;

A) A university graduate.
B) An old aboriginal.

They were given a word, and...

An oldie but goodie.


Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon, from Toronto, says, "I like to see accountants on my operating...

Here's your answer.


Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to
the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr
old girl to hold a flashlight high over...

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel
very well waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast
hoping my husband would be pleasant and say,
'Happy Birthday!',
and possibly...

Random thoughts on getting older…

· Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes;
come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller

· Last...

BEST LAWYER / INSURANCE STORY OF THE YEAR.


This actually took place in Charlotte, North Carolina.

A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then
insured them...

OLDIES BUT STILL GOODIES






In the 1960's there was a US TV game show called Hollywood Squares. Basically stars were asked a question by the host, and the contestants had to guess whether...

The Psychologist and Proctologist - sharing an office as partners . . .




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Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and decided that in spite of two different...

Barb was lying in bed one night. Art was falling asleep but Barb was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across,...

SNOTTY RECEPTIONIST

An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the...

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade.. So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your...

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Elderly Banking.........PRICELESS!!


Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an
82-year-old woman.
The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it...