The Pearly Gates

[Star Man]

A man arrives at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter tells him that he's eligible for Heaven but a new policy states he must look at Hell before he decides. "You have to make an informed decision," Peter says.

They look in on Heaven. The music is like Musak. Everyone seems in a trance. No one seems to be enjoying themselves. Not much socializing. Sort of dull, the man thinks.

"OK, the man says, let's look at Hell," so Peter whisks them down to Hell. The doors open and rock music blares out. In the distance men are playing golf. There's a bar set up and people are laughing and drinking. Couples are making out. There's dancing. He sees a sports bar with huge screens. Everyone seems to be having fun. He sees some of his buddies.

They return to the Pearly Gates. "OK," says Peter. "What's your choice?" "Well," says the man, "I never thought I'd say this, but they're having too much fun in Hell. I choose Hell."

"OK," says Peter and he's whisked down to the Gates of Hell. The Gates open and the stench of sulfur pours out. Inside people are being thrown into pools of lava. Devils poke people with tridents and beat them. Flames belch everywhere. The moans of the sufferers fill the acrid air."

The man asks the Devil, "What happened? Yesterday everyone was having fun and playing and getting laid. And now this. What happened?"

"Oh, says Satan, "Yesterday we were campaigning. Today, we've been elected."