Greetings.I am the male half of a middle aged couple. For perhaps the better part of a year, I have been reaching out for help, since I was told that if I never asked for it, how would anyone know that I needed it?So here I am again... A brief synopsis of the what, how's and why's of what I'm asking for. My lady and I are homeless. Even as I write this fact, I cringe, because my experience in this area, beginning in early 2012, has led me to a point where I feel as if there is no hope. And this coming from a guy whose motto is, “always make the best out of a bad situation.”
We have been made to feel as if we are less than, as if we are criminals and that we have done something wrong. We are both disabled, but would welcome the opportunity to work at the things we are capable of doing. Neither of us are alcoholics, or drug addicts – we aren't homeless because our vices got in the way of rent or a mortgage. We can barely afford the basics in life, such as food, fuel for our stove, etc. on one person's income. And this single income is all we have since I have been fighting with Social Security to get reinstated. I lost my benefits after being an SSI recipient for 8 years because I received a small inheritance from my deceased mother's estate, and reported it, like the rules stated I should. Because of the decision to terminate my monthly benefits, I was forced from my house, and eventually lost everything I had owned and kept for the better part of 35 years. Even my family photos, and years of poetry and songs I had written were stolen from me.
My lady became homeless when she moved to L.A. to look after her dying mother. Her mother passed, her condo was sold, and she lived on the streets of L.A., but soon came back to Sonoma county where she had lived for almost 30 years. She came up here to live on the streets in her vehicle, hoping that she could get help finding an affordable apartment or house. We both have tried all the avenues suggested and then some: council on aging, ( she is 65 and I am 60 ) Catholic charities, homeless resource center, etc. Our experience is that no one really cares, or if they do, there is always a catch, or some bureaucratic barrier preventing those that MIGHT be able to help from doing so. More often than not, calling the organizations whose purpose it is to help the homeless, merely produces another phone number to call, ad infinitum. The same goes for the web. Clicking a link on the webpage of something advertising itself to be helpful fort he homeless, only takes one to another site making the same claims, and the same result.
Once, my girlfriend filled out 40 rental contact cover sheets and sent them, via USPS because we thought that certainly we would find something. Only 5 of the 40 even bothered to respond, but with nothing positive. We have avoided the homeless shelters since it appears as if there are some homeless who actually WOULD rather spend their income on drugs and alcohol instead of rent,and also because it seems like a “revolving door” type of lifestyle: live in the shelters for the winter, live in the woods in the summer. We would rather not live that way. We have always made our own way, and are still doing so, though at a far lesser degree than we ever had before. We both believe that maintaining our independence is an integral part of that thing that one might deem“self esteem”and would probably not fare well having other people set our schedule, and basically tell us how to live our lives.
We are both as responsible as anyone could be given these circumstances, and we both come from family’s who taught us to respect ourself and other's, the difference between right and wrong, and overall, how civilized people should conduct themselves. We are neither prudes nor prideful, not devious or scandalous. We are basically normal, older folks who are really struggling to survive in these tough times. Even so, within the past 2 years, due to our homelessness, and certain decisions we've had to make because of it, such as where to park for the night safely, we've experienced things we might never had, if we had a home. Some of the things we've experienced, ( maybe even endured ) are as follows. My lady was mauled by a dog. Because we were living in her Blazer, and the event was so extreme and frightening, the vehicle was ruined when I followed the ambulance to the hospital at 60 m.p.h. not knowing until it was too late that the truck had somehow gotten locked into 4 wheel drive low. It made it to the hospital parking lot and never drove again. As if this wasn't bad enough, the security staff harassed me all night and tried to make me feel as if I had done something wrong. They were rude, disrespectful and threatening to me because I could not drive away. They talked down to me and were very juvenile in their attempt to create a problem where there was none.
My lady has recently had both hips replaced due to a degenerative cartilage condition that was hereditary. After the 1st surgery she was put into a convalescent home to heal. While there, a relative of hers asked to borrow her mini van that the insurance had thankfully replaced after the Blazer died. Being a generous woman,and having no reason to suspect anything was amiss, she said yes.When a few weeks had passed, she began to ask this person to return the vehicle. He did not do so: instead he kept it, knowing she would not report it stolen. After a month and a half I went with a friend to pick up the van. It had been thrashed so bad, it was almost like a different vehicle, no, it WAS another vehicle. The driver's side was crumpled almost the entire length of the van, the ignition had been beaten out of it and so it could be started with a knife or screwdriver, whatever. The battery was shot, and when I finally got it started, the sound was horrible. Almost all the rod bearings were shot, from being driven without oil, and now her once pristine Town and Country sits, awaiting a motor replacement if and when that day arrives.
When it became apparent that we were headed to a tent as our shelter, I began asking people I knew if they knew of and could recommend a secluded area, close to town where we could make a camp. Someplace where what few remaining belongings would be safe from thieves.
At the time, a friend from long ago was down visiting from Cobb mountain and he told me he was a caretaker of this piece of property, and we could stay there. It turned out to be a good deal, since it is hard to get to, and it is small and undeveloped. My friend left, and having no other options we moved in. A few months went by and we set about cleaning up the property, and I repaired the stairs that went up to the camp. One day my lady tripped on a brick, since she is still recovering from hip surgery, fell, and split her head open. We could not stop the bleeding and so we called 911 for an ambulance. I believe that since the call was about a wound, that brought the Sheriffs into it. They came with the ambulance, and told my honey that even though she didn't want to go with the ambulance, (because she had no way to get back to Guerneville from Santa Rosa, and also because she was having great difficulty just walking,)that if she didn't go, they would arrest both myself and the other gentleman who lives with us, and who also I try to care for since he is in poor health, for trespassing. This, even though we had the owner's permission to be there. We talked to the owner the following day, and he went to the sheriff 's sub-station and told them we had his permission to be there. It seemed to not matter to them though, as 3 of them, including the officer who had been so hostile before,returned about 10 days later, and questioned us about some woman that none us knew. They told us that since we did not have permission to be there, in writing, they would be back in 3 days, and if we didn't give them the info about this mystery woman, they would arrest us all. They were, for the most part, arrogant, rude, and hostile. The overly aggressive cop saw something on the ground, took his baton out and begin to savagely attack whatever it was, but gave up after a good 3 minutes. I suppose whatever it was proved to be too much for him. Though we searched later, we never did find out what it was.
Fast forward to now. My lady is recovering from her hip replacements, but now she has a pinched nerve due to a slight curvature of her spine, so she is still in constant pain. Her doctor is suggesting surgery to remedy this, and is working to help her manage her pain, but it's her mental health that I'm concerned about.She cries a lot and tells me she has about all but abandoned any hope of ever having our own place again, and that she feels as if she is going to die out here. It's hard to deny since she had contracted pneumonia due in large part, I believe to her homelessness. Also, the owner of the property is going to be rebuilding on the property and has given us until the end of September to vacate. We have no other place to go. So here is where the title of this ad/post comes in.
The help we need is this: we need a small and alternative living arrangement. A piece of land that is both seclude, yet an easy bike ride to a town. A place where we could setup our tents, or, “flexible houses” as we call them. A barn that is just begging to be converted into an alternate domicile. In short, ANYTHING where we can continue our lives without fear of being threatened by cops, ripped off, and just cast aside, as if our existence has no intrinsic value.We do not want a handout, rather a hand up. We have skills which must have a value to someone, somewhere, and that is the person we are trying to find. Someone who could use some decent, honest people in their life/lives, who would look after their property as if it were our own. We are neat, clean people, and our surroundings reflect our belief that both the way one grooms themselves, and the way one maintains their living space, are a reflection of how that person esteems them self, physical handicaps notwithstanding. Were you to come to our camp at this very instant you would not find the atypical homeless camp with debris scattered about the terrain. What you would find is one extremely pristine and well kept tent that my best male friend, who is by far, the most eloquent and well spoken writer I have ever had the pleasure of befriending, occupies, a 2 room cabin tent that serves as our food and tool storage unit on one side and a“ guest bedroom/ overflow storage unit” on the other side, and then the tent my girlfriend and I occupy.
These 3 tents are all large enough to stand up in, since none of us are “spring chickens”anymore, and we keep the surroundings as neat as our communal “shopcat”, who came to us as a tiny bobtail kitten, will allow. We only take up a space approximately 40 feet by 25 feet, and we haul all of our trash out as daily as we can. I believe if you got to know us,you would like us as people to be around. We love humor, and try to keep things as light as possible, no matter what. We are open to almost any, alternative living arrangement, and can afford to pay with both money and labor in exchange.
Now for the 2nd part of my post title: can somebody provide me with a logical explanation to the question, “whatever happened to this country that supposedly is the greatest country on the planet?” Is not part of the measure of worth of a nation measured in how well they care for their poor? How did we get to the point of being in such a hurry to “ get ours”, to “make ends meet”, and to ensure that we are seen as “ belonging”, that we can see our brothers and sisters suffering, and look the other way? When did we become so judgmental and sanctimonious that we cannot see ourselves reflected back at us in ways we never imagined in the eyes of our fellow man,especially if they are suffering? And I'm not saying this to anyone in particular. Nobody owes us a thing. I owe nobody, but when I see someone in need, I try to help, and that makes me neither better than, or prideful.
What it DOES is make me feel good even if I try, but can't help, since my inner feeling is that it's just the right response to anyone in need. I understand taking care of oneself, but I just can't see ignoring someone in dire straights. And yes, I understand too, that some people do rip other people off. I have lost everything, mostly to thieves, but I still make the effort when I can. As it was put to me,” if you risk nothing, you gain nothing.”Thank you for reading this, and if I've offended anyone, know that it was not my intention, and perhaps you might discuss it with your spiritual guru. Be well.