by Dixon Wragg
WaccoBB.net
Column #17: Make-Believe
Some years ago, I was at a party celebrating a couple's engagement. The bride-to-be mentioned that, as her fiance was Jewish, she was converting to Judaism. Puzzled, I asked her something like: "What does it mean to say you're converting to Judaism because you're marrying a Jew? Does loving a person somehow magically change your worldview to theirs? Or do you mean by 'converting' that you're going to act as if you share their beliefs in order to fit in, or what?"
You readers will not be surprised to hear that the woman's response was hostile. She seemed distressed by the prospect of scrutinizing what "belief" meant to her. I guess at the time I was a bit naive about the psychological/social realities of belief. My personal experience was that, although far from perfectly rational and honest, I was really trying to figure out what was most likely to be true. To me, beliefs were, and are, representations of what's true as best I can figure it out. I used to assume that's what "belief" means to everyone. Silly me.
As I have gradually realized, most people have at least some beliefs that are not their best logical guesses about what's true; they're stories they tell themselves in order to meet various needs. Feel insecure because of your lack of power? "Believe" in a powerful god who's on your side. Uncomfortable with a random universe? "Believe" in some master plan or a priori meaning of life. Bothered by unknowing and uncertainty? "Believe" in inerrant scriptures or various forms of divination such as astrology, palm-reading, or psychics. Scared to death of death? "Believe" in an afterlife or reincarnation. Struggling with illness? "Believe" in every silly healing fad that comes down the pike. Can't tolerate the nagging suspicion that your society may be unjust and even brutal? "Believe" in the patriotic myths of national righteousness. Too lazy to bother figuring out what's likely to be true? "Believe" whatever your parents believed. Want to fit in with those around you? "Believe" in whatever they seem to believe (much of which they are pretending to believe because they think you expect it of them). Make yourself believe that you believe, and pay no attention to the doubt behind the curtain.(1)
I once had a memorable conversation with a nice lady who was telling me about the comfort she derived from her personal relationship with God. I politely resisted the temptation to point out the numerous fallacies in her thinking, allowing myself just one provocative question at the end: "If this belief of yours were wrong, would you want to know that?" She pondered for a moment, then answered sheepishly "No, if it were untrue, I wouldn't want to know." I appreciated that she was able to muster enough honesty to say that. Most people never do.
For instance, when I put that question to another woman, she responded with "I'm not going to answer that question because you'll use it against me." Apparently "use it against me" meant illuminate the fact that she would rather maintain satisfying delusions than be corrected—a potentially growthful insight that she was manifestly desperate to avoid.
Note the double deception: first kid yourself that the desired belief is true, regardless of the (lack of) evidence, and then kid yourself that you're not kidding yourself. That second deception, the denial that we're deceiving ourselves, is necessary to shore up the desired beliefs. If we admit, even to ourselves, that our beliefs are based on self-deception, it's harder to maintain them. So the denial of deception is a secondary deception that supports the initial one. Self-deceivers must masquerade as truth-seekers to maintain the deception.
How much more pleasant and less frustrating life would be if that weren't the case! Think of all the time and energy we'd save if people would just say "Don't waste your time trying to reason with me. I'll just believe whatever meets my needs regardless of whether it's true." Instead their self-lie that their chosen illusion is really an honest conclusion becomes a lie directed to everyone else through claiming the belief is true. Poor naive suckers like me get involved in discussions on the assumption that the person is really interested in whether their belief is true, only to be subjected to frustrating and sometimes nasty, insulting defense mechanisms until we get tired of painfully banging our heads against their armor and give up.
And make no mistake about it: maintaining wishful-thinking beliefs unfounded in reason requires thick armor and herculean feats of closed-mindedness, dishonesty, and irrationality. For instance, ironically, I've commonly been accused of being closed-minded simply for disagreeing with people who themselves have shown every sign of utter closed-mindedness around the belief I'm questioning.(2) And tellingly, I've been accused of being "in my head too much" when I use my intellect to challenge someone's pet belief, but never when I use it to support their belief! Other hurtful defense mechanisms include being seen as a patriarchal oppressor, as wanting to dominate others, insensitive, arrogant, "venomous" (someone actually called me that!)—all for the crime of pointing out the unbelievability of people's pet beliefs. Such obnoxious defensiveness is a predictable outcome of being addicted to beliefs which are logically indefensible; illogical defenses are the only recourse if opening oneself to change is too scary.
The irrational wishful-thinking believing process is sometimes called "faith". Just to be clear here: I'm not talking about the sort of "faith" that refers to a realistic level of optimism, nor the reasonable faith we have in a friend or in the expertise of our doctor or auto mechanic, nor the sort of empirically-derived faith that we can sit in a chair without it collapsing under us (usually). I'm referring to "faith" as it's used in religious or spiritual contexts—believing in something regardless of evidence or the lack of it, often even in cases wherein the belief has been thoroughly debunked.
A woman I know recounted to me her search for verification of a belief she desperately wanted, the belief in a universal consciousness. Finding it impossible to support this belief through reasoning, and being unwilling to reach the honest conclusion that the belief therefore probably isn't true, she simply made a "leap of faith", accepting it anyway! This is a closed-minded position, as believing something regardless of logic or (lack of) evidence renders us uncorrectable.
Compare that with this quote from a New Age magazine: “[P]ondering whether or not God had died, I longed for the answer to be ‘No’. As secular as my upbringing had been, I still wanted to believe in something. So, along with a large number of others my age, I set out to look for God.”(3) Here we have in a nutshell a crucial difference between truth-seeking and faith. Real truth-seekers follow their investigations wherever they may lead, with no solid presuppositions about what the truth may turn out to be. In contrast, faith involves envisioning the desired belief and then indulging in whatever irrationalities are necessary to arrive at and defend it.
People often say that they believe in something because of faith, as if faith has given them that belief. But that's not true. Faith cannot possibly be a source of information; it's just a decision to believe something. Faith did not lead you to your belief; your arbitrary choice to believe led you to faith, which is simply the decision to hold your desired belief closed-mindedly, uncorrectably—to "keep the faith". As Nietzsche said, "A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything."
People seem to feel that calling something "faith" rather than saying "I'm just believing something because I want to, regardless of whether it's likely to be true" somehow dignifies and validates the belief. They're wrong about that, of course. Relating to life through a veil of arbitrarily chosen beliefs is irresponsible. In fact, if we assume a moral responsibility to effectively address, for the sake of our progeny, the huge challenges facing our species, taking things on faith rather than evidence is downright immoral. If we waste our time and energy propitiating the gods rather than addressing our problems realistically, our chances of creating a better world are slim, and our children's children are in for a miserable existence.
Psychological defenses like those mentioned above are supplemented by social ones, such as the agreement not to question people's cherished beliefs—"It's not polite to discuss politics or religion." Really, the agreement is "I won't pop your illusion-bubble if you agree not to pop mine." This dysfunctional norm is especially noticeable in anti-rational subcultures such as "New Age" and religious communities. But some of us, like the serpent in the Garden of Eden, refuse to play along. I feel no obligation to collude with you in maintaining your illusions, and in fact feel morally obliged to challenge illusion when I encounter it. Besides, real intimacy and authenticity require saying honestly that you think someone's wrong as well as agreeing with them when you can honestly do so. Anything less is phony and, actually, disrespectful. If your defense mechanisms include outrage or hurt at being disagreed with, that's a problem that accompanies your chosen way of believing, not something I've imposed upon you.
In some circles, lip service is given to "respecting everyone's beliefs". Even if this were possible, it'd be irresponsible—one only has to think of some of the crazy and destructive beliefs out there to realize that. I respect everyone's right to believe what they want as long as they're not hurting anyone, but I do not respect everyone's beliefs; I only respect beliefs that appear to be true. How could respecting fallacy and superstition be a good thing? Any behaviorist could tell you that rewarding people with respect for believing stupid stuff will tend to maintain and increase the behavior being rewarded (in this case, believing stupid stuff). I cannot respect people as reasonable thinkers to the extent that they allow themselves unreasonable beliefs any more than I could respect someone as a chef if their cooking were inedible, and I lose respect for anyone I see embracing superstition or fallacy. So, to those of you who defend your right to believe in things you can't support with good logic: go ahead, but don't expect to be esteemed as reasonable people when your worldview is based on unreason. Here's the trade-off: you can allow yourself the luxury of believing whatever you like and forfeit any claim to being honestly reasonable, or you can submit yourself to the standards and conclusions of reason, however unpleasant they may sometimes be, and wear the mantle of a truth-seeker. Choose one or the other; you can't have your cake and eat it too.People have actually said to me things like "How can you face life not believing in [fill in the blank with their favorite belief]", as if life would be unlivable if their belief weren't true. This is the attitude of an addict. Most proselytizers apparently feel that we can appropriately have a belief by willing it even in the absence of good proof. Such people see belief as a matter of choosing, like a customer strolling down a store aisle selecting attractive products, rather than a process of discovering what's really true. Real truth-seeking gives us no choice about what to believe; we're stuck with whatever is true, regardless of whether we find it pleasant or horrifying. Reality does not owe it to us to meet our emotional needs. Acceptance of this is a hallmark of maturity and rationality, and maximizes our chances of successfully addressing the problems we face, and ultimately having a more fulfilled life, rooted in wondrous reality rather than the opiate of sweet illusion.
The path to truth is through discovery, not choice. Here are our real choices: Either we can honestly assess the evidence and discover what is most likely to be true, or we can choose beliefs that meet our emotional and social needs and defend them through evasive, fallacious, dishonest strategies. Dear reader, I challenge you to be really, really honest with yourself now—are your beliefs honest judgments, or are some of them just make-believe?
About Dixon: I'm a hopeful monster, committed to laughter, love, and the Golden Rule. I see reason, applied with empathy, as the most important key to making a better world. I'm a lazy slob and a weirdo. I love cats, kids, quilts, fossils, tornadoes, comic books, unusual music, and too much else to mention. I’m a former conservative Christian, then New Ager, now a rationalist, skeptic and atheist. I've won awards for my short fiction, short humor, and poetry (both slam performances and "old school")--as well as this column! Lately I’m a Workshopping Editor at the Omnificent English Dictionary In Limerick Form (That’s right!). I’m job-hunting too, mostly in the Human Services realm. Passions: Too many -- Reading, writing, critical thinking, public speaking, human rights, sex and sensuality, arts and sciences, nature. Oh, and ladies, I’m single ;^D
NOTES
1. For a striking example of my kidding myself into a belief, see my previous column at
https://www.waccobb.net/forums/showt...o-the-Hellfire
2. For a deeper look at open- and closed-mindedness, see my previous column at
https://www.waccobb.net/forums/showt...u-Open-to-This
3. Elizabeth Lesser, "Wisdom and Folly", New Age Journal, January/February, 1997.
4. For more on truth seeking versus faith-keeping, see my previous column at
https://www.waccobb.net/forums/showt...-Faith-Keeping









Quit BSing yourself and get into the real world; it's not that bad. (I hope that didn't sound too harsh. Try to take it in the spirit intended.
)

When people think they have a cosmic daddy or mommy figure to tell them what to do, I just want to say "Grow up!"
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