Posted in reply to the post by Toxic Reverend:
Q: Can sex for sex sake lead to love, as it did for me?
A:
According to the book "The Road Less Traveled" by Scott Peck, "yes" How ever,
Scott Peck presents it as "can the myth of romantic love lead to real love" ?
The basic concept is that the "Myth of Romantic Love" usually lasts from
between six months to a couple of years. Then, after you "fall out of love"
and the mystical romance feelings are gone or going away, you have to
actually "work" at developing "Real Love". At which point you can end up
with the experience of "Falling in Love" again with the same person.
One of the problems is that it does take two people to be consciously aware
and both willing to "Work At It".
I learned this from one of the happiest married couples that I have ever known.
After watching them laugh while they fought, I b badgered them as to how they
ever managed to develop enough to do that. Their reply was the before mentioned
book and that they learned of it and had used it in "marriage counseling". Along
with the companion "work book" titled, "Exploring the Road Less Traveled".
Frankly, I still have a lot to learn about being able to laugh and argue in the same
breath. To this day, over twenty years later, it still amazes me.
For myself, I do not have much of a track record with a "long term stable relationship"
to really have any bragging rights. But at least I have tried and that is better than never
having to of tried. I had spent 15 years in one relationship with a woman that had a son
my age. That ended about twenty years ago. Maybe one of my problems is that she
did leave such a high bench mark. Still, it is better to have loved and lost than never
to have loved. Today, my challenge is to love regardless of the fear of experiencing
that type of pain, again. In truth, it does take some courage to try and love again when
you have known that kind of pain from such a loss. But I think that is a better path than
just than sex with a closed heart and just substituting some "kink" to make or keep it
interesting.
Or is that too much of a suggestion for the "prudish" ? One of the things
that I have learned in my years is that after a few years of being in a
relationship, you might want to try "spicing things up". Even so, it is my
opinion that deploying such a tactic "might" be more of a distraction from
the real work that needs to be done for a long term relationship. Of which
takes me back to Scott Peck's book, again. If such "spice" were used as
a type of "carrot and stick" approach for the conscious motivation of doing
the actual work, that might be another matter.
Maybe some day I'll get lucky enough to find out about that, myself ?
On the other hand, if sex is all that some of the others in this community want, they can
stop wasting their time here with "conscious thought" and go to another social networking
site that does cater to just getting laid with a " great aerobic exercise".
Example FYI:
FetLife is a
FREE Social Network for the BDSM & fetish community.
Similar to Facebook and MySpace but run by kinksters
https://fetlife.com/
Even so, it appears to me that many that are into "fetishes" do so with an "Open Heart"
and are in a "collard relationship", (as they call it). Of which again takes it all back to
being willing to "do the work" that it takes to develop a "meaningful relationship".
One of the things that has
delighted me is that this bulletin board has kept a clean and serious
discussion of the subject, with out a bunch of strange and or perverse
posts.
There is little doubt that Barry has more than a little to do with that
and so I have to say, "Thank you Barry".