Bovines, HoVines Reach Accord - KOWS Keeps on Mooin'!

[sd gross]

Charolais & DJs Reach Accord
"Well Done!" says Tymon

:bbq:
More than two weeks have elapsed now since the hoofstile takeover of KOWS Radio, 107.3 FM in Occidental, and aside from a few mootilated egos, battlefield casualties have been virtually non-existent. Holsteins and humans, as well as Ayrshires and airheads have discovered they have mulch in common and a few brave souls have actually become rumenmates. Most of the volunteers have been allowed to continue doing their radio shows, but the passive invaders have retained udder and complete cowntrol. To ensure that HoVines (their word for Humans) never regain the upper hand, overseers have been stationed at the studio to "monitor" possible subversive activities, inappropriate remarks and salacious tunes demeaning to bovines. Two of these overseers, Georgette S. Kowfman and Wanda Bukowski (see photos below) spend every Monday aboard The Mystery Train "punning their flanks off and leaving "custard" pies everywhere", kvetched long-time engineer, Stephen D. Gross, and every time Heinz, our chef, threatens to carve them up, they invoke the New Deli Protocol by which they're guaranteed immunity from harm.
The occupiers, naturally benign in nature, have appeared uncharacteristically peeved at the enormous amount of moola HoVines make exploiting the world's cows. Aside from the obvious chaps, belts, whips, and biker-gang jackets, there are Bovine Novelty Shops which sell Magic Cow Capri Pants, Socks, boxer shorts - they call it "Moochandise" - offering Cows in the Kitchen, Cows on the Walls, Cows on the Shelf, Cows on your Body, and Cow Parades, as well as CowsCo and Cows-R-Us retail outlets. The irate cows resent HoVines for milking the species for all it's worth, and Georgette S. Kowfman reminds us that "Moonicipal Bonds" are more than just a mother cow's attachment to her calves.
Giving us the low down on the invader's theme, "I Herd it on the Bovine", Wanda Bukowski says it means much more than "heidie heidie ho", and demands we show her tribe respect "more than once in a Blue Moon". There are historical annotations as well, she says, and "it's about time we forgot Mrs. O'Leary's infamous fire-starter and took them a little more seriously".
As an example, she pointed to this report published in Transactions and Reports of the Nebraska State Historical Society, Volume I (Lincoln, NE, 1885).

NOTE.-The editor of this report was, during the life-time of “White Cow” agent for the Omaha Indians, and familiar with the peculiar characteristics referred to by Mr. Fontenelle. A reference to two instances may not be an unpleasant digression
"I was once sent for in great haste by "White Cow," on an exceeding bitter cold day in December, the messenger stating the old (sic) beeve was about to die, and desired to make her will, appoint her successor, and such like. I went at once, and found the old cow stretched out on a buffalo robe before a blazing fire, in her tepee. She quickly arose to a sitting position, greeted me, lighted her pipe and passed it around - a universal custom, and indicative of friendship and good will. She then proceeded to state her case. She was old, sick, and expected never again to get up and around. She wished a twelve year old grandcalf, then in the mission school, to succeed her as chief. She wished to be buried or rather placed in a sitting position, on the high bluff of the Missouri river, back a mile or so from the tepee, her face to the river, that the spirit might continue to see the steamboats passing up and down that stream"