Abuse in the Workplace

[DevaKai]

I'm hoping that we can have a lengthy conversation surrounding this topic in the hopes that I can gain some wisdom and insight into interpersonal dynamics within the workplace.

Yesterday I was told that in a nutshell I am not doing a good enough job at work. I will admit I haven't been a 100% since my surgery back in Sept. I had a tumor which turned out to be cancer along with two ribs removed. I was heavily medicated for about a week and since then I've been experience memory problems which are exacerbated when I am confronted and began to feel put on the spot. This was one of the problems I was spoken to about.

Now as far as work goes, the woman in charge has the ability to come down pretty hard on my boss and in turn she'll come down hard on me and my co-workers. Doors have been slammed on more than one occasion as well as times where items were thrown or tossed about. We are also judged rather harshly by the clientele we work with. More often than not, someone always has something to say about the level of our performance.

So how does one keep the peace in the workplace? How do we do the best job we can do and stay out of the line of fire? Should I keep my thoughts and feelings to myself and keep the people I work with at arms length? Should I just realize that I should not trust anyone I work with?

Imput would be appreciated. I need to learn from this situation before I move on to any future career.

Thanks~

[Tars]

You stated the situation in a sufficiently vague way, that it's not clear what the problem is. So, a suggestion on that basis...

I think I gleaned from your post, that the clients of whatever endeavor you're employed in, are expressing displeasure at the quality of your endeavor's performance. They're voicing their displeasure to your supervisor, who in turn is yelling at you & your peers, and throwing things around to express their own anger.

Sounds like a pretty grim workplace. It appears you don't have the authority in your position to effect changes, but you're getting blamed. There can be no responsibility for performance, if there is no authority to effect change.

If it was me, I'd start documenting everything said, and documenting however possible, your level of performance. Can't say if this is possible, given the vagueness of your workplace description. If you document, then when you are criticized, you can at least say, "this is what you told us to do, and this is what we have done in response.

If your supervisor is blaming you inapropriately, then you performance documentation process should prove that.

[Homomasculine man]

May I suggest that one's job is a job, and one's life is a life, especially in these New Depression times. (I lived through the Big Depression and WWII. Have I any accumulated wisdom?) One can spare oneself agony by not looking for life support at a job---even if one is a brain surgeon. One should perhaps move on from questioning and nagging and expecting love from one's bosses and co-workers. They don't love you. Find someone who loves you; do the job; use that job money as a grant to have a life. Americans often make the big mistake of defining themselves by their job. A job does not define one as a human. A job is a means to an end. If the job pays you, give the job your full integrity; use that income to fund the time it takes to look elsewhere for support in someone who is worthwhile.

[photolite]

It also sounds as if the recent medical traumas you've experienced have left you "less than" you were before these problems arose, at least for the time being. Maybe your bosses are feeling frustrated because your performance has been compromised and they don't know how to deal with it. Have you considered pursuing disability insurance to tide you over until you're more healed? You've been paying into it your entire working life and now may be an appropriate time to avail yourself of this resource.

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[DevaKai]

I have considered it yes. I was thinking if I took time off that I could pursure my own business and do what would truly make me happy. With the job I have now it is as if I am fighting an uphill battle and what I express there doesn't seem to matter I feel. I'm not like the other people that I work with. I've never worn a false face. I've always been very honest and expressive and it seems that some people do not appreciate being shown the truth. I also find that their personal issues get put upon me instead of them turning within to see what it is about themselves that causes such a reaction.

I know I am a good person. I know I do my very best and there are some times that my personal best isn't good enough for others. I won't say I'm sorry because I'm not. My heart is in the right place and if there is something within others that causes them to react to me then it's on them. My priority is with myself. I must take care of my emotional, physical, spiritual and mental well being and if that means those people and my job take a back seat so be it. I have more important things to do with my life then run around there trying to live up to impossible standards.

It also sounds as if the recent medical traumas you've experienced have left you "less than" you were before these problems arose, at least for the time being. Maybe your bosses are feeling frustrated because your performance has been compromised and they don't know how to deal with it. Have you considered pursuing disability insurance to tide you over until you're more healed? You've been paying into it your entire working life and now may be an appropriate time to avail yourself of this resource.

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[pjpete]

Gee, what a not so good situation. Your boss's should be at least conscious of your medical condition and the fact that you are recovering. Secondly, they are being intimidating, and accusatory. You can try to ignore this, or when you see them coming, move out of the way. Or, keep a pocket recorder on your person that turns on automatically when they are harassing you, that way you have it recorded.

[Sylph]

Yesterday I was told that in a nutshell I am not doing a good enough job at work. I will admit I haven't been a 100% since my surgery back in Sept. I had a tumor which turned out to be cancer along with two ribs removed. I was heavily medicated for about a week and since then I've been experience memory problems which are exacerbated when I am confronted and began to feel put on the spot. This was one of the problems I was spoken to about.

I am sorry about your job situation. My job is causing me huge stress, lately, so I can relate.
I don't know what kind of work you do. Is it service, sales or technical? If someone had severe memory problems in my workplace, it would be a big problem. There is a zero tolerance for errors. It's horrible to be told "you're not doing a good enough job". But, maybe this message from the boss is a sign to walk out of this situation and into a new opportunity where you'll be much happier.

Now as far as work goes, the woman in charge has the ability to come down pretty hard on my boss and in turn she'll come down hard on me and my co-workers. Doors have been slammed on more than one occasion as well as times where items were thrown or tossed about. We are also judged rather harshly by the clientele we work with. More often than not, someone always has something to say about the level of our performance.

A boss who throws things and slams doors is very unprofessional and out of line, to say the least. Can the you and the other employees meet with her to 'problem solve' about this aspect of her behavior? It is toxic and no one should have that to deal with in their workplace. Maybe a facilitator would be needed to help everyone say how damaging this kind of childish behavior is. If this fails, then her boss should do something about it.
Being critiqued on your performance, even if it seems harsh, is something almost everyone has to put up with. I liked the idea someone had about documenting all your good work. This can help you to remember how valuable you really are and can be used to justify your work, in concrete terms, to your boss. It hurts that she doesn't give you the appreciation you crave, but it's not likely to happen.

So how does one keep the peace in the workplace? How do we do the best job we can do and stay out of the line of fire? Should I keep my thoughts and feelings to myself and keep the people I work with at arms length? Should I just realize that I should not trust anyone I work with?

If you think the other employees would 'tell on you' to the boss and undermine you, if you tried to organize a meeting and discussion about the door slamming, etc, then you just do your job and suck it up. Vent about your awful work conditions to your family and friends.
I commend you for wanting to learn from this experience.

[MsTerry]

.
I don't know what kind of work you do.

She has mentioned before that she drives a Big Rig and is a very safe driver...

[DevaKai]

I work in childcare

She has mentioned before that she drives a Big Rig and is a very safe driver...

[MsTerry]

I work in childcare

On 1 March 1, 2009 you said

Devakai wrote:
And honey if I wasn't a safe driver I would not be a driver where I work and I would not have a class B license.

[DevaKai]

There appears to me some confusion as to what it is that I do for a job. Well, I work with children as well as transport them to and from daycare, hence my pervious comment about being a safe driver and having a class B license. I actually not only do childcare but drive as well. I'm so talented.:hamster:I can actually do more than one thing at a time.

"cause I'm a WOMAN...W.O.M.A.N, I'll say it again!"

On 1 March 1, 2009 you said