Perfectionism

[DevaKai]

“We have the need to be accepted and to be loved by others, but we cannot accept and love ourselves. The more self-love we have, the less we will experience self-abuse. Self-abuse comes from self-rejection, and self-rejection comes from having an image of what it means to be perfect and never measuring up to that ideal. Our image of perfection is the reason we reject ourselves the way we are, and why we don't accept others the way they are.”

-- Don Miguel Ruiz

[hales]

Deva Kai,
I really like Don Micguel Ruiz' books. I got a lot out of them. I think they are some of the most practical books on self-awareness, personal integrity, and how to deal with relationships of any I have read. For instance, rigorously following any one of the four agreements, would probably change anyone's life for the better.. and help those around them, as well.

thanks!

Scott.

the four agreements - don miguel ruiz's code for life

agreement 1

Be impeccable with your word - Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
agreement 2

Don’t take anything personally - Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
agreement 3

Don’t make assumptions - Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
agreement 4

Always do your best - Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

[NorseViking869]

I agree with the code of life Don Miguel Ruiz;however I do have to ad mit I struggle with agreement 2. I try as I might, I still take things others do personally. I do realize that all things others do to you is infact doing things to themselves. I just find it hard to accept that it either a), was not my fault, and b), that they did what they did for themselves not to hurt me. I feel that it is harder to not take things personally when you are involved with someone or are still attached to someone you care about. I feel as though my toes have been stepped on. I know that this is not how I should feel. I realize that my taking things to heart and too personal, was as much of what caused the demise of my relationships, as was what ever the catalists were.

Deva Kai,
I really like Don Micguel Ruiz' books. I got a lot out of them. I think they are some of the most practical books on self-awareness, personal integrity, and how to deal with relationships of any I have read. For instance, rigorously following any one of the four agreements, would probably change anyone's life for the better.. and help those around them, as well.

thanks!

Scott.

the four agreements - don miguel ruiz's code for life

agreement 1

Be impeccable with your word - Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
agreement 2

Don’t take anything personally - Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
agreement 3

Don’t make assumptions - Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
agreement 4

Always do your best - Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

[hales]

Thanks for the honest and open reply, NV..

My understanding of these agreements, is that one can practice them, not that there is a right and wrong way to approach them. They are not rules or standards of behavior, in the way that we are used to, but they describe a way to reclaim personal power and freedom. For instance, as long as we are taking things personally, we are going to be at the effect of other peoples' stories and dysfunctional ideas and behavior, (as well as our own!). I see the four agreements as a very revealing set of archetypal ideas that can be used to become more liberated from the stories of our culture, family of origin, etc. Perhaps we all fall short of our ideals in some way, but this just confirms the idea that our minds are always telling stories and making explanations, and other peoples' minds are doing the same. It's NOT PERSONAL, in fact we can hardly help ourselves. However, to the extent that I reflect on this, I think it makes it a little easier to just be present with what really IS. Even if that happens to involve something or other that is not what I think I want. I believe that I am moving towards not feeling so self-important. What is more important is that I am moving towards love and awareness and away from attachment, reactivity, and self-delusion.

I found this on youtube, it's kinda cool.. ; )

YouTube - The Four Agreements (Don Miguel Ruiz)

Scott.

BTW, I'm not a born-again four agreements guy. I do find them very useful and interesting, though.

Scott.

I agree with the code of life Don Miguel Ruiz;however I do have to ad mit I struggle with agreement 2. I try as I might, I still take things others do personally. I do realize that all things others do to you is infact doing things to themselves. I just find it hard to accept that it either a), was not my fault, and b), that they did what they did for themselves not to hurt me. I feel that it is harder to not take things personally when you are involved with someone or are still attached to someone you care about. I feel as though my toes have been stepped on. I know that this is not how I should feel. I realize that my taking things to heart and too personal, was as much of what caused the demise of my relationships, as was what ever the catalists were.