Scotch with two drops of water
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A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. *As the bartender gives her the drink she says, "I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today"
The bartender says, "Well, since it's your birthday, *I'll buy you a drink. *In fact, this one is on me." *
As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, "I would like to buy you a drink, too."
The old woman says, "Thank you. *Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water."
"Coming up," says the bartender.As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, "I would like to buy you one, too."
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The old woman says, "Thank you. *Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water."
"Coming right up," the bartender says. *As he gives her the drink, he says,"Ma'am, *I'm dying of curiosity. *Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?"
The old woman replies, "Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor. *Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue."
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* * * ** * 'OLD' IS WHEN... 
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!'
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* * * ** * *'OLD' IS WHEN... 
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
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* * * ** * *'OLD' IS WHEN... 
A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
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* * * ** **'OLD' IS WHEN... 
Going bra less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
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* * * * * *'OLD' IS WHEN... 
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
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* * * * * *'OLD' IS WHEN... 
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
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* * * * * *'OLD' IS WHEN... 
'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take any fiber today.
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* * * * * *'OLD' IS WHEN... 
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.
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* * * * * *'OLD' IS WHEN... 
An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.
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AND
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* * * * * *'OLD' IS WHEN... 
You are not sure these are jokes.
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