Good Morning to my People!

Well, here it is: Today marks the completion of my 30th year. 30 is a milestone and truth be told, I'm more than happy to be done with my 20's. 30 sounds so much more respectable than 29 somehow. ;)

It's interesting how childhood beliefs and ideas manifest in our adult lives.

It's a long story, that some of you may know some of, but when I was about 14 I became convinced that my meat would not live to see its 30th birthday. Who knows exactly why. (I do...there are/were many reasons.) But, it was something I believed totally and unquestioningly, like the sky is blue. Back in those days, though I may not have spoken of this belief, I did think about it ALL THE TIME. At times it was maddening. But as the years wore on I thought of this belief less and less. Eventually it only came to mind once a year or so...around my birthday. By adulthood I gave it little credence. It was just a slightly morbid joke I had with myself...so I thought.

When I woke up on my 25th birthday something surprising happened to me. My belief that my meat would expire before I turned 30 hit me as soon as my eyes opened, and a feeling of dread and urgency washed over me. I had a panic attack. Mom, you probably remember the phone call. It had been a while since I had that kind of response. It's not that I was dreading or fearing death itself. Death does not frighten me. It was that I felt I was running out of time to complete my Cosmic task list. After the initial shock of the resurgence of this belief wore off, my days were filled with a new sense of purpose and for a while it was overwhelming. Then, I again grew accustomed to living with this belief and pushed it to the back of my mind.

A few days ago my belief resurfaced. It was strange and irrational. I didn't have a sense of fear about it, but I was more than curious to see how the next few days would play out. Yesterday I only left the house once, for about 30 minutes. For that 30 minutes I was thinking thoughts like, "OK Universe, if this is going to happen, make it quick. I don't want to linger in pain." Except for the 30 minutes I was out, I spent yesterday feverishly working in the studio on my current creative endeavor; midnight, my dead-line (pun intended) looming ahead of me. Obviously, my meat did not expire. I did not turn into a pumpkin. I am still here. But part of me did die. (Thank goodness!) It was the part of me beholden to my belief.

I feel a great openness and lightness right now. I didn't realize the true weight of carrying that belief. I'm relieved the Universe has proven me wrong once again and I can now move past the restrictions of holding that belief. Who knows what will be possible?! Who knows what else I'm wrong about?! I can't wait to find out.

In keeping with my birthday tradition, I am sending my gratitude out to everyone who has touched my life; to everyone who has taught, learned, played, talked, co-created, loved, cried, laughed, sang, screamed, fought, challenged, stretched, danced, prayed or just sat quietly with me. Your presence, no matter how brief or long, is a treasured gift. On my 30th birthday, I am grateful to be alive and to know you. May we know each other for at least 30 years more!

Thank you.

In Light & Love,

Larissa