Dear Red States

[phooph]

"Just to help you adjust your political views more clearly"

Dear Red States,

We're ticked off at the way you've treated California, and we've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii , Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all of the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly:

We get stem cell research and the best beaches. You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

We get Nancy Pelosi. You get Sarah Palin.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get WalMart.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the Red States pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once.
If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMD’s turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red States believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale,
62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws,
44 percent say that evolution is only a theory,
53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11,
and 61 percent of you believe you are people with higher morals than we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Sincerely,
Blue States

ps… Just to help you adjust your political views more clearly, you might also want to read a new 2008 political season book just released “Just How Stupid Are We?” By Rick Shenkman. Pretty much historically (and currently) describes most of you people in the Red States.
We know there are some of you who are evidently misplaced in our Blue States and are welcome to move to the Red States should you decide to remain as the book is entitled!

[Braggi]

"Just to help you adjust your political views more clearly"

Dear Red States, ...

While I abhor divisiveness, this is pretty funny. An updated oldie, of course, but many of best jokes can stand that.

-Jeff

[RichT]

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.


By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. (Jeff, I'm surpised you didn't comment on this!) You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Can we boot out all of the radical fundamentalists? They're so damn annoying!! That was my main motive for fleeing the South.

[Conly]

It wasn't too far back in Time that the Republican'ts were crying "Better Dead Than RED"

"Just to help you adjust your political views more clearly"

Dear Red States,

We're ticked off at the way you've treated California, and we've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii , Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all of the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly:

We get stem cell research and the best beaches. You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

We get Nancy Pelosi. You get Sarah Palin.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get WalMart.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the Red States pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once.
If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMD’s turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red States believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale,
62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws,
44 percent say that evolution is only a theory,
53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11,
and 61 percent of you believe you are people with higher morals than we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Sincerely,
Blue States

ps… Just to help you adjust your political views more clearly, you might also want to read a new 2008 political season book just released “Just How Stupid Are We?” By Rick Shenkman. Pretty much historically (and currently) describes most of you people in the Red States.
We know there are some of you who are evidently misplaced in our Blue States and are welcome to move to the Red States should you decide to remain as the book is entitled!