Posted in reply to the post by Ally:
This morning on my way to take my kid to school, a Sebastopol motorcycle cop pulled me over for no good reason. Well, apparently his reason was the choice and volume of my music. Yep, that’s right, my music.
There’s a little bit of tradition we’ve got where on the way to middle school, our 8th grader gets to choose the music she wants to listen to, and then we turn it up loud…loud enough that when she climbs out of the car at school you can hear the music playing – it’s like her greeting for the morning – “hey guys, I’m here”.
This morning we both chose TOOL, and it was loud enough that when she climbed out of my car, you could hear it. Now, that being said, as soon as I drop her off the music comes down and I pull away and slip back into the dull gleam of the suburban mornings.
I have the consideration and respect to appreciate quiet mornings taking the kids to school and the fact that uber loud music may put people off while they’re in that particular space and that is why the loudness doesn’t last long. With reference to those sentiments, I would have responded kindlier to a request from the cop to just keep the music down a bit next time. That is NOT what transpired however. What happened next was a complete misuse, or rather ABUSE of power on his part.
He proceeded with a direct and cutting assault of my character and personal integrity.
I didn’t catch his name, though the similarity in his appearance to an SS Guard makes him unforgettable. He came up to my window and asked me why I thought it was appropriate to be playing “that kind of music so loud”. (Notice the reference to the type of music, not necessarily the volume.)
I explained that it was just something that my step-daughter and I do in the mornings on the way to school, to which he responded:
“So you just let your kid dictate what you do, you let her make your decisions?”
“Well, no officer, she doesn’t make decisions for me, nor does she dictate any action that is mine. It is simply something she enjoys, to which I give her the liberty while she’s in my car.”
“And what type of example are you setting when you pull up playing that music? What do you want the other children to THINK when they see you – an ADULT – behaving in such a manner? You are supposed to be setting the examples, not letting your kid dictate what you do. I hope you don’t have any other kids!”
Ok, so that’s where he lost me. “I hope you don’t have any other kids”? Are you serious! What kind of example am I setting by playing “that” kind of music – what KIND of music? Rock? Would he have pulled me over if I had been playing Barry Manilow, or Mozart? I don’t think he would have. He may not have even asked me to turn that stuff down. He heard my music and immediately put me in some delinquent category. Then, without provocation or any reference to civil codes, he asked for my license, not my registration.
“When was the last ticket you had?”
(He automatically presumes that I have priors, and when he finds that I do, he uses that to build his case for the defamation of my character.
“I got a speeding ticket in January.”
Then he takes my license and calls for my information over his little radio, and then saunters back to my car.
“You have 2 tickets!...”
“Um, yes I do have 2 tickets...and…”
“And, it makes sense.”
Excuse me. It makes sense?...
It was like he was using my prior tickets as proof that I am a bad person. Because I have been pulled over before and because I listen to loud rock music, I am immediately lacking integrity. So much so, that apparently he felt it necessary to implore me to not have any more children! (Oh my, what would he think if he found I have a 4 year old who likes LED ZEPPELIN!!!) I mean, come on – give me a break!
As far as examples I am setting for my children:
We are all INDEPENDENT THINKERS. We are each responsible for our own actions and choices. I model to my kids respect and consideration for others, and the importance of extending those aspects of self to the world. I model the ability to decide for myself what I do, where I go and who I am. We are not puppets, sleepers walking, busy-bees inhabiting each other’s dreams. We don’t bow down under the oppressive weight of shoulds and supposed-to’s. We rise and we strive, we are our own people and we support each other.
For me to be pulled over when I did NOTHING wrong, because some cop didn’t like my music, is absolutely absurd! And I want people to know about this, to be aware of the possibility that it might not even have anything to do US. It’s a good thing I have white skin and If I’m getting pulled over on the whim of some cop on a power trip, there’s something wrong.that I drive a nice car, or I’d have been racially and economically profiled. I didn’t do anything wrong, and he knew that. He was trying to provoke me into negative response, and I didn’t take the bait. He couldn’t cite me for ANYTHING because I didn’t allow him to manipulate me. To sit and face character assault, to listen while someone questions your moral capacity just because they’re wearing a uniform and they believe they can, is a complete injustice.
He finally gave me back my license and sent me on my way, but not without one more parting shot:
“I’m around this neighborhood a lot…You have a good, safe day ma’am.”
“Yes sir.”