(I hope this isn't inapropriate. It just reminds me a bit of
wacco and I thought a laugh coudn't hurt.)


The Christmas Party Email (please read all emails)


TO: All Employees
DATE: Nov. 4, 2004
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the compnay Christmas Party will take place on Dec.
23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will
be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional
carols...please feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if the MD shows up
dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchange of gifts
among employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over $10 to
make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for
employees! The MD will make a special announcement at the party. Merry Christmas
to you and your Family. Pauline.

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
Date: Nov. 5, 2004
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We
recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with
Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling
it our 'Holiday Party'.. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not
Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have
other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your
family. Pauline

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: Npv. 6, 2004
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a
non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this
request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be
anonymous anymore!!! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the
gift exchange, no gift exchanged allowed now since the Union Officials feel that $10
is too much money and Management believe $10 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE
WILL BE ALLOWED. Pauline

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: Nov. 7, 2004
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim
holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.
There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of
year does not accommodate our Muslim employees beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can
hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package
everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the
dessert buffet and pregnant women will get to table closest to the toilets, Gays are
allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will
have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements
for the gay men's table too. To the person asking permission to cross dress - no
cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food
will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food,
we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will
be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar"
desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything???? Pauline

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All ******* Employees
DATE: Nov. 8, 2004
RE: The *******Holiday Party
Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!! We're going to keep this party at
the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table
furthest from the "grill of death", as you so quaintly put it, you'll get your
******** salad bar, including organic tomatoes, but you know tomatoes have feelings
too. They scream when you slice them, I've heard them scream, I'm hearing them
scream right NOW!! I hope you all have a rotten holiday, drink, drve and die. The
B--- from H-----

FROM: John Bishop, Acting Humas Resources Director
DATE: Nov. 9, 2004
RE: Paul Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery, and I'll
continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the Management has decided
to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of Dececember
23 off with full pay.