Tibetan Buddhism and Helping Others

[Dark Shadows]

I have a question of those who practice Tibetan Buddhism; what does this religion teach about helping others? I have had the misfortune to have been employed by two women (who incidentally both practice Tibetan Buddhism) who are extremely insensitive and unhelpful. These two women don't know each other and I was employed by them at two entirely different times. The first woman was my manager and whenever I asked her a question about something that I knew she might help me with, she would say she didn't know and to try someone else. I found this very frustrating because I would go out of my way to help this woman whenever she asked me. Even if I did not know the answer to a particular question, I would make calls and send emails to my colleagues in order to find a solution.

The other woman employs me as a caregiver for her elderly mother. This woman routinely asks me to shell out cash to buy groceries for her mother's home, then always finds some excuse not to repay me on a timely basis or not to pay me in cash. Finally, I got fed up with it and told her I did not have the cash to buy groceries and her mother indeed needed food. This woman wrote me an eight paragraph email about how she was too busy to go and buy food for her mother and how if I "had a heart" I would go out and buy her mother the food she needed. I finally suggested that I get a note from her doctor and sign her mother up for Meals on Wheels so this did not become a problem. I got a terse reply that this was "not an option" for them because her mother found the food "inedible". I could not believe she could be that ungreatful. This woman writes in a very flowery way, but the underlying intent is passive-aggressive, to insult me, or snipe at me in some way. When I ask for time off to deal with personal business (and I give her plenty of notice) she writes nasty notes to me about what a hassle it is and how she is too busy to deal with this. At times I feel like reminding her that we all have to take care of our parents at some point in our lives and I'm sure that she will never do as much for her mother as her mother did for her in raising, nurturing and protecting her from harm when she was a child. I somehow feel that even this would not get through to her.

So tell me, is there something in this religion that teaches about helping others? Thanks

[SDorje]

Dark Shadows...
Sorry to hear you have had such a negative experience with the "Tibetan Buddhists" you described. One of the main teachings of Buddhism, including Tibetan, is the Noble Eightfold Path. Included in this guideline is compassion, generosity and ethical behavior, among others. In Tibetan Buddhism, a good example of compassion at work is HH the Dalai Lama. Just listening and watching him shows compassion at work. He does admit he gets angry at times, but he seems to be able to counter it (anger).

Some Buddhist practitioners seem to know the teachings intellectually and philosophically, but struggle to "walk their talk". I've practiced Buddhism for years and still catch myself thinking and saying things that aren't quite right. I have seen progress over the years and that is good enough for me right now. I don't beat myself up for it though. We are all imperfect beings.

A lot of suffering has been inflicted on others in the name of religion, but I don't think it's generally the religion's fault, just the people that interpret it or follow someone blindly.

As far as the two women you encountered, maybe they were new to Buddhist practice or just haven't got the ability to stop and think before they react. If they can write a long nasty E-mail though, this seems like plenty of time to look at how they are reacting.

As in all religions, beliefs or spiritual practices, some practitioners are more dedicated than others. I won't judge these two, because I don't know the dynamics of their lives, but I do hope they "practice" harder and progress. Maybe they will read your post and see what has happened.

Hope this helps, Stephen

[Dark Shadows]

Thank you so much for your post, I believe it will help me in dealing with my employer. I have practiced my religion (a mixture of Christianity and Yaqui Spiritualism, passed on to me by my grandparents) for many years as well. I am always learning new ways to look at things. And, I feel that I am a work in progress and probably will be to the day I die and even when I reach the world beyond.

I have always thought that the Tibetan monk's practice of giving up all earthly posessions to live a life of spirituality and closeness to God very admirable, but always thought that it would be a difficult example to follow. I would have hoped that followers that claim to be followers would try to come as close as possible to their teacher's example. But as we know very well, there are very few Christians who have acheived this, so it is probably unreasonable for us to expect more of other religions. I guess this is a reminder that humbleness is something we all need to have a little more of.

I think that a good response to this particular woman is to pray for her growth as a better Buddhist and try to find positive ways to improve the relationship.

Dark Shadows...
Sorry to hear you have had such a negative experience with the "Tibetan Buddhists" you described. One of the main teachings of Buddhism, including Tibetan, is the Noble Eightfold Path. Included in this guideline is compassion, generosity and ethical behavior, among others. In Tibetan Buddhism, a good example of compassion at work is HH the Dalai Lama. Just listening and watching him shows compassion at work. He does admit he gets angry at times, but he seems to be able to counter it (anger).

Some Buddhist practitioners seem to know the teachings intellectually and philosophically, but struggle to "walk their talk". I've practiced Buddhism for years and still catch myself thinking and saying things that aren't quite right. I have seen progress over the years and that is good enough for me right now. I don't beat myself up for it though. We are all imperfect beings.

A lot of suffering has been inflicted on others in the name of religion, but I don't think it's generally the religion's fault, just the people that interpret it or follow someone blindly.

As far as the two women you encountered, maybe they were new to Buddhist practice or just haven't got the ability to stop and think before they react. If they can write a long nasty E-mail though, this seems like plenty of time to look at how they are reacting.

As in all religions, beliefs or spiritual practices, some practitioners are more dedicated than others. I won't judge these two, because I don't know the dynamics of their lives, but I do hope they "practice" harder and progress. Maybe they will read your post and see what has happened.

Hope this helps, Stephen

[Sara S]

Good reply, Dorje; I would only add, from the Dalai Lama's introduction to the book "The Way of the Bodhisattva": "The principal focus of Mahayana teachings is on cultivating a mind wishing to benefit other sentient beings."

As I understand it, a person who reaches the bodhisattva level (and nirvana) vows to voluntarily be reborn in this realm until everyone gets there (the ultimate in unselfishness, I think).

Dark Shadows...
Sorry to hear you have had such a negative experience with the "Tibetan Buddhists" you described. One of the main teachings of Buddhism, including Tibetan, is the Noble Eightfold Path. Included in this guideline is compassion, generosity and ethical behavior, among others. In Tibetan Buddhism, a good example of compassion at work is HH the Dalai Lama. Just listening and watching him shows compassion at work. He does admit he gets angry at times, but he seems to be able to counter it (anger).

Some Buddhist practitioners seem to know the teachings intellectually and philosophically, but struggle to "walk their talk". I've practiced Buddhism for years and still catch myself thinking and saying things that aren't quite right. I have seen progress over the years and that is good enough for me right now. I don't beat myself up for it though. We are all imperfect beings.

A lot of suffering has been inflicted on others in the name of religion, but I don't think it's generally the religion's fault, just the people that interpret it or follow someone blindly.

As far as the two women you encountered, maybe they were new to Buddhist practice or just haven't got the ability to stop and think before they react. If they can write a long nasty E-mail though, this seems like plenty of time to look at how they are reacting.

As in all religions, beliefs or spiritual practices, some practitioners are more dedicated than others. I won't judge these two, because I don't know the dynamics of their lives, but I do hope they "practice" harder and progress. Maybe they will read your post and see what has happened.

Hope this helps, Stephen

[Rachel B]

A very interesting discussion. Remember that we are all here in the Human Realm, the realm of desire. We are all thus experiencing our suffering minds. These two described employers are studying Tibetan Buddhism to guide them on their path to liberation. It does not mean that they have achieved it, nor that they have learned to apply the Dharma to their lives. We are all at different levels of understanding. It is much easier to see someone else's errors than our own. It sounds like you are doing the best you can and have offered very helpful solutions.

One of the lessons taught in Buddhism is to apologize to ourselves on the other person's behalf so that they do not incur the karma of their negative actions. Thus we have now experienced an apology AND we have helped restore their own karma! How generous! The antidote to our own suffering is always to pray for the good of ALL sentient beings. This means visualizing all beings at once experiencing joy and freedom. Try it, it opens the heart and aligns the subtle energy. This is the foundation of Tibetan Buddhist practice. Just think, once others have achieved happiness and understanding, they will not only stop bothering us, but they will show US the way to freedom! haha! Win-Win!

[Garnette]

I just dont know... my nephew has studied Budism for a long time and has spent time with them in other country's. I know he feels like he is right on track but he has willfully let our family down in a way that would shame the society of family much less a group that teaches anything right.. I guess I believe that for some the teaching is only skin deep...

I have a question of those who practice Tibetan Buddhism; what does this religion teach about helping others? I have had the misfortune to have been employed by two women (who incidentally both practice Tibetan Buddhism) who are extremely insensitive and unhelpful. These two women don't know each other and I was employed by them at two entirely different times. The first woman was my manager and whenever I asked her a question about something that I knew she might help me with, she would say she didn't know and to try someone else. I found this very frustrating because I would go out of my way to help this woman whenever she asked me. Even if I did not know the answer to a particular question, I would make calls and send emails to my colleagues in order to find a solution.

The other woman employs me as a caregiver for her elderly mother. This woman routinely asks me to shell out cash to buy groceries for her mother's home, then always finds some excuse not to repay me on a timely basis or not to pay me in cash. Finally, I got fed up with it and told her I did not have the cash to buy groceries and her mother indeed needed food. This woman wrote me an eight paragraph email about how she was too busy to go and buy food for her mother and how if I "had a heart" I would go out and buy her mother the food she needed. I finally suggested that I get a note from her doctor and sign her mother up for Meals on Wheels so this did not become a problem. I got a terse reply that this was "not an option" for them because her mother found the food "inedible". I could not believe she could be that ungreatful. This woman writes in a very flowery way, but the underlying intent is passive-aggressive, to insult me, or snipe at me in some way. When I ask for time off to deal with personal business (and I give her plenty of notice) she writes nasty notes to me about what a hassle it is and how she is too busy to deal with this. At times I feel like reminding her that we all have to take care of our parents at some point in our lives and I'm sure that she will never do as much for her mother as her mother did for her in raising, nurturing and protecting her from harm when she was a child. I somehow feel that even this would not get through to her.

So tell me, is there something in this religion that teaches about helping others? Thanks