A joke...

[Lorrie]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto stopped in the desert for the night. After theygot their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, looktowards sky, what you see?"

The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking,it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions ofplanets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, itappears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small andinsignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful daytomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?"



Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo Sabe, you dumber thanBuffalo Chips.It means someone stole tent."

[decterlove]

Watch out folks...This is rated half an X, so anybody who's easily offended, please shut your eyes tight while you read it!

Joe Garajioli had this little fruit and vegetable market in North Beach for like forty years, and every morning little Mrs. Latella would come in and buy her produce for the day.

So one Tuesday morning, she comes in and says to Joe, "Hey Joe, my son-in-laws coming to dinner tonight and he don't like Italian food so I'm gonna fix him a nice steak dinner with a salad and a baked potato. So what I need from you this morning, Joe, is two heads of your best Romaine lettuce, two pounds of your ripest tomatoes, and a small bag of Russett potatoes.

Joe says, "I'll have 'em right up for you Mrs.Latella but we didn't get any lettuce in today. Be right with you," he says as he walks out on the floor to get her supplies.

Joe puts the sack of potatoes on the counter, and shows her how red and juicy the tomatoes are, and starts ringing her up when Mrs. Latella exclaims,

"Joe, you didn't get me the lettuce I asked you for. I need some lettuce for my salad tonight!"

Joe explains, "I'm sorry Mrs. Latella, maybe you didn't hear me but we didn't get any lettuce in yet this morning. I'm still waiting for it."

"Well, then give me some red leaf or some iceberg, Joe. I need some lettuce!"

"I'm really sorry, Mrs. Latella but we don't even have any iceberg left. I'm plain all out of any kind of salad greens until this new driver arrives. I'm really sorry. It's never happened to me before but I really don't have any lettuce for you. Come back this afternoon and I'm sure I'll have some for ya by then."

"Joe! I don't have time to come back this afternoon! I gotta start fixin' dinner for my daughter and my son-in-law! What I need from you this morning is two pounds of tomatoes, a five pound bag of potatoes, and two heads of the best Romaine, or any kind of lettuce you have! I'm making a salad for my son-in-law tonight!"

Joe tries again, "Mrs. Latella, I really don't have any lettuce this morning."

Mrs Latella again insists, "Joe, I need some lettuce for my salad! My son-in-law is coming over!"

Exasperated, Joe now tries a different tack.

"Mrs Latella, what dya get when ya take the "toe" outa "tomatoes"?

"What? I don't see what this has to do with anything, Joe!"

"Just humor me."

"Okay, "Matoes".

Joe replies, "Okay Mrs Latella, now what dya get when ya take the "poe" outa "potatoes"?

"I really don't know what this has to do with anything Joe!"

Joe stares back at her, and she responds, "Okay, "Tatoes!"

Joe one more time, "Okay Mrs. Latella, now what dya get when you take the F*CK OUTA LETTUCE?"

"THERE IS NO F*CK IN LETTUCE!" Mrs Latella answers quite correctly!

"THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU!!!!"

[Sara S]

"Only when the last tree has been cut down and the last river has dried up will man realize that reciting red Indian proverbs makes you sound like a fucking muppet."

(graffiti artist) Banksy, quoted in The New Yorker, May 14 issue.