breaking an energy bond

[lqueen5]

Hi,

Its been 16 months since my break up and I have been unable to break the energetic bond between me and my ex. She told me I was her soul mate 1 month ago and chose to believe her now she is back with her ex and I need to find a way to truely move on. I have been in therapy etc but I'm looking for any suggestions on how to do something spiritual to rid me of the energy I love her and always will but I just don't want to feel her anymore.

Thanks,
Liz

[Carl]

Liz,

It almost makes you lose your faith in the idea of there being one specail "soul-mate" just made for you, doesn't it? Well, maybe you SHOULD lose some of your faith in that idea if it perpetuates your bondage to another person who does not have your best interests in mind.

Get out into the rest of the world and do volunteer work, find a way to participate in society at large, see what relationships other people are in all around you as an ordinary miracle. You do not exist in a vaccuum. Other people can make a difference for you if you open yourself to that possiblity.

Carl.

[lqueen5]

Yes it is making me think there isn't such a thing as Soul Mate, in my buddist beginning studies I'm trying to realize about attachment and desire and how that leads to dissastifaction. Obviously this person was not for me yet how I miss her. Yesterday I went on two sites to volunteer to be a mentor....if you know of any other way to volunteer that would be wonderful... I appreciate your open and upfront communication with me on it....THANKS!

[mykil]

CUTTING THE CORD, Magically ending the relationship. Psychic Healing at it's finest! Google this if you are really ready, sometimes you just think you are, other times this is really what you need! At any rate, PEACE!

[Dynamique]

Years ago, some very wise person made an observation about missing or longing for a person who is no longer around due to breakup, long-distance situation, and the like. To paraphrase:

Missing someone is not missing the other person so much as missing the part of YOU that the other person brought out in you.

It sounds to me like this may be what is going on with your feelings of a "connection" and the "energy" here. There is a connection -- it's a connection to a part of your persona that for whatever reason needed this other person as a catalyst to be able to come out and play. The "connection" is within yourself!

Try to identify what personality characteristics were able to bloom or be stronger in the presence of the ex. Perhaps a qualified professional should guide and encourage you with this process. Then you need to bring out those qualities without the catalytic action of the ex or anybody else.

When you have wholeness and balance, you will not feel like part of you is missing. Even better, you will not have a needyness for another person!

Yes it is making me think there isn't such a thing as Soul Mate, in my buddist beginning studies I'm trying to realize about attachment and desire and how that leads to dissastifaction. Obviously this person was not for me yet how I miss her.

[hales]

Hi, lq5, I think that it's probably possible to have a soul connection with someone, but that may or may not mean that one "should" or could be able to make an long term commitment or life together with that person. I appreciate how painful it is to lose someone whom it feels like one is "meant" to be with.. I'm actually going through the same thing, as of a couple of weeks ago. There is still a strong affection and attraction for both of us.. yet she has decided that the relationship is not right for her, for a long term commitment. I'm struggling with this, feeling okay for a while, then feeling old, familiar feelings of loss and sadness, yet I realize that these are just a tired old song, for me; it's just the latest "cover" of a golden oldie.. ; /

(I had a hard time not thinking about that stupid boy George lyric.. "do you really want to hurt me?".. that's how maudlin and cliched my feelings can get.. I realized that it's just a loop or pattern that I have been recreating for some dumb conditioned reason.. I really want to slay this thing.. to stay in love and compassion, to be willing to feel what is real, yet not make up some story of victimization or tragic-romantic bullshit.. and not wallow in self pity or any such thing.

I agree about the suggestions by other folks to focus on unselfish activities, such as volunteering. Soon my 18 year-old son will be moving out and I will be thinking about what to do with the second half of my life.. I do want it to be at least partly concerned with what I have to offer this struggling planet.. so much stress and conflict, lately! I'm a massage therapist, so I do help folks, but I think it would be even cooler to assist people in empowering themselves, somehow, so they are more responsible for their own process, more present and more connected to reality.

I also appreciate the idea that the qualities of the missing loved one are perhaps negelected aspects of ourselves.. I have consciously thought about the qualities in those I have loved, and often decided to "model them" ; ie. incorporate them into my own repetoire.. it really works and in a way, the missing relationship does live on in that way. (Thich Nat Hanh has good things to say about this in a book I'm reading; No Death, no Fear)

I'm also reading a book by Byron Katie, "Loving What Is". She talks about "The Work", of inquiring into whether the things we believe or expect of others are true, and whether those beliefs, projections or stories are serving us. What seems important to me is that we have to stay present with what is actually happening, take responsibility for our lives and consciousness and give others the freedom to do so, as well!

I find that yoga, aerobic excercise, and working out in the gym are excellent ways to increase my energy and improve my mood. It's important to take care of oneself in these times of stress, get good nutrition, sleep (if possible!), excercise, water, etc.. mental hygiene is very important, too!

I'd Looove to hear peoples' suggestions for visualizations, affirmations, or whatever actually helps.. ) NLP has some interesting ideas about visualizing the person, then imagine the picture receding, whiting or dimming out, or being replaced by another picture. Not sure how far you can go with such "tricks", but I will be trying such things. There is also a clearing exercise in one of the don juan books.. imagine the feeling and image of connecting with the person, and breath in, sweeping the eyes to the left, then breath out, sweeping the eyes to the right (center). This is done with individual memories of connecting intimately with the person. It did seem to reduce the emotional charge, when I have tried it.

Best wishes for getting on with your life.
Namaste,
Scott.

Yes it is making me think there isn't such a thing as Soul Mate, in my buddist beginning studies I'm trying to realize about attachment and desire and how that leads to dissastifaction. Obviously this person was not for me yet how I miss her. Yesterday I went on two sites to volunteer to be a mentor....if you know of any other way to volunteer that would be wonderful... I appreciate your open and upfront communication with me on it....THANKS!

[Barry]

... I appreciate how painful it is to lose someone whom it feels like one is "meant" to be with.. I'm actually going through the same thing, as of a couple of weeks ago.

Beautiful post, Scott! Thanks to you and the other contributors to this thread for sharing yourselves in support of Liz, and I imagine, other members out there.