US Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency
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**April 20, 2007:
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Washington , DC (AP) -- Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States of America will be outsourced to India as of July 1, 2007.
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**The move is being made in order to save the President ' s $500,000 yearly
* salary, and also a record $521 trillion in deficit expenditures and related
**overhead the office has incurred during the last 5 years.
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**"We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost savings are huge." stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). "We cannot remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay." Reynolds noted.
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**Mr. Bush was informed by e-mai l this morning of his termination. Preparations
for the job move have been underway for some time.
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**Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai , India will assume the
**office of President as of July 1, 2007.
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**Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were
**vacationing at Niagara Falls , thus making him eligible for the position. He
**will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health coverage
*or other *benefits.
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It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities ****************
without a support staff. Due to the time difference between the US and India ,
he will be working primarily at night, when few offices of the US Government
will be open.
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**"Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer
**call center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited
**about this position. I always hoped I would be President." A Congressional
**spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues
**involved in the office of President, this should not be a problem as President
**Bush was not familiar with the issues either.
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**Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond
**effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses,
**he can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying
**issue at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson.
**"President Bush has used them successfully for years."
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**Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of
**employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will be eligible for $140 a
**week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible
**for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.
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***Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower,
**Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition.
**According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new position due to limited practical or successful work experience.
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**A Greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush ' s extensive
**experience shaking hands, as well as his goofy smile.