Since I retired a year ago to work on Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders, I've been a little surprised at the reactions of my friends here in the heart of wine country when I raise the issue. Many dismiss it altogether as not a "thing"; others hotly contest "the authorities telling me what to do with my body"; and a few express sincere confusion about the science. To be fair, lots of people also say they know a woman shouldn't drink if she's pregnant, but can't say what happens if she does, beyond "she could damage her baby".
So I thought I'd take a moment to write--and ask you for a moment to read--an update, a short primer. This comes from digesting loads of research over 2 decades, as well as running a diagnostic clinic in the county hospital in the South Bay, working as a school psychologist and special ed consultant in juvenile hall...and being adoptive mom of a now-35-year-old whose brain mysteriously and frustratingly--um, no...infuriatingly...just kept shooting itself in the foot.
So here you go: (citations gladly provided on request)
5% of us are on the Fetal Alcohol Spectrum. Most have none of the facial features of Fetal Alcohol SYNDROME. It looks like AD/HD of the most complicated kind, or more often sheer bad behavior, poor character, lack of motivation. And of course it looks like lousy parenting.
The most effective intervention is early identification--even if that's just speculation, that someone's peculiar misbehavior might be a matter of wiring. Then the anger, unmet expectations, terrible disappointment and resulting punishment can be attenuated. Changed. Into mercy, patience, skilled teaching and parenting--different from traditional methods.
Without this identification and intervention. the vast majority of people with FASD will have mental illness of some kind--very often depression; academic failure; trouble keeping jobs; unhealthy/abusive/exploitive relationships; and substance abuse. Money, time and emotions are way beyond control. And the person with FASD is usually just as astonished and frustrated to see himself (4 times as many males as females) screwing up yet again as everyone else. In and out of trouble with the law. Owes money to everyone.
Yep, this is--again, without appropriate recognition of what's really going on--that layer of our community that just cannot get traction. Some of you reading this may recognize some version of this pattern in yourselves, and I hope you take my message as great sympathy--it may be hard to parent someone with FASD, but it's REALLY hard to BE someone with FASD.
Of course there's lots more I could say, and will at the merest whisper of an invitation. Please be in touch if you want to know more, or see our amateurish little website: www.fasdnorcal.org