In Poll About Debt-Ceiling Crisis, Americans Totally Excited About New iPhone

[Sara S]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a poll taken over the weekend about the looming debt-ceiling crisis and government shutdown, most Americans said that they were totally excited about the new iPhone 5s.
When asked about the prospect of a debt-ceiling logjam leading to a downgrade of the U.S. economy, seventy-two per cent of those surveyed said that the new iPhone looks like the most awesome iPhone yet.
Questioned about the disastrous impact of the U.S. government defaulting on the nation’s debt, sixty-five per cent agreed with the statement, “I can’t believe I waited on line all Friday for the 5s and they told me they’re sold out until October.”
On the topic of whether the debt-ceiling crisis could plunge the world economy into the most apocalyptic catastrophe since the financial meltdown of 2008, Americans were deeply divided over which color iPhone they would choose, but agreed that all of them looked amazing.