Some old ... some new ... all clever

1. King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most...

The year is 2016 and the United States has elected the first woman as well
as the first Jewish president, Susan Goldfarb. She calls up her mother a few
weeks after election day and says, 'So, Mom,...

Although you may have seen this before, it definitely bears reviewing ... a reflection of the great days of ethnic humor.

You may remember the old Jewish Catskill comics of Vaudeville days:...

Finally, the answer is upon us.....!


And doss we have the Biblical origin of the Internet.


In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader called "Abraham of Com" did take unto...

56 Worst/Best High School Analogies

Apparently the washington post held a contest in which high school teachers sent in the “worst” analogies they’d encountered in grading their students’ papers...

THE PERFECT HUSBAND


Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on a
bench rings. A man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to
talk.

Everyone else...

[ This was posted in our Censored/Uncensored section yesterday. This is good and the Censored/Uncensored section is not included the digest by default, so I am moving it to WaccoReader reposting it....

He grasped me firmly but gently just above my elbow and guided me into a room, his room. Then he quietly shut the door and we were alone.



He approached me soundlessly, from behind, and...

This originally appeared in the January 1, 2011 edition of the Miami Herald


Dave Barry’s 2010 Year in Review


Let's face it -- 2010 was a disaster. A month-by-month reminder of just how...

EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS

1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .'
My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's
dress and...

CHRISTMAS CAROLS FOR THE DISTURBED ... Ho, Ho, Ho


1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

...

Some helpful hints for you when you text one of your old friends.
Keep list handy incase you forget what the texting initials represent.


Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting...

TRUE? Has anyone tried this?



VICKS Vapor Rub - INTERESTING

During a lecture on Essential Oils, they told us how the foot soles can absorb oils. Their example: Put garlic on your...

Leo Rosten, the great Jewish writer and authority on Jewish humor, listed as
one of the characteristics of Jewish humor revenge over the oppressor by the
use of guile or circumstance. This is such...

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself 'this driver is just as dangerous as a...

A Priest, a Pentecostal Preacher, and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of University of Minnesota Duluth.

They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk...

Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy."

Hardy: "Aye, aye sir."

Nelson: "Hold on, this isn't what I dictated to Flags. What's the meaning of this?"

Hardy: "Sorry sir?"

Nelson (reading aloud):...

Just when you have lost faith in human kindness, someone
who teaches at Kean Elementary in Wooster , Ohio forwarded
the following letter.

The letter was sent to the Principal's office after the...

Dead Cow
First-year students at Auburn Vet school were attending their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet....

An ode of English Plural

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose...

Obscure Engineering Conversion Factors


1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
2. 2000 pounds of Chinese Soup = Won ton
3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope...

Dementia quiz

first question:

You are a participant in a race. You overtake
the second person. What position are you in?

Edward,

A question. What do you consider to be an equitable tax rate? And would that rate simply be the percentage you pay to the Federal government, or the overall rate which would include all...

7 Reasons Not To Mess With Children


1) A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.


The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even...

These are called paraprosdokian sentences. The first half has one meaning and


the second sentence gives the phrase a whole new meaning.



I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't...

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the...

Will I Live to see 80?

Here's something to think about.


I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well for my age....

Two Texans are sitting on a plane from Dallas and an old Jewish
Texan is sitting between them. The first Texan says, "My name is
Roger. I own 250,000 acres. I have 1,000 head of cattle and...

Ø Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker The dog's owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to...

A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably combed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to...