The Traveler




I've have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots.
Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.
I've also never been in Cognito. I...

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO
paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where
skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a...

Never quite saw it this way - but, it's an interesting assessment:

The Wonder of it All:
1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level...

I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair.
She turned to me and asked, 'Are you having it catered'?
And that, my friend, is the sad definition of 'OLD'!


just before...

Cancel your credit card before you die.
Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die! This is so priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.
A lady died...

Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash with his best friend, Wylie Post, was probably the greatest political sage this country ever has known.

Enjoy the following:

1. Never slap a man...

Corporate Shake-Up

Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO...

The ultimate ethnic joke.



An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an...

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. However, he says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea?...

Ah, yes, ain't stereotyping wonderful!





<tbody>
The madam opened the brothel door in Elko County, Nevada, and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties...

WHEN TO START SWEARING

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. The
6 year old asks, "you know what? I think it's about time we
started swearing." the 4 year old nods his...

The Secret Service scandal was discovered when a disagreement on how much a prostitute should charge for her services came to light.

She was asking for $800.00. The Secret Service Agent offered...

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.

There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom...

My personal favorite: It was lunchtime in Russia, soviet.




PUNographics...



I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

The Wooden Bowl

I guarantee you will remember the tale of the Wooden Bowl tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now,
a year from now.

A frail old man went to live with his son,...

With unprecedented enthusiasm, Iowans have embraced the challenge to become the healthiest state in the nation by 2016. Since well-being includes both physical and emotional health – and laughter...

Use Your Brain

I've seen this with the letters out of order, but this is the first time I've seen it with numbers, F1gur471v3ly 5p34k1ng?

Good example of a Brain Study: If you can read this you...

Some old; some new: all fun!

PARAPROSDOKIANS: "Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or
phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous
situation." "Where...

GRANDPARENTS
Written by a third grader , on what his grandparents do.

After Christmas , a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the...

The conceptual mind



This is a bit different, there are numerals for letters; yet, the mind reads it.
Let's see how many lines you'd go before you get the hang of it and start really...

I've Learned ...

... that you can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. Age 6

... that I liked my teacher because she cries when we sing "Silent Night." Age 7

... that if you want...

​






Dear Friend / Family member,

I wanted to send some sort of holiday greeting to you, but it is difficult in today's world to know exactly what to say without offending someone.

<o:p></o:p>
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. ...

<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>





Management Course

Lesson 1:

The English Plural
according to....George Carlin (He is missed!)


We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two...

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend to Husband and noticed a distinct
slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and
jewellery applications, which...

Involuntary Muscular Contractions


A professor at the University of Michigan was giving a lecture on Involuntary Muscular Contractions to his first year medical students.

Realizing this was...

For the WWII generation, this will bring back memories.
For you younger folks, it's a bit of trivia that is a part of our American history.

Anyone born in the teens, twenties, thirties and early...

1 Look at your zipper. See the initials YKK? It stands for Yoshida Kogyo Kabushibibaisha, the world's largest zipper manufacturer.

2 40 percent of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy...

They're written by Andy Rooney , a man who had the gift of saying so
much with so few words.Enjoy.......

I've learned.... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet
of an elderly...

From a teacher – short and to the point
In the world of hi-tech gadgetry, I've noticed that more and more people who send text messages and emails have long forgotten the art of capitalization. For...

Pecans in the cemetery

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just
inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts
...

50 Things I Learned From The Movies

1. All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
2. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
3. The ventilation system of any building is the...

The first day of university our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder.

I...

The Funniest Staff Meeting Ever!

The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. (This is one pretty sharp boss!)...

Greek Philosophy --- As pertinent today as 399 BC !!
Keep this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumor or spread gossip!

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded...

FENDER SKIRTS AND RAT FINKS

I know some of you will not understand this message, but I bet you know
someone who might.
I came across this phrase yesterday. 'FENDER SKIRTS.'


A term I haven't...

Lexiphiles, (lovers of words you know: i.e., you can tune a piano,
but you can't tuna fish or I wondered why the baseball was getting
bigger. Then it hit me etc.)


To write with a broken...

Age before Beauty is what we once said,
But now let's be a bit more realistic instead:

A's for arthritis;
B's the bad back,
C is the chest pains, perhaps car-d-iac?



D is for dental decay...

An elderly gentleman...
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to...

(As a former judge in California regional chile cookoffs, there is a great deal of truth here, particularly when we'd get a neophyte judge who had not been appropriately 'trained' and just dove in,...

When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home in North Platte, Nebraska, it was believed that he had nothing left of any value.

Later, when the nurses were going through his meager...

Beyond Valium,
peace is knowing one's child
is an internist.

On Passover we
opened the door for Elijah.
Now our dog is gone.

After the warm rain
the sweet smell of camellias.

Don’t wait for people to smile. Show them how.

Let your guard down. Talk to someone you don’t know straight from your heart. Compliment them. Don’t anticipate awkwardness. Just be you in that...

"The Late Osama"

After dying a grisly death in a fire fight, Osama
made his way to the pearly gates. There, he was
greeted by George Washington. "How dare you
attack the nation I helped...

For those who love the philosophy of ambiguity, as well as the
idiosyncrasies of english...


1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

2. One tequila, two...

Dogs have much to teach us. Likely you have seen this list, but it is always worth another read. It’s things we can learn from dogs:


Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride.
Allow...

A sign posted at a golf club in Scotland.

1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.

2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP.

3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!

4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING.

Understanding Engineers One:

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one
said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was...

Jewish Proverbs


If the rich could hire other people to die for them, the poor could make a wonderful living.
Yiddish Proverb

The wise man, even when he holds his tongue, says more than the...