Sexual Abuse Epidemic at Brook Haven School (Open Discussion)

[Stargazer]

People learn from others. Your response is non productive. No matter what I say, you are going to argue. Do not respond to my posts. You are not helping the poor little girls that are being victimized. Yes people can freeze when they are young girls and may not know what to do or feel embarrassed. This topic is heated enough without you bothering me in a public forum. Be part of the solution not the problem.

Im glad you were able to protect yourself in some dicey situations. Not everyone is you. Not everyone reacts to trauma the way you do.

Jessica

[Barry]

Let's leave this skirmish right here, shall we?
There are different points of view and different people are going to react differently.

[Barry]

This discussion ("Sexual Abuse Epidemic at Brook Haven School (Open Discussion)") is welcome to continue in a respectful manner.

[suzanne108]

I think the next step should be to organize folks to attend the next school board meeting - and invite reporters. I’m sure our neighborhood group would be happy to help.

[DreadTori]

Just wondering if Restorative Justice & practices are still being used in Sebastopol?

SPD used to be very supportive of the process & it's very effective. I retired from that work and in my humble opinion, if you're not getting anywhere with school officials, including superintendent's office, it's time to bring in law enforcement. What you described happening with these girls is clearly sexual assault.

Check with West County Community Services to see if anyone there can help as well.

Punishment won't change these boys' mindsets, but making sure they hear, in a formal setting, where they are not allowed to make excuses, flip blame onto victims, or deny the impact on everyone involved- the girls, their families, other students, other teachers or school staff who are frightened or intimidated- may get through to them.

Someone somewhere taught them that this kind of behavior is acceptable or even expected. They may be sexual abuse victims themselves and are acting out.

May you find solutions that work for you and everyone involved ASAP!

[Barry]

I like the restorative justice idea. As part of that, I think they need to made to understand, and really feel, the disrespect and harm caused to the girls by their actions, and then have their restitution flow from that place. Perhaps they could help the rest of the students understand why it is a serious offence.

[rossmen]

Restorative resources is the go to organization for schools in Sonoma county who need outside help. My 7th grade daughter's teacher will be consulting them in the new year for a fresh take on long running discipline problems.

I am uncomfortable with zenfinities approach as I understand it, and I totally understand why he wants the bad boys kicked out. I also have lots of experience with how lame school administrators can be, while deeply understanding how tough a job it is, especially for middle schoolers!

When I go to Brookhaven to drop off my kindergartener at the charter part of the campus, I always wonder about the bass tracker boat across the street with the b blacked out. I asked a neighbor l know about it and learned who and why, and wonder what the school has done about ass tracker displayed across from the Brookhaven sign?

I think zero tolerance policies for 13 yr old's are ineffective and potentially harmful. If the students who came out from the Socratic process could further mutual understanding and agree on action through a restorative conference, with parents included: now that would be an educational experience, potentially life changing! And a parent of one of the students could contact restorative resources...

[zeninfinity]

Restorative resources is the go to organization for schools in Sonoma county who need outside help. ...

I totally appreciate your input and out of box thinking. If this option was brought up upon my initial meeting with the district. I probably would have completely (mistakenly) embraced it. In a perfect world, with a Title IX compliant school campus where there is a lot of awareness and where the students feel safe to express themselves, it would be perfect. Brook Haven is not even close, yet. Maybe together we can help them get there? Imho it all comes down to awareness. So I largely agree with you. And possibly once the boys are reassigned to another school a restorative process can occur. By law, the school is required to provide a safe place to study. It is not remotely meeting that requirement.

Here is one such solution, education that creates heightened awareness on campus.

https://stopsexualassaultinschools.org/

I am in direct contact with Esther Warkov, Ph.D, Executive Director, and co-founder of Stop Sexual Assault in Schools and am hoping we can implement some of their programs in the near future.

Time is of the essence. These are boys that brazenly attack girls, ON CAMPUS, IN CLASSROOMS, WITH ADULTS PRESENT. So what is to stop them off campus with absolutely no supervision? Am I missing something here? Come Tuesday the 9th, when school reopens, this will be the case. Why the school would open themselves up to this liability is beyond my comprehension. Maybe someone can explain this to me?

Sort of can't believe I have to get on the defensive about this, but so be it. I've never said the boys should be punished. I am a total advocate that they need major counseling. They have left a wave of destruction that has gone on far too long. There are 4 known survivors, which statistically speaking means there are probably MANY more. In my opinion, there has been way too much damage done and it's way too late for a restorative conference that includes the perpetrators. A conference without them to start a healing process with the all the students at school would be welcome. Furthermore, extra attention/effort and a safe place should be created in order to encourage those who are suffering in silence, to come forward and share their stories.

I'm sorry, the school has created an extremely hostile environment for the young girls Brook Haven. They have completely betrayed their trust multiple times.

I need a break from all this. I'll return in a couple of days.

[wisewomn]

I'm not clear what the purpose of transferring the boys to another school would be, even if they were each sent to different schools. Their behavior would still be unchanged. It would be like sending a pederast priest to a different church while not addressing the issue of the abuse, wouldn't it? The problem would just be transferred to another location and remain a problem.

... And possibly once the boys are reassigned to another school a restorative process can occur. ....

[zeninfinity]

I'm not clear what the purpose of transferring the boys to another school would be, even if they were each sent to different schools. Their behavior would still be unchanged. It would be like sending a pederast priest to a different church while not addressing the issue of the abuse, wouldn't it? The problem would just be transferred to another location and remain a problem.

I forwarded this comment to Esther Warkov, co-founder of Stop Sexual Assault in Schools. Who coincidently just launched the #MeTooK12 campaign.

I very much want to implement Esther's proactive approach to empowering and educating students of their Title IX rights. Please look at her site. If there is anything on her site that you can get behind and help implement I would very much welcome your energy in helping make it become a reality. Please join me in helping Brook Haven become a #MeTooK12 educated, aware, school. So situations like this are handled quickly, proactively and professionally in the future.

She has given me permission to post her comment.

"It's true that by moving them to another school you simply pass the problem along, but by ejecting them you send a strong message that this behavior is not to be tolerated at your school. It's your school's responsibility and the next school's responsibility to correct the behavior--and send the same strong message. I believe you could also talk to the district's counseling services if there is a program that the boys are required to participate in as a part of their consequences. (In Seattle, I believe the policy said that after one offense, the perps were required to participate in counseling). In addition, part of their "punishment" could be to participate in a healthy masculinity club which you could even lead. Or call in an expert. There are lots of excellent free online videos you could watch on this very subject. Look at the resources at SSAIS.org/video (scroll down)

Masculinity and Identity from Media Education Fund
Violence against women—it’s a men’s issue Ted Talk by Jackson Katz
A Call to Men Ted Talk by Tony Porter
My Masculinity Helps
The Mask You Live In The Representation Project
The links are there on the website

The culprits should be required to advance an anti-sexual harassment campaign at school. Look at the Action Guide at SSAIS.org/video. You probably can't fix the deep problems that manifest in harassment, but if the school is tough on them--and requires that they participate in many months of activities to make the school better, you might be able to turn this around somewhat. Imagine if they realized that their bullying is really coming from weakness. They should watch this short clip before getting into many online talks listed at SSAIS.org/video. Scroll down to the video and online talks category.

Remember, the school has an obligation under Title IX to proactively address sexual harassment before it occurs. Sounds like they are not only failing to do that, but also failing to adequately address it when it does occur."

[OldGranddad]

I'm an old fashioned kind of guy - you can tell from my moniker.

Under the laws of the State of California, the boys committed a battery offense. The girls and their parents need to be taught to file a complaint with the DA so that the boys will be arrested. If they are found guilty, their sentence might include all the good idealistic ideas described in the thread. If the DAs won't pay attention, they should be charged with aiding and abetting. While this might seem a little draconian, it allows for the girls to also be taught a valuable lesson that they miss when the focus is on the boys. That is, when someone does the wrong thing to you, don't feel guilty - fight for yourself and feel better!

Maybe then we wouldn't have so many Harvey Weinsteins, Donald Trumps, etc.

Old Granddad

[Imagery]

I'm pretty certain I'll get slammed for this, but how about publicizing the names and home addresses of the perpetrators? Back in my time, if people publicly outed a child for something like this, that child would become a leper, a complete outcast from society, and face ridicule, shame, and a complete loss of trust. Instead of "protecting" the "rights" of these sexual predators, publicly make them pariahs of society. No one hires them, no one supports them, no one lifts a finger to help them.

[Imagery]

Unfortunately, society has learned to coddle the criminals, and avoid placing responsibility for their actions. We sit here behind our keyboards and cry for justice for these children, but want to do so in a way that avoids having anyone (but third parties) blamed. *We spend time hating the actions of DUI drivers, who kill many innocent people on the roads, but don't seem to hold them responsible.*
I learned at a very young age that there are consequences for my actions. At the ripe old age of six years old, I took a five dollar tip off the table as we were leaving the restaurant. We got to the parking lot, and of course my parents knew, as I wasn't nearly as sneaky as I thought I was. I had to walk in, apologize to the waitress, give her the money, and forfeit my allowance to her for the next month. Did I ever do that again? No.

[Magick]

These boys are children and need to be helped through restorative justice. This is such a harsh response. They were not born that way. We are dealing with a cultural and social problem.
Punishment is not a solution.

I'm pretty certain I'll get slammed for this, but how about publicizing the names and home addresses of the perpetrators? ...

[monicapl]

My daughter graduated from Brook Haven last year. She had an incident with a boy where he grabbed her hand and made her place it in his groin. She was too embarrassed to say anything. We've had talk after talk about this. I wish the school would do something...

Oh, and why is Mr Mac still working there? He assaulted a student last year (and was put on leave), but he's back teaching this year!? I reached out the district, as I have one still at Park Side. I was told that they can't discuss his personnel issues, but they were sorry I was disappointed in their handling of the situation. This isn't the first time Mr Mac has done this either. He assaulted my friend's son as well about 7 year ago. Needless to say my youngest will NEVER attend that school and likely will not be at Park Side next year. I can't trust the safety of my children within the district.

[zeninfinity]

These boys are children and need to be helped through restorative justice. This is such a harsh response. They were not born that way. We are dealing with a cultural and social problem.
Punishment is not a solution.

So now the abused girls are responsible to rehabilitate the perpetrators? The boys need to go. Space and trust needs to be created so the girls can heal.

I called Restorative services in Sonoma County. I spoke with the gentleman that handles middle school affairs. I told him about the situation at Brook Haven. He proceed to tell me the services are all about the perps and keeping them from being institutionalized. I’ve read great things about it. I told him there are 3 boys that really need his help. And that my objective was to get them out the school. And that my daughter would not participate. He seemed to understand and said he would call the school.

The county pays for the service, so it is no cost to the school or to whatever schools they get transferred to.

We still have no solution for the 4 girls that got sexually abused. Furthermore, there are probably many others that are afraid to come out. We should be focusing on how we can create a safe, trusting space so these young women can take back their dignity and sense of self.

The boys need to go so the girls can heal. It’s that simple. The girls owe these boys nothing.

[zeninfinity]

...Oh, and why is Mr Mac still working there? He assaulted a student last year (and was put on leave), but he's back teaching this year!?...

Do you have more details? Did the school report it the sexual assault to the police?

Are you serious? A teacher assaulted 2 kids and is still employed? Can you give more details?

I spoke with another parent who’s kid got bullied at Brook Haven this year. A volunteer just left because of sexual allegations. I’m talking like 2 weeks ago just before the break.

It’s time to clean house. How do we band together to demand new leadership in the school and school district? The more I hear about this school and district the more disturbing it gets! Keep in mind we are talking about a very tiny school. 4 grades and approx 250 students. This is a lot of drama for a tiny school! It’s obvious the admins do not possess the ability to provide a safe environment for the students. In fact, they have CREATED and maintained an extremely hostile environment to learn in and are normalizing our sons and daughters to rape culture.

This stops NOW!!!

Someone has offered a place to gather. If you would like to get together and map out a plan of action. Please send me a personal message. If you have any skills that you can lend our group, it would be much appreciated.

Let’s be the awesome community we are and create positive change! We can do this!

[monicapl]

It was not a sexual assault, it was physical. Sorry for the confusion there. The parents of the child did not press charges. I want to know why the school is still letting him teach. He has a history of this. It's going to keep happening. Suspending him for a week or two is not enough. I know the thread is specifically about sexual abuse, but it's clear that there is more going on and the school/district doesn't care to fix it.

Do you have more details? Did the school report it the sexual assault to the police?
Are you serious? A teacher assaulted 2 kids and is still employed? Can you give more details?

[zeninfinity]

It was not a sexual assault, it was physical. ....

I meant the incident with your daughter. Did you tell the school that a boy grabbed your daughter's hand and placed it on his groin last year? Did the school report it to the police?

Regarding the teacher, it is indeed disturbing. Just another time bomb.

1) So last year we have at least 1 sexual assault that we now know of.

2) We also now know of a teacher who has physically assaulted a student last year. Said teacher has attacked in the past.

3) This year we have 5 sexual assaults reported by students. Statistically speaking there are probably many more survivors. The school obviously doesn't want more kids to come out. So, of course, they are doing NOTHING to help those suffering in silence. It's disgraceful.

4) And a volunteer that left because of sexual allegations a couple of weeks ago.

5) A parent reached out to me and told me their child is being bullied this year.

I guess if it was an inner city high school of 3000, this would be normal? But we are talking about a school of 250 11-14 year olds! This is absolute insanity! Does anyone else see what I am saying? This has to stop!

[monicapl]

I did not report it to the school. My daughter was mortified. The boy actually had a crush on her and was calling her all the time. I was able to talk to him directly at length. Once that happened, and I saw the full picture I knew the cops would only make it worse. He and I reached an understanding and I would talk to him again if he needed me to.

Basically he's a foster that has been bounced around his whole life. His role models are older foster boys in the group home. It's a bad situation for him. After our discussion he was very respectful and apologetic with my daughter. We had no further issues.

I meant the incident with your daughter. Did you tell the school that a boy grabbed your daughter's hand and placed it on his groin last year? Did the school report it to the police?

[zeninfinity]

This just came in on my email from the school. I want to give them an equal voice.


An open letter to the Sebastopol education community:

Response to Sexual Harassment Allegations at Brook Haven School

In recent weeks, there has been discussion on social media regarding some reported incidents of inappropriate student behavior and sexual harassment at Brook Haven School. Some of the comments in these postings have inaccurately portrayed the school district’s response to these allegations. This letter provides a summary of the school district administration’s response to this situation, which has not been accurately or comprehensively portrayed in the social media accounts.

• Sebastopol schools have been proactive in dealing with sexual harassment
• The District took timely and appropriate disciplinary steps to resolve the issue
• Sexual harassment has no place in our schools and will not be tolerated
• Misinformation and exaggerated inflammatory statements are not helpful

It is important to keep in mind that we are under a legal and professional obligation to preserve the due process and privacy rights of all of the students involved. As such, we cannot discuss publicly the specific actions and remedies imposed to respond to these allegations.

Sebastopol schools have been proactive in dealing with sexual harassment

With the news media’s increased attention on sexual harassment charges coupled with unsupervised student access to adult video content outside of school, many of our children are exposed to controversial subjects in confusing times. As an educational institution, we see it as our responsibility to periodically address social issues and Internet content to assist students in making sense of difficult topics and understanding their rights as individuals.

As an example of being proactive, prior to the reported incident, Brook Haven Middle School held a Socratic Seminar in early December for 7^th and 8^th graders on the topic of sexual harassment. Through this seminar, an environment was created making students comfortable in self-reporting if they felt they had been harassed. This was the first forum of this kind offered for middle grade students, perhaps in the State of California. Our faculty will continue to receive training on sensitive issues at our January 8^th workshop for teachers and staff.

To assert that the district has ignored this national issue is unfair and simply not true. In fact, the current allegations against some boys at the school were a direct result of this awareness building effort by school leaders.

The District took timely and appropriate disciplinary steps to resolve the issue

When dealing with inappropriate student conduct, our primary goal is to exact discipline that is fair, measured, and leads to lasting behavioral changes in the future. Effective discipline is a teachable moment for the students involved and not just an exercise in punishing an offender.

In this case, as soon as the teacher was made aware of a concern, she went directly to the administration. The district used an outside legal counsel and trained counseling professionals familiar with the educational environment to conduct a thorough and confidential investigation. The district believes the recommended solutions have been appropriate and direct. We have discussed the actions and consequences with the families of the students. This case does not point to indifference or negligence on behalf of the district; in fact, it demonstrates quite the opposite.

Sexual harassment has no place in our schools and will not be tolerated

The District takes any allegation of sexual harassment seriously, even when it is anonymously reported. We are also committed to a restorative process. Our safe school procedures result in prompt and effective actions to report and investigate wrongful actions. Even before this incident, we had scheduled a parent forum/education night on January 23^rd. We welcome participation of all concerned in how to help students navigate difficult topics and how to supervise student access to adult Internet content. Schools do not exist in a vacuum and often reflect issues and trends that are gaining national attention. We encourage everyone to become part of the solution to resolve a troubling societal problem.

Misinformation and exaggerated inflammatory statements are not helpful

Anonymous statements of opinion or uncorroborated facts reported to authorities or posted via the Internet do not advance a responsible, results-oriented discussion of this situation. There is no “epidemic” of sexual harassment in our schools and the district has not turned a blind eye or a deaf ear to misbehavior. To claim otherwise does a tremendous disservice to the many caring and devoted educators that serve our students and families every day.

If you have questions, concerns, or comments please contact me directly at [email protected]. I encourage you to join us for a Parent Education meeting on January 23 at 6:30pm in the library at Brook Haven School to stay fully informed as we deal with this significant issue moving forward together. A panel of experts will be available to provide best practices on these and related topics. Please access our website for resources and background information about our school safety policies, training, and awareness-building efforts. We are looking forward to a safe and productive 2018 in Sebastopol Union School District.

Sincerely,
Linda Irving
Superintendent

[suela]

I'm glad the Brookhaven has made a public statement, but I've taken the matter to the police. One of those creeps inappropriately behaved with my daughter not only in person but online. I'm not letting school policy dictate how things should go.

[Shandi]

The written response from Linda Irving, the Superintendent, seems to show that the school has responded "appropriately", but of course, those steps cannot be divulged, in order to protect the students involved. Protection is the the guiding theme here.

There's no reference to any written policy that could be evidence for accountability. If there was such a document, it seems we'd be referred to it.

Maybe it will come only from demands by parents and guardians at the upcoming public meeting.

I'm glad the Brookhaven has made a public statement, but I've taken the matter to the police. One of those creeps inappropriately behaved with my daughter not only in person but online. I'm not letting school policy dictate how things should go.

[Shandi]

Where would the boys go? And, we know there will be others to take their places, without a Zero Tolerance written policy in place. Even if the boys go, it doesn't mean the girls will heal. The girls need direct guidance on what to do in these kinds of situations, since they may face them in their future.

These boys may have been abused, and may be acting out under the assumption that there will be no consequences. Punishment of any kind is just a temporary solution. It doesn't work with children or animals, except temporarily, unless by confinement, which is an extreme measure that just shows our inability to be conscious, and aware of alternative solutions. Are we willing to look deeper?

Since the parents haven't come forward, we don't know about the family dynamics. Education and counseling is a priority. There are many interactive programs that will get the message across in a compassionate and just way.

We have a President who emulates and condones this behavior, and we can't get rid of him, though many of us would like to. Fortunately, we have more power to deal with these kinds of things at the local level, but knee- jerk reactions are not what this community is known for.

As for the adults who have been found abusive, whether sexually or otherwise, removal seems wise, and restrictions on further interactions with children. Zero Tolerance needs to apply across the board.

...The boys need to go so the girls can heal. It’s that simple. The girls owe these boys nothing.

[zeninfinity]

Where would the boys go? ... Punishment of any kind is just a temporary solution. I....

I'm not an advocate of punishment either. And yes, this is learned behavior. And yes, the boys need counseling. Has Brook Haven supplied said counseling? For the boys? For the girls? No.

So yes, the boys need counseling. Simply put, they need to go somewhere else to do it. Why you might ask? Because the people that they have bullied and intimidated are scared and frightened of them. So they need a place to feel safe. And by law the school has to require a safe learning environment.

Also, there are other options.The boys could be homeschooled or take classes online.

Do you really feel that these boys who have made 4 attacks (that we know of) and have had ZERO consoling are safe for other students to be around? To me, this is HUGE problem. Does anyone else see it?

Come Tuesday, 3 boys who have admitted to sexual assaults at school, during school hours with adults present and have received ZERO counseling will be walking the streets with our children with no adult supervision.

We have seen what these boys are capable of WITH adult supervision, on campus. What are they capable of with no supervision, left to their own devices? This is the case when they walk to and from school every day.

Has the district asked the boys parents to drop them off at school and pick them up? Can a parent or school official walk with the boys to and from school? What precautions have been made to protect all the non-suspecting students walking to and from school?

I'm very sorry if The Sebastopol Union School District feels that this could be regarded as an inflammatory statement.

I call it common sense. Dear members of this forum. Please tell me, am I overreacting?

[Shandi]

I think you mean "ZERO counseling" rather than " ZERO consoling". And no, I don't think you're over-reacting, but the school does, of course. This upcoming meeting isn't even on the school calendar, so I wonder how the word is getting to parents. By a flier sent home with students? I hope that there's a huge turn out, and not just from WaccoBB members with kids in the school. The school may be wanting to play this down, because it makes them look irresponsible and unaccountable for the safety of the students.

...Do you really feel that these boys who have made 4 attacks (that we know of) and have had ZERO consoling are safe for other students to be around? ...

[zeninfinity]

I think you mean "ZERO counseling" rather than " ZERO consoling". And no, I don't think you're over-reacting, but the school does, of course. This upcoming meeting isn't even on the school calendar, so I wonder how the word is getting to parents. ...

Yes, indeed I meant counseling. Thank you for pointing that out.

The message was an email sent to whoever is on the Brook Haven email list.

I posted the message sent by the school on Friday 1/5/18. The school has been aware of this thread since 12/22/17. So they have been free to express themselves from the beginning of this thread and have chosen not to participate. I still welcome and encourage their comments in this public forum.

I am the original poster of this thread, my daughter was attacked at Brook Haven.

There is an obvious conflict of interest here. I'm glad the district sent the email. But it was more of the same. They are just covering themselves. The email had nothing to do with child safety and everything to do with them putting up a front that they have control of the situation and that they are being "proactive."

Indeed I couldn't find the meeting scheduled elsewhere. My read on the note is it's a very "reactive" response.

Why didn't they offer "Restorative Services" upon my first meeting with them? Their email was the first I heard of it. Where was the "panel of experts" when I met with them back in early December? I would have loved to talk to them!!! These folks were nowhere to be found or for that matter never mentioned or offered.

My first and only meeting with the district; I was ambushed. I thought I was meeting with Linda Irving the Superintendent. Instead, I was greeted by her attorney, he did ALL the talking and Linda was pretty much silent. I feel the district bringing in an attorney upon our first meeting was WAY over the top. And simply caused suspicion that something was up. Why the attorney? Why so defensive? I was in shock and denial at the beginning of all this. My ex-wife and I should have been greeted by a counselor, not an attorney! From the get-go, it was all about covering themselves.

All I can say is that 3 boys who have committed 4 sexual assaults on 3 different girls will be walking the streets amongst all the children of Brook Haven School tomorrow. Unless these boys have been miraculously healed and rehabilitated. I do not see it being a rational decision for the school to allow all the innocent, unsuspecting children to be exposed to these boys who exhibit troubling and dysfunctional behavior. It's an incident waiting to happen.

[zeninfinity]

Some awesome articles about this very situation. The statistics are in. K-12 sexual assaults are an epidemic!

#MeTooK12: One Daughter’s Trauma, and a Family’s Quest to Prevent School-Related Sexual Violence

US News: #MeToo Goes to School

Oprah's Speech!

[Imagery]

...All I can say is that 3 boys who have committed 4 sexual assaults on 3 different girls will be walking the streets amongst all the children of Brook Haven School tomorrow. Unless these boys have been miraculously healed and rehabilitated. I do not see it being a rational decision for the school to allow all the innocent, unsuspecting children to be exposed to these boys who exhibit troubling and dysfunctional behavior. It's an incident waiting to happen.

I'm pretty certain that the school officials are aware of this thread, and in this particular community, are aware how litigious they can be. I highly doubt if I were in their position that I'd meet with you without my own pit viper in attendance to help defend me from an almost certain lawsuit.

I also quoted your last paragraph as you wrote it in such a way as to leave the impression that you are NOT in the right frame of mind to consider restorative justice.

[zeninfinity]

I'm pretty certain that the school officials are aware of this thread, and in this particular community, are aware how litigious they can be. I highly doubt if I were in their position that I'd meet with you without my own pit viper in attendance to help defend me from an almost certain lawsuit.

I also quoted your last paragraph as you wrote it in such a way as to leave the impression that you are NOT in the right frame of mind to consider restorative justice.

I'm totally ok with them having an attorney. It's just that I wasn't told one would be present. I was ambushed. It spoke loudly of their frame of mind.

When this all began I had absolutely no intention of filing a lawsuit. I just wanted some quick justice. Transfer the perpetrators to another school and create a safe place for the girls of Brook Haven to come out and speak their minds. Pretty darn simple.

For those of you who feel the boys are being punished by having to go to another school. I will agree, that is one perspective. I look at it as the gentlemanly/civil thing to do. The boys (or their parents) should excuse themselves from the situation they have created. Thier inappropriate actions have caused damage, pain, and suffering to their peers. The girls were mistreated by these boys and need space to heal. Having to see the boys get no real punishment and also having to be in class with them every day is like a form of slow psychological torture. The long-term psychological damage on these girls can be devastating and life-altering.

It's not passing the buck either. The boys will have a fresh new start, at a new school. A new setting can create the space for the boys to possibly take on a new, more responsible persona. Keeping them at Brook Haven can actually impede progress as they will still be in the environment in which this dysfunctional behavior developed. So a fresh start in a new environment could be a perfect way for them to transition into a healthier way of being. Leaving them in the same environment and asking them to change, imho, will be harder. Of course, the new school would require them to be in counseling on a regular basis and other safety precautions could be made. Or they could be homeschooled. Or they can take classes online.

Also, it's about the message we give our kids. Case and point. At Rincon Valley Middle School, a boy jumped on another boy's back. They are best friends. The boy who jumped on the boys back was immediately brought to the office. Parents called, taken out of school and suspended for 3 days. Within hours!

At Brook Haven you grope someone and they will take away your recess, won't allow you to hang on campus after school, you will have to sit in front of the class and you sign a non-binding piece of paper that says you won't be a bad boy again.

I assure you if Brook Haven actually stood up to bullies and sexual assailants and took immediate action like RVMS. It would send a crystal clear message to the student body. 1) The school will protect you from any wrongdoing 2) Do something wrong, swift and immediate action will be taken to excuse you from the situation.

I love the concept of restorative justice. And like I have said earlier; if it was offered to me at my first meeting I would have probably gone for it. I am totally into transcending this situation. But no, this is not a group of people I feel safe with. They have proven it time and time again.

Due to the school's lack of response, I might be forced to protect my daughter myself. We are considering filing a police report and getting a restraining order. I really don't want to do this to the boy who attacked her. It is indeed not in his best interest. But I have to protect my daughter. If the school won't excuse him from the situation, then we will. So from this perspective, the school has done the boys a huge disservice.

To me the school's stance is absolutely bizarre.