Hello, I hope that this will be an enduring thread.
I wish to initiate a discussion around the communication process among people.
A very ineffective way to communicate your desires to other people
is to accuse them of being stupid, ignorant, or not caring about your needs.
I think that there are many ways people have learned how to
speak ineffectively, and very few ways by which people have
learned how to speak effectively.
Some of our sources of learning ineffective speaking are
(1) churches,
(2) public and private schools,
(3) TV shows, especially soap operas,
(4) some of the modern literature
One of the things people need to learn in order to speak
their needs effectively is
the distinction between
what they actually observe
and how their observations relate to their needs.
For example, suppose the employer of a group of people
extends the company meetings by telling personal anecdotes,
and the employees resent the "time wasted".
How will the employee's tell their boss their need?
If the employees tell the boss that "He has a big mouth",
it gives him no clue what they want or need.
To be effective, the employees could tell the boss that
whenever he tells personal anecdotes such as ...
(and here they should remind the boss of one of his anecdotes),
that it takes up valuable time in which employees could be doing
more useful work.
It will be helpful if the employees are willing to politely interrupt the boss when he starts to tell another personal anecdote. Allow the boss the time
to unlearn his habit of telling personal anecdotes.
I invite people to suggest principles and rules for effective communication
and to discuss what attitudes are most consistent with
peaceful resolution of conflicts among people.
Kermit Rose