Trust Issues

[countrygirl]

Is there any other newly single people who have a hard time trusting again? I fell in love with someone and it didn't work out. I never really had any expectations of falling in love before it happened before it did anyway. It's just that after such undying love was proclaimed and then abandoned after it took a while for me to be a believer in the first place, I was obviously heartbroken. Heartbreak heals, I'm ok with that. Now though cause of certain uncaring actions, I'm having a hard time of even comprehending trusting what someone says and to believe ever again. I don't even want to try to get involved with my heart again. Has this ever happened to someone else who care to hellp me with it? Any remedy known out there? I'm assuming it's a more common feeling in women but that may be presumptuous. I've heard of a heartbreak tea. Anybody know how to make it?

[babaruss]

I've heard of a heartbreak tea. Anybody know how to make it?

The best tea for curing heart break is made by taking a pinch of dried heart (from the person who violated your trust). You let it steep for awhile in a very large glass of vodka, and then drink down.
If heart break pain continues repeat process until you are thoroughly numb.
By the time you have used up all those pinches of dried heart you'll be lucky to remember that person's name...hell, come to think of it you'll be lucky to remember your own name.
Cheers
Babaruss

[Lotus]

I've had that tea Babarus and I'll be darned if it doesn't work every time!

[babaruss]

Well now Lotus Arata I am so very happy to have been of service to someone in need. Now let's hope cowgirl can will try some an be able finally shake those blues. Forgot to mention the name of that concoction...it's called 'heart of the dog that bit you'.
Babaruss

I've had that tea Babarus and I'll be darned if it doesn't work every time!

[mykil]

Hmmm maybe we aren’t getting the whole story here my dear. You sound like you went thru the ringer and came out the other side pressed dried and stuck in a dresser drawer!
I myself do no know if I can ever fall in love again, the last lady I fell in love with put my heart thru pure turmoil. She said she loved me; I fell completely in love, knowing she had lots of baggage, yet I was willing to give it a try as long as she could manage to lose little baggage on the way. Instead she gained more progressively all thru out our relationship. The hell this woman decides to put me thru and then puts the blame 100 percent truly on me. Tell me all the while she can’t trust me. After a year of going out with her and trying to be monogamous relationship it just kept getting worst. Her ex would call my work five times a day in a drunken stupor telling me what I need to do to change my life, or that she just left his house and he had a wonderful time, or she was fucking the neighbor’s dog anything to get my goat. IF I don’t answer the message machine gets twenty minutes of abuse till the time runs out then another call over and over. I changed my home phone number three times because of this. And all the time it would boil down to the same few phrases from her mouth in repetitive motion.
· “I hate him I am never going back their again”!
· “Well I just had to go back there to get a few things”.
· “He is the kidz father”!
· And finally “But he’s my best friend”
The same scenario constantly, I asked her to stop, I begged her to stop. I told her over and over repeatedly myself if she didn’t stop this our love would not prevail. Six months I told her this every day. So I told her we were breaking up and she screams “WHY”? Christmas Eve on the phone screaming at each other when the only thing they had to scream about was anger itself. Not willing to let anything go, he might get the best of her I am sure in some way I am assuming. All in all the last few years of knowing this woman has changed my outlook on ever falling in love again, at least you only have trust issues my lady! And where is she right now you may ask, living right in the same place! Ten feet from her ex! Three years I’ve known her and they wake up and go to sleep screaming at one another. None of this is her fault mind you, for she is incapable of accepting any wrong doing of any sort what so ever. She has a defense mechanism in place that prevents her from seeing past her own nose. Her anger is embedded soooo deep that it only surfaces when you tell her she might be doing something wrong, such as you don’t have to go see your ex ever again! Oh Boy!
I let her move in with me for about six months to try and let her see what a normal life might entail. Instead it just made my life a living hell. She was the woman I loved, running over to see her ex everyday because she had to do this or do that. When I got home it was a minimum of an hour of her telling me what an asshole her ex was, when I tried to explain the reality of the issue, she would tell me she had to go over there every day to pick up her daughter which had to business being over there in the first place, being she didn’t trust the situation ever. Or because someone was over there she needed to see or… on and on and on…
So in a really really short version of what my problems are, why should you be any different, what don’t you trust about people that tried so hard to help you again sweetie? Was it the fact that you can do no wrong and that everyone should understand it is normal for everyone to live an extremely drama filled live full of anger and hatred and never being happy unless you have drink in your hand or a joint between you lips? At this point being so unable to shut the hell up that it is nearly impossible to tolerate you. I think I should win a fucking medal for putting up with you for this long let along still letting you come over and see me when things get out of control and unsafe for you and the little’s. Which I am most sure you start about ninety percent of the time because you can’t let go of anything ever!
If you have trust issues they are your own, if you expect anything less than complete honesty from me when you try and get my attention by posting on one of my favorite sites think again! The truth is the truth and you need to realize your mistakes and take some sort of responsibility before you can improve you issues and lifestyle if you can’t hear me now then I shall turn it up! I was a fool for trying to take this little scenario on, but it shall never be over because you will never let me go, you never let anything go! HA! Enough off to work vent for the day and all that BS…

[MsTerry]

The hell this woman decides to put me thru and then puts the blame 100 percent truly on me.

Yes, Mykil, you allowed it to happen.
Were you going to rescue her and live happily ever after?

[mykil]

Yes MzT. that was the plan; I myself shall never fall in love again at this rate. The last time I was truly in love was twelve years ago and it really took all of that to get over and learn to love myself once again. Another really uneventful task in my life. She was a real jewel as well. Started smoken meth and would not stop. I was like what the hell… Where you get off smoken meth? HA! I am not even kidding; my childhood sweetheart came back to me and turned out to be a crack whore! After that it was all of ten years before I truly was able to even attempt at falling in love once again and this is what I get? KARMA with a capital K my lady Karma! Some where sometime really fucked up in a past life or whenever it might have been, love is right in front of me but soo far away it is a rude example of my life in practical.

Well I can still give everything and everybody on this planet and beyond my unconditional love, even to this day and for eternity I shall love her and her children with unconditional love. I not and should not have expected any more or any less. I saw the future the first moment I laid eyes on her. I said out load “Now I’m in trouble” A friend asked what the hell I was talking about. I just smiled and said you’ll see. My life for the next few years flashed before my eyes, seeing every little aspect of the event to unfold in the near future with spectacular perception. Not even willing to stop myself or trying and run and hind, I just hit the scenario head of full tilt just hoping and uncontrollable urge might make this universe see things in my light! Guess I should have been praying instead of lusting and not being able to control my own urge eh? Ha enough! I do not want to cause pain, the top was just a vent and should probably have waited but…

[shellebelle]

I found the cure to heartache mostly is to

Love large.

Love without limits.

Love for the sake of love not an ROI.

Love without expectation.

Love without attachments.



Now mind you I do not get these right in any way 100% of the time. In fact I get the first one usually and most the time the second and third it's those last ones that create the ache and throw me off track.

That last one is the doozy but I am trying. I now tell people when that line is close so they can choose to accept the expectations and the attachment or not. One of the ways I set that line is body fluid bonding. I do not body fluid bond without a conversation on what it means to me and the strings it comes with.


One of the benefits of poly for me is that I do not lose loves any longer; things do not have to be broken, finished or ended for us to simply need to move our journey into different places. The nice thing is when the road crosses again I am open; I dust off that stored love and boom! We rock the world!

Hey Mykil - Love you! I am that really really loud voice in your ear if you go back to her. Did I mention REALLLY loud? MUAH!

[Zeno Swijtink]

I fell completely in love, knowing she had lots of baggage, yet I was willing to give it a try as long as she could manage to lose little baggage on the way. Instead she gained more progressively all thru out our relationship. (...) let her move in with me for about six months to try and let her see what a normal life might entail. Instead it just made my life a living hell.

Dear Mykill, reading though your sad story of pain and despair I wondered whether you consider yourself gullible?

[pjpete]

Dude, your so cool to talk about this pain of yours. I had love for the last eight years. It has been totally screwed up. And guess what? Meth became a big part of this other person's routine. This had screwed my head up, and actually caused me some illness, which I am overcoming today. I have never smoked that shit, but hell, might as well have, because what that shit puts lovers, families, children, friends, and the community at large through is totally evil. Prayer should have been my course and direction then, as it is now. Eckhart Tolle speaks of this observation he made, one of many I am sure, that goes like this,

"After two ducks get into a fight, which never lasts long, they will separate and float off in opposite directions. Then each duck will flap its wings vigorously a few times, thus releasing the surplus energy that built up during the fight. After they flap their wings, they float on peacefully, as if nothing ever happened."

This my friend is what we humans need to learn to do. Tolle also has his story of the "Two Zen Monks,"

"Tanzan and Ekido, who were walking along a trail that had become extremely muddy after a heavy rain. Near the village, they came along a young woman who was trying to cross the road, however, the mud was to deep, and would have ruined her beautiful kimono. Tanzan immediately picked her up and carried her to the other side of the mud hole. The Monks then walked on down the trail. Several hours later, as they approached their temple, Ekido asked, "why did you carry that girl across the road?" "We monks are not supposed to do things like that." In response, Tanzan said, "I put that girl down hours ago." "Are you still carrying her?"

This is called "CARRYING THE PAST." Carrying the past, for humans, is a very heavy burden. Tolle asserts that we humans seem unable or unwilling to let go internally of situations, thereby accumulating more and more garbage until our insides, our soles, our very being is damaged.

Dude, what a heavy burden of the past we carry around in our minds. This is what screws up Consciousness, including any possibility of Conscious Relationships, and any possibility of a World at Peace. This is what prayer is meant to help us with, if we actually pray in sincerity, on an ongoing basis, whereby it becomes second nature hopefully resulting in the releasing of the "stuff" inside.

Yes MzT. that was the plan; I myself shall never fall in love again at this rate. The last time I was truly in love was twelve years ago and it really took all of that to get over and learn to love myself once again. Another really uneventful task in my life. She was a real jewel as well. Started smoken meth and would not stop. I was like what the hell… Where you get off smoken meth? HA! I am not even kidding; my childhood sweetheart came back to me and turned out to be a crack whore! After that it was all of ten years before I truly was able to even attempt at falling in love once again and this is what I get? KARMA with a capital K my lady Karma! Some where sometime really fucked up in a past life or whenever it might have been, love is right in front of me but soo far away it is a rude example of my life in practical.

Well I can still give everything and everybody on this planet and beyond my unconditional love, even to this day and for eternity I shall love her and her children with unconditional love. I not and should not have expected any more or any less. I saw the future the first moment I laid eyes on her. I said out load “Now I’m in trouble” A friend asked what the hell I was talking about. I just smiled and said you’ll see. My life for the next few years flashed before my eyes, seeing every little aspect of the event to unfold in the near future with spectacular perception. Not even willing to stop myself or trying and run and hind, I just hit the scenario head of full tilt just hoping and uncontrollable urge might make this universe see things in my light! Guess I should have been praying instead of lusting and not being able to control my own urge eh? Ha enough! I do not want to cause pain, the top was just a vent and should probably have waited but…

[babaruss]

Somewhere in all of this I seem to be missing the part where love is being discussed. Love has little if nothing to do with my desires or expectations.
It has everything to do with what I am feeling for the beloved.

If for example I no longer care for someone because she has become a 'crack whore" then possibly I never loved her in the first place.
It is possible that I was 'in love with the idea of love' rather than love.
The mother of my children left me after 22 years of marriage...I'm the first to admit I was less than a desirable partner in that relationship..and eventually she became an alcoholic and addicted to crack. As luck and circumstances would have it, she died in the streets a homeless prostitute.
I never stopped caring for her (there was a time that I was angry). I never thought of her as anyone other than my wife and the mother of our children who was in trouble that I could not fix.
I was saddened by what had happened...looked deeply into myself to see my part in the pain which drove her to self destruction.
I eventually concluded that while my part was indeed a huge contributing factor in adding to her low sense of self worth (and ensuing need for self destruction) that there was nothing I could do to alter her path.

The very idea of love confuses me, but I do know that just because things go wrong in a relationship...or if that relationship ends, love continues on no matter what the beloved does. Otherwise it was never love to begin with.
I don't feel a lot of angst over what was 'done to me' when a relationship ends or someone disappoints me because that to me is self centeredness at it's very worse level.

Another example: not to very long ago I attended a woman's wedding.
I have always had a great deal of feelings for this woman, but knew she held no such feelings for me.
I was asked to attend her wedding ceremony and was even more delighted to see her so happy with the man she had chosen to be her husband.

Loving someone means (at least to me) wanting for that person whatever he/she wants for their happiness.
Whether the person choose a happy path, or a pain filled path, love
for the beloved remains constant, or it never was love.

One of my sons hates me, another loves me but loves drugs and alcohol more. Of the first I accept his choice to be angry, and understand that there is nothing I can do to change his mind. He is after an adult and entitled to his feelings, and beliefs about me whatever they may be.
It is never my job to try and change his mind, or to point out any errors to his thinking (should there be any).
With my other son it is much the same..I love him, cannot fix him and understand he is where he chooses to be.
Of course I feel hurt, I feel pain, and I feel all manner of frustration when I think about my sons lives. There is nothing regarding love which says it will be pain free, or uncomplicated.
If I can accept that pain...change whatever in my self needs changing and remain open to changes in those relationships (should there ever be any) then I have done all I know how to.
Russ

Yes MzT. that was the plan; I myself shall never fall in love again at this rate. The last time I was truly in love was twelve years ago and it really took all of that to get over and learn to love myself once again. Another really uneventful task in my life. She was a real jewel as well. Started smoken meth and would not stop. I was like what the hell… Where you get off smoken meth? HA! I am not even kidding; my childhood sweetheart came back to me and turned out to be a crack whore! After that it was all of ten years before I truly was able to even attempt at falling in love once again and this is what I get? KARMA with a capital K my lady Karma! Some where sometime really fucked up in a past life or whenever it might have been, love is right in front of me but soo far away it is a rude example of my life in practical.

Well I can still give everything and everybody on this planet and beyond my unconditional love, even to this day and for eternity I shall love her and her children with unconditional love. I not and should not have expected any more or any less. I saw the future the first moment I laid eyes on her. I said out load “Now I’m in trouble” A friend asked what the hell I was talking about. I just smiled and said you’ll see. My life for the next few years flashed before my eyes, seeing every little aspect of the event to unfold in the near future with spectacular perception. Not even willing to stop myself or trying and run and hind, I just hit the scenario head of full tilt just hoping and uncontrollable urge might make this universe see things in my light! Guess I should have been praying instead of lusting and not being able to control my own urge eh? Ha enough! I do not want to cause pain, the top was just a vent and should probably have waited but…

[mykil]

I am not sure I can comprehend what you are saying? Are you saying I don’t love my crack whore ex? Because I just saw her yesterday and she is doing fine, although she was asking for money I still love her dearly and emotionally. This post almost makes me mad! Why again did you break up with you ex again?

[Lorrie]

I myself shall never fall in love again.

That is not what you told meMy Kil

[Zeno Swijtink]

Loving someone means (at least to me) wanting for that person whatever he/she wants for their happiness.
Whether the person choose a happy path, or a pain filled path, love
for the beloved remains constant, or it never was love.

Love should not be that blind. It cannot be just wanting for that person whatever he/she wants for their happiness. What that person wants may be destructive, the pain filled path, as you say.

Loving someone includes wanting for them and supporting them in manners you think are promoting their happiness and well-being.

[babaruss]

Now let me get this right Mykil...I wrote about 'my' experience and 'my' clumsy understanding about what love is ....and this is upsetting you.

I also said that I saw little mention of love (as I understand love) in your post. This was not an attack on you but rather a vehicle for me to write what I was feeling on that subject.

Usually I try not to get into bitch fights, but I am fully capable of maintaining one if this is the direction in which you choose to go.
I offer this as a means for you to change direction, and continue on with this discussion. It's awkward to see you walking stiff legged, pissing on posts instead of communicating thoughts and ideas.

Rule of thumb in all angry posts..if there is anger then there has been some truth brought to light.
Your post seem mostly about you.....the people you put in those posts (at least in this instance) are mere window dressing to show how you suffer so.
"I'll never love again" what was that if not personal angst, and suffering, in full peacock display?

Calling someone I love a "crack whore" is about as demeaning a thing to do as anything I know. Go back and read how I described my ex wife see if I demeaned her.
My wife left me because I quit drinking and using and the personality change in me was not to her liking.
And not that it really matters, but I didn't break up with her, she chose to go her own way... leaving me and the kids to pick up the pieces.
Babaruss

I am not sure I can comprehend what you are saying? Are you saying I don’t love my crack whore ex? Because I just saw her yesterday and she is doing fine, although she was asking for money I still love her dearly and emotionally. This post almost makes me mad! Why again did you break up with you ex again?

[mykil]

Hey Russ I would ask that you reread that post, pay close attention to the first part where is sayz I don’t know what love is and then reread the rest where you describe almost he exact same scenario although you know where you truly feeling lye. Almost like you know what love is and I don’t would you not say? What was the point?

[DevaKai]

I feel like I came in, in the middle of something...
What are we all talking about?

I am not sure I can comprehend what you are saying? Are you saying I don’t love my crack whore ex? Because I just saw her yesterday and she is doing fine, although she was asking for money I still love her dearly and emotionally. This post almost makes me mad! Why again did you break up with you ex again?

[MsTerry]

I feel like I came in, in the middle of something...
What are we all talking about?

They are discussing if they can trust Jill again.
Mykil calls her names and BaBa still loves her
in a nutshell

[Lotus]

Is there any other newly single people who have a hard time trusting again?

Dearest Countrygirl:

Yes. In fact, almost everybody has "TRUST issues".

[shellebelle]

ROFLMAO Oh dear thaat was just too classic!

They are discussing if they can trust Jill again.
Mykil calls her names and BaBa still loves her
in a nutshell

[babaruss]

Which post Mykil mine, or yours.
If your are asking about me saying 'I don't know what love is' that's pretty much clear.
I don't know. After saying that I followed with some experiences, and what I am guessing might be considered love. One person seemed to have got that... as he pointed out that supporting someone was a factor in loving another.
I didn't at any time say you didn't know what love is..I said what I thought you were acting on, or where I thought you were coming from.
The point was to engage in a conversation, or discussion on the idea of what love was....and possibly what love was not.
When you determined to respond in anger I decided o.k. I'm really good at anger let's try this instead of love, and see where this takes us.
So there you have it and more than one point to ponder too.
Self examination regarding our motivations for what we say, and how we say it, keeps us out of a lot of conflict.
Babaruss

Hey Russ I would ask that you reread that post, pay close attention to the first part where is sayz I don’t know what love is and then reread the rest where you describe almost he exact same scenario although you know where you truly feeling lye. Almost like you know what love is and I don’t would you not say? What was the point?

[nurturetruth]

wow... its a rare occasion when u reveal ur feeling mad or angry.
I will have to mark this down on my calender!

This post almost makes me mad!
I myself shall never fall in love again at this rate.......

And as far as never falling in love again....
this is not what u told me either.....

now i am feelin' pretty confused here.

They are discussing if they can trust Jill again.
Mykil calls her names and BaBa still loves her
in a nutshell

oh now..come on! laughing... not everything is about a girl named jill!

[Braggi]

... When you determined to respond in anger I decided o.k. I'm really good at anger let's try this instead of love, and see where this takes us. ...

I think two people in love are bound to find anger between them from time to time. In fact, it's hard to have real, deep anger without some love being there too. The opposite of love is indifference. What's the opposite of anger? Compassion, I suppose.

If we dabble in anger, we should also see if we can come up with some compassion. Just makes so many hard feelings soften.

In love and compassion,

-Jeff

[Braggi]

Which post Mykil mine, or yours. ...

I have to say, I'm humbled and amazed by this thread.

Mykil and babaruss, you guys are awesome.

This is among the most moving threads I've seen on Waccobb.net.

-Jeff

[ChristineL]

Having, in the past, been told I did not know what "unconditional love" was as I pushed loved ones with drug/alcohol, honesty and other problems out of my life I finally began to answer that my love was unconditional, someone's continued presence in my life was not. There are men in my past that will always hold a piece of my heart, but if they knocked at my door tonight and said "Honey I'm ready and I have it together now", my response would be to give them my blessing, wish them well and close the door.

As I often tell my clients, if you want to do social work - volunteer; if you want to pick up strays go to the ASPCA, and don't do either in your social life. The expectation that you can rescue/save someone from themselves and then everything will be all right and you'll live happily ever after is the most delusional of fairy tales. The fairy tale that so many of us women grew up with is that a good woman can change/save a bad man...in reality, it just gives him something else to step on. And yes, the reverse is true...you know...good man/bad woman.

Just to clarify...I did figure this out through painful experience.

[Lorrie]

Hey I Googled it..."What is love"

There is the most famous biblical chapter on love from




1 Corinthians:

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

(1 Corinthians 13:1-13)

This is only part of what...
Definitions of love on the Web are:

• a strong positive emotion of regard and affection; "his love for his work"; "children need a lot of love"
• any object of warm affection or devotion; "the theater was her first love"; "he has a passion for cock fighting";
• have a great affection or liking for; "I love French food"; "She loves her boss and works hard for him"
• beloved: a beloved person; used as terms of endearment
• get pleasure from; "I love cooking"
• a deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction; "their love left them indifferent to their surroundings"; "she was his first love"
• be enamored or in love with; "She loves her husband deeply"
• a score of zero in tennis or squash; "it was 40 love"
• sleep together: have sexual intercourse with; "This student sleeps with everyone in her dorm"; "Adam knew Eve"; "Were you ever intimate with this man?"
• sexual love: sexual activities (often including sexual intercourse) between two people; "his lovemaking disgusted her"; "he hadn't had any love in months"; "he has a very complicated love life"
  wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

Oh and there is so much more:
define:love - Google Search

Got this website when I ask for it biblically defined:
Love Defined (by the Bible)
What is love?

Everybody seems to believe that love is a good thing. However, not all agree what is love. Is love that warm touchy-feely feeling a person has when he is with a familiar person? According to the Bible, love is caring in action. Love isn't what we feel, but what we do.
by Rich Deem

And as far as trusting...I believe for myself anyway, every one deserves to be trusted until they have given reason not to be trusted. Which gets me a lesson taught every now and again...

[MsTerry]

The opposite of love is indifference.
-Jeff

And what is the opposite of hate?

[babaruss]

I'm going for a couple possibilities here.

Fearlessness...fear is the worse feeling a human can have.
Fear causes all the troubles there are.
Fear of another way of thinking, acting, being.
So I'm not talking about rational fear(like fear of getting burned if careless with fire.
Understanding could also rid me of hate.
When I deeply understand that people can only be who they are.
I am more inclined to accept them as they are (f not what they do).
Openness...being open to learning more about those people/things I fear..which is really what hatred is all about.
Babaruss fearing contradictory feed back now...but not hating it !!

And what is the opposite of hate?

[hales]

Hey, Mykil.. who among us has not gone on a "wild ride", after knowing at some level what we were getting into.. I sure as hell have. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about all that pain you went through, and I hope that you are able to find a way to a love that doesn't involve rescuing someone. The thing is, no one can really save another person, if the person isn't willing to cooperate. (I've tried.. probably try again, I imagine, so I guess I'm talking to myself as much as to you! ; ) Can't really make a person happy if they don't have the knack or the inclination.. ; /

At times I have wondered if my attraction for someone did not hinge largely on some dysfunctional thing, like rescuing them. At least they need me, right? Nope.. or they will be grateful and love me forever, right? Nope..
Or my good deeds will be rewarded and we all live happily ever after? Nope. I think that my childhood as the son of an alcoholic probably set me up in this pattern of relationship.

Well, hope you can tell I've at least walked somewhere near where your moccasins have, though I think I'd draw the line at crack. I really have a hard time around addicts, since alcoholism and tobacco addiction killed my parents, etc. I don't wanta be a pest, but there is so much information about codependence, you might want to look into it. I realise that it's hard to turn the train around, once it's headed down the track, but we have to try!

If you really do have a capacity for unconditional love, turn that sucker on yourself, for starters.. ; ) Have you been following the thread about "intimacy".. it's a nice one. The love-relationship with ourself is the most important, IMO.. ; )

Scott.

Yes MzT. that was the plan; I myself shall never fall in love again at this rate. The last time I was truly in love was twelve years ago and it really took all of that to get over and learn to love myself once again. Another really uneventful task in my life. She was a real jewel as well. Started smoken meth and would not stop. I was like what the hell… Where you get off smoken meth? HA! I am not even kidding; my childhood sweetheart came back to me and turned out to be a crack whore! After that it was all of ten years before I truly was able to even attempt at falling in love once again and this is what I get? KARMA with a capital K my lady Karma! Some where sometime really fucked up in a past life or whenever it might have been, love is right in front of me but soo far away it is a rude example of my life in practical.



Well I can still give everything and everybody on this planet and beyond my unconditional love, even to this day and for eternity I shall love her and her children with unconditional love. I not and should not have expected any more or any less. I saw the future the first moment I laid eyes on her. I said out load “Now I’m in trouble” A friend asked what the hell I was talking about. I just smiled and said you’ll see. My life for the next few years flashed before my eyes, seeing every little aspect of the event to unfold in the near future with spectacular perception. Not even willing to stop myself or trying and run and hind, I just hit the scenario head of full tilt just hoping and uncontrollable urge might make this universe see things in my light! Guess I should have been praying instead of lusting and not being able to control my own urge eh? Ha enough! I do not want to cause pain, the top was just a vent and should probably have waited but…

[hales]

Hi, Babaruss,
What you wrote here seems really courageous to me, man. I think you are on a great path to healing and self-discovery, here!

Scott.

I'm going for a couple possibilities here.

Fearlessness...fear is the worse feeling a human can have.
Fear causes all the troubles there are.
Fear of another way of thinking, acting, being.
So I'm not talking about rational fear(like fear of getting burned if careless with fire.
Understanding could also rid me of hate.
When I deeply understand that people can only be who they are.
I am more inclined to accept them as they are (f not what they do).
Openness...being open to learning more about those people/things I fear..which is really what hatred is all about.
Babaruss fearing contradictory feed back now...but not hating it !!