1. If women are so good at multi-tasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?
2. Any woman can have the body of a 21-year-old -- as long as she buys him a few drinks first.
3. Getting older is like visiting an all-you-can-eat buffet. What should be hot is cold, what should be firm is limp, and the buns are bigger anything else on the menu.
4. It's scary when you make the same noises as you coffeemaker.
5. I keep hitting "escape", but I'm still here.