I Won't Get To Keep My Mom Forever

[ChristineL]

I'm one of those lucky people who has always enjoyed a good relationship with my mother. I've often told her that if she wasn't my mother, I'd want her as a friend. She is a little over four months shy of her 80th birthday. She takes very good care of herself and up until Christmas day was walking up to three miles a day, maintaining a large portion of our yard and enjoyed excellent health. She fell on Christmas day. Luckily, no broken bones...hers are still very strong. She has felt weak and wobbly since. I found a good doctor willing to take a new Medi-Care patient as well as willing to write a "prescription" for treatment by a Naturopath I know once she has been completely diagnosed. My mom, as well as myself, tend to react very strongly and negatively to most medications. They make us sicker than what's wrong with us. So far, we have found out she has an irregular heart-beat which could be the reason for her over-all feeling of weakness.

We're going for a whole series of tests Tues. and Weds. and back to the doctor on Thursday.

I come from a long line of strong independent women and seeing my mother having to be dependent on me, and how it makes her feel, makes me sad. For her, not being able to take long walks and maintain her own property depresses her. I've also been reminded that sooner or later I am going to have to deal with losing her. I also know I've been lucky to have her around through my mid-fifties. I'm an only child and therefore have no siblings to help me or get support from.

I do think she'll get better, but this waiting time running around getting all sorts of medical tests is difficult. I have a feeling she may need a pace-maker...not the end of the world. I have several friends who have them and live high energy lives. She'd have to give up her micro-wave...but as I told her, come knock at my door and I can micro-wave stuff for her. I am glad we ended up in this two unit house. It's much easier to run her errands and take her places than if I had to drive twenty miles to get to her.

Many of us baby boomers are dealing with elderly parents and we're middle aged ourselves. It's not easy, especially these days when there's a shortage of services. We were very lucky to find a highly regarded doctor willing to take new MediCare patients. That could have been the toughest battle of all.

I've often processed things by writing about them, so thank you WACCO for the space and forum to write.

[Lorrie]

I just wanted to say that this post kinda touched me... Cause, even though it is tough you still have her... My mom was my best friend too, but she died suddenly at the age of 61, in May 1999. Of an intercranial brain hemorage.... It was quick and done.

I have so many questions for her but can not ask... I had a wonderful relationship with my mother. Even though it has been about 7 years, I think about her every day and I miss her so much. I don't feel like I got to be an adult with her, now understanding so much...I can't talk it over with her. I can only imagine what our relationship would be like now.... I always say when things are hard for me "I want my mommy" Okay I am starting to cry....

Hug her hard!


I hope you find all the help for her you need and that she will be around another 20 years at least!

You are very very lucky Christine!

I'm one of those lucky people who has always enjoyed a good relationship with my mother. I've often told her that if she wasn't my mother, I'd want her as a friend. She is a little over four months shy of her 80th birthday. She takes very good care of herself and up until Christmas day was walking up to three miles a day, maintaining a large portion of our yard and enjoyed excellent health. She fell on Christmas day. Luckily, no broken bones...hers are still very strong. She has felt weak and wobbly since. I found a good doctor willing to take a new Medi-Care patient as well as willing to write a "prescription" for treatment by a Naturopath I know once she has been completely diagnosed. My mom, as well as myself, tend to react very strongly and negatively to most medications. They make us sicker than what's wrong with us. So far, we have found out she has an irregular heart-beat which could be the reason for her over-all feeling of weakness.

We're going for a whole series of tests Tues. and Weds. and back to the doctor on Thursday.

I come from a long line of strong independent women and seeing my mother having to be dependent on me, and how it makes her feel, makes me sad. For her, not being able to take long walks and maintain her own property depresses her. I've also been reminded that sooner or later I am going to have to deal with losing her. I also know I've been lucky to have her around through my mid-fifties. I'm an only child and therefore have no siblings to help me or get support from.

I do think she'll get better, but this waiting time running around getting all sorts of medical tests is difficult. I have a feeling she may need a pace-maker...not the end of the world. I have several friends who have them and live high energy lives. She'd have to give up her micro-wave...but as I told her, come knock at my door and I can micro-wave stuff for her. I am glad we ended up in this two unit house. It's much easier to run her errands and take her places than if I had to drive twenty miles to get to her.

Many of us baby boomers are dealing with elderly parents and we're middle aged ourselves. It's not easy, especially these days when there's a shortage of services. We were very lucky to find a highly regarded doctor willing to take new MediCare patients. That could have been the toughest battle of all.

I've often processed things by writing about them, so thank you WACCO for the space and forum to write.

[boomerfashion]

Hi Lorrie

I get it. About two years ago, my sister and I convinced my parents to move here from Florida so we could help with my Dad's care. He has been ill almost since the day they retired, 15 years ago. Long story short, now my mom is failing as well and we need full time care for them in their home. My sister lives in Marin and comes as much as she can; I live less than ten minutes away so I naturally am the one to manage a lot of the issues that come up in their daily life. That being said, I'm grateful to have my sister help with both oars in the water, and we are fortunate that both of our spouses are supportive and love my parents; I know that often that is not the case. I am SO thankful that we found two caregivers, both nursing students at the JC, who are loving, kind, sensitive on top of being capable, intelligent and trustworthy. They have been integrated into our family.

I have often thought it would be helpful to be part of a group of Baby Boomers who are having similar experiences.

Anyway, I wanted to pass on to you and anyone else looking for medical care covered by Medicare that Primary Care Associates of Rohnert Park accepted both my parents as patients and as far as I know, the practice is still open. Within the constraints of the straight medical world, they are good. When my parents moved here, my father was on about fifteen medications. Being partial to less meds and certainly more discretion in prescribing, I started to research each one. It turns out that some of my father's symptoms were caused or exacerbated by the tremendous amount of powerful drugs going into his system every day, year after year. When I showed up at one of his early appointments, I gently and respectfully presented my admittedly lay research to the physician who was treating him and she got defensive, rude and was completely not open to looking at his care in a new, less medicated way. I immediately switched doctors and insisted that he not only look at my spreadsheet (I am sure they hate people like me) and go over each and every medication and explain why he needed them and what, if anything, could happen if he stopped. As a result, my dad now takes less than half the meds he was on before, no longer has narcolepsy (totally caused by the toxic combinations of drugs he was on), is much less confused (he joined a discussion group and plays poker, which he always loved, twice a week) and is just in general, in better shape. He still has his challenges and is not well but at least his quality of life has improved. I recommend Bo Greaves in this practice as a reasonable and compassionate choice. My second choice is Diana Prince.

For any of you who might need to find a Medicare friendly practice, their phone number is 584 8588. They have a lab right there, if tests are required. There is also an Urgent Care walk in facility on the premises as an alternative to the emergency room but we've had mixed experiences there.

I hope you are able to get to the bottom of your Mom's issues so she can continue to live what sounds like a very good life at age 80!

Good luck. Your Mom is lucky to have you on her side; I am sure she earned it!

I'm one of those lucky people who has always enjoyed a good relationship with my mother. I've often told her that if she wasn't my mother, I'd want her as a friend. She is a little over four months shy of her 80th birthday. She takes very good care of herself and up until Christmas day was walking up to three miles a day, maintaining a large portion of our yard and enjoyed excellent health. She fell on Christmas day. Luckily, no broken bones...hers are still very strong. She has felt weak and wobbly since. I found a good doctor willing to take a new Medi-Care patient as well as willing to write a "prescription" for treatment by a Naturopath I know once she has been completely diagnosed. My mom, as well as myself, tend to react very strongly and negatively to most medications. They make us sicker than what's wrong with us. So far, we have found out she has an irregular heart-beat which could be the reason for her over-all feeling of weakness.

We're going for a whole series of tests Tues. and Weds. and back to the doctor on Thursday.

I come from a long line of strong independent women and seeing my mother having to be dependent on me, and how it makes her feel, makes me sad. For her, not being able to take long walks and maintain her own property depresses her. I've also been reminded that sooner or later I am going to have to deal with losing her. I also know I've been lucky to have her around through my mid-fifties. I'm an only child and therefore have no siblings to help me or get support from.

I do think she'll get better, but this waiting time running around getting all sorts of medical tests is difficult. I have a feeling she may need a pace-maker...not the end of the world. I have several friends who have them and live high energy lives. She'd have to give up her micro-wave...but as I told her, come knock at my door and I can micro-wave stuff for her. I am glad we ended up in this two unit house. It's much easier to run her errands and take her places than if I had to drive twenty miles to get to her.

Many of us baby boomers are dealing with elderly parents and we're middle aged ourselves. It's not easy, especially these days when there's a shortage of services. We were very lucky to find a highly regarded doctor willing to take new MediCare patients. That could have been the toughest battle of all.

I've often processed things by writing about them, so thank you WACCO for the space and forum to write.

[ChristineL]

Some doctors do hate people like you. Almost fifty years ago my pediatrician didn't like my mother much. She had been a nurse in France before marrying my father. When we first arrived in the US, she couldn't understand the ease with which the doctors here prescribed anti-biotics. She would always ask him if I had a bacteria or a virus. If I had a virus, she would tell him she didn't want anti-biotics as they were ineffective against viruses. She would also ask to know all the side effects of any medication he prescribed and if the medication was absolutely necessary. The end result is that between the ages of eight and eighteen I took anti-biotics all of about three to five times and have a very strong immune system. Her description of medications as poisons that were sometimes necessary to counter-act greater poisons kept going through my head as I got older and resulted in my coming of age in the sixties trying nothing stronger than pot in terms of drugs.

I highly recommend the Integrative Medical Clinic on Concourse Blvd. in Santa Rosa. Dr. Ellen Barnett is a caring doctor who truly talks to you and explains things well. She is not "medication happy". It turns out my mom has developed a very late life case of diabetes, along with high blood pressure. Dr. Barnett is starting her on very low doses of medications to treat her, along with progressive changes in diet. Once she is improving and stabilized, she will be referred to the clinic's Naturopath, Dr. Moses Goldberg. I know several people who go to Dr. Goldberg and they speak very highly of him.

It is very important people research the medications they are prescribed and question their necessity. There is a very interesting, and scary, article in the January-February 2008 AARP Bulletin called "Ties that Bind". It goes a long way towards explaining how we've come to be so over-medicated and are prescribed drugs that turn out not to be well enough researched. It also explains how come we're often prescribed new expensive "name" medications for conditions that are very successfully treated by generics or long proven medications. Don't believe that new medications are so expensive due to the cost of research. Drug makers spend Seven Billion dollars a year to win the hearts and minds of doctors along with another eighteen billion on free drug samples for doctors. Never mind what they spend on advertising prescription drugs to the general public. Doctors who resist being wooed by the drug makers then have to deal with patients demanding the latest advertised drug for whatever even if they've mis-diagnosed themselves or simply need to lose weight and start exercising. I'm still trying to figure out what some of these new diseases we have medication for actually are, "restless leg syndrome" being one of them.

Hi Lorrie

I get it. About two years ago, my sister and I convinced my parents to move here from Florida so we could help with my Dad's care. He has been ill almost since the day they retired, 15 years ago. Long story short, now my mom is failing as well and we need full time care for them in their home. My sister lives in Marin and comes as much as she can; I live less than ten minutes away so I naturally am the one to manage a lot of the issues that come up in their daily life. That being said, I'm grateful to have my sister help with both oars in the water, and we are fortunate that both of our spouses are supportive and love my parents; I know that often that is not the case. I am SO thankful that we found two caregivers, both nursing students at the JC, who are loving, kind, sensitive on top of being capable, intelligent and trustworthy. They have been integrated into our family.

I have often thought it would be helpful to be part of a group of Baby Boomers who are having similar experiences.

Anyway, I wanted to pass on to you and anyone else looking for medical care covered by Medicare that Primary Care Associates of Rohnert Park accepted both my parents as patients and as far as I know, the practice is still open. Within the constraints of the straight medical world, they are good. When my parents moved here, my father was on about fifteen medications. Being partial to less meds and certainly more discretion in prescribing, I started to research each one. It turns out that some of my father's symptoms were caused or exacerbated by the tremendous amount of powerful drugs going into his system every day, year after year. When I showed up at one of his early appointments, I gently and respectfully presented my admittedly lay research to the physician who was treating him and she got defensive, rude and was completely not open to looking at his care in a new, less medicated way. I immediately switched doctors and insisted that he not only look at my spreadsheet (I am sure they hate people like me) and go over each and every medication and explain why he needed them and what, if anything, could happen if he stopped. As a result, my dad now takes less than half the meds he was on before, no longer has narcolepsy (totally caused by the toxic combinations of drugs he was on), is much less confused (he joined a discussion group and plays poker, which he always loved, twice a week) and is just in general, in better shape. He still has his challenges and is not well but at least his quality of life has improved. I recommend Bo Greaves in this practice as a reasonable and compassionate choice. My second choice is Diana Prince.

For any of you who might need to find a Medicare friendly practice, their phone number is 584 8588. They have a lab right there, if tests are required. There is also an Urgent Care walk in facility on the premises as an alternative to the emergency room but we've had mixed experiences there.

I hope you are able to get to the bottom of your Mom's issues so she can continue to live what sounds like a very good life at age 80!

Good luck. Your Mom is lucky to have you on her side; I am sure she earned it!