FOR WOMEN:I read this and thought I would share important tips regarding dating...

[Lorrie]

Dating the "proper" way usually consists of talk about socially acceptable topics, asking the other person about themselves and not talk about yourself too much, and generally trying to make sure that the man is comfortable and has fun.

This is great, if you want to make sure that you and a man become great FRIENDS.

But it practically guarantees that a man is NOT going to feel that special something for you that he can't describe but makes him want to shower a woman with attention and love he never even knew he was capable of before.

Unless you're Aphrodite the Goddess of Love who was the most beautiful woman on Earth... and men simply fall at your feet... then what makes a man interested in you as a woman for more than just a fling has nothing to do with being "nice", getting along with a man, and making him comfortable.

Men are BORED TO DEATH BY THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR.

Here's the thing...

Without knowing that they even have an "approach", tons of women use this "I'll be like a great friend" approach when they go out with men.

I probably don't have to tell you how this works out 99% of the time.

Oh, there's also my personal favorite approach women take on "unknowingly."

I call it the "volunteer therapist" approach.

It's when a woman starts digging for the things that a man is having a hard time about in his life, in hopes of connecting to him about something important in his life.

And when they find this thing inside a man, they use it to become his VOLUNTEER THERAPIST.

As though if they can make things better for a man, he'll magically transfer the understanding he feels into UNDYING LOVE.

And talk about a terrible way to go about trying to start a healthy relationship.

Remember, you can't buy love. Not even with EMOTIONAL bribes. So don't try.

When it comes to the kind of woman a man really wants and is looking for... being the nice and predictably boring woman will quickly put you in the "she's sweet but it's just not there" category.

And you'll forever be STUCK there once a man puts you in this category.

That's how it goes for most women who make these mistakes.

And becoming a man's therapist will work great, as long as he wants a woman to vent to and make him feel better.

But once he's done with his therapy sessions, guess what happens to you?

Exactly. He's off the couch and out of Dodge.

You don't want to aim to be the kind of woman a man might finally recognize and decides after a little while could be a good partner for him because there's something convenient you can do for him.

This is the kind of woman a man can easily do without. And in fact, the kind of woman a man will PREFER to do without once he wants to move past all the "therapy" and issues in his life.

You need to be the kind of woman a man can't help but LOVE and WORSHIP because the FEELINGS and EMOTIONS you spark inside him are so exciting and deep that he can't help himself from feeling them.

You need to do the things that will bring a man into his FEELINGS and EMOTIONS in an undeniable way no other woman has before.

And then, and only then, will a man truly and deeply NEED to be with you.

And then, and only then, will a man instantly COMMIT on a physical and emotional level to a REAL RELATIONSHIP... without hesitation.

There will be no more fear of commitment.

There will be no more worries about the timing, or what if it's too soon.

And there will be no excuses like he's not ready, he's not looking, or he isn't in the right place in his career to think about something serious.

All this can and will quickly disappear from a man's mind once he recognizes you as the right woman. But he can only do that after he starts having all the FEELINGS and EXPERIENCES with you that show him that you are the one woman for him.

When you meet a man for coffee, for dinner, or just to get to know one another, it's time to have FUN.

It's not time to try and kiss up to him, or to be his therapist, or to massage his ego and tell him all the things he might want to hear.

That's what he has a mother for.

Playing it safe and kissing up to a man, or showing him that you nervously hope that he is going to like you and give you his approval is a sure way to get either a man who will take things to a physical level just because the opportunity is there... or a man who won't call you back because he's not interested for real.


ACTING "FORMAL"

Don't talk about your job and your family for starters!

BORING!

There is plenty of time to talk about all this stuff and get into these things once you and a man are both EMOTIONALLY ENGAGED not just as two people, but as two people who are ROMANTICALLY INTERESTED in each other.

The romantic interest stuff (that spark) needs to be there and come together first on a date with a man before you get into all the predictable yadda yadda yadda stuff.

Women who are trying to convince men that they're "nice" or good people talk about their families and how good they are at their jobs.

Or how they have their act together.

Let me give you a hint-

Do you know what a "boring" and not so interesting woman acts like on a date with a man?

Well, for starters she acts like he's NOT COMFORTABLE in the situation...

She talks too much about things she thinks will make her look good.

She apologizes for the smallest little thing of no consequence like not being ready to order yet when the waiter comes.

She agrees with pretty much every opinion or belief a man has, or anyone nearby.

She constantly asks the man what he'd like to do.

And she holds her body in an unsure, insecure way that shows she isn't very comfortable or in touch with her body or her sensuality.

That's a good start of what makes for a boring and uninteresting woman to a man.

Mix in a few uncomfortable silences and way too much talk about "He said/She said" or other peoples lives and relationships... and the associated dramas and you've got the makings for a man deleting your number from his phone as fast
as he can!

So, what's the answer? What's the secret to making the right man, when you finally think you've met him and want to get to know him, feel attracted to you and not be BORED?

I thought you'd never ask.

Here are a few ideas for starters:

Tip #1. Talk about things you are passionate about. And no, I'm not talking about the 7 cats you have at home and how cute they are. Talk about something you like to do that has a PURPOSE.

A man can and will relate to this... and he'll start to see things in you he couldn't see before. A good example of this is a woman I know who loves to practice yoga. When she describes what it is about yoga that fills her inside and makes her feel great physically, emotionally, and spiritually - you can't help but be drawn in.

Tip #2. Talk about something that isn't BORING, and instead a little out of the ordinary. One great thing to do is to get a man to talk about his life, then find things to make observations of that either let him know you "get him" and what he's about (why he does what he does)... or find little things to tease him about.

This is a great opportunity for building the kind of attraction that will carry into the future.

Men love joking and teasing. It's their universal way of bonding. And when a woman is laid back and comfortable and playful enough to not be completely serious and sincere 100% of the time, it's refreshing and fun for a man.

For example, if a man seems very hard-working and serious... you might make a flirty sarcastic joke like this:

YOU: "Well, it's too bad you're such a flaky slacker. I was looking for a man of substance. But I guess you're still decent company."

And you say all this with a warm and playful smile on your face to let him know your playing around.

He'll know you're joking, and want to engage in the playful behavior with you.

HIM: "Well, that's too bad because I was going to ask if you could start supporting me so I could stop working all together and just sit at home and watch TV all day."

YOU: "Mmmm... what a turn on a man like that would be for me."

You get the idea...

The magic here is if you can be SAYING ONE THING... but subtly MEAN ANOTHER THING.

Men find this riveting and won't want the fun and flirtation to stop.

Tip #3. If there is a silence, NEVER let it be uncomfortable. I think that it's great to stop talking when you're first getting to know a man and enjoy a few silences where you're either just having eye contact... or you're simply in each
other's company but not "filling the space" with idle chatter 100% of the time.

If the conversation goes cold for a few moments, just pay attention to something else for a minute and don't be afraid to engage in the environment around you.

This includes talking and paying attention to other people in a fun and open way, or making funny or silly observations of what's going on around you.

Strangely enough, a man will want your attention more, and want to give you more attention, if you engage with other people around you more often.

Tip #4. DON'T BE PREDICTABLE. The more predicable you are, the faster you will be considered BORING.

Why?

Long story short, there's a region of the brain that is tasked with trying to figure things out ahead of time and recognizing them to make quick meaning out of them.

If this part of our brain can't easily recognize or predict something... we're made to pay more attention to it.

It's an important part of our survival instincts as humans.

Which means... if what you say and do is easily predictable and a man feels like he's heard what you're saying before (especially from other women)... then you'll by definition be BORING because you won't get much of his attention or interest.

And you definitely won't cause him to have any kind of intense EMOTIONAL RESPONSE to you.

Luckily, the answer of what to do about all this is much easier than the "science" behind it all...

Learn to say random things. Disagree with a man once in a while... even if it's just for fun and playful teasing... and keep him guessing what it is you'll say next and what it is you really mean.

Then you're sure to have his attention - and his interest. Plus, you'll both have a great time.

OK, I think you're getting the idea.

Men don't want BORING.

A man would rather be with an interesting, fun exciting woman than the most loving woman in the world who was always serious.

Once a man starts to feel that magical emotional and physical response called ATTRACTION, the entire situation changes, and you start having
the kinds of experiences most women only dream about with men.

And your RELATIONSHIP falls into place all by itself... without you having to worry and deal with a man who seems "iffy" and UNCERTAIN about being with you.

Most men go through life WISHING, HOPING, AND DREAMING that they will someday find a woman who is both radiant, beautiful, fun, and can make them feel the amazing feelings that come from the ATTRACTION created with flirting, teasing, and UNPREDICTABILITY.

So what's the best way to learn how to make a man feel ATTRACTION for you?

Making a man feel ATTRACTION isn't about luck, or about talking to him about the things that would make YOU feel it for a man.

Avoiding the mistakes that kill attraction is important.

And knowing what to say and do with a man that will make him feel attraction when he's around you is critical.

But if you find yourself making mistake after mistake with men and pushing them away for reasons you're not sure of... then it's possible that there's something else going on inside YOU on a deeper level.

It's possible that it's not just that you don't know how attraction works with men...

But that deep down inside, your own fears, anxieties, and frustrations when it
comes to men and relationships are overwhelming you form the inside out and pushing men away from you without you even being in control of it consciously.

If you find yourself flying off the emotional "deep end" with a man and you know it's driving him away... then it's time you took care of YOUR OWN emotional "health".

[Clancy]

Being manipulative is poor advice for fostering friendship OR romance, and if you are altering your behavior in order to be 'unpredictable' you are being manipulative.

There's a nugget of good advice in that long winded diatribe (it reads like a dog training manual), and that is simply to have a good time doing something you both enjoy.

Tip #4. DON'T BE PREDICTABLE. The more predicable you are, the faster you will be considered BORING.

[saysni]

Interesting post, lorrie. I wonder if you would provide the source for this piece? For 'us' _retentive/curious types.

A few (male) peanut gallery notes:

-Beware of blanket or implied statements making assumptions that 'all' men/women/wymyn are alike. There is no magical, one-size-fits-all state of being or charm that 'works' with everyone/anyone.

-There is no affected persona one can 'put on' in order to impress/enrapture another that can trump reality, eventually anyway. Being authentic and in the moment strikes me as being 'real'. Some people are more adept at seeing thru masks and game-playing fakers than others.

-Know thyself. The best thing a person can bring to the table is an ever-expanding self-knowledge. Wherever you are on your 'path' is where you are: Doing the best you can with what you've got. No one ever 'knows it all'. And if they do it's usually too late anyway.

-It seems to me people in general are a lot more fearful of and reluctant to open up to others, especially with 'strangers', than they were in the past. I notice i get A LOT less eye contact/physical acknowledgement of my existence (head nods, spoken greetings and the like) when i'm obviously by myself as opposed to when i'm in the company of a woman. It makes me wonder if it's stamped on my forehead, or if there's a neon sign blazing over and unseen by me, announcing to the world: Danger - Single Straight Male, Avoid Like The Plague.

-Speak truth.

[Still breathing. Still hoping. Still]

[fluteman]

I've been thinking about this article for a few days since I've read it...there are a few bits of good info but like others have shared, men are not robots (actually, the only people who are robots are robots, right?). No need to delve any further into that.

One thing I wanted to mention is that not every guy likes women who flirt and tease. For me personally, this is one of the biggest turn offs out there. I know I may be a small minority in this regard, but I will remain stubborn nonetheless.

I think having a sense of humor is a big plus for anyone...but the flirting, teasing and flaunting really needs to go...