The Risk of Positive Emotions

[Sara S]

from delancyplace.com:


In today's excerpt - the risk inherent in positive
emotions: observations from the psychiatrist George
Vaillant, who has long been the chief curator of the
Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the
longest-running - and probably the most
exhaustive - longitudinal studies of mental and
physical well-being in history. Begun in 1937 as a
study of healthy, well-adjusted Harvard sophomores
(all male), it has followed its subjects for more than 70
years:



"As Freud was displaced by biological psychiatry and
cognitive psychology - and the massive data sets and
double-blind trials that became the industry
standard - Vaillant's work risked obsolescence. But in
the late 1990s, a tide called 'positive psychology'
came in, and lifted his boat. Driven by a savvy, brilliant
psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania named
Martin Seligman, the movement to create a scientific
study of the good life has spread wildly through
academia and popular culture (dozens of books, a
cover story in Time, attention from Oprah,
etc.).



"Vaillant became a kind of godfather to the field, and a
champion of its message that psychology can
improve ordinary lives, not just treat disease. But in
many ways, his role in the movement is as
provocateur. Last October, I watched him give a
lecture to Seligman's graduate students on the power
of positive emotions - awe, love, compassion,
gratitude, forgiveness, joy, hope, and trust (or
faith). 'The happiness books say, 'Try happiness.
You'll like it a lot more than misery' - which is perfectly
true,' he told them. But why, he asked, do people tell
psychologists they'd cross the street to avoid
someone who had given them a compliment the
previous day?



"In fact, Vaillant went on, positive emotions make us
more vulnerable than negative ones. One reason is
that they're future-oriented. Fear and sadness have
immediate payoffs - protecting us from attack or
attracting resources at times of distress. Gratitude
and joy, over time, will yield better health and deeper
connections - but in the short term actually put us at
risk. That's because, while negative emotions tend to
be insulating, positive emotions expose us to the
common elements of rejection and
heartbreak.



"To illustrate his point, he told a story about one of
his 'prize' [Harvard] Study men, a doctor and
well-loved husband. 'On his 70th birthday,' Vaillant
said, 'when he retired from the faculty of medicine, his
wife got hold of his patient list and secretly wrote to
many of his longest-running patients, 'Would you write
a letter of appreciation?' And back came 100
single-spaced, desperately loving letters - often with
pictures attached. And she put them in a lovely
presentation box covered with Thai silk, and gave it to
him.' Eight years later, Vaillant interviewed the man,
who proudly pulled the box down from his
shelf. 'George, I don't know what you're going to make
of this,' the man said, as he began to cry, 'but I've
never read it.' 'It's very hard,' Vaillant said, 'for most of
us to tolerate being loved.'



Joshua Wolf Shenk, "What Makes Us Happy?" The
Atlantic, June 2009, pp. 47-48.

[Shandi]

Although this is a post from July 2009 that I never saw, I wanted to share it now, since there were no responses or gratitude. It has an unexpected ending to the story.

I have to share that I've had a positive outlook for most of my life, and it seems that others are attracted to that energy, and want to drink from that pool. At times, this has left me low on my baseline supply. Over the past few years, I've been unable to nurture and feel much of that positivity, as I've been faced with homelessness or finally getting shelter with "negativity" and energetic violence of spirit.

Even then, I tried to summon my baseline supply, offering kindness rather than fear, and openness rather than anger. But it was viewed with suspicion and rejection.

A man she was in relationship with told her "I love you", and her reply was "DON"T SAY THAT!!" She was unable to trust her lovability even from a romantic partner. She stopped seeing him shortly after that, even though they'd enjoyed many mutual activities. (paid for by him)

This post from the past reminded me of her, and that some of us can't accept being loved. It's a painful reminder that we don't love ourselves. At a deep level, we're aware of what we've become, and realize that we are the enemy.

At this time, after all these painful experiences, someone has seen my heart, and taken me in to a place of loving support and kindness beyond what I could have ever hoped for. I feel as though I'm in a personal altered reality, beyond the harsh global reality that so many are experiencing.

I may succumb to a life threatening virus or disease, but I will treasure the present moments as I have at no other time in my life. The focus of my journey continues to be encouragement, life-enhancing information, and empowerment for those on my path. I'm now in a position to do this in mutuality.

Some of you may know that my special interest is cats, and I've been able to assist with various feline issues, some of which were life-threatening. This remains my focus, and I answer questions via Quora at no charge.
If you have a feline pet, you may wish to see the valuable information on my FB page:
https://www.facebook.com/catadvocate

I hadn't intended for this to be a cat related post, but the information seemed to rise up, so I hope that it can remain, since I've seen other posts for informational website references. My hope is that more eyes can see, and more help can be given to cat guardians and their friends who may benefit. In my present physical condition, my words remain the greatest way I can assist.

In gratitude for all that WaccoBB has meant to me, from the beginning in 2005. Being part of this community has been a life saver for me in distressing times. Thank you for being here now.

Wishing you wellness of body, mind and spirit~until that is no longer possible, and you enter a new altered
state of reality where negativity does not exist.