(This was originally written as an entry in The Bohemian's Java Jive contest)

JAVA GOD
by sd gross

The Almighty had had a long, stressful day and was ready to park his carcass on his Hepplewhite and impersonate one of his finest spuds. He'd been crashing out in front of the tube more frequently, these days. So what if he got every cable channel in the universe (including Bravo and Spice) and the best H.D. reception in creation? He was finding it harder & harder to be stimulated. It was always a case of "been there, done that" and somehow he knew taking a vacation wouldn't make a bit of difference.
Mrs. God had whipped up a very nice cheese struedel that afternoon and was making fresh coffee. God had downed a raft of her rugallah that morning (he didn't worry about putting on weight), and it was a fact that Mrs. God's pastries were the best in the universe. Her coffee wasn't bad either. And it was getting better all the time.
God snored loudly and at exactly 7:11 A.M. PST, an 8.3 on the Richter epicentered in Santa Ana shook southern California. It's a good thing (not everyone agrees about this) he smelled Mrs. God's coffee or the aftershocks would have leveled most of Orange county.
Rubbing his eyelids, the Big Fella sat down at his formica simulated maple grain table and slurped the frothy whipped cream topping his java. Shoveling a Buick-sized slab of struedel into his mouth, he belched.
The people of Earth named the belch Hurricane Gloria and it wiped out most of south Florida. The next morning a brilliant sun dazzled everyone and feeling absolutely terrific they all agreed, "God is indeed in his Heaven...and all's right with the world!"