PassoverRap by SD Gross

[sd gross]

PassoveRap
by Funky Flanken & Dr. Dre K
(pronounced dray kay.)

(aka) Stephen D. Gross


I'm a secular Jew
and I haven't got a clue
what the Lubavitches do
with their Orthodox crew
when it's Pesach in the 'Burbs
they eat their bitter herbs
and the Klezmorim jam
to the blood of the lamb
then the mutha'
(beat)
the fatha'
(beat)
the kids all
read the Hagaddah

And the plagues keep a comin'
keep Pharaoh's kids a-running
when they'd rather be sunning
on the banks of the Nile
where they gotta lotta' style
with their suntan oils
'til they're covered with boils
and the frogs are all leapin'
and the lice come creepin'
and Pharaoh don't know
what number to dial

With their water turned red
and their cattle half-dead
the slave-drivers didn't
wanna' get out of bed
then Moses sat down
wrote the king a letter
said, "Let us leave town -
You'll feel much better"
but Pharaoh said sorry
we need you Jews, else
who'll do the dirty work
and shine our shoes?
The darkness at noon
almost brought 'em to their knees
A swarm of locusts came
ate their black-eyed peas
some crazy wild beasts
made the locals all wail
and to top it all off
they got pelted with hail
but the worst thing that happened
and it's really auspicious
was when their first born
were sent to "Sleep with the fishes"

Seder, Sister
pass the unleavened bread
Say dere, Brother
goin' to Heaven when I'm dead
Apaches got fry bread
we got matzoh
we got covered heads
they got lotsa'
Radishes
(beat)
Horses
(beat)
Horseradish goes with most courses
like gefilte fish
the favorite dish
of the Israeli Armed Forces

Here come the troops
they're on 'em like flies
so the Jews left Egypt
didn't see their bread rise
we got a boiled egg
and a little shank bone
I don't wanna be a slave
jus' let me go home
cinnamon an' apples
an' a bowl of chopped nuts
We don't wanna' make bricks
(Pharaoh acting like a putz)
Don't forget the wine
Maneschevitz or Merlot
see ya' later Freedom Hater
It's time for us to go

We sit here wining
(beat)
Dining
(beat)
On this night everyone's reclining


Then the Bubbe starts the Seder
with an Aramaic prayer
The kids'll ask four questions
learn that slavery's unfair
they'll hear that the Pharaoh
wouldn't let the People go
so they started in to sing
They had another row to hoe
Moses waved his rod
and the Red Sea parted
and they all thanked God
at the worst they would be martyred
Some of them were nervous
but they crossed without fear
'cause the soldiers had forgotten
all their scuba gear
so everyone was saved
every kid and Alter Kocker
and they left Pharaoh's army
Down in Davy Jones Locker

Well the Jews began to party
'til they heard the sages calling
"Rejoicing is uncool
when your enemy is fallen'"
You'd like to celebrate
an evil man's misfortune
but you shouldn't feel too great
lest you get an equal portion
You gotta work hard
for diamonds in the foyer
either that or win at cards
or be a surgeon or a lawyer
but this is Passover
and this magic's worked before
and we all know that some Prophet
will come walkin' through the door
But it ain't the kind of profit
that's gonna make us rich
It's God's herald, Elijah
Give him wine
and hear his pitch...
Sayin', "Here comes the Messiah
signed up for a second hitch!"

[scorpiomoon]

WOW this is really great. Good beat, all that funk. Thanks there I appreciate the rap!!