Ways to effectively deal with anger

[BlueFireFairy]

I find that when I come across something that I consider an injustice I get upset.

This weekend I was given some information which I found to be just plain wrong so I became mad.

Now the issue I am having with this is the fact that I know I suprised the other people that were part of this conversation and looking back on it, I feel
bad that I may have caused some stress with my reaction.

So my question is how do I deal with my anger and remain calm and composed? I want to be able to put my best foot forward and it's very
important that I do this now in my life before I go any further.

~Thanks~

[shellebelle]

#1 I would recommend Donna Eden's Energy Medicine Kit - available on EBay for about $20

#2 EFT - Emotional Freedom Technique - a few taps can often be a great coping mechanism.

#3 Just to cap it off - I can send you a couple of dispel anger spells if you like.

I find that when I come across something that I consider an injustice I get upset.

This weekend I was given some information which I found to be just plain wrong so I became mad.

Now the issue I am having with this is the fact that I know I suprised the other people that were part of this conversation and looking back on it, I feel
bad that I may have caused some stress with my reaction.

So my question is how do I deal with my anger and remain calm and composed? I want to be able to put my best foot forward and it's very
important that I do this now in my life before I go any further.

~Thanks~

[gida]

I find that when I come across something that I consider an injustice I get upset.

This weekend I was given some information which I found to be just plain wrong so I became mad.

Now the issue I am having with this is the fact that I know I suprised the other people that were part of this conversation and looking back on it, I feel
bad that I may have caused some stress with my reaction.

So my question is how do I deal with my anger and remain calm and composed? I want to be able to put my best foot forward and it's very
important that I do this now in my life before I go any further.

~Thanks~

perhaps the following meditation practice by rudolf steiner will help:


be aware of your thoughts. think only meaningful thoughts. graudally learn to separate in your thoughts the essential from the non essential; the eternal from the transitory and truth from mere opinion.
when listening to conversation, try to become inwardly still, renouncing all agreeement and more important, all negative judgment. (both criticism and rejection)
do this in both thinking and feeling. this exercise is called right thinking.

(i have been at this practice for about a year and still find myself every day, violating to some degree its essence)
gida

[MsTerry]

Non-violent communication would be the best start for you.
you can find it for free on the net.

I find that when I come across something that I consider an injustice I get upset.

This weekend I was given some information which I found to be just plain wrong so I became mad.

Now the issue I am having with this is the fact that I know I suprised the other people that were part of this conversation and looking back on it, I feel
bad that I may have caused some stress with my reaction.

So my question is how do I deal with my anger and remain calm and composed? I want to be able to put my best foot forward and it's very
important that I do this now in my life before I go any further.

~Thanks~

[nurturetruth]

I used to call it Non-Violent communication...but now refer to it as "compassionate communication". https://www.cnvc.org

The language I grew up with and around for most of my journey was one which consisted of: blame, judgment and projections. Usually underneath the blames,judgments and projection were feelings of sadness,anger, or a need that was NOT being met.

Compassion to me means learning to really "be with' myself and my feelings. And to offer this to others as well. To hold compassion towards myself means observing and allowing any and all feelings to flow within me, while not judging or criticizing myself. To be open to learning from what flows within.
Showing compassion towards or around others ,in my opinion, means I am opening myself up to feeling what others feel and see. It does not mean accepting or agreeing what someone has expressed . It simply means "being with" them, without criticizing or analyzing.

This has not always been easy to do and has taken practice.

Compassionate Communication entered my life around 2001, and I was amazed! To realize I could empower myself by having the choice of a response versus a reaction was a highlight on my journey!
I realized that how others reacted or responded to me was "THEIR" lesson and journey. I was not responsible. I was only responsible for recognizing my feelings and needs. Showing myself compassion first.

It felt great to be able to take responsibility by looking at what need of mine was possibly not being met that lied underneath those feelings of: anger, sadness, heartbreak, allowing my feathers to get ruffled or feeling "irked".

BlueFireFairy: My request is that you forgive yourself of feeling any feelings of guilt or of feeling "bad". You already are beautifully aware that this was perhaps a big opportunity to learn something of quality value...for all parties involved!

And you started a GREAT THREAD!!

with gratitude ~~
me

Non-violent communication would be the best start for you.
you can find it for free on the net.

[BlueFireFairy]

Sure I'll take those dispel anger spells.

Also, if you have some time, could you find out which
spot on the body one taps (EFT Technique) to release anger

ThankYou

#1 I would recommend Donna Eden's Energy Medicine Kit - available on EBay for about $20

#2 EFT - Emotional Freedom Technique - a few taps can often be a great coping mechanism.

#3 Just to cap it off - I can send you a couple of dispel anger spells if you like.

[Theresa (Teri)]

Sure I'll take those dispel anger spells.

Also, if you have some time, could you find out which
spot on the body one taps (EFT Technique) to release anger

ThankYou

Hi Gal, Teri here,
for managing anger a good rule is before you blow girl, walk it out. Go take a nice long walk...no Caffienne. Take into consideration the source of where the info came from...slow it dowm. And remember - There are NO mistakes in this world. Sometimes anger is needed as a warning signal to someones else re: boundaries...we all forget this little stuff.
No worries
Teri

[BlueFireFairy]

They teach classes at The Center for Spiritual Living actually. One of the minister's I work with teaches it. I just spoke with her and she's going to e-mail me the application to the next class.

I used to call it Non-Violent communication...but now refer to it as "compassionate communication". https://www.cnvc.org

The language I grew up with and around for most of my journey was one which consisted of: blame, judgment and projections. Usually underneath the blames,judgments and projection were feelings of sadness,anger, or a need that was NOT being met.

Compassion to me means learning to really "be with' myself and my feelings. And to offer this to others as well. To hold compassion towards myself means observing and allowing any and all feelings to flow within me, while not judging or criticizing myself. To be open to learning from what flows within.
Showing compassion towards or around others ,in my opinion, means I am opening myself up to feeling what others feel and see. It does not mean accepting or agreeing what someone has expressed . It simply means "being with" them, without criticizing or analyzing.

This has not always been easy to do and has taken practice.

Compassionate Communication entered my life around 2001, and I was amazed! To realize I could empower myself by having the choice of a response versus a reaction was a highlight on my journey!
I realized that how others reacted or responded to me was "THEIR" lesson and journey. I was not responsible. I was only responsible for recognizing my feelings and needs. Showing myself compassion first.

It felt great to be able to take responsibility by looking at what need of mine was possibly not being met that lied underneath those feelings of: anger, sadness, heartbreak, allowing my feathers to get ruffled or feeling "irked".

BlueFireFairy: My request is that you forgive yourself of feeling any feelings of guilt or of feeling "bad". You already are beautifully aware that this was perhaps a big opportunity to learn something of quality value...for all parties involved!

And you started a GREAT THREAD!!

with gratitude ~~
me

[decterlove]

Well, it sounds like you're judging yourself pretty harshly for having exposed some inner part of you that you feel is a bad part. Would you feel the same way if the same interaction caused you to feel sad or afraid? Most of us have one or two emotions that we really try to keep hidden and suppressed. I suspect for women anger is more often an uncomfortable one to expose, and for men perhaps sadness, grief or fear, but that may be a gross generalization.

Displaying strong emotions also makes us feel like we "lost control" of ourselves. Let's face it...Americans are an EXTREMELY SUPPRESSED CULTURE EMOTIONALLY! One of the great comforts of watching a foreign film, or I suppose visiting some other countries, is that most cultures still retain more of a natural expression of real human emotions than Americans do. Just like the food....we package everything, denaturalize it, and make it TIDY, and then sell it back to ourselves at 10 times the price!

I have found in the past during periods that I have been able to feel and express my emotions more freely that they often come and go very quickly. Once truly felt....it's on to the next thing much like a young child. It's the struggle not to express them or to latch onto your favorite one and only express it that causes most of our discomfort.

Here's a good link to EFT............gary craig is right out in Gualala by the way........

https://www.emofree.com/

quote=BlueFireFairy;50303]
Now the issue I am having with this is the fact that I know I suprised the other people that were part of this conversation and looking back on it, I feel bad that I may have caused some stress with my reaction.
So my question is how do I deal with my anger and remain calm and composed? I want to be able to put my best foot forward and it's very
important that I do this now in my life before I go any further.
~Thanks~[/quote]

[Tinque]

I understand PERFECTLY about feeling anger ,exspecially when it has to do with injustice. I personally , do something physical. Something that makes me sweat. I usually chainsaw wood , (it is my source of heat), not a frivolous thing ! Plant some flowers or take a brisk walk. Take a bubble bath , with LOTS of bubbles or just scream out loud for a second. Maybe write it on Wacco for input and support. Maybe just tie someone up and tease them unmercifully.. Yoga is awesome as well as listening to the B52s and dancing with all your heart to the beat.. Good Luck !

[ghatmandu]

We are after all human, anger is just another emotion, a momentary disconnect from our being centered. There's nothing wrong with experiencing it, the important thing is you acknowleged and recognized it,and took the time to own that feeling, we all have thoughts and feelings that surprise us at times, the key is that we don't hide from these thoughts or feelings,

[mykil]

I am an extremely lucky individual that never seems to get mad. My motto has alwayz been What gives me the right to get mad about anything, who do you think you are that you have this capability to even assume you have the right to be mad in the first place? This is how wars are started and where pretty much all violence comes form it this whole world. Next time you are getting mad about anything ask yourself WHAT GIVES YOU THIS RIGHT TO GET MAD? Slow down and think about it. Even if you feel you have this right there has got to be some way of putting the anger aside and dealing with the situation at hand, even if it means walking away…

[thanksandpraise]

I think one of the most important things to consider here is that anger is a secondary emotion. By FEELING, not BECOMING anger, we can see the beneficial nature of our anger......what is causing it? Is it fear, jealousy, confusion, or something else. I find that it helps me to look at anger as a reminder that i DO feel, not necessarily as a primary feeling in itself.
I hope this helps...........
J

[neil]

Thank-you for posting this,Thanksandpraise.

I think you are making an important distinction by saying that anger is a "secondary emotion".

You seem to be pointing to another way of working, where we are deliberately "FEELING" [a process, not a noun]. And this takes us to something more primary than the sheer emotion of anger, and gives us something more valuable than we have with just the anger. Am I understanding you right?

Someone might ask: But don't we FEEL our anger, too?

Yes, of course, but only opaquely. As anger, it is closed, sort of a finished thing. For there to be change, we need process.

Eugene Gendlin, in his "A Theory of Personality Change" says contents [such as anger] can be thought of as "process aspects". If we can FEEL beyond (or at the edges of) what is already clear and fixed, we find something much more intricate and responsive than the usual emotions or truisms.

Gendlin has profound thinking about all this. You may want to look at his "A Theory of Personality Change" , available free at

www.focusing.org/gendlin/docs/gol_2145.html

Neil

I think one of the most important things to consider here is that anger is a secondary emotion. By FEELING, not BECOMING anger, we can see the beneficial nature of our anger......what is causing it? Is it fear, jealousy, confusion, or something else. I find that it helps me to look at anger as a reminder that i DO feel, not necessarily as a primary feeling in itself.
I hope this helps...........
J