A Message from the Socialists for Global Warming

["Mad" Miles]

From my buddy Bob Rudner in Chicago. Yes, he's kidding, sort of. He's also an active member of the Chicago Greens and is one if its founding organizers.

"Mad" Miles

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Drown the Capitalists!
Melt the Polar Ice Caps!
Socialists for Global Warming

Does anyone remember, back when Vietnamization failed in 1975, the phenomenon of the “Boat People?” Saigon’s talented restaurateurs actually improved America’s taste in fast food, giving us shrimp spring rolls and chili-garlic sauce, etc. If Iraq is Arabic for Vietnam, America’s newest flotsam of restaurateurs will be serving a Mesopotamian bill of fair -- shish kebabs, couscous and tabbouleh. It’s even healthy. Meanwhile, back in the Earth’s atmosphere, if things continue the way they’re going, the country’s waterfront will grow deeper inland and higher up, while the shrimp farms will float over submerged coastal cities.

Imagine a Hummer as an Ark. The failure of Iraqization will soon lead to its own “boat people.” But these new boat people have an historic advantage, as this idea is as old as the Bible. The original boat person, Noah, once lived in Iraq where the Second Marines are currently camped, in a town spelled Hit, which is pronounced ‘heat’.” But God will have nothing to do with this flood. It’s up to mankind to drown themselves.

A single-minded socialist unanimity is needed to achieve this cause, and it only requires the mass mobilization of capital to accomplish it. The more greedy capitalists get, the faster they will make the oceans rise to greet them. The quicker we can get international capital to expend its petroleum reserve, the sooner the harbors of global corporate enterprise will be inundated.

That is why we are organizing the Socialists for Global Warming. With solidarity, we can witness rapid sea rise in our lifetimes and watch nature’s wrath upon the wicked capitalists while also increasing real estate speculation up hill. With storms, deluges, drought and freak freezes we can polish off corporate domination once and for all.

Fortunately, there are socialists with petroleum, and they are not just using it for liniment. With their marshal forces over their economic assets, they can put their gasoline into the most inefficient machines and add hydrocarbons to the atmosphere faster than Americans. China will outstrip US pollution five to one. With the Chinese Communist Party fully on the floor of Wall Street via Wal-Mart, while operating the world’s largest non-attainment zone for manufacturing pollutants, what the capitalists don’t burn in their home countries will be more than made up for, many times over. Without the enormous command economy of Communist China, the American free enterprise system would soon bite the dust.

Struggling economies gushing with oil, now can serve to elevate their ocean ports while improving their life standards. If odd couples like Mahmoud Ahmadinajad and Hugo Chavez can be used to represent anti-imperialism, they can also represent a movement of popular resistance to capitalism through solidarity for intentional global warming. Both have petroleum reserves, and they can serve as an example on how to drown capitalists. Here’s what we must do: Keep the Republicans in the White House, and the Democrats on the right. Split and alienate the opposition. Stop initiatives by grassroots Green activists to improve environmental standards. To maximize carbon emissions, increase oil and coal usage and inefficiencies. For this, a leap of cynicism is needed.

Fist, all revolutionaries must keep the Democrats from taking over the executive powers of the ruling-class, and make sure they remain nothing but a spare Republican Party. Anti-war activists must only use their vote as a sort of radical thermometer of left wing opinion, a dream candidate wish list. Monkey wrench and sandbag the left’s environmentalist agenda by supporting nuclear power, which requires coal for uranium purification and enrichment. All it takes is an American Chernobyl and capitalism will follow the Soviet Union’s demise.

Oppose ecological salvation! The Greens are bourgeois, and environmentalism is for the rich. Greens have abandoned the revolution for temporary solutions when the solvent to corporate rule is water, and lots of it. The only use for solar power is to melt the driven snow. Solar power multiplied by the greenhouse effect is the means to the end of finally driving multinational corporations beneath the waves. Since the free enterprise system can be rigged for further exploitation of oil, ecological living is counter-revolutionary! Ban Tofu! Paté de Foise Gras for the Masses! It is more efficient to chop down forests and end the system all together. For most people it may be suicide, but at least they will have an exciting time. With global warming, the sooner we will dispatch the capitalists under storms of fury -- to the Flight of the Valkyries!

To intensify alienation, take a chapter from the Bolshevik Revolution and use the Czar’s secret police propaganda tool, The Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion. This book answers all questions with the same conclusion, and only a tiny minority of humanity will be to blame. Link hands with Mahmoud Ahmadinajad’s new buddy, Ku Klux Klan anti-imperialist wizard David Duke. Mass paranoia can be multiplied with the mean spirit of Holocaust denial and Hitler-Stalin Pact style alliances with National Socialists. Alliances with the devil must be arranged, because hatred fans the flames faster than reason. Psychological warfare helps retard the growth of alternative lifestyles to petroleum. While making the world a little colder, we can warm it up.

When Adolph Hitler turned 50, Henry Ford sent his Aryan hero about $38,000 worth in Reichsmarks, which Hermann Georing used for a blow out party. The rotund generalissimo had a giant chocolate cake made for his birthday-Fuhrer, all covered with a white icing map replicating the Barbarossa Campaign. A man of exquisite tastes, Georing included sites for oil deposits, marking them with terrines of chocolate liquor sauce. He included oil fields in the Middle East and Baku in the Soviet Union for the chocolate sauce -- a nice way to blow out your candles. Now the sauce terrines are in Venezuela and Iran, and the price of chocolate sauce is skyrocketing.

This is catastrophic socialism. Capitalist culture has programmed a self-destructive lifestyle into billions of people, so let’s not stop them now. They set the path of their own doom, and we can’t let them turn around just yet. As German Communist leader Ernst Thaelmann said in 1933, “Today, Hitler. Tomorrow, our turn.” After 1945, they got a chance to imprison their own people, until their prison fell apart. If nothing is learned from this, it is easier to replicate and repeat.

“Capitalist means to socialist ends.” That is our motto. How about these chants: “Boil Globalism in Oil!” More like boil the globe in oil. Or: “Greenhouse Gas the Capitalists!” This sounds cynical, because it is, but we hope we have you thinking. Imagine this: Cruise ships and abandoned oil tankers converted into floating cities. Washington, DC under water with the Capitol on an island. Can you see the sharks swimming down Wall Street from your glass-bottom boat? What’s it worth to you?

Red Hummer Collective: Greenhouse Socialist Tendency, Harmonic Submergence