Sex Is Sacred

I happened to speak to my ex last night and he had mentioned that he was no longer going to see this girl he had just slept with. It had something to do with the fact that she lives too far away and there was some issue around schedules. He then says that's okay because he wasn't that into her. Well I had to ask him why he then slept with her if he wasn't that into her? He says, "can't people just fuck?" I could just feel my mind unravel when he said that. My response to him was, "no, people just can't fuck." Really meaning, that I personally would not do that. To me not only is sex sacred, but so is my body and if I am going to share that with someone, they are going to be my partner.

So is my thinking antiquated? Could I possibly be wrong thinking like this? Do most people really just want to have sex without any emotional connections?

Doesn't anyone want to be in love anymore and stay with their partner?

I hate to say it, but if most people just want to have sex without any attachment's, then I will never be interacting with them. Yes this means I want a serious relationship, not just sex.

Hi Jill,

No, I don't think your thinking is antiquated. I think it's perfectly up to date: for you. And that makes it perfect.

Other folks have different takes on it. For me, sex is sacred, even if I know it will be a one time only event. I think most "one night stands" are done with little consciousness or sacred intent, but I think a conscious and sacred one night stand is possible.

I'm a guy who loves the love and it takes a real relationship over time for that to develop. However, I've had two one night experiences in recent years that were extraordinary at the time and delicious in memory. Both times both of us were aware that it might be the only time we'd ever have the combination of circumstances that would give us the opportunity to make love and we took that chance. We entered that sacred space consciously.

There is something to be said for the experience of knowing another in that intimate way. I think it's more a guy thing in general, but there are many women interested in having a taste even if they can't have more.

Jill, I don't consider you wrong in your feelings, but there are other points of view that are valid for other people. Fortunately we live in a culture where we are allowed choices.

-Jeff

I AGREE which is why i sit here alone alone and alone. but still I agree.

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It had something to do with the fact that she lives too far away and there was some issue around schedules. He then says that's okay because he wasn't that into her. Well I had to ask him why he then slept with her if he wasn't that into her? He says, "can't people just fuck?" I could just feel my mind unravel when he said that. My response to him was, "no, people just can't fuck." Really meaning, that I personally would not do that. To me not only is sex sacred, but so is my body and if I am going to share that with someone, they are going to be my partner.

So is my thinking antiquated? Could I possibly be wrong thinking like this? Do most people really just want to have sex without any emotional connections?

Doesn't anyone want to be in love anymore and stay with their partner?

I hate to say it, but if most people just want to have sex without any attachment's, then I will never be interacting with them. Yes this means I want a serious relationship, not just sex.

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Hmmmmm,
I've always wondered, when I am 90, am I gonna wonder about the ones I didn't do or the ones I did do or the ones I am going to do or the ones I wont do?
Does it really matter when you're dead?
Is sex still sacred if you don't believe in God?

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Posted in reply to the post by Jill:

I happened to speak to my ex last night and he had mentioned that he was no longer going to see this girl he had just slept with. It had something to do with the fact that she lives too far away and there was some issue around schedules. He then says that's okay because he wasn't that into her. Well I had to ask him why he then slept with her if he wasn't that into her? He says, "can't people just fuck?" I could just feel my mind unravel when he said that. My response to him was, "no, people just can't fuck." Really meaning, that I personally would not do that. To me not only is sex sacred, but so is my body and if I am going to share that with someone, they are going to be my partner.

So is my thinking antiquated? Could I possibly be wrong thinking like this? Do most people really just want to have sex without any emotional connections?

Doesn't anyone want to be in love anymore and stay with their partner?

I hate to say it, but if most people just want to have sex without any attachment's, then I will never be interacting with them. Yes this means I want a serious relationship, not just sex.

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Hey Jill !

Something i had not imagined was possible..just popped into my head ! :idea:

Is there any possibility your "ex-partner" was attempting to be extreme or too casual about it....just to make it clear that it was just a "casual fling' ... (to let you know it was not heart felt.... and he he was choosing not to share his whole complete self with this other girl as he did with you..)... because a part of him wishes he could still be with you? :hmmm:

do you feel he shared his whole self with you or when you were with him?
( if you wish to respond privately.....or not at all... its up to YOU)

I personally feel that "sex" can be sacred..depending on the experience and a persons viewpoint.

But overall, I feel the word "sex" is too casual in itself. (the words: sex, "i love you" and "im sorry".. i feel are all too casual).
In my vocabulary, when someone uses that word, SEX, I automatically sense a particular "casual vibe".. behind it.

I do enjoy the phrases : "making love" (which could be done with a simple hug-embrace OR ....??) :heart:
*******

MsTerry: You ask a good question ! But do you believe that energy is sacred or that Love is?!

In the past, and still today, many religious people perceived sex / making love as a sacred act and it was common to wait until marriage to perform such an act!

People would wait for up to a year or more! YET ~
I can imagine some would get married fairly soon just so they could perform "the sacred act'.

Nowadays, it seems as if there are very few couples who allow themselves to be together for a year or more before engaging in such a "sacred act".

I know of several people who have a "commitment" with themselves to wait for at least 6 months - a year before going "too far too soon"....with a mate / partner.

also.. I have recently received the information that more couples ARE more into being sexual than they are into sharing nurturing touch, massage, and caresses...unless it is leading up to "something".

I hope this discovery shifts gears!

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Posted in reply to the post by MsTerry:

Hmmmmm,
I?
Is sex still sacred if you don't believe in God?

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We really ought to talk about intentional friendship some where in this thread so I'll just send it out.

I see that more and more people seem to be seeking that special "relationship". I didn't find it until I stopped looking and started looking for friends.

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Posted in reply to the post by nurturetruth;

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MsTerry: You ask a good question ! But do you believe that energy is sacred or that Love is?!

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I think energy just is.
I've had interactions with other people, that were sexual in nature, yet we never talked, never touched and but it felt sacred.
Sacred is another word that has different meanings to different people.

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In the past, many religious people perceived sex / making love as a sacred act and it was common to wait until marriage to perform such an act! People would wait for up to a year or more! YET ~
I can imagine some would get married fairly soon just so they could perform "the sacred act'.

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Jehovah's Witnesses and their children still do .

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also.. I have recently received the information that more couples ARE more into being sexual than they are into sharing nurturing touch, massage, and caresses...unless it is leading up to "something".

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what source told you this?
is it a clinical study?
how many people participated?

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Posted in reply to the post by shellebelle:

We really ought to talk about intentional friendship some where in this thread so I'll just send it out.

I see that more and more people seem to be seeking that special "relationship". I didn't find it until I stopped looking and started looking for friends.

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THANK YOU , SHELLEBELLE for putting IT out there!!!

Nicely put!

ALSO: MS. Shellebelle: I am still in yearning for the 5 or 7 Languages of LOVE.......:heart:
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MsTerry: I am in the process of doing a project called:

"The Touch Project"

formed a questionnaire of about 5 questions , and have posted on several blogs and forums. And asked locals. I have yet to post on Wacco, but intend to. So far, I have received answers from over 250 people.

Plus, if you go to photobucket and type in the word "touch".... 90% of all the images are what i would consider some what sexual!

I thought I sent you the questions, MsTerry ??????????

Jill I do not understand the problem, I hate to be harsh but you dumped him cause he was too needy. Now if this was the case he has every right to go out and screw any one he wants! I think you are being a little needy yourself at this point in time. You hurt him by dumping him and he went out and got laid just to hurt you? He new this would hurt you and this is why he did it and is telling you about it. If you truly are done with him this should be a no brainier and you should move on. If it hurts this much you damped him hoping he would ruin back to you with you being more in control????? I still don’t get why you are upset????? If you are truly done with your ex leave him alone and move on with your life! PEACE aned again I am sorry for the harshness of my post!

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Posted in reply to the post by Jill:

I happened to speak to my ex last night and he had mentioned that he was no longer going to see this girl he had just slept with. It had something to do with the fact that she lives too far away and there was some issue around schedules. He then says that's okay because he wasn't that into her. Well I had to ask him why he then slept with her if he wasn't that into her? He says, "can't people just fuck?" I could just feel my mind unravel when he said that. My response to him was, "no, people just can't fuck." Really meaning, that I personally would not do that. To me not only is sex sacred, but so is my body and if I am going to share that with someone, they are going to be my partner.

So is my thinking antiquated? Could I possibly be wrong thinking like this? Do most people really just want to have sex without any emotional connections?

Doesn't anyone want to be in love anymore and stay with their partner?

I hate to say it, but if most people just want to have sex without any attachment's, then I will never be interacting with them. Yes this means I want a serious relationship, not just sex.

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O.K. So my response to this is that I have learned exspecially as of late that everyone interprets sex differently. Yes we all (hopefully) enjoy it and need it and as I do, crave it! But as my last lover said to me from the start that "men" want to fuck and it is totally seperate from love. I of course wanted to prove him wrong or at least he could at least make me think I was being loved while we were in my opinion engaging in YES, a sacred act. Even though I felt the passion and desire, as soon as it was over, it was over and I admit it broke my heart. To feel such unbelievable passion and walk away seems to me unbelievable. I still can't figure it out but it is what it is.The experience though has opened me up to letting go and maybe enjoy to just be fucked with no strings attached. But ,I am still a lover and when it comes to sharing my body it IS Sacred to me! I am going to still believe that someone will come into my life and believe this as well.:Yinyangv:

When animals have sex are they in "love"? As far as the stament "men just want to fuck" goes I've known plenty of women who just want "to fuck",and that's perfectly o.k. as long as both people agree to it with no expectations other than a good romp in the hay.Strictly primal.instinctual,sex can be fun!!
I don't mean to sound shallow but for many people it's like driving the car before buying the vehicle.
On the other hand you have "the dance" courtship getting to know each other falling in love,expectations,illusions of forever.
So, take your pick,but be honest and clear with each other and yourself.

It wasn't what he did, it was the attitude that came across that left a bad taste in my mouth.

Also, I don't think I am needy. However I perfer people to be a bit more kind and tactful when entering relationships of any kind. There is no need to be rude. I'm all for communication, compromise and respect.

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Posted in reply to the post by mykil:

Jill I do not understand the problem, I hate to be harsh but you dumped him cause he was too needy. Now if this was the case he has every right to go out and screw any one he wants! I think you are being a little needy yourself at this point in time. You hurt him by dumping him and he went out and got laid just to hurt you? He new this would hurt you and this is why he did it and is telling you about it. If you truly are done with him this should be a no brainier and you should move on. If it hurts this much you damped him hoping he would ruin back to you with you being more in control????? I still don’t get why you are upset????? If you are truly done with your ex leave him alone and move on with your life! PEACE aned again I am sorry for the harshness of my post!

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Posted in reply to the post by Tinque:

O.K. So my response to this is that I have learned exspecially as of late that everyone interprets sex differently. Yes we all (hopefully) enjoy it and need it and as I do, crave it! But as my last lover said to me from the start that "men" want to fuck and it is totally seperate from love. I of course wanted to prove him wrong or at least he could at least make me think I was being loved while we were in my opinion engaging in YES, a sacred act. Even though I felt the passion and desire, as soon as it was over, it was over and I admit it broke my heart. To feel such unbelievable passion and walk away seems to me unbelievable. I still can't figure it out but it is what it is.The experience though has opened me up to letting go and maybe enjoy to just be fucked with no strings attached. But ,I am still a lover and when it comes to sharing my body it IS Sacred to me! I am going to still believe that someone will come into my life and believe this as well.:Yinyangv:

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"Men love the chase-plain and simple.
Maybe it's the whole'hunter' thing - anthropologists, psychologists and biologists have been arguing that point forever - but for whatever reason, it's true. They want a challenge and they need to win, which is why they are much more comfortable in the role of pursuer."
It might seem completely anti-feminist and 1950s; women have made incredible strides over the past several decades as far as becoming strong and empowered. What's wrong with asking him for what you want, whenever you want, and expecting to get it?
That line of thinking is all well and good when it comes to
certain areas of a woman's life, such as her career, or when she's dealing with the phone company after they overcharged her for the umpteenth time.
When it comes to dating, however, choosing to ignore the
biologically encoded differences between men and women will only get you into trouble.

The undeniable truth is that it is human nature to want what we can't have. So if a guy feels that he doesn't need to do any work to gain your affection, he will quickly lose interest, no matter how attractive you may be.
And even if he's already REALLY interested in you, if he's
like most men he'll need to ease his way into the idea of
taking the relationship to the next level. Guys are much more excited about making a commitment to a woman when they believe that it's THEIR idea in the first place.

Incidentally, you might consider putting your sexual instincts on hold as well. You mentioned that you become the most needy once you've become intimate with a guy, and that's completely understandable.
Intimacy, by its very nature, can make a woman feel vulnerable. And it's not surprising that you would feel emotional about the relationship if you've opened yourself to a man in this way but don't feel you are getting the true
relationship you desire in return.

When you focus on keeping your emotions in check - i.e.,
allowing the man to take control of each SITUATION (in those fragile beginning stages) - you actually gain control of the RELATIONSHIP.
That's because HE'LL be the one pursuing you, expressing his growing feelings for you, and asking for you to become his exclusive girlfriend... and YOU'LL be the one deciding whether to reciprocate his feelings.
Men are so used to women dictating the progression of a new relationship with their EMOTIONAL NEEDS (which makes guys feel out of control and uncertain), that when they meet a RATIONAL woman like YOU who lets them set the pace they immediately notice that you're different and special. This drives them crazy in a good way and makes them realize very quickly that you're a "keeper" and they'd better do something quick before they lose your attention!
In the meantime, you're not sitting around waiting for him
to define the relationship or otherwise putting all your
energy into predicting his next moves. Instead, you're focusing your energy on living a happy, full life JUST FOR YOU.
Nurture that non needy part of yourself! In fact, FILL your life with friends and family members.
You see, when your guy notices that you are busy, happy and fulfilled even without him by your side, he'll find you
wildly attractive. He'll also have the thrill of being in
the pursuer role, since he knows he can't just expect you to
be free and available at the drop of a hat. (And guys LOVE
a challenge!)
He'll WANT to make a commitment to you because he'll want to be sure you make room for him in your full, exciting life (plus he won't feel that pressure to BE your entire life and fulfill all your needs – which almost every man admits is one of his biggest commitment fears).
When you make YOURSELF a priority, you'll find that you worry less and less about where a relationship is going. Instead, you'll focus on filling your life with hobbies and activities that enrich YOU.
It will give your guy time to realize that you are not
trying to take away his independence or change him. His life can stay just as it is, only it's BETTER because you're in it.
He'll begin to see that you have no desire to make him into s something he's not - nor do you want him to fill some void in your life. You are happy and satisfied, and you simply want to share that part of yourself with him.
Keep in mind, the only way to make him realize those things is by carrying on with your busy, full life as usual. You can never force a man to behave a certain way or talk him into a commitment. He will only feel pressured, and he may come to the conclusion that not only is commitment a bad idea, but it's also a bad idea with YOU in particular.(This info comes from a book: https://www.dating-without-drama.com), very informative... Check it out Tinque!
There is another part in the book that says that women are just not built for one night stands. We can do it, but it is not in our make up and that is why our feelings get hurt...when its over...

WELL;
What a delight full thread full of delightful men and women and whatever..
sorry..I am still attached to knowing the gender of a person,especially when they are on this topic,and yet some folks on this site seem to take joy in keeping it out of their title,and opinions offered. Jill; well as you know I'm sure the whole EX phenomena gets in the way a bit here, in my advanced years(as a 60yr old male) I have found the term x distasteful, if I was willing to love once, why not always, Yeah I know I know shhh everybody ...gads "they got the goldmine you got the shaft" OH well love is risky! and thank god for LITTLE problems like was that a spiritual experience or a great ""Fuck"" or both! I could imagine that I have been both sides of the conversation a dozen times before I dropped out of """relationship"""
Oh I have a romance in my life! and tons of wonderful girlfriends(not throwing them out does that)I just don't use the old word anymore,at least without the word in front "ROMANTIC"relationship,lets be clear and mean something with our speech.It is both true and untrue that it's a "guy thing"!
In communities I know and love "Love" is sometimes viewed as sacred, and sensuality as an expression of love is precious,valuable,tender or wild as the moment provides. this can be SEX or cuddling or conversation between adults who choose their sacred path together.Not necessarily about "god".
Commitment and Marriage are a whole different topic that our culture indoctrinates us into believing we must bow to every time we have sexual feelings for someone.Many women in our culture experience isolation and lack of caring human contact because of these moral judgment corridors that we all must follow in the "dating" world.I see women who are older and
chubbier and grayer and wrinklier(hey it happens to some hotties in time!)
EMPOWERED in these sacred sensual communities to express their beauty and joy and vitaliy in such a way as they never have to sit at home and
wait and wait for the dumb phone to ring, It's not going to . Unfortunately the majority of men (however old and fat,are chasing young babes for a bunch of the wrong reasons)SO THANK GOODNESS FOR SACRED SENSUALITY a lot of women love loving ,you don't have to call it "fuck" unless that turns you on. Many if not MORE women I have known love sensual loving contact with another person, not necessarily contingent on future plans or written contracts.What is required is SAFETY within a community of loving friends you know who are not going to let you down if you aren't relating sexually, or feeling "pretty". a community that will remember who you are as a person and treat you with loving dignity regardless.
So I guess all the people you shared your body with, including your previous lover,were in some way or are your" partners"
I like something I can mis-quote from Rumi it was like"everytime you make love you create a baby" so as I see it,how are you going to nurture those babies! soul babies, fun babies, love babies, caring?fuck babies baby!
I've been DUMPED before,so I get to nurture those empty feelings (babies!)inside myself,and as I tear up I recognize the mother who lost her children in a tsunami and I thank* for the compassion I am growing with my pain.
How do you nurture those ghostly loves...??
What a blessing to have small stuff to consider,and maybe it's all small stuff. Nico
the male human being

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Posted in reply to the post by Jill:

I happened to speak to my ex last night and he had mentioned that he was no longer going to see this girl he had just slept with. It had something to do with the fact that she lives too far away and there was some issue around schedules. He then says that's okay because he wasn't that into her. Well I had to ask him why he then slept with her if he wasn't that into her? He says, "can't people just fuck?" I could just feel my mind unravel when he said that. My response to him was, "no, people just can't fuck." Really meaning, that I personally would not do that. To me not only is sex sacred,

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So,if I may ask, was it sacred with him? and if so is it still?

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Posted in reply to the post by Jill:

and so is my body and if I am going to share that with someone, they are going to be my partner.

So is my thinking antiquated?

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no just stereotypical

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Posted in reply to the post by Jill:

Could I possibly be wrong thinking like this?

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Just enjoy the process no need to judge

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Posted in reply to the post by Jill:

Do most people really just want to have sex without any emotional connections?

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NAH those that do are faking it and it will all come back in a giant rush 2 seconds before they die

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Posted in reply to the post by Jill:

Doesn't anyone want to be in love anymore and stay with their partner?

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i do,and I also want to love(touch) all loving women who like and invite me and even some great guys, but if that hurts your feelings, email me and I will cease and desist till we work things out, it is just true to my NATURE and that is my honest commitment to myself.

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Posted in reply to the post by Jill:

I hate to say it, but if most people just want to have sex without any attachment's, then I will never be interacting with them.

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AH ,and there's the "RUB"as they say for this is verbal intercourse in which you have offered your precious question!!!

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Posted in reply to the post by Jill:

Yes this means I want a serious relationship, not just sex.

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Right on! May you get all in one, and perhaps one in all!

I like this question A LOT!

I see these as spiritual joining so I agree on the baby aspect of it.

I nurture them through nurturing me, accepting, appreciating, going to the memory and being thankful for it.

I nurture them by never closing that door so rejoining is always possible.

I also nurture my poor decisions even more than my good decisions and through the nurture I learn to see the poor decisions before I make them . . . mostly.

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Posted in reply to the post by nicofrog:

WELL;

How do you nurture those ghostly loves...??

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tHIS REALITY IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN WE CAN UNDERSTAND FULLY. Sexual healing is THE MOST POWERFUL HEALING AVAILABLE, yet sex is considered 'dirty,' not to be talked about openly, and looked 'down' upon.

What a trick/trap! Guys aren't as tuff and masculine as they like to believe. they need the woman to complete themselves. They deny, and are afraid to be devoured by love. Most don't even know how to make love, they do know how to fuck, and isn't that an accomplishment? c'mon, we're in trouble as a specie.

the love hormone opens up arteries, veins, the heart itself, and allows for relaxation and , remember this emotion....HAPPINESS.

The woman has 4 stages to understand by the man; girl, lady, great dame, love goddess. We are so backwards, so ignorant, and by design.

who would want to sabotage love? could it be the maker of love? well?
That's what becomes painfully obvious when one does the research, i.e., Genesis, UNrevised Old Testament. Our primordial mother is declared as
"A PERFECTLY INNOCENT EVE.' I swear this is what i read, although i'm leaving out the 5 sentences that are the most important ever revealed.

Why did the creator place the organs of pleasure/regeneration in the same area as organs of elimination? coincidence? nope, "the first" is purposeful, and it has unlimited power and unlimited DUALITY. everything is assigned a death, and we don't discuss our lives and how to solve our common problems. know anybody born or who dies with an instruction sheet?

I've had the laws of gravity diminish when i love correctly.

Hi Jill,

I think your thinking is right on the money. MTV and model marketing have created an environment in which 'everyone' (exaggeration, of course) wants to be a porn star, and we've collectively degenerated to the lowest common denominator, like people are prone to doing.

I, for one, had a few one night stands when I was a young man and hated every one of them. Having sex with a stranger is the equivalent to having sex by yourself, except that you have someone else's body to USE for your selfish pleasure. If you have no emotional investment in the other person, it's all about you. Oh, some men will be interested in giving you pleasure, because it gives them pleasure to do so and it rationalizes their selfish agenda.

But I cannot imagine using someone's body today, even with their permission. It's empty, emotionless and selfish. But some people prefer sex like that.

The pull of our carnal nature is great, I admit. I married my first wife's ass, I'll admit that too, albeit saving her from her father who was moving back in with mom, the father who molested her as a child. The attraction of the flesh is great, and my flesh was weak back then. When I was single again in my 30's, I was aware that it was always a pretty face or pretty body that attracted me to the women I spent time with and I committed to avoiding women who were showing off their bodies and look for someone who didn't use their bodies as 'bait' to attract a man. That led me to my wife. I refused to go to bed with her, as well, so I could get to know who she really WAS without the blinders that good sex become.

Men who are in the place your husband is in simply haven't evolved out of the selfish adolescent stage, where, even with a woman's permission, they are really only interested in using the other person's body. No emotional investment because emotionally they are skin deep. It's about selfishness, control, and it's about using people.

Selfishness creates this mentality, btw. It also creates the mentality that says "I can leave whenever I get bored or tired of her calling me on my s**t." In other words, one cannot be a committed partner without a commitment to the RELATIONSHIP, not just a commitment to the other person. Commitment to the RELATIONSHIP is about me and my character, not about 'how the other person is acting these days', because over time, as we all know, people change. I'm committed to my marriage, to do whatever it takes to work through the changes my wife and I go through individually.

It sounds like you're lucky to be free from a man who, to be frank, one probably has to wonder how often he was just f***ing you, rather than making love with you.

Just my thoughts. Thanks for yours.

Don

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Posted in reply to the post by Jill:

I happened to speak to my ex last night and he had mentioned that he was no longer going to see this girl he had just slept with. It had something to do with the fact that she lives too far away and there was some issue around schedules. He then says that's okay because he wasn't that into her. Well I had to ask him why he then slept with her if he wasn't that into her? He says, "can't people just fuck?" I could just feel my mind unravel when he said that. My response to him was, "no, people just can't fuck." Really meaning, that I personally would not do that. To me not only is sex sacred, but so is my body and if I am going to share that with someone, they are going to be my partner.

So is my thinking antiquated? Could I possibly be wrong thinking like this? Do most people really just want to have sex without any emotional connections?

Doesn't anyone want to be in love anymore and stay with their partner?

I hate to say it, but if most people just want to have sex without any attachment's, then I will never be interacting with them. Yes this means I want a serious relationship, not just sex.

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"and , remember this emotion....HAPPINESS."

I don't recall "happiness" being an emotion. Perhaps you're confusing it with joy. Happiness is driven by happenings, Jay. It's not one of the human emotions.

Also, to answer your question: "they do know how to fuck, and isn't that an accomplishment?"

Is breathing an accomplishment? How about taking a crap? Is that an accomplishment in your opinion? LOL Wow. No, it's really not. All animals do this, Jay. It's not an accomplishment at all. It's instinctual.

Thanks for sharing, Jay.

Don

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Posted in reply to the post by Dr.Jay:

tHIS REALITY IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN WE CAN UNDERSTAND FULLY. Sexual healing is THE MOST POWERFUL HEALING AVAILABLE, yet sex is considered 'dirty,' not to be talked about openly, and looked 'down' upon.

What a trick/trap! Guys aren't as tuff and masculine as they like to believe. they need the woman to complete themselves. They deny, and are afraid to be devoured by love. Most don't even know how to make love, they do know how to fuck, and isn't that an accomplishment? c'mon, we're in trouble as a specie.

the love hormone opens up arteries, veins, the heart itself, and allows for relaxation and , remember this emotion....HAPPINESS.

The woman has 4 stages to understand by the man; girl, lady, great dame, love goddess. We are so backwards, so ignorant, and by design.

who would want to sabotage love? could it be the maker of love? well?
That's what becomes painfully obvious when one does the research, i.e., Genesis, UNrevised Old Testament. Our primordial mother is declared as
"A PERFECTLY INNOCENT EVE.' I swear this is what i read, although i'm leaving out the 5 sentences that are the most important ever revealed.

Why did the creator place the organs of pleasure/regeneration in the same area as organs of elimination? coincidence? nope, "the first" is purposeful, and it has unlimited power and unlimited DUALITY. everything is assigned a death, and we don't discuss our lives and how to solve our common problems. know anybody born or who dies with an instruction sheet?

I've had the laws of gravity diminish when i love correctly.

---

:heart:you are right jill, one of the best things in life is to love and be loved in return,nothing else matters,and money cannot buy it

Quote:

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Posted in reply to the post by Jill:

I happened to speak to my ex last night and he had mentioned that he was no longer going to see this girl he had just slept with. It had something to do with the fact that she lives too far away and there was some issue around schedules. He then says that's okay because he wasn't that into her. Well I had to ask him why he then slept with her if he wasn't that into her? He says, "can't people just fuck?" I could just feel my mind unravel when he said that. My response to him was, "no, people just can't fuck." Really meaning, that I personally would not do that. To me not only is sex sacred, but so is my body and if I am going to share that with someone, they are going to be my partner.

So is my thinking antiquated? Could I possibly be wrong thinking like this? Do most people really just want to have sex without any emotional connections?

Doesn't anyone want to be in love anymore and stay with their partner?

I hate to say it, but if most people just want to have sex without any attachment's, then I will never be interacting with them. Yes this means I want a serious relationship, not just sex.

---

Quote:

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Posted in reply to the post by vanman:

:heart:you are right jill, one of the best things in life is to love and be loved in return,nothing else matters,...

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I agree that to love and be loved is the best, and to make love with the one you love is even better! :wink:

And that still leaves room for sex that may not be in the optimal context, but it can still be quite fun and even intimate and profound, but for whatever reason it's not appropriate to partner together.

And let's be real, in most cases we're talking about single people who have "partnered" with any number of people along the way on their search for "the one".

I suppose you could wait for a person you could "partner with" before you have sex, but what fun is that? :wink: And if you could look into the future to see that you are not going to "end up together" would you not "partner" in the first place?

Quote:

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Posted in reply to the post by Jill:

I happened to speak to my ex last night and he had mentioned that he was no longer going to see this girl he had just slept with. It had something to do with the fact that she lives too far away and there was some issue around schedules. He then says that's okay because he wasn't that into her. Well I had to ask him why he then slept with her if he wasn't that into her? He says, "can't people just fuck?" I could just feel my mind unravel when he said that. My response to him was, "no, people just can't fuck." Really meaning, that I personally would not do that. To me not only is sex sacred, but so is my body and if I am going to share that with someone, they are going to be my partner.

So is my thinking antiquated? Could I possibly be wrong thinking like this? Do most people really just want to have sex without any emotional connections?

Doesn't anyone want to be in love anymore and stay with their partner?

I hate to say it, but if most people just want to have sex without any attachment's, then I will never be interacting with them. Yes this means I want a serious relationship, not just sex.

---

Jill, I am a 43 year old man who believes in sacred sex and to me that means opening up to love. I have been reading a facinating book recently Called "finding God through Sex" by David Deida. I don't know if I completely agree about all the things he says, however he does present some challenges to the feminine part in all of us. I have been with some women who are in touch with that "masculine traite" who have said they wanted "just sex" but ultimately there is no such thing in my oppinion.... or at least in my experience. Of course I seem to be in touch with my own inner feminine which is I suppose a little rare. I believe that You can hide from yourself if you desire, but you cannot hide from the ultimate truth. And to me that is that we all desire to love and be loved, to give love and recieve love in return. Too many of us try to hide behind what we believe to be "safe barriers" so we don't open ourselves up to the possibility of being hurt. Some can live this illusion better than others but to answer your question, yes there are others out there who believe in love and sex as one.

Peace, Skyhawk

Quote:

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Posted in reply to the post by SkyHawk:

Jill, I am a 43 year old man who believes in sacred sex and to me that means opening up to love. I have been reading a facinating book recently Called "finding God through Sex" by David Deida. I don't know if I completely agree about all the things he says, however he does present some challenges to the feminine part in all of us. I have been with some women who are in touch with that "masculine traite" who have said they wanted "just sex" but ultimately there is no such thing in my oppinion.... or at least in my experience. Of course I seem to be in touch with my own inner feminine which is I suppose a little rare. I believe that You can hide from yourself if you desire, but you cannot hide from the ultimate truth. And to me that is that we all desire to love and be loved, to give love and recieve love in return. Too many of us try to hide behind what we believe to be "safe barriers" so we don't open ourselves up to the possibility of being hurt. Some can live this illusion better than others but to answer your question, yes there are others out there who believe in love and sex as one.

Peace, Skyhawk

---

I honor this to the core of my being!

In heart,
Brian

Who knows what most people want. It's probably safe to say that most prefer love with their sex. It's the best. And it is a sacred connection when you're truly making love with your partner.

But I gotta tell ya, sex for pleasure's sake is great too! To truly enjoy yourself and someone else for just what it is, is way fun. (Of course, the sex has to be great or why bother). It's just another version. Granted, it's one that doesn't work for everyone but don't knock it. The world isn't black and white and neither is sex. It isn't just sex + love = good, sex + no love = bad. There's a whole world in between to be enjoyed!

I happened to speak to my ex last night and he had mentioned that he was no longer going to see this girl he had just slept with. It had something to do with the fact that she lives too far away and there was some issue around schedules. He then says that's okay because he wasn't that into her. Well I had to ask him why he then slept with her if he wasn't that into her? He says, "can't people just fuck?" I could just feel my mind unravel when he said that. My response to him was, "no, people just can't fuck." Really meaning, that I personally would not do that. To me not only is sex sacred, but so is my body and if I am going to share that with someone, they are going to be my partner.

So is my thinking antiquated? Could I possibly be wrong thinking like this? Do most people really just want to have sex without any emotional connections?

Doesn't anyone want to be in love anymore and stay with their partner?

I hate to say it, but if most people just want to have sex without any attachment's, then I will never be interacting with them. Yes this means I want a serious relationship, not just sex.

:idea:just the fact that he mentioned, "it wasn't that great", implies a regret that he used his body that way, the opposite of sacred is desecration.........We've all been there......Jaino

I find that sex is very sacred. Even though i crave the desire to have sex for pleasures sake, i love the emotional attachment involved. I miss the joy of making love as opposed to "fucking". I miss the cuddling and snuggling. Sex for pleasures sake is good and all, but it does not replace making love to someone you deeply are committed too.

To me the question is really what does it mean to be Sacred.

Sex obviously is a lot of different things,
it can be a diversion, pleasure, exercise, connecting, follow-on to
good touch, expression of love, and the act of creating a new life.

Our bodies are amazing systems of living/life energy that has been
in continually unbroken development for over 3Byears, that is a lot
of time, intelligence and energy, all here with us today. To me that
means that the act of sex has the potential to bring forth all that
life experience to one moment of potential success- The energy of
our lifes existence into one moment of creation. That is a pretty
good definition of sacred to me.

It is not to say that we all have to go ga-ga over it all the time,
but recognize that is where our real energy comes from, and where
our real drives stem from. The idea of spirit as something outside
of me is nonsense, it is the entire lifes experience of my unbroken
line of living cells from the beginning of life with all my previous
generations in acknowledgment working together to have me
be a success here in what I am doing today. And the fact that
we happen to be in a living/connected/holographic/fractal universe
makes it all the more fun since we are all connected on every level
of our physical and energetic reality.

So I see that the answer to the question is of course sex is sacred,
it is the most important act of the universe, and how that fits with
monogamous relationship is obviously one of choice. One can have
many sacred relationships as we do millions of times every day, but
to deny/refuse to acknowledge the sacred is a genuine shame, since
that is where the true LIFE truly exists,

Just a few thoughts from a biological spiritualist,

Ken.

Quote:

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Posted in reply to the post by Jill:

I happened to speak to my ex last night and he had mentioned that he was no longer going to see this girl he had just slept with. It had something to do with the fact that she lives too far away and there was some issue around schedules. He then says that's okay because he wasn't that into her. Well I had to ask him why he then slept with her if he wasn't that into her? He says, "can't people just fuck?" I could just feel my mind unravel when he said that. My response to him was, "no, people just can't fuck." Really meaning, that I personally would not do that. To me not only is sex sacred, but so is my body and if I am going to share that with someone, they are going to be my partner.

So is my thinking antiquated? Could I possibly be wrong thinking like this? Do most people really just want to have sex without any emotional connections?

Doesn't anyone want to be in love anymore and stay with their partner?

I hate to say it, but if most people just want to have sex without any attachment's, then I will never be interacting with them. Yes this means I want a serious relationship, not just sex.

---

Refridgeraters (sp) are sacred. They provide sustenance, sounds that can affect our mood, light-when opened, a welcome chill in summer. A full one can cause or enhance a general sense of well being, as future need is perceived as met. Much know how has gone into their development, and they are continuing to evolve. Feeding calms the ego to allow the spiritual attention. Seems to me one can argue for anythings sacredness, and perhaps all IS one, good, G-d, perception and sacred. Calling one thing sacred immediately makes something else less than or un sacred and something else not sacred invites duality instead of unity. Could it be that categorization is an obfuscating complication in itself. Happy Sunday show to all of you.

Quote:

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Posted in reply to the post by kburgess:

To me the question is really what does it mean to be Sacred.

Sex obviously is a lot of different things,
it can be a diversion, pleasure, exercise, connecting, follow-on to
good touch, expression of love, and the act of creating a new life.

Our bodies are amazing systems of living/life energy that has been
in continually unbroken development for over 3Byears, that is a lot
of time, intelligence and energy, all here with us today. To me that
means that the act of sex has the potential to bring forth all that
life experience to one moment of potential success- The energy of
our lifes existence into one moment of creation. That is a pretty
good definition of sacred to me.

It is not to say that we all have to go ga-ga over it all the time,
but recognize that is where our real energy comes from, and where
our real drives stem from. The idea of spirit as something outside
of me is nonsense, it is the entire lifes experience of my unbroken
line of living cells from the beginning of life with all my previous
generations in acknowledgment working together to have me
be a success here in what I am doing today. And the fact that
we happen to be in a living/connected/holographic/fractal universe
makes it all the more fun since we are all connected on every level
of our physical and energetic reality.

So I see that the answer to the question is of course sex is sacred,
it is the most important act of the universe, and how that fits with
monogamous relationship is obviously one of choice. One can have
many sacred relationships as we do millions of times every day, but
to deny/refuse to acknowledge the sacred is a genuine shame, since
that is where the true LIFE truly exists,

Just a few thoughts from a biological spiritualist,

Ken.

---

Quote:

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Posted in reply to the post by alanora:

... Calling one thing sacred immediately makes something else less than or un sacred and something else not sacred invites duality instead of unity. ...

---

I was with you until you got here. How can celebrating the sacredness of one thing, one person, one feeling desacralize something else? That is a poverty minded, Malthusian perspective. There is enough sacredness for everything and for all. The only animal that fails to recognize the sacredness in all is the human.

Humanity created divisiveness for the purpose of defining an enemy so that guilt could be assuaged when that enemy was attacked and killed. The revulsion felt at desacralizing the life of another goes so deep, entire religions were invented to define enemies and divide the chosen versus the unchosen and the believers versus the infidels.

Resacralizing is the key to solving our myriad problems. We could start by seeing water as sacred and then we'd stop using it as a tool to carry away our waste. Then we could move up to resacralizing our bodies so that touch would be revalued instead of viewed with suspicion. Resacralizing sex follows naturally and seeing the Earth as the Mother of Life instead of a prison of the soul changes the meaning of the term "worldly" from profane to sacred.

Perhaps we can heal from our self imposed torment, but seeing loving sex as sacred is a necessary step along that path.

I love my refrigerator but that doesn't mean I see sex as anything less than Divine.

-Jeff

Quote:

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Posted in reply to the post by Mrs. Wacco:

Who knows what most people want. It's probably safe to say that most prefer love with their sex. It's the best. And it is a sacred connection when you're truly making love with your partner.

But I gotta tell ya, sex for pleasure's sake is great too! To truly enjoy yourself and someone else for just what it is, is way fun. (Of course, the sex has to be great or why bother). It's just another version. Granted, it's one that doesn't work for everyone but don't knock it. The world isn't black and white and neither is sex. It isn't just sex + love = good, sex + no love = bad. There's a whole world in between to be enjoyed!

I happened to speak to my ex last night and he had mentioned that he was no longer going to see this girl he had just slept with. It had something to do with the fact that she lives too far away and there was some issue around schedules. He then says that's okay because he wasn't that into her. Well I had to ask him why he then slept with her if he wasn't that into her? He says, "can't people just fuck?" I could just feel my mind unravel when he said that. My response to him was, "no, people just can't fuck." Really meaning, that I personally would not do that. To me not only is sex sacred, but so is my body and if I am going to share that with someone, they are going to be my partner.

So is my thinking antiquated? Could I possibly be wrong thinking like this? Do most people really just want to have sex without any emotional connections?

Doesn't anyone want to be in love anymore and stay with their partner?

I hate to say it, but if most people just want to have sex without any attachment's, then I will never be interacting with them. Yes this means I want a serious relationship, not just sex.

---

Sex for sexes sake is like going to the movies just to go out.Neither has a whole lot of value.I for one would have difficulty feigning the kind of passion I feel when I actually care deeply for anothers well being.The kind of experience you want to have again as you discover each other more intimately.Sex gets better the more profound and more loving the relationship.Why settle?

Quote:

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Posted in reply to the post by kburgess:

To me the question is really what does it mean to be Sacred.

Sex obviously is a lot of different things,
it can be a diversion, pleasure, exercise, connecting, follow-on to
good touch, expression of love, and the act of creating a new life.

Our bodies are amazing systems of living/life energy that has been
in continually unbroken development for over 3Byears, that is a lot
of time, intelligence and energy, all here with us today. To me that
means that the act of sex has the potential to bring forth all that
life experience to one moment of potential success- The energy of
our lifes existence into one moment of creation. That is a pretty
good definition of sacred to me.

It is not to say that we all have to go ga-ga over it all the time,
but recognize that is where our real energy comes from, and where
our real drives stem from. The idea of spirit as something outside
of me is nonsense, it is the entire lifes experience of my unbroken
line of living cells from the beginning of life with all my previous
generations in acknowledgment working together to have me
be a success here in what I am doing today. And the fact that
we happen to be in a living/connected/holographic/fractal universe
makes it all the more fun since we are all connected on every level
of our physical and energetic reality.

So I see that the answer to the question is of course sex is sacred,
it is the most important act of the universe, and how that fits with
monogamous relationship is obviously one of choice. One can have
many sacred relationships as we do millions of times every day, but
to deny/refuse to acknowledge the sacred is a genuine shame, since
that is where the true LIFE truly exists,

Just a few thoughts from a biological spiritualist,

Ken.

---

I feel what Ken and Jill said here and here is my truth.

I admit that sometimes a part of me (the teenager) just wants to fuck.

I do believe that men and women are wired differently. Many women become sexual and bloom from emotional connection and men tend to bloom and become fully emotional from being sexual. So we men can just ravish if the door is open and find ourselves in our feelings and passions (I found myself dancing around my back yard singing John Denver songs one time and always at the peak of my passions and creative ventures from sex!) from this and women need to be felt and emotionally connected to bloom sexually.

As I mature and grow I find in my heart that I truly desire to share my love and explore relationship in a more sacred way with one woman I feel a real connection with. I consider myself to be an honorable man. Honorable men and women are real and true like Kings and Queens. We strive to LIVE with a spine and open heart.

Many Kings and Queens of old tended to be more honorable and live more from the heart and soul. So this deep and real bond and connection was natural for men and women to come to sacred sexual union and relationship in.

I love the example of Aragon and Arwen in the Lord of the Rings. Aragon loved Arwen and even found himself being loved by Eowen out on his quest into becomming a King. He never faltered in his love for Arwen and stayed true.

Any more thoughts?

Big love to all of you!

Sincerely and Respectfully,
Brian

OK, I'll jump in this pool, I'll even keep all my clothes on if I have to...
Coming from a place of recent celibacy, I would observe that libido and Qui or Prana are nearly equivalent. And even though Freud was wrong about almost everything else, we need to credit him with starting this thread, which was absent from Western civilization until a mere 100 years ago, or so.
The topic itself was taboo until then. Those mid-Europeans were so uptight!
I think a lack of libido indicates a deficiency of Qui, or a Chakra blockage, or a hormonal or neurobiological imbalance, however you choose to look at it. On the other hand, to manifest sexual behavior is an entirely optional part of the process. I believe it is true that some the most evolved and enlightened masters have an abundance of Qui but remain celibate. At least some of them do, but then many don't, and some aren't even upfront about it.
If it's just orgasm one seeks, that can be accomplished quite nicely without involving another soul. That would seem preferable to "fucking". Or am I touching I another taboo here? I haven't heard much discussion of (and it's even hard to render into print) *masturbation* on this thread.
Can masturbation be "sacred sex"? Can it NOT be sacred?
Does it cause blindness? At least its not contagious. But then there IS that biological imperative to reproduce, which persists even after sterilization, but does seem to wane with age. And there is a certain thrill in risky behavior, which can energize any sexual encounter. Some people even arrange enactments of such scenarios, as to experience some of the thrill with none of the risk, but that doesn't seem logical to me. Can you fool your brain that easily into secreting more dopamine, and double your pleasure?
This link has a few lackluster photos of functional MRI of the female brain during orgasm: Scribd and click on the 2nd link on the left side. Ignore the dribble in the middle, which I didn't bother to read (but if YOU do, and it's any good, let me know). These images are not very exciting to look at. And the neurobiological commentary comprising the actual published article is most charitably described as "primitive". Maybe if they colorized the neuroimage it would help. I'll search for a better neuroimaging site and post it later on, if anyone shows any interest. Everyone else around here is too busy getting laid.
Jeffrey/Yubajeff

I really think sex is sacred and yes it is better when it is in a loving, compassionate relationship; however, I find it more sacred to have loveless sex than to find yourself committed in a loveless or unrequited love relationship. Having your love taken with none coming back leaves you emptier than a night of sex with a stranger or acquaintance.As much as I prefer to love and be loved back, it is less sacred to live a live, than to live in joy, be it alone, or with that special someone(s).

Actually if you do not go out at all, going out to a movie just to go out can be a religious experience. The same for sex for sexes sake. If you don't do it for whatever reason and all of a sudden someone falls into you lap,it can be wonderful and joyous. It is the moment, the passion. If it was empty sex it was because you still have your mind and heart with a lover, not in the moment. If you feel you are feigning passion for someone, then your not in the moment. Yes I want a relationship with a woman that I can grow old with. I will say though that Barry says it best a few posts up.

"I suppose you could wait for a person you could "partner with" before you have sex, but what fun is that? :wink: And if you could look into the future to see that you are not going to "end up together" would you not "partner" in the first place?"

Quote:

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Posted in reply to the post by Jason 17:

Sex for sexes sake is like going to the movies just to go out.Neither has a whole lot of value.I for one would have difficulty feigning the kind of passion I feel when I actually care deeply for anothers well being.The kind of experience you want to have again as you discover each other more intimately.Sex gets better the more profound and more loving the relationship.Why settle?

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Quote:

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Posted in reply to the post by kburgess:

So I see that the answer to the question is of course sex is sacred,
it is the most important act of the universe,
Ken.

---

Well, are you just singling out humans or do you think all acts of procreation are sacred?