Sexual Abuse Epidemic at Brook Haven School (Open Discussion)

At the beginning of the school year, a girl got groped by a boy at Brook Haven School. He got a 3 day detention. The school district has confirmed this.

My daughter got groped at Brook Haven School recently. It was a different boy. But he is best friends with the boy who groped the girl at the beginning of the year and is part of a gang of 4 boys groping the girls of Brook Haven. My daughter has a friend that has been groped too. Since the school district did basically nothing (in the eyes of these young women) she has been silent, she is scared to speak up, because she feels the school will do nothing. She was groped by yet another boy, but who is part of this gang of 3-4 boys. I'm sorry to say it doesn't end there. The girl who got groped earlier in the year, got groped again by a different boy in the gang. And then there is another girl who got groped by one of the boys in this gang; But I cannot absolutely confirm.

Statistically speaking there are probably many more students at Brook Haven that have been sexually assaulted by this gang of boys. More than likely they have been intimidated by the "gang". Saw that the school did basically nothing about the incident at the beginning of the year. So this triggers a feeling of fear and hopelessness among the young women at Brook Haven. Are these the values we want to be taught to our daughters?

I would like to start a dialog about this and how the school can do an effective job of protecting our kids. Moreover, we probably have MANY other victims at Brook Haven that are afraid to speak out. How do we get them to come forward and start a healing process?

In short, there is a sexual abuse epidemic at Brook Haven School. DON'T BE FOOLED, OUR KIDS ARE NOT SAFE!!! The inept, outdated, school system procedures has failed our kids miserably. We need to band to together and swiftly solve this problem. Will you join me in empowering these young women and giving them the voice they deserve?

Truly disturbing! Reads like you have communicated with staff about this behavior? Do you know what you want from the school, actions that adults would lead which would change the culture?

I haven't had daughters at Brookhaven for over ten years, it was pretty old school then and l did pull one child out because the staff culture created problems for him. I currently have a 7th grade daughter at Sebastopol independent which does sponsor girl self defense classes (which were mostly about the behaviors you are encountering), as well as curriculum on sexuality and consistent teaching of respect and communication.

If your daughter doesn't feel safe at Brookhaven you might need to pull her out. Fortunately, there are a lot of good public schools around Sebastopol.

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Posted in reply to the post by zeninfinity:

At the beginning of the school year, a girl got groped by a boy at Brook Haven School. He got a 3 day detention. The school district has confirmed this.

My daughter got groped at Brook Haven School recently. ...

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Posted in reply to the post by rossmen:

If your daughter doesn't feel safe at Brookhaven you might need to pull her out. Fortunately, there are a lot of good public schools around Sebastopol.

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Thank you for your kind reply. Indeed truly disturbing, on so many levels.

Unfortunately, my daughter does not feel safe at Brook Haven. Only when she is with her friends. If she is alone, she does not feel safe. However, she has the RIGHT TO FEEL SAFE. It is the school's duty, by law, to provide a safe environment for students to learn in. Furthermore, she has made many close friends, for the first time in her young life. The young men that sexually assaulted her and her friends, need to go, not her or her friends.

Brook Haven School needs to step up, take responsibility and protect our children:

1. Expel and relocate the perpetrators and provide counseling/education for them.
2. Notify all the families of Brook Haven School that there has been a groping epidemic.
3. Provide further, in-depth counseling and education for students and teachers.
4. Put rules, regulations, and procedures in place so matters like this have a clear path for swift resolution.

This all came about because Brook Haven offered a Socratic Seminar regarding sexual assault. This is what triggered all of this, 3 girls came out, one being my daughter. I applaud Brook Haven School for offering this seminar to my daughter. If they didn't she probably never would have mentioned it to me. So I am very grateful to and have appreciation for Brook Haven School for educating her about this topic. Simply put, I just want them to step up and do the right thing and provide support for everyone involved. So far, this has not happened.

I'm not playing the blame game. I just want solutions.

Disturbing indeed! Epidemic? May have missed some posts in this thread.Yes, please provide more details or links to other information.

Seems like these boys may be taking clues from our President.

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Posted in reply to the post by lgr:

Disturbing indeed! Epidemic? May have missed some posts in this thread.Yes, please provide more details or links to other information.

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Perhaps I am being an alarmist? In the past 5 months there have been 3 different boys who have groped 4 different girls, one girl got groped by 2 different boys. Making a total of 5 groping incidents THAT GOT REPORTED. There are no statistics I could find about middle schoolers. The closest is this: More than 90% of sexual assault victims on college campuses do not report the assault.1

So 3 boys, 5 REPORTED sexual assaults over 5 months. As for my daughter. The boy touched her breasts, her vagina and her buttocks. She was in complete shock and froze. This was all done IN A CLASSROOM.

It's the brazen way in which these boys behave that worries me most. I was told by the school that the boy who attacked my daughter was not remorseful, had no empathy and had to be explained what he did was wrong. Another boy in the gang tried to intimidate me. As if to say, "I don't care what happens. I am in control." It's all very surreal.

This gang of boys is free to roam the streets of Sebastopol and walk to and from school every day. If your child walks to school alone. I would be concerned. The school won't reveal this to you transparently. Please call the school and simply ask. Are there boys who have admitted to groping other students walking to and from school every day?

It's obvious these boys need serious counseling. They are still young and quite possibly will respond to rehabilitation. Same goes for all survivors/thrivers AND for those still afraid to say anything. The school needs to bring in PROFESSIONALS that knows how to deal with this type of situation.

To me, this is a major problem. Perhaps I am over reacting?


1- Fisher, B., Cullen, F., & Turner, M. (2000). The sexual victimization of college women (NCJ 182369). Retrieved from the National Criminal Justice Reference Service: https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/nij/182369.pdf

As we are seeing with #MeToo, you are not overreacting. This kind of behavior persists because the perpetrators get away with it. They either don’t see that it’s sexual abuse or they don’t care. This needs to be addressed NOW. If this has been reported and nothing has been done to remedy the situation, that’s not acceptable. It allows these boys to think that there will be no consequences for their behavior. My worry is that if they are this brazen, have they already taken it further and we don’t know yet?

Jessica
www.daughterofthediviners.com

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Posted in reply to the post by zeninfinity:

Perhaps I am being an alarmist? In the past 5 months there have been 3 different boys who have groped 4 different girls, one girl got groped by 2 different boys. Making a total of 5 groping incidents THAT GOT REPORTED. ...

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This calls for a call to the President of the School Board... if the school's administration isn't taking action, then take your concern to the next level. If you don't receive some kind of appropriate response from the school board, then let us (the community) stand with you... this is our community and there are lots of us who want to stand and protect our children and each other.

Zeeinfinity, unfortunately you are not being alarmist at all. This kind of behavior, by bully children, as well the inadequate response on the part of the school, is not new in Sonoma County, or most places I have heard about in this state and country. You have a right to demand it stop, against both your daughter and the rest of the school population. Under Title IX of the federal Civil Rights code, children have a right to an educational environment free from sexual harassment. And under that same code, it is not only the duty of the school staff and administration to take effective action against such behavior by students or faculty, it is also the school’s duty to inform parents of these rights under Title IX. The official term for your daughter’s educational setting is “hostile environment”.

Besides demanding compliance with Title IX, you can ask for an investigation of the school (and/or district) by the federal Office of Civil Rights. You can also sue on behalf of your children for the damages suffered.

In my experience, it is more effective to approach school officials strong -- as a group -- to ask for an effective response. This will perhaps minimize the common response by officials that “no one else seems to be bothered”. Beware, however, if the school initiates an investigation and dispatches a private investigator to question you or your children. Remember that the investigator works for the school, not you, and your answers may be used against you should you choose to sue. I would recommend, at this point, you contact an experienced attorney before allowing any interviews by school employees. It is in the interest of protecting the school from liability (as opposed to protecting your children) that attempts are made to make you feel isolated. You have a right to have anyone present you wish, and choose which questions to answer or not, as well as to ask your own questions.

Hopefully, the number of past legal actions against public schools in Sonoma County resulting from sexual harassment will prompt a quick, effective response in your case. But the patterns I’ve seen are not encouraging.

Your daughter, and all the children at Brookhaven or any other school in its district, has a right to feel safe going to school. It is difficult to learn anything in state of fear. In the eyes of victims, the difference between an isolated incident -- met by a quick, effective response -- and a continuing pattern of harassment, is the difference between safety and fear.

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Posted in reply to the post by jesswolfe:

As we are seeing with #MeToo, you are not overreacting. ...

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Thank you so much for the validation. The way these boys have behaved after all this has transpired has been the most surprising thing to me. The overall lack of remorse and continued cavalier attitude is what shocks me most. But then again, I am not a professional when it comes to social and psychological matters. There needs to be an objective 3rd party brought in to assess the situation. At this point, only the school district's attorney has held interviews with the boys and then with their parents. To me, this is a major conflict of interest.

These are the penalties the boys have faced, as far as I know.

1) They cannot look or talk to my daughter

2) If they are in the same class as my daughter. They are to sit in the front of the class

3) No recess

4) They have to leave campus immediately after school. Originally I was told by the school district's attorney that the boys were instructed to "go directly home immediately after school." THE FIRST DAY this was supposed to happen my daughter and I ran into them at Pacific Market, 8 mins after school got out! The boys saw me and giggled and laughed in a mocking manner. I was shocked on many levels. I call the attorney the next day and tell him about the incident, figuring he would have my back. His reply, "I can't control what those boys do once they are off campus."

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Posted in reply to the post by lovejoy:

This calls for a call to the President of the School Board...

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This is already at the school district level. The superintendent and the school district's attorney are running the show. I believe the next level is the state. I'm not going to hold my breath. I feel we can organize ourselves to find a better path. And to make sure when situations like this occur in the future that they can be handled swiftly. There needs to be a clear and concise path written out and made as policy.

YOU are not being alarmist we all need to call the school and let them know this will not be tolerated.

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Posted in reply to the post by jesswolfe:

As we are seeing with #MeToo, you are not overreacting....

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What about "Restraining Orders" ? Seems like a fundamental start on their future records, and something they'll most likely violate, with further more serious consequences. Maybe kids can't be subject to RO?

It seems unbelievable that there's no "written" policy for this. Someone dropped the ball big time. Also, the "school's district attorney" may be biased.

What about TV exposure like "5 or 7 on Your Side". I don't know the correct channel since I don't watch TV.

Thank you for sharing some very important legal support information!

I don't live in Sebastopol or have kids in school, but I view this as disturbing, and also that it seems to be a kind of pattern in some Sebastopol schools. I guess I have some unrealistic expectations of a conscious community?

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Posted in reply to the post by HostlerCreek:

... Under Title IX of the federal Civil Rights code, children have a right to an educational environment free from sexual harassment.....

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I'd opt for "written" complaints because that creates a paper trail that can't be denied, with copies going to supervisory authorities. Maybe an email number for the school could be posted, with principal's and attorney's name and email.

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Posted in reply to the post by Magick:

YOU are not being alarmist we all need to call the school and let them know this will not be tolerated.

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Did anyone ever hear of self defense? Slap these creeps in the face or squirt them in the face with mace. What kind of nonsense is this?
These boys needs to be suspended and reported to the police for criminal prosecution. This will only get worse if this is allowed to be continued. Who really knows what these creeps do outside of the school?
I cannot believe that anyone would tolerate or allow this kind of behavior to continue. Get these boys out of this school right away. They belong in a cage. Act like a wild animal, be treated like one until trained and tamed.

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Posted in reply to the post by Shandi:

What about "Restraining Orders" ? Seems like a fundamental start on their future records, and something they'll most likely violate, with further more serious consequences. Maybe kids can't be subject to RO?

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Yes, that is an option. Don't want to go there yet. But I will if the neglect on the school's part continues. I feel I will have no choice. I'm not sure why the district feels it's students are safe with these boys loose on the town? They have brazenly attacked females ON SCHOOL CAMPUS, IN CLASSROOMS! Anyone with a little common sense could put 2 and 2 together and realize that these boys being around ANY children, especially walking alone to and from school. Is simply a very bad idea! Add on top of that the school's attorney's attitude of "hey, I can't control what they do once they leave school." Is a clear sign the school district feels they have no responsibility once your child leaves school. Again, am I being unreasonable here? Am I missing something? This is just common sense, right?

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Posted in reply to the post by Shandi:

...I guess I have some unrealistic expectations of a conscious community?

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I believe we live in a very conscious region. I feel Sonoma County is a very progressive place. Furthermore, West County and largely Sebastopol takes the lead. I feel we have uncovered some ugly truths.

So let us be the progressive community we are and simply solve this!!! How do we band together and speak with one voice?

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Posted in reply to the post by Shandi:

I'd opt for "written" complaints because that creates a paper trail that can't be denied, with copies going to supervisory authorities. Maybe an email number for the school could be posted, with principal's and attorney's name and email.

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Excellent point! And if you do make sure to keep a copy and confirm they have received your letter. I need to take it under advisement if I can post their names and numbers.

It is actually the Superintendent of the Sebastopol Union School District and an attorney that is handling this.

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Posted in reply to the post by Stargazer:

Did anyone ever hear of self defense? Slap these creeps in the face or squirt them in the face with mace. What kind of nonsense is this?...

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Stargazer, I feel your pain. In the beginning, this situation caused great anger in me too! Then I realized I was simply mirroring back all the anger and frustration of the boys I was upset with. I had to ask myself. Does this feel right? Do I want to fight, fire with fire? I will if I have to. But I would like to try to get to a peaceful resolution before things get out of hand.

I totally appreciate your energy! Please don't let your anger eat you up inside. Cool heads will prevail. Please help me/us/our community make positive change. And let's make it swift.

Again, thank you for your BIG energy!

I would also submit the story to our local newspapers..Press Democrat, Sonoma West, etc. You can start by writing a letter to the editor, also request an interview with their reporters. Quite recently there was a racial discrimination case at Analy High that finally got the attention it deserved when reporter Paul Payne of the PressDemocrat ran a couple stories in Feb, 2017..."Former Analy Student Sues over Racist Taunts"

I was also reminded of that incident, Viajera. I got the impression from that entire imbroglio that the school admin and the school board were suffering from a sort of "anything goes because we're so cool and enlightened" attitude while the real world went by unnoticed or ignored. I encountered something similar in Berkeley years ago, where I raised my son. It's going to take another big noise to get their attention now (and new members on the Board and in the admin) and make changes. They're pulling down big salaries and need to start earning them.

As for the boys, if their parents won't get involved, then it's going to take an outside authority (police? therapist?) to get their attention. It needs to be done SOON because these boys are already locked into behavior that is culturally condoned and will only get worse as they become adults.

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Posted in reply to the post by viajera:

I would also submit the story to our local newspapers.....

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Posted in reply to the post by HostlerCreek:

Zeeinfinity, unfortunately you are not being alarmist at all. This kind of behavior, by bully children, as well the inadequate response on the part of the school, is not new in Sonoma County, or most places I have heard about in this state and country. You have a right to demand it stop, against both your daughter and the rest of the school population. Under Title IX of the federal Civil Rights code, children have a right to an educational environment free from sexual harassment. And under that same code, it is not only the duty of the school staff and administration to take effective action against such behavior by students or faculty, it is also the school’s duty to inform parents of these rights under Title IX. The official term for your daughter’s educational setting is “hostile environment”....

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Thank you so much for this! I do have some awareness of Title IX and am studying it now. It's very obvious, The Sebastopol Union School District is not even close to being compliant with Title IX.

Just for starters try to find the school districts Title IV policy. Try to find it on the Brook Haven School site. You can't easily find it. I had to call the school districts office to get it.

Here it is. It's vague, incomplete as says absolutely nothing about penalties if the rules are breached. Which puts the school district in non-compliance.

Sebastopol Union School District Policy on Sexual Harassment

The "Title IX Coordinator" is also the Superintendent of the school district. This is a MAJOR CONFLICT OF INTEREST!

Case and point. I contacted the school district's Title IX Coordinator to complain about the school district's attorney. What did I get? A lot of back peddling and lame excuses from the attorney. In short, my complaint email to the Title IX Coordinator wasn't answered by the Title IX Coordinator/Superintendent, it was answered by the school district's attorney!

In short, it's a mess.

Let me be crystal clear. My daughter LOVES Brook Haven School. But she does not feel safe! This is all I want to remedy. The school is by law to provide a safe environment. This whole mess is a major distraction. And bottom line, she is uncomfortable in school. Having the gang of boys anywhere in the school makes her nervous and she feels unsafe. Again, please give me a reality check. If someone sexually assaulted you and others bullied you, would you feel "safe" seeing them every day?

Please understand that I am not "out to get" anyone, not the school, not the boys.. I just want results and I want them quickly. And moreover, I want the school to take a lead in healing. Again, statistically speaking there are probably more victims/survivors suffering in silence. We need to address this too! No one left behind! The school's attorney calls what I ask for as "demands." I call it common sense. It's very simple. The district needs simply step up and do the right thing.

I will leave you with this. Here is the Socratic Seminar that sparks this whole thing. Again, Sebastopol Union School District, thank you so much for providing this information to your students. Seriously, from the bottom of my heart, I am truly grateful. You've taught my daughter this with words. Now it is time to keep your promise and show action. Talk is cheap, action speaks louder than words.

Go right to the bottom of the page to see what I mean.


Please Read. Highlight. Answer the questions. Come prepared to discuss 12/8/17.

1. Define sexual harassment in your own words:
2. What do you see at school that you would consider sexual harassment?
3. What does the planner say about sexual harassment?
4. Do you think there are types of harassment, bullying, and student behaviors that are not sexual but are just as damaging or hurtful to be around?
5. What does federal law say are the punishments for sexual harassment?
6. Explain California’s laws regarding sexual harassment:
7. What are the steps the article recommends to do if you become a victim of harassment?
8. Why do you think some people participate in sexual harassment, while others do not?
9. What can we do about sexual harassment or harassment at BHS to make our school a better place?

Sexual Harassment At School
© 2015 Equal Rights Advocates.

What is Sexual Harassment?

Sexual harassment is a serious problem for students at all educational levels. Students in elementary and secondary schools, as well as vocational schools, apprenticeship programs, colleges and universities can be victims of sexual harassment. This problem is more common than you might think because many students are scared or too embarrassed to report sexual harassment. It is different from flirting, playing around, or other types of behavior that you enjoy or welcome. Sexual harassment can be requests for sexual favors or unwelcome sexual behavior that is bad enough or happens often enough to make you feel uncomfortable, scared or confused and that interferes with your schoolwork or your ability to participate in extracurricular activities or attend classes.

Sexual harassment can be verbal (comments about your body, spreading sexual rumors, sexual remarks or accusations, dirty jokes or stories), physical(grabbing, rubbing, flashing or mooning, touching, pinching in a sexual way, sexual assault) or visual (display of naked pictures or sex-related objects, obscene gestures). Sexual harassment can happen to girls and boys. Sexual harassers can be fellow students, teachers, principals, janitors, coaches, and other school officials.
Here are some examples of different kinds of sexual harassment that students might face:
{snip}

Federal Law

{snip}

California State Law
{Snip}

What can I do if I am being sexually harassed?

Sexual harassment is a serious issue. Many students who have been sexually harassed report a drop in their grades, and some students have had to transfer to a different school, drop classes, or leave school altogether. If you think you are being sexually harassed, it is important to tell someone who can help you stop it. Here are some things you and/or your parents can do:

· Don’t blame yourself. The person who is harassing you is the one doing something wrong and you haven’t done anything to cause the harassment, even if you flirted with this person or liked him/her.

· Say “No” Clearly. Tell the person who is harassing you that his/her behavior offends you. They may not realize how hurtful their behavior is and may need a clear message from you to stop. If the harassment does not end, promptly write a letter asking the harasser to stop. Keep a copy of the letter.

· Write down what happened. When someone harasses you or makes you feel uncomfortable, write it down in a notebook that is just for this purpose. Write down what happened, the date it happened, where it happened, and who else may have seen or heard the harassment. Also write down what you did in response, and how the harassment made you feel. Do not write other information in this notebook, such as appointments or homework assignments. Save any notes, e-mails, text messages, or pictures the harasser sent or posted about you. It is a good idea to keep these records somewhere besides school, such as in your home or another safe place. If the harassment takes place online, such as on Facebook or other website, take steps to save and store the harassing content in case it gets removed or deleted later.

· Report the Harassment. It is very important that you tell your parents or another adult, like a teacher or guidance counselor, about the harassment. If you want the school to do something about the harassment, you MUST tell a school official, such as the principal, that you are being sexually harassed. If you do not feel comfortable telling the school official yourself, get the help of your parents, a teacher, guidance counselor or another adult to go with you. If you and/or your parents tell a school official verbally, also do it in writing and keep a copy for yourself. If the first school official (like the principal) doesn’t respond, go to the school board or Superintendent to complain. The law says the school has to stop sexual harassment of a student whether the harasser is a teacher or another student(s), but the school is only required to stop the harassment if someone in authority at the school knows what is happening to you. So it is VERY IMPORTANT to report the harassment to a school official.

· Consult the school grievance policies and Title IX officer. Your school is supposed to have a policy against sexual harassment. Get a copy of the policy and read it. The Title IX grievance policy may also give you a list of the types of behavior that the school considers to be sexual harassment. Find out from your school who the Title IX officer or coordinator is for your school or district. You should be able to ask him or her questions about how to complain, and what to expect during the complaint and investigation process.

· File a Complaint With a Government Agency. If nothing happens after complaining to school officials, you and/or your parents can file a complaint against the school with the U.S. Department of Education’s Office of Civil Rights (OCR). Generally, you must file a complaint with the OCR within 180 days of an act of discrimination or harassment. You can call them, and they will explain how to file a complaint. (See the contact information in Resources, below.)
· File a Lawsuit. You can also file a lawsuit against the school. If you want to do this, you should look into it quickly, because there are time limits for filing a lawsuit. In California, you must file a lawsuit within 2 years of an act of discrimination. Other states’ time limits vary from 1 to 6 years.

In addition to the deadlines for filing a lawsuit, you may be required to give the school or the school district notice of your claims within a specified time period in order to pursue legal action. Many states have laws called “tort claims” laws that require an individual who wants to sue a public school (or other public entity) for money damages to notify the school of his or her claims within a specified time period before filing the lawsuit. You should consult an attorney to determine whether your state has a tort claims law and what deadlines may apply to your claims. In California, under the state Government Tort Claims Act, an individual who wishes to file a lawsuit against a public school may be required to give notice to the school within 6 months of the act giving rise to the lawsuit.

If you have any questions about your legal rights, or need help finding a lawyer, you can contact ERA’s Advice and Counseling center or call Equal Rights Advocates free Advice & Counseling Line toll-free at (800) 839-4372. (See ERA’s full contact information below.)

It is important to remember that retaliation for taking action under Title IX is illegal. If you feel that someone is mistreating you or treating you unfairly because you have complained about discrimination, you should contact the Office of Civil Rights.


See complete version here

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What does the BHS Student Handbook say?

BE SAFE ~ BE RESPECTFUL ~ BE RESPONSIBLE
A safe school environment is the right of each and every student and staff member at Brook Haven. School safety issues range from basic emergency drills to student conduct and discipline policies. Our goal is to create a school climate in which all members of the school community feel safe.

Student Behavior
All staff members assist in the enforcement of the school discipline policy. To ensure school safety, students are expected to respect and follow the directions of school personnel without argument.

School rules extend to all school events, and are in effect before, during and after school. When circumstances dictate, school personnel have the authority to request students to leave campus during non-school hours (afternoons, evenings, weekends, holidays and vacation periods).

The maintenance of effective school discipline is a significant part of the educational process and is important in providing meaningful learning experiences. Discipline should not simply be punishment for misbehavior, but should also include active, positive efforts to change behavior. Students are expected to:

· Show respect for each other and for all staff members, as well as for school property
· Be on time and prepared for class
· Cooperate and follow directions given by all adults on campus
· Follow each teacher’s classroom rules and procedures
· Comply with the law, school rules, and expectations as outlined in this handbook

Physical Contact
Students are to refrain from physical contact at all times, including public displays of affection.

Sexual Harassment
State and federal laws and regulations prohibit sexual harassment, therefore any allegation is treated very seriously and will be dealt with immediately. Our district has a specific policy and procedures which students and staff must follow. To begin the complaint procedure, sexual harassment should be reported immediately to either the principal or counselor. All matters involving sexual harassment will remain confidential. If allegations are confirmed, detention, suspension and/or expulsion may be imposed.

Bullying Behavior
Behavior which includes persistent and repeated name-calling, intimidation, embarrassment, ridiculing, inappropriate cyber-communication, and/or physical contact is not tolerated at Brook Haven. Students are expected to immediately inform school staff when they believe they are being bullied or are witness to such acts. Students who are victimizing others through this type of behavior will be subject to disciplinary action.

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Posted in reply to the post by zeninfinity:

Stargazer, I feel your pain. In the beginning, this situation caused great anger in me too! ... Please don't let your anger eat you up inside. ...

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Thank you but my anger is not eating me up. Please. Do not try to analyze me. I am not mirroring back anything. I am not a violent person just proactive. Maybe some people may think molesting girls is okay but I do not. When someone attacks you, do you defend yourself or do you just stand there as a victim peacefully and take it?? This is not a peaceful misunderstanding. It is violent act that needs to be treated as such.

Just surprised that something like this is tolerated in a school setting without repercussions and hopefully it will not be any longer. I am making a strong statement that I hope will maybe raise a few eyebrows and make "some positive changes and impacts." This type of behavior is totally unacceptable and needs to be dealt with swiftly and properly. I do hope that these boys are reprimanded appropriately or they will continue their behavior and it will get worse!! I believe prevention and being proactive is imperative before someone gets raped, hurt or who knows what if it has not already happened to some poor innocent girl. I would hope that the powers in charge will act on this now that this has gotten wide spread attention. I do not agree with soft peddling or sugar coating this kind of "negative violent behavior." Too much happens to too many innocent people. It is time that we as a community and a society deal with violence for what it is and stop tolerating inappropriate violence that damages others. If it was your child how would you feel?

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Posted in reply to the post by Stargazer:

Thank you but my anger is not eating me up. Please. Do not try to analyze me...

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It is my child. We both want the same thing, CHANGE. I prefer to do it non-violently.

But yes, if I keep getting pushed back by the school a much more aggressive approach may be necessary. I am prepared for a long, hard slog if that is what it takes.I prefer not to fight. I simply want results, quickly.

I appreciate your passion.

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Posted in reply to the post by zeninfinity:

It is my child. We both want the same thing, CHANGE. I prefer to do it non-violently....

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I am so sorry that this is happening to your child. I want the same as you. Quick results and for this kind of harassment to stop now. I just wonder why these perpetrators are not being suspended for a start? That is usually the first step. I have to wonder what these school officials are thinking or are just not?? I wish you and your daughter much peace with a happy healthy new year with a fresh start for a better positive school experience.

It’s very easy to say “why doesn’t she just fight back.” Well because many times victims freeze. Especially children. They are being violated. They don’t know how to respond. And hitting back can mean a ramped up violent response. Plus it’s blaming the victim for being abused. The right answer is DONT ABUSE. We are talking about a child. What child in Sebastopol feels they have to carry mace to school? And if they do, we have a serious problem.

And clearly it is being tolerated by the school officials. That’s the problem. They are all about protecting the school, not the child. It’s seriously messed up and needs to be challenged. But let’s not blame the girls who are being abused. They are probably already feeling enough shame. Shame that’s not theirs to hold.

Jessica

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Posted in reply to the post by Stargazer:

Did anyone ever hear of self defense? ....

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Posted in reply to the post by Stargazer:

I am so sorry that this is happening to your child. I want the same as you. Quick results and for this kind of harassment to stop now. I just wonder why these perpetrators are not being suspended for a start? That is usually the first step. I have to wonder what these school officials are thinking or are just not?? I wish you and your daughter much peace with a happy healthy new year with a fresh start for a better positive school experience.

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It's very surreal. If it was little Johnny down the street and he pinched my daughter's butt as a joke and now shows remorse and is truly sorry. Although it is still wrong. I would be able to see it in a forgivable way, if I felt the kid just slipped up this one time.

But this is not the case. We are not talking about the neighborhood kid, who is otherwise well behaved. But, that is how the school is acting. The school's response is not even remotely appropriate.

We are talking about kids who are well known in the community as troublemakers. A 9th grader at Analy told my daughter about "the thugs" in 7th grade at Brook Haven this summer (I thought the girl was being dramatic. I was wrong). So when these boys were in 6th grade at Brook Haven, they already had a reputation, with the 8th grade girls. Think about that. Keep in mind 6th graders are in a totally different part of the school.

Most of these boys have already been in trouble on many levels. I'm not out to get them. They really need help and some serious counseling. What has the school provided for them? An attorney? Really? What does that say about the school?

Let's not forget about the girls. What have they gotten? Apparently, the other girls have gotten NOTHING. It seems as though no other parents have been involved. I'm not sure. I'm wondering if the school is following the mandated reporting laws for sexual harassment or sexual assault? So I'm not even sure if the parents of the 3 other girls who got groped, know this has happened?

The truth will come out.

I am not blaming or shaming the victim. That is only your perception which is incorrect. Actually I am getting quite annoyed with dumb unproductive comments like that. Yes it needs to be dealt with by the school officials. I will put it this way so perhaps my perspective can be understood more clearly. I will take the time to demonstrate what I mean and why.

When I was growing up as a very young person I was attacked in the street. I tripped the guy so he fell to the floor so I was able to run. It saved me from being dragged off into an alley. The reality of the situation is not right. Like it or not, we all must be protected that is why we have police to step in and for school age children the first step are the school officials to do this for them.

In this case, yes the school officials do need to pay attention and deal with the problem. I totally agree. Nobody needs to be subjected to being disrespected, attacked and violated, male or female. If the school officials are not responsive, then I suggest going to the police. This is no joke. It must be stopped immediately. Nobody needs to be afraid to go to school or be subjected to being attacked. The offenders need to be made accountable and removed from the school. The boys that are doing these violent acts are not fit to be around others if they attack others. I am sorry if that offends anyone. That is a simple and effective quick solution for a start.

One time I was in a car with someone as a teenager. Fortunately, I did have a can of mace with me. When this person tried to jump over the seat to attack me, I sprayed them which gave me time to get out and run. I know this is not a school situation, but bullies are bullies. I am sure that if one looks at how many females are abused in a violent way it is shocking and very disheartening. Let's deal with reality. Was I wrong for protecting myself? Yes I was not in a school situation, but I can tell you that growing up in a populated area, these problems are rampant now and always have been.

Self defense is empowering and builds confidence. There are many classes that teach this and many young people do attend them. If anything, it will just build one's endurance and make them stronger people. We do have a "serious problem!" That is the reality of this situation.Yes do not abuse. I elect anyone who thinks that will solve the problem to go tell these violent young men "do not abuse." If the solution was that easy, we would have a perfect world, peace everywhere, no more wars and peace within us all. It is important to strive for this of course. The first part of this problem are the boys that are doing this. The problem is more deep seated than I care to go into. Think globally. Act locally and productively. Yes victims can freeze. They can also run. They tell their parents. It is not their fault. It is not easy to deal with such a heated topic in a public forum although I do believe that this is a great start to the solution so the problem will now be addressed at this point I would hope.

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Posted in reply to the post by jesswolfe:

It’s very easy to say “why doesn’t she just fight back.” Well because many times victims freeze. ... But let’s not blame the girls who are being abused. They are probably already feeling enough shame. Shame that’s not theirs to hold

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Im glad you were able to protect yourself in some dicey situations. Not everyone is you. Not everyone reacts to trauma the way you do.

Jessica

People learn from others. Your response is non productive. No matter what I say, you are going to argue. Do not respond to my posts. You are not helping the poor little girls that are being victimized. Yes people can freeze when they are young girls and may not know what to do or feel embarrassed. This topic is heated enough without you bothering me in a public forum. Be part of the solution not the problem.

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Posted in reply to the post by jesswolfe:

Im glad you were able to protect yourself in some dicey situations. Not everyone is you. Not everyone reacts to trauma the way you do.

Jessica

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Let's leave this skirmish right here, shall we?
There are different points of view and different people are going to react differently.

This discussion ("Sexual Abuse Epidemic at Brook Haven School (Open Discussion)") is welcome to continue in a respectful manner.

I think the next step should be to organize folks to attend the next school board meeting - and invite reporters. I’m sure our neighborhood group would be happy to help.

Just wondering if Restorative Justice & practices are still being used in Sebastopol?

SPD used to be very supportive of the process & it's very effective. I retired from that work and in my humble opinion, if you're not getting anywhere with school officials, including superintendent's office, it's time to bring in law enforcement. What you described happening with these girls is clearly sexual assault.

Check with West County Community Services to see if anyone there can help as well.

Punishment won't change these boys' mindsets, but making sure they hear, in a formal setting, where they are not allowed to make excuses, flip blame onto victims, or deny the impact on everyone involved- the girls, their families, other students, other teachers or school staff who are frightened or intimidated- may get through to them.

Someone somewhere taught them that this kind of behavior is acceptable or even expected. They may be sexual abuse victims themselves and are acting out.

May you find solutions that work for you and everyone involved ASAP!

I like the restorative justice idea. As part of that, I think they need to made to understand, and really feel, the disrespect and harm caused to the girls by their actions, and then have their restitution flow from that place. Perhaps they could help the rest of the students understand why it is a serious offence.

Restorative resources is the go to organization for schools in Sonoma county who need outside help. My 7th grade daughter's teacher will be consulting them in the new year for a fresh take on long running discipline problems.

I am uncomfortable with zenfinities approach as I understand it, and I totally understand why he wants the bad boys kicked out. I also have lots of experience with how lame school administrators can be, while deeply understanding how tough a job it is, especially for middle schoolers!

When I go to Brookhaven to drop off my kindergartener at the charter part of the campus, I always wonder about the bass tracker boat across the street with the b blacked out. I asked a neighbor l know about it and learned who and why, and wonder what the school has done about ass tracker displayed across from the Brookhaven sign?

I think zero tolerance policies for 13 yr old's are ineffective and potentially harmful. If the students who came out from the Socratic process could further mutual understanding and agree on action through a restorative conference, with parents included: now that would be an educational experience, potentially life changing! And a parent of one of the students could contact restorative resources...

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Posted in reply to the post by rossmen:

Restorative resources is the go to organization for schools in Sonoma county who need outside help. ...

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I totally appreciate your input and out of box thinking. If this option was brought up upon my initial meeting with the district. I probably would have completely (mistakenly) embraced it. In a perfect world, with a Title IX compliant school campus where there is a lot of awareness and where the students feel safe to express themselves, it would be perfect. Brook Haven is not even close, yet. Maybe together we can help them get there? Imho it all comes down to awareness. So I largely agree with you. And possibly once the boys are reassigned to another school a restorative process can occur. By law, the school is required to provide a safe place to study. It is not remotely meeting that requirement.

Here is one such solution, education that creates heightened awareness on campus.

https://stopsexualassaultinschools.org/

I am in direct contact with Esther Warkov, Ph.D, Executive Director, and co-founder of Stop Sexual Assault in Schools and am hoping we can implement some of their programs in the near future.

Time is of the essence. These are boys that brazenly attack girls, ON CAMPUS, IN CLASSROOMS, WITH ADULTS PRESENT. So what is to stop them off campus with absolutely no supervision? Am I missing something here? Come Tuesday the 9th, when school reopens, this will be the case. Why the school would open themselves up to this liability is beyond my comprehension. Maybe someone can explain this to me?

Sort of can't believe I have to get on the defensive about this, but so be it. I've never said the boys should be punished. I am a total advocate that they need major counseling. They have left a wave of destruction that has gone on far too long. There are 4 known survivors, which statistically speaking means there are probably MANY more. In my opinion, there has been way too much damage done and it's way too late for a restorative conference that includes the perpetrators. A conference without them to start a healing process with the all the students at school would be welcome. Furthermore, extra attention/effort and a safe place should be created in order to encourage those who are suffering in silence, to come forward and share their stories.

I'm sorry, the school has created an extremely hostile environment for the young girls Brook Haven. They have completely betrayed their trust multiple times.

I need a break from all this. I'll return in a couple of days.

I'm not clear what the purpose of transferring the boys to another school would be, even if they were each sent to different schools. Their behavior would still be unchanged. It would be like sending a pederast priest to a different church while not addressing the issue of the abuse, wouldn't it? The problem would just be transferred to another location and remain a problem.

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Posted in reply to the post by zeninfinity:

... And possibly once the boys are reassigned to another school a restorative process can occur. ....

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Posted in reply to the post by wisewomn:

I'm not clear what the purpose of transferring the boys to another school would be, even if they were each sent to different schools. Their behavior would still be unchanged. It would be like sending a pederast priest to a different church while not addressing the issue of the abuse, wouldn't it? The problem would just be transferred to another location and remain a problem.

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I forwarded this comment to Esther Warkov, co-founder of Stop Sexual Assault in Schools. Who coincidently just launched the #MeTooK12 campaign.

I very much want to implement Esther's proactive approach to empowering and educating students of their Title IX rights. Please look at her site. If there is anything on her site that you can get behind and help implement I would very much welcome your energy in helping make it become a reality. Please join me in helping Brook Haven become a #MeTooK12 educated, aware, school. So situations like this are handled quickly, proactively and professionally in the future.

She has given me permission to post her comment.

"It's true that by moving them to another school you simply pass the problem along, but by ejecting them you send a strong message that this behavior is not to be tolerated at your school. It's your school's responsibility and the next school's responsibility to correct the behavior--and send the same strong message. I believe you could also talk to the district's counseling services if there is a program that the boys are required to participate in as a part of their consequences. (In Seattle, I believe the policy said that after one offense, the perps were required to participate in counseling). In addition, part of their "punishment" could be to participate in a healthy masculinity club which you could even lead. Or call in an expert. There are lots of excellent free online videos you could watch on this very subject. Look at the resources at SSAIS.org/video (scroll down)

Masculinity and Identity from Media Education Fund
Violence against women—it’s a men’s issue Ted Talk by Jackson Katz
A Call to Men Ted Talk by Tony Porter
My Masculinity Helps
The Mask You Live In The Representation Project
The links are there on the website

The culprits should be required to advance an anti-sexual harassment campaign at school. Look at the Action Guide at SSAIS.org/video. You probably can't fix the deep problems that manifest in harassment, but if the school is tough on them--and requires that they participate in many months of activities to make the school better, you might be able to turn this around somewhat. Imagine if they realized that their bullying is really coming from weakness. They should watch this short clip before getting into many online talks listed at SSAIS.org/video. Scroll down to the video and online talks category.

Remember, the school has an obligation under Title IX to proactively address sexual harassment before it occurs. Sounds like they are not only failing to do that, but also failing to adequately address it when it does occur."

I'm an old fashioned kind of guy - you can tell from my moniker.

Under the laws of the State of California, the boys committed a battery offense. The girls and their parents need to be taught to file a complaint with the DA so that the boys will be arrested. If they are found guilty, their sentence might include all the good idealistic ideas described in the thread. If the DAs won't pay attention, they should be charged with aiding and abetting. While this might seem a little draconian, it allows for the girls to also be taught a valuable lesson that they miss when the focus is on the boys. That is, when someone does the wrong thing to you, don't feel guilty - fight for yourself and feel better!

Maybe then we wouldn't have so many Harvey Weinsteins, Donald Trumps, etc.

Old Granddad

I'm pretty certain I'll get slammed for this, but how about publicizing the names and home addresses of the perpetrators? Back in my time, if people publicly outed a child for something like this, that child would become a leper, a complete outcast from society, and face ridicule, shame, and a complete loss of trust. Instead of "protecting" the "rights" of these sexual predators, publicly make them pariahs of society. No one hires them, no one supports them, no one lifts a finger to help them.

Unfortunately, society has learned to coddle the criminals, and avoid placing responsibility for their actions. We sit here behind our keyboards and cry for justice for these children, but want to do so in a way that avoids having anyone (but third parties) blamed. *We spend time hating the actions of DUI drivers, who kill many innocent people on the roads, but don't seem to hold them responsible.*
I learned at a very young age that there are consequences for my actions. At the ripe old age of six years old, I took a five dollar tip off the table as we were leaving the restaurant. We got to the parking lot, and of course my parents knew, as I wasn't nearly as sneaky as I thought I was. I had to walk in, apologize to the waitress, give her the money, and forfeit my allowance to her for the next month. Did I ever do that again? No.

These boys are children and need to be helped through restorative justice. This is such a harsh response. They were not born that way. We are dealing with a cultural and social problem.
Punishment is not a solution.

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Posted in reply to the post by Imagery:

I'm pretty certain I'll get slammed for this, but how about publicizing the names and home addresses of the perpetrators? ...

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My daughter graduated from Brook Haven last year. She had an incident with a boy where he grabbed her hand and made her place it in his groin. She was too embarrassed to say anything. We've had talk after talk about this. I wish the school would do something...

Oh, and why is Mr Mac still working there? He assaulted a student last year (and was put on leave), but he's back teaching this year!? I reached out the district, as I have one still at Park Side. I was told that they can't discuss his personnel issues, but they were sorry I was disappointed in their handling of the situation. This isn't the first time Mr Mac has done this either. He assaulted my friend's son as well about 7 year ago. Needless to say my youngest will NEVER attend that school and likely will not be at Park Side next year. I can't trust the safety of my children within the district.

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Posted in reply to the post by Magick:

These boys are children and need to be helped through restorative justice. This is such a harsh response. They were not born that way. We are dealing with a cultural and social problem.
Punishment is not a solution.

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So now the abused girls are responsible to rehabilitate the perpetrators? The boys need to go. Space and trust needs to be created so the girls can heal.

I called Restorative services in Sonoma County. I spoke with the gentleman that handles middle school affairs. I told him about the situation at Brook Haven. He proceed to tell me the services are all about the perps and keeping them from being institutionalized. I’ve read great things about it. I told him there are 3 boys that really need his help. And that my objective was to get them out the school. And that my daughter would not participate. He seemed to understand and said he would call the school.

The county pays for the service, so it is no cost to the school or to whatever schools they get transferred to.

We still have no solution for the 4 girls that got sexually abused. Furthermore, there are probably many others that are afraid to come out. We should be focusing on how we can create a safe, trusting space so these young women can take back their dignity and sense of self.

The boys need to go so the girls can heal. It’s that simple. The girls owe these boys nothing.

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Posted in reply to the post by monicapl:

...Oh, and why is Mr Mac still working there? He assaulted a student last year (and was put on leave), but he's back teaching this year!?...

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Do you have more details? Did the school report it the sexual assault to the police?

Are you serious? A teacher assaulted 2 kids and is still employed? Can you give more details?

I spoke with another parent who’s kid got bullied at Brook Haven this year. A volunteer just left because of sexual allegations. I’m talking like 2 weeks ago just before the break.

It’s time to clean house. How do we band together to demand new leadership in the school and school district? The more I hear about this school and district the more disturbing it gets! Keep in mind we are talking about a very tiny school. 4 grades and approx 250 students. This is a lot of drama for a tiny school! It’s obvious the admins do not possess the ability to provide a safe environment for the students. In fact, they have CREATED and maintained an extremely hostile environment to learn in and are normalizing our sons and daughters to rape culture.

This stops NOW!!!

Someone has offered a place to gather. If you would like to get together and map out a plan of action. Please send me a personal message. If you have any skills that you can lend our group, it would be much appreciated.

Let’s be the awesome community we are and create positive change! We can do this!

It was not a sexual assault, it was physical. Sorry for the confusion there. The parents of the child did not press charges. I want to know why the school is still letting him teach. He has a history of this. It's going to keep happening. Suspending him for a week or two is not enough. I know the thread is specifically about sexual abuse, but it's clear that there is more going on and the school/district doesn't care to fix it.

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Posted in reply to the post by zeninfinity:

Do you have more details? Did the school report it the sexual assault to the police?
Are you serious? A teacher assaulted 2 kids and is still employed? Can you give more details?

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Posted in reply to the post by monicapl:

It was not a sexual assault, it was physical. ....

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I meant the incident with your daughter. Did you tell the school that a boy grabbed your daughter's hand and placed it on his groin last year? Did the school report it to the police?

Regarding the teacher, it is indeed disturbing. Just another time bomb.

1) So last year we have at least 1 sexual assault that we now know of.

2) We also now know of a teacher who has physically assaulted a student last year. Said teacher has attacked in the past.

3) This year we have 5 sexual assaults reported by students. Statistically speaking there are probably many more survivors. The school obviously doesn't want more kids to come out. So, of course, they are doing NOTHING to help those suffering in silence. It's disgraceful.

4) And a volunteer that left because of sexual allegations a couple of weeks ago.

5) A parent reached out to me and told me their child is being bullied this year.

I guess if it was an inner city high school of 3000, this would be normal? But we are talking about a school of 250 11-14 year olds! This is absolute insanity! Does anyone else see what I am saying? This has to stop!

I did not report it to the school. My daughter was mortified. The boy actually had a crush on her and was calling her all the time. I was able to talk to him directly at length. Once that happened, and I saw the full picture I knew the cops would only make it worse. He and I reached an understanding and I would talk to him again if he needed me to.

Basically he's a foster that has been bounced around his whole life. His role models are older foster boys in the group home. It's a bad situation for him. After our discussion he was very respectful and apologetic with my daughter. We had no further issues.

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Posted in reply to the post by zeninfinity:

I meant the incident with your daughter. Did you tell the school that a boy grabbed your daughter's hand and placed it on his groin last year? Did the school report it to the police?

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This just came in on my email from the school. I want to give them an equal voice.


An open letter to the Sebastopol education community:

Response to Sexual Harassment Allegations at Brook Haven School

In recent weeks, there has been discussion on social media regarding some reported incidents of inappropriate student behavior and sexual harassment at Brook Haven School. Some of the comments in these postings have inaccurately portrayed the school district’s response to these allegations. This letter provides a summary of the school district administration’s response to this situation, which has not been accurately or comprehensively portrayed in the social media accounts.

• Sebastopol schools have been proactive in dealing with sexual harassment
• The District took timely and appropriate disciplinary steps to resolve the issue
• Sexual harassment has no place in our schools and will not be tolerated
• Misinformation and exaggerated inflammatory statements are not helpful

It is important to keep in mind that we are under a legal and professional obligation to preserve the due process and privacy rights of all of the students involved. As such, we cannot discuss publicly the specific actions and remedies imposed to respond to these allegations.

Sebastopol schools have been proactive in dealing with sexual harassment

With the news media’s increased attention on sexual harassment charges coupled with unsupervised student access to adult video content outside of school, many of our children are exposed to controversial subjects in confusing times. As an educational institution, we see it as our responsibility to periodically address social issues and Internet content to assist students in making sense of difficult topics and understanding their rights as individuals.

As an example of being proactive, prior to the reported incident, Brook Haven Middle School held a Socratic Seminar in early December for 7^th and 8^th graders on the topic of sexual harassment. Through this seminar, an environment was created making students comfortable in self-reporting if they felt they had been harassed. This was the first forum of this kind offered for middle grade students, perhaps in the State of California. Our faculty will continue to receive training on sensitive issues at our January 8^th workshop for teachers and staff.

To assert that the district has ignored this national issue is unfair and simply not true. In fact, the current allegations against some boys at the school were a direct result of this awareness building effort by school leaders.

The District took timely and appropriate disciplinary steps to resolve the issue

When dealing with inappropriate student conduct, our primary goal is to exact discipline that is fair, measured, and leads to lasting behavioral changes in the future. Effective discipline is a teachable moment for the students involved and not just an exercise in punishing an offender.

In this case, as soon as the teacher was made aware of a concern, she went directly to the administration. The district used an outside legal counsel and trained counseling professionals familiar with the educational environment to conduct a thorough and confidential investigation. The district believes the recommended solutions have been appropriate and direct. We have discussed the actions and consequences with the families of the students. This case does not point to indifference or negligence on behalf of the district; in fact, it demonstrates quite the opposite.

Sexual harassment has no place in our schools and will not be tolerated

The District takes any allegation of sexual harassment seriously, even when it is anonymously reported. We are also committed to a restorative process. Our safe school procedures result in prompt and effective actions to report and investigate wrongful actions. Even before this incident, we had scheduled a parent forum/education night on January 23^rd. We welcome participation of all concerned in how to help students navigate difficult topics and how to supervise student access to adult Internet content. Schools do not exist in a vacuum and often reflect issues and trends that are gaining national attention. We encourage everyone to become part of the solution to resolve a troubling societal problem.

Misinformation and exaggerated inflammatory statements are not helpful

Anonymous statements of opinion or uncorroborated facts reported to authorities or posted via the Internet do not advance a responsible, results-oriented discussion of this situation. There is no “epidemic” of sexual harassment in our schools and the district has not turned a blind eye or a deaf ear to misbehavior. To claim otherwise does a tremendous disservice to the many caring and devoted educators that serve our students and families every day.

If you have questions, concerns, or comments please contact me directly at [email protected]. I encourage you to join us for a Parent Education meeting on January 23 at 6:30pm in the library at Brook Haven School to stay fully informed as we deal with this significant issue moving forward together. A panel of experts will be available to provide best practices on these and related topics. Please access our website for resources and background information about our school safety policies, training, and awareness-building efforts. We are looking forward to a safe and productive 2018 in Sebastopol Union School District.

Sincerely,
Linda Irving
Superintendent

I'm glad the Brookhaven has made a public statement, but I've taken the matter to the police. One of those creeps inappropriately behaved with my daughter not only in person but online. I'm not letting school policy dictate how things should go.

The written response from Linda Irving, the Superintendent, seems to show that the school has responded "appropriately", but of course, those steps cannot be divulged, in order to protect the students involved. Protection is the the guiding theme here.

There's no reference to any written policy that could be evidence for accountability. If there was such a document, it seems we'd be referred to it.

Maybe it will come only from demands by parents and guardians at the upcoming public meeting.

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Posted in reply to the post by suela:

I'm glad the Brookhaven has made a public statement, but I've taken the matter to the police. One of those creeps inappropriately behaved with my daughter not only in person but online. I'm not letting school policy dictate how things should go.

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Where would the boys go? And, we know there will be others to take their places, without a Zero Tolerance written policy in place. Even if the boys go, it doesn't mean the girls will heal. The girls need direct guidance on what to do in these kinds of situations, since they may face them in their future.

These boys may have been abused, and may be acting out under the assumption that there will be no consequences. Punishment of any kind is just a temporary solution. It doesn't work with children or animals, except temporarily, unless by confinement, which is an extreme measure that just shows our inability to be conscious, and aware of alternative solutions. Are we willing to look deeper?

Since the parents haven't come forward, we don't know about the family dynamics. Education and counseling is a priority. There are many interactive programs that will get the message across in a compassionate and just way.

We have a President who emulates and condones this behavior, and we can't get rid of him, though many of us would like to. Fortunately, we have more power to deal with these kinds of things at the local level, but knee- jerk reactions are not what this community is known for.

As for the adults who have been found abusive, whether sexually or otherwise, removal seems wise, and restrictions on further interactions with children. Zero Tolerance needs to apply across the board.

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Posted in reply to the post by zeninfinity:

...The boys need to go so the girls can heal. It’s that simple. The girls owe these boys nothing.

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Posted in reply to the post by Shandi:

Where would the boys go? ... Punishment of any kind is just a temporary solution. I....

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I'm not an advocate of punishment either. And yes, this is learned behavior. And yes, the boys need counseling. Has Brook Haven supplied said counseling? For the boys? For the girls? No.

So yes, the boys need counseling. Simply put, they need to go somewhere else to do it. Why you might ask? Because the people that they have bullied and intimidated are scared and frightened of them. So they need a place to feel safe. And by law the school has to require a safe learning environment.

Also, there are other options.The boys could be homeschooled or take classes online.

Do you really feel that these boys who have made 4 attacks (that we know of) and have had ZERO consoling are safe for other students to be around? To me, this is HUGE problem. Does anyone else see it?

Come Tuesday, 3 boys who have admitted to sexual assaults at school, during school hours with adults present and have received ZERO counseling will be walking the streets with our children with no adult supervision.

We have seen what these boys are capable of WITH adult supervision, on campus. What are they capable of with no supervision, left to their own devices? This is the case when they walk to and from school every day.

Has the district asked the boys parents to drop them off at school and pick them up? Can a parent or school official walk with the boys to and from school? What precautions have been made to protect all the non-suspecting students walking to and from school?

I'm very sorry if The Sebastopol Union School District feels that this could be regarded as an inflammatory statement.

I call it common sense. Dear members of this forum. Please tell me, am I overreacting?

I think you mean "ZERO counseling" rather than " ZERO consoling". And no, I don't think you're over-reacting, but the school does, of course. This upcoming meeting isn't even on the school calendar, so I wonder how the word is getting to parents. By a flier sent home with students? I hope that there's a huge turn out, and not just from WaccoBB members with kids in the school. The school may be wanting to play this down, because it makes them look irresponsible and unaccountable for the safety of the students.

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Posted in reply to the post by zeninfinity:

...Do you really feel that these boys who have made 4 attacks (that we know of) and have had ZERO consoling are safe for other students to be around? ...

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Posted in reply to the post by Shandi:

I think you mean "ZERO counseling" rather than " ZERO consoling". And no, I don't think you're over-reacting, but the school does, of course. This upcoming meeting isn't even on the school calendar, so I wonder how the word is getting to parents. ...

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Yes, indeed I meant counseling. Thank you for pointing that out.

The message was an email sent to whoever is on the Brook Haven email list.

I posted the message sent by the school on Friday 1/5/18. The school has been aware of this thread since 12/22/17. So they have been free to express themselves from the beginning of this thread and have chosen not to participate. I still welcome and encourage their comments in this public forum.

I am the original poster of this thread, my daughter was attacked at Brook Haven.

There is an obvious conflict of interest here. I'm glad the district sent the email. But it was more of the same. They are just covering themselves. The email had nothing to do with child safety and everything to do with them putting up a front that they have control of the situation and that they are being "proactive."

Indeed I couldn't find the meeting scheduled elsewhere. My read on the note is it's a very "reactive" response.

Why didn't they offer "Restorative Services" upon my first meeting with them? Their email was the first I heard of it. Where was the "panel of experts" when I met with them back in early December? I would have loved to talk to them!!! These folks were nowhere to be found or for that matter never mentioned or offered.

My first and only meeting with the district; I was ambushed. I thought I was meeting with Linda Irving the Superintendent. Instead, I was greeted by her attorney, he did ALL the talking and Linda was pretty much silent. I feel the district bringing in an attorney upon our first meeting was WAY over the top. And simply caused suspicion that something was up. Why the attorney? Why so defensive? I was in shock and denial at the beginning of all this. My ex-wife and I should have been greeted by a counselor, not an attorney! From the get-go, it was all about covering themselves.

All I can say is that 3 boys who have committed 4 sexual assaults on 3 different girls will be walking the streets amongst all the children of Brook Haven School tomorrow. Unless these boys have been miraculously healed and rehabilitated. I do not see it being a rational decision for the school to allow all the innocent, unsuspecting children to be exposed to these boys who exhibit troubling and dysfunctional behavior. It's an incident waiting to happen.

Some awesome articles about this very situation. The statistics are in. K-12 sexual assaults are an epidemic!

#MeTooK12: One Daughter’s Trauma, and a Family’s Quest to Prevent School-Related Sexual Violence

US News: #MeToo Goes to School

Oprah's Speech!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fN5HV79_8B8

Quote:

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Posted in reply to the post by zeninfinity:

...All I can say is that 3 boys who have committed 4 sexual assaults on 3 different girls will be walking the streets amongst all the children of Brook Haven School tomorrow. Unless these boys have been miraculously healed and rehabilitated. I do not see it being a rational decision for the school to allow all the innocent, unsuspecting children to be exposed to these boys who exhibit troubling and dysfunctional behavior. It's an incident waiting to happen.

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I'm pretty certain that the school officials are aware of this thread, and in this particular community, are aware how litigious they can be. I highly doubt if I were in their position that I'd meet with you without my own pit viper in attendance to help defend me from an almost certain lawsuit.

I also quoted your last paragraph as you wrote it in such a way as to leave the impression that you are NOT in the right frame of mind to consider restorative justice.

Quote:

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Posted in reply to the post by Imagery:

I'm pretty certain that the school officials are aware of this thread, and in this particular community, are aware how litigious they can be. I highly doubt if I were in their position that I'd meet with you without my own pit viper in attendance to help defend me from an almost certain lawsuit.

I also quoted your last paragraph as you wrote it in such a way as to leave the impression that you are NOT in the right frame of mind to consider restorative justice.

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I'm totally ok with them having an attorney. It's just that I wasn't told one would be present. I was ambushed. It spoke loudly of their frame of mind.

When this all began I had absolutely no intention of filing a lawsuit. I just wanted some quick justice. Transfer the perpetrators to another school and create a safe place for the girls of Brook Haven to come out and speak their minds. Pretty darn simple.

For those of you who feel the boys are being punished by having to go to another school. I will agree, that is one perspective. I look at it as the gentlemanly/civil thing to do. The boys (or their parents) should excuse themselves from the situation they have created. Thier inappropriate actions have caused damage, pain, and suffering to their peers. The girls were mistreated by these boys and need space to heal. Having to see the boys get no real punishment and also having to be in class with them every day is like a form of slow psychological torture. The long-term psychological damage on these girls can be devastating and life-altering.

It's not passing the buck either. The boys will have a fresh new start, at a new school. A new setting can create the space for the boys to possibly take on a new, more responsible persona. Keeping them at Brook Haven can actually impede progress as they will still be in the environment in which this dysfunctional behavior developed. So a fresh start in a new environment could be a perfect way for them to transition into a healthier way of being. Leaving them in the same environment and asking them to change, imho, will be harder. Of course, the new school would require them to be in counseling on a regular basis and other safety precautions could be made. Or they could be homeschooled. Or they can take classes online.

Also, it's about the message we give our kids. Case and point. At Rincon Valley Middle School, a boy jumped on another boy's back. They are best friends. The boy who jumped on the boys back was immediately brought to the office. Parents called, taken out of school and suspended for 3 days. Within hours!

At Brook Haven you grope someone and they will take away your recess, won't allow you to hang on campus after school, you will have to sit in front of the class and you sign a non-binding piece of paper that says you won't be a bad boy again.

I assure you if Brook Haven actually stood up to bullies and sexual assailants and took immediate action like RVMS. It would send a crystal clear message to the student body. 1) The school will protect you from any wrongdoing 2) Do something wrong, swift and immediate action will be taken to excuse you from the situation.

I love the concept of restorative justice. And like I have said earlier; if it was offered to me at my first meeting I would have probably gone for it. I am totally into transcending this situation. But no, this is not a group of people I feel safe with. They have proven it time and time again.

Due to the school's lack of response, I might be forced to protect my daughter myself. We are considering filing a police report and getting a restraining order. I really don't want to do this to the boy who attacked her. It is indeed not in his best interest. But I have to protect my daughter. If the school won't excuse him from the situation, then we will. So from this perspective, the school has done the boys a huge disservice.

To me the school's stance is absolutely bizarre.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUM4z414Dx4

Please watch the video of Oprah at the bottom of the page. The articles I've posted are on point as well. Please read.

Quote:

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Posted in reply to the post by zeninfinity:

Some awesome articles about this very situation. The statistics are in. K-12 sexual assaults are an epidemic!

https://www.the74million.org/metook12-one-daughters-trauma-and-a-familys-quest-to-prevent-school-related-sexual-violence/

https://www.usnews.com/news/education-news/articles/2018-01-08/the-metoo-movement-goes-to-school

Oprah's Speech!

https://youtu.be/fN5HV79_8B8

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https://www.WaccoBB.net/forums/wacco...7_17-25-20.png

Incidents at Sebastopol middle school bring #metoo into local focus

FOOD for THOUGHT: (from Facebook)

From Jackson Katz: "I draw a line down the middle of a chalkboard, sketching a male symbol on one side and a female symbol on the other. Then I ask just the men: "What steps do you guys take, on a daily basis, to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted?"

At first there is a kind of awkward silence as the men try to figure out if they've been asked a trick question. The silence gives way to a smattering of nervous laughter. Occasionally, a young a guy will raise his hand and say, 'I stay out of prison.' This is typically followed by another moment of laughter, before someone finally raises his hand and soberly states, 'Nothing. I don't think about it.'

Then I ask women the same question. What steps do you take on a daily basis to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted? Women throughout the audience immediately start raising their hands. As the men sit in stunned silence, the women recount safety precautions they take as part of their daily routine.

Here are some of their answers:

• Hold my keys as a potential weapon.
• Look in the back seat of the car before getting in.
• Carry a cell phone.
• Don't go jogging at night.
• Lock all windows when I sleep, even on hot summer nights.
• Be careful not to drink too much.
• Don't put my drink down and come back to it
• Make sure I see my drink being poured.
• Own a big dog.
• Carry Mace or pepper spray.
• Have an unlisted phone number.
• Have a man's voice on my answering machine.
• Park in well-lit areas.
• Don't use parking garages.
• Don't get on elevators with only one man.
• Don't get on elevators with a group of men.
• Vary my route home from work.
• Watch what I wear.
• Don't use highway rest areas.
• Use a home alarm system.
• Don't wear headphones when jogging.
• Avoid forests or wooded areas, even in the daytime.
• Don't take a first-floor apartment.
• Go out in groups.
• Own a firearm.
• Meet men on first dates in public places.
• Make sure to have a car or cab fare.
• Don't make eye contact with men on the street.
• Make assertive eye contact with men on the street...."
• etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.

― Jackson Katz
From The Macho Paradox: Why Some Men Hurt Women
and How All Men Can Help

Jackson Katz is an American educator, filmmaker, and author. He has created a gender violence prevention and education program entitled Mentors in Violence Prevention, which is used by U.S. military and various sporting organizations.
Copied and pasted and you can too.

Would you post a copy of the email message about the Parent Education meeting on Jan 23rd? I'm curious about the wording. I also wonder about parents who aren't on the email list? I have a friend who rarely reads messages from the school, but checks the online school calendar.

Quote:

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Posted in reply to the post by zeninfinity:

...I posted the message sent by the school on Friday 1/5/18....

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Quote:

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Posted in reply to the post by Shandi:

Would you post a copy of the email message about the Parent Education meeting on Jan 23rd? I'm curious about the wording. I also wonder about parents who aren't on the email list? I have a friend who rarely reads messages from the school, but checks the online school calendar.

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Today is Walk/Roll Day. They are actually encouraging kids to walk to school. Deny, deny, deny.

Sebastopol Union School District

Linda Irving, Superintendent
7611 Huntley Street, Sebastopol, California 95472
Phone: (707) 829-4570 Fax: (707) 829-7427
www.sebastopolschools.org January 5, 2018
____________________________________________________

An open letter to the Sebastopol education community:

Response to Sexual Harassment Allegations at Brook Haven School

[ This letter was previously posted here - Barry]

First of all, I am so sorry you and your child have experienced this. I too have a child at BH and although I am not surprised by how this has been dealt with by the district, I am still quite shocked. I have seen over and over again how the district handles bullying but this is taking things to a whole new level. This is unacceptable, from beginning to end and things have to change.

This is for the teachers of the Sebastopol Union School District.

https://www.whistleblowers.gov/know_your_rights

Where are the parents of these juvenile boys? I've heard little on this post about these kids parents and their involvement/responsibilties. Shouldn't they be brought in to help and have some accountabilty with all this??? Maybe make the parents walk with their sons to and from school each day .Just a suggestion.This could be a good start.

I don't understand why you haven't contacted the parents of these boys. It sounds like you know who they are. I'm not sure if you are trying to say that the boys learned this behavior at school or that the school is responsible for the actions of all of their pupils. It's obvious something needs to be done.
By not going to the source you are trying to shift the burden to another school since the boys don't get any feedback from home, their actions will continue all the way into Analy and if your daughter is going there, she can expect a much rougher ride.
I would sue their parents and the school, that will send a message that you hold both parties responsible for not doing anything about the situation.
And for your daughter's sake, Jesus take her out of school until this is resolved instead of waiting till it gets worse!

I'm still wondering about the email message about the "Parent Education meeting on January 23rd" to parents/guardians on the email list. Please share a copy with us.

All communication needs to be tracked, so it's not just hearsay. That's the importance of creating a paper trail of parent/guardian requests/demands for a "responsible, accountable" communication from the school, about specific written policy, and what's actually been done in these cases.

This Walk/Roll Day has been in effect for awhile, and I'm sure that their awareness doesn't extend to it making kids more vulnerable to bullying/attacks. But many of us can see that it does.

Quote:

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Posted in reply to the post by zeninfinity:

Today is Walk/Roll Day. They are actually encouraging kids to walk to school. Deny, deny, deny.
...
Response to Sexual Harassment Allegations at Brook Haven School

[ This letter was previously posted here - Barry]

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The parents would have to be hiding under a rock not to know what's happening. It's all speculation at this point, but they may have been advised by the school's attorney not to get involved by communicating with the victims parents. That makes sense to me, as something a defendant's attorney would do.

Not all parents are "helpful" in these situations, especially when the behavior reflects on them in a negative way. Are the parents "Trump supporters"? Trump personifies the example of "pussy grabbing" as desirable. Remember, these are just speculations on my part.

No one can force a parent to walk their kids to and from school, since it may negatively impact their work life, but maybe the boys could be made to use a transportation system, but that would have to come from a higher authority than the school.

The positive side of this is that the community is more aware, the girls are more aware of their rights, and the boys are more aware that their behavior has had some serious and undesirable consequences. This behavior is not going to be brushed under the rug. It's showdown time! I'm glad to see the community stepping up to support these girls and their parents.

Quote:

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Posted in reply to the post by Fortunecookie:

Where are the parents of these juvenile boys?...

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What time is the meeting on the 23rd?

Just curious if you read what you wrote, or are you unable to click to follow a link to another waccobb thread where the letter is posted in its entirety?

Quote:

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Posted in reply to the post by Shandi:

I'm still wondering about the email message about the "Parent Education meeting on January 23rd" to parents/guardians on the email list. Please share a copy with us.

All communication needs to be tracked, so it's not just heresay. That's the importance of creating a paper trail of parent/guardian requests/demands for a "responsible, accountable" communication from the school, about specific written policy, and what's actually been done in these cases.

This Walk/Roll Day has been in effect for awhile, and I'm sure that their awareness doesn't extend to it making kids more vulnerable to bullying/attacks. But many of us can see that it does.

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The only letter I saw posted was a "response", not a copy of an email sent to parents regarding the "Parent Education Meeting on Jan 23rd". I've read through all posts, and haven't found it. Can you direct me to it with a link? Thanks!

Someone else has posted asking what time it is.

Quote:

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Posted in reply to the post by Imagery:

Just curious if you read what you wrote, or are you unable to click to follow a link to another waccobb thread where the letter is posted in its entirety?

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The Brookhaven school website posts the Parent Education Meeting:Parent Education Meeting

Date: 1/23/2018
Time: 6:30 PM – 8:30 PM
Location: Brook Haven Library

Quote:

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Posted in reply to the post by Shandi:

The only letter I saw posted was a "response", not a copy of an email sent to parents regarding the "Parent Education Meeting on Jan 23rd". I've read through all posts, and haven't found it. Can you direct me to it with a link? Thanks!

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Seems like a "bland" title considering the seriousness of the education that needs to be done. It's a good thing Wacco members know what's up.

Quote:

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Posted in reply to the post by viajera:

The Brookhaven school website posts the Parent Education Meeting:Parent Education Meeting

Date: 1/23/2018
Time: 6:30 PM – 8:30 PM
Location: Brook Haven Library

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Just a heads up to those following this thread that a new thread entitled '"Epidemic" of sexual harassment at a local school?' has been started, that calls the premise of this thread into question.

From what I can gather after reading all of the posts on two threads (!) on the topic of harassment in our local schools I have some outside observations:

1. This girl was touched inappropriately and felt she could not come forward - to the school OR her parents. That is a huge negative for BOTH parties.
2. The school held a Socratic Seminar - providing information, giving the students a voice, and provided them an avenue to report. VERY good. All schools should be so proactive.
3. This girl came forward first to her parent - good! She is speaking out about things that make her uncomfortable! But only after this seminar did she and her parents speak to the school, making them the last informed. Correct me if I am wrong, but actions can not be taken with zero information.
4. The school district then took corrective action. And because we are not party to the situation, we don’t know the full details of it, nor should we. These are children. Middle school is a very confusing time for everyone whilst they are going through it, and the best any of us can do is be an advocate for these kids so they come out as decent adults.
5. I called Brook Haven. They have a restorative discipline model, they use punishments like suspension when necessary. They seem open and willing to talk.
6. While I do not know what has happened in the past at BHS, I do know the climate for sexual violence has changed in our society. It does seem like the Sebastopol School District is on the front lines of empowerment, education, and providing our students a voice. Other school districts - in our area - are still functioning along the lines of a “boys will be boys” mentality, and refusing to give their female students any voice at all.
7. Zeninfinity - by choosing to attack this district and school, which you seem to know little about - especially their policies, procedures, FERPA, confidentiality, and staff - makes it seem like you have a lot of misplaced anger. I get that what happened to your daughter is TERRIBLE. It shouldn’t happen to anyone - ever. But your actions seem to have elevated this incident - where you are not shaming the needed parties - but shaming your daughter. Have you considered that by reacting in such an overtly negative way, your daughter will feel like she can not come to you in the future? (Just a thought - I am a total outsider here.)

Social media is like playing telephone when I was a child. The message starts out a certain way. By the time it gets to the last person, it is completely different. When one is seeking support of the community as well as attempting to raise awareness, it is unfortunate that there are those people who judge and attack the victim. Siding with the perpetrators and making the victim wrong is unempowering and defeats the purpose of justice and taking responsibility. Criminals need to have consequences for their harmful behavior or their actions will continue and escalate onto others.
Violence, abuse and trespassing upon another individual is wrong, sexual or otherwise.

Hmmmmmmmm,
Todd why do I get the impression that you are NOT a total outsider here.
Is it because you just signed up a few days before you posted or is it because you only put the blame on the parent? You seem to have a lot of knowledge about the inner workings of the school while accusing the parent to have none. Did you get that info from the one phone call you made? Did you contact the parent too and get his side of the story? Why don't you give full disclosure about your relationship with the school, district, teachers and/or the parents of the errant boys. I think that would be fair.

Quote:

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Posted in reply to the post by thatonetodd:

From what I can gather after reading all of the posts on two threads (!) on the topic of harassment in our local schools I have some outside observations:

1. ...

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Per dictionary.com:

Epidemic: adj. extremely prevalent; widespread

Can someone with more time and the inclination cite how many reported cases there are in the last 5 years, how many children have attended the school in the last 5 years, and what the percentage is of children harassed in this school? I'm certain that several of you will cite unimaginable numbers of unreported cases, but how about we deal with facts instead of hyperbole?

While I agree that 0.00/∞ students is the only truly acceptable number of sexual assaults, unfortunately in reality, people choose NOT to respect others, choose NOT to obey the rule of law, and choose to do whatever they think they can get away with. From time to time, the criminals (these are not toddlers, therefore are criminals) should be held accountable for their actions.

Hello. People in this discussion might be interested in this petition.

https://www.change.org/p/oklahoma-st...3052&jb=151632

Let's do it now!

Quote:

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Posted in reply to the post by Dustyg:

Let's do it now!

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Do what???

I was responding to the post before mine, where a link to an article about a school district which had drafted a position to sexual/bullying in the schools....go back before mine to read.

Quote:

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Posted in reply to the post by Tofu Larry:

Do what???

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Is there a reason that no one has reported on the results of the "Parent Education" meeting at Brook Haven?
Is this "open discussion" now a closed one?

Quote:

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Posted in reply to the post by Dustyg:

I was responding to the post before mine, where a link to an article about a school district which had drafted a position to sexual/bullying in the schools....go back before mine to read.

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I attended the meeting and I wish that there had been more of an open discussion about the allegations made on this thread, which seem valid to me. I was particularly disappointed with the performance of the principal, I felt like she was talking over and around the issues. There seemed to be a lot of fear regarding honestly addressing the issues at hand.