alone again...

OK, OK.

First off, Mykill, you are to be commended for not only being completely honest in your post but also for the fact that you received so many responses to it. And actually, Mykill, I can tell you have a tremendous number of very admirable qualities about you (as I do about me as well if only you knew me better).

Just as you are not the same or thinking the same thoughts as you were last week, I do not think the same thoughts from one day to the next. In fact, I'm thinking about things a bit differently than I was when I wrote the previous post. And please, give me the benefit of the doubt as well in being open to the fact that I am not the person who you seem to think I am based on one post.

One thing I would like to point out however, Mykil, is that for some reason you completely ignored my having commented on your insistence about having everything your own way in a relationship n order to direct your rant solely towards the flirtation thing. If you are perfectly happy having the woman in your life flirt with every guy in sight and it is fun for both of you, it would make me tremendously happy for you both to be happy. So go for it!

All I intended to do was to give you a little perspective on the fact that you are without a woman right now and if you put what you told us about yourself in a personal ad I think a lot of women would be very turned off by your insisting on having everything your own way and flirting with every woman in sight. If you look at those two statements objectively I think you might be able to see how this would be off-putting.

And no, I'm no saying every single woman out there would be put off with these two personality traits, but it seems questionable what type of woman you are going to attract into your life if you say you insist on having everything your own way and flirting with every woman in sight. I'm not making a blanket statement here, but in general I think it is widely accepted from a psychological standpoint that a woman who would be interested in being in a relationship with someone "insists on having everything his own way" (your words, Mykill, which come off as seeming incredibly selfish and self-centered -- and if you were only joking a LOL would have been a handy way of letting other people in on the joke) has a high likelihood of having very low self-esteem, being tremendously submissive and perhaps even emotionally masochistic. But again, I'm sure there are exceptions to this generality, and if that is how both you and she want your relationship to be and it makes you happy, good for you. Happiness is more important than most anything else in life.

If you think I am wrong about these two personality traits of yours being off-putting to the majority of potential enamorees, you can poll around (no pun intended) and I think you'd get a majority consensus at the very least of women who say they would not want to be with a man who insists on having everything his own way and flirts with every woman in sight. Post a poll (and no fair having Friends of Mykill skewing the results) in which you just ask two questions to all the women on the bb with no other verbage or humor in the post, and have them respond with "yes I would like to be involved with a man who insists on having everything his own way and flirts with every woman in sight," or "no I would not like to be with a man like that."

To be absolutely fair, since so many people seem to know you and like you on the bb perhaps this would be better posted by someone else altogether to get the most honest response possible. Just a thought.

What I am really saying is, it might just be something to remember that people do not see your face or your smile or know what a great person you are from reading a post on an internet website – and what is there in black and white is all that they can see. That is why I responded as I did to your post.

But no need to beat the topic to death. Perhaps we can just take all of this in the spirit in which it was intended -- in hopes that if for any reason you don't have scads of women banging on your door when you say you insist on having everything your own way always and flirting with every woman in sight, perhaps you might consider a change. And I am certain that you would consider a change because you seem very open to evolving for the better. That is highly laudable as well.

Before we begin to bore each other to death, how about this: Let’s make peace and be friends. I think we might have a lot of offer to each other -- but most definitely not a relationship! LOL!

constantconnection

Do you want to get married?

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Posted in reply to the post by constantconnection:

OK, OK.

First off, Mykill, you are to be commended for not only being completely honest in your post but also for the fact that you received so many responses to it. And actually, Mykill, I can tell you have a tremendous number of very admirable qualities about you (as I do about me as well if only you knew me better).

Just as you are not the same or thinking the same thoughts as you were last week, I do not think the same thoughts from one day to the next. In fact, I'm thinking about things a bit differently than I was when I wrote the previous post. And please, give me the benefit of the doubt as well in being open to the fact that I am not the person who you seem to think I am based on one post.

One thing I would like to point out however, Mykil, is that for some reason you completely ignored my having commented on your insistence about having everything your own way in a relationship n order to direct your rant solely towards the flirtation thing. If you are perfectly happy having the woman in your life flirt with every guy in sight and it is fun for both of you, it would make me tremendously happy for you both to be happy. So go for it!

All I intended to do was to give you a little perspective on the fact that you are without a woman right now and if you put what you told us about yourself in a personal ad I think a lot of women would be very turned off by your insisting on having everything your own way and flirting with every woman in sight. If you look at those two statements objectively I think you might be able to see how this would be off-putting.

And no, I'm no saying every single woman out there would be put off with these two personality traits, but it seems questionable what type of woman you are going to attract into your life if you say you insist on having everything your own way and flirting with every woman in sight. I'm not making a blanket statement here, but in general I think it is widely accepted from a psychological standpoint that a woman who would be interested in being in a relationship with someone "insists on having everything his own way" (your words, Mykill, which come off as seeming incredibly selfish and self-centered -- and if you were only joking a LOL would have been a handy way of letting other people in on the joke) has a high likelihood of having very low self-esteem, being tremendously submissive and perhaps even emotionally masochistic. But again, I'm sure there are exceptions to this generality, and if that is how both you and she want your relationship to be and it makes you happy, good for you. Happiness is more important than most anything else in life.

If you think I am wrong about these two personality traits of yours being off-putting to the majority of potential enamorees, you can poll around (no pun intended) and I think you'd get a majority consensus at the very least of women who say they would not want to be with a man who insists on having everything his own way and flirts with every woman in sight. Post a poll (and no fair having Friends of Mykill skewing the results) in which you just ask two questions to all the women on the bb with no other verbage or humor in the post, and have them respond with "yes I would like to be involved with a man who insists on having everything his own way and flirts with every woman in sight," or "no I would not like to be with a man like that."

To be absolutely fair, since so many people seem to know you and like you on the bb perhaps this would be better posted by someone else altogether to get the most honest response possible. Just a thought.

What I am really saying is, it might just be something to remember that people do not see your face or your smile or know what a great person you are from reading a post on an internet website – and what is there in black and white is all that they can see. That is why I responded as I did to your post.

But no need to beat the topic to death. Perhaps we can just take all of this in the spirit in which it was intended -- in hopes that if for any reason you don't have scads of women banging on your door when you say you insist on having everything your own way always and flirting with every woman in sight, perhaps you might consider a change. And I am certain that you would consider a change because you seem very open to evolving for the better. That is highly laudable as well.

Before we begin to bore each other to death, how about this: Let’s make peace and be friends. I think we might have a lot of offer to each other -- but most definitely not a relationship! LOL!

constantconnection

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From private email exchanges with Mykil and what i have read here, I think Mykil needs a woman who will let him pursue her, challenge him and not give him exactly what he wants... just glimpses of it left for a future date.

How many men are like this? who want the challenge, the intrigue, the mystery to solve?

And once he has this woman, the ongoing challenge of keeping it interesting to both then becomes focus. Can the depth that Mykil seeks be found this way? Is Mykil really that deep?

Is my intuition waaay off base here?

Does such a woman exist? And would she want him?

ROFLMAO - What makes you think Mykil is without a woman? He's just happens to be dating versus life partnering.

His idea of alone is that his bed is not guaranteed full every night! That doesn't mean his shop doesn't have a myriad of lovelies haunting it looking for a quick flirt or even a good spank.

Oh and his own way, ROFLMAO. Oh dear, giggles, if you only knew - Mykil has shown me his idea of getting his own way is to give me mine. He gets abundant joy in watching others enjoy. In fact if I had to guess at what turns Mykil on it's giving joy to others. I LOVE this about Mykil.

And NO Mykil despite the fact you and Dave both think he would enjoy a drum set I DO NOT!! NO drum sets! Unless you keep them at your house in which case that's fine!

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Posted in reply to the post by constantconnection:

All I intended to do was to give you a little perspective on the fact that you are without a woman right now and if you put what you told us about yourself in a personal ad I think a lot of women would be very turned off by your insisting on having everything your own way and flirting with every woman in sight. If you look at those two statements objectively I think you might be able to see how this would be off-putting.

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Oh come now CeCe; oh lets change that name to CoCo more fitting I am thinking! as I was reading over you last reply I noticed something! You asked about wanting things my own way! What up with that? Tell me honestly, why does this bother you soooo? Do you not want things your own way? Do you get things your own way? Come on now tell us the truth, did this little part upset you because you do not want a man to get things his own way because you have to have things your own way? LOL! Just out of mild curiosity mind you, why would you be set against me having my way atleast half of the time? Why would I not want things my own way, and why would this bother you soooo? I am thinking you are a little selfish yourself just by the fact that you settled on this account my lady! LMAO!!! Tell me your thoughts on what I just expressed please!

All in All Shell is right though! I have to admit, having things my way is a big turn on too me, but what is my way? You would really have to experience this in order for me to elaborate I think. I can try thou! As long as you are happy giggling and have a smile on your face this is my way! Again it is amazing what people red into something, such as the term I would only be happy with a sub! It alwayz amazes me to no ends on what one reads into things! Did I say I was gong to tie you up and really just make you perform for me? When really I am more it just giving and receive and this is really what I want and is my way! My way is the best way! No harm, no unhappiness, I try for pure pleasure and ecstasy! Why would you want it your way when you can have it my way? LMAO!!! PEACE! Who knows? Maybe my way is our way!

Mykil, you are one of the most hilarious people on the face of this entire planet (and don't go taking that the wrong way, too!).

LMAO. ROFLMAO. RMPTQUE (don't try to decipher that, I just threw a bunch of letters together to intentionally perplex you).

cc

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Posted in reply to the post by mykil:

Do you want to get married?

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Since you specifically asked me for a response to this, Mykil, let's just say "be careful what you ask for!"

Nothing you say "bothers me soooo," anymore at all, Mykil. I am so over it and I think that soon and very soon indeed you shall be, too, if you aren't already which I suspect could very well be the case since we are both evolving at such a fast clip. So let's just move on to more pertinent issues, like the meaning of life.

I think what we are really talking about here is the difference between "getting one's own way" (generally implying selfishness and a have or have not situation) vs. getting what we want by creating that which we desire.

Our purpose here on Earth is to desire things and to then match our vibrational offering (similar to radio signals and encompassing all that we are thinking and feeling) to that which we desire, as one would tune a radio to the frequency of a particular radio station, at which point we attract into our lives that which is equal to our vibrational offering.

We then, if we are open to it, allow nonphysical Source Energy -- which we were to begin with and still are by nature (though currently uniquely experiencing it here on Planet Earth as a physical energy reality within the context of a time-space continuum) to flow to us and through us, bringing into our life that which we desire. We then desire more and create more and manifest more.

Desire and creativity are "it," my new friend. Happiness is the end all and be all, and each and every one of us can achieve this without trampling each other under in a mad stampede. One person's getting what they want does not necessitate someone else not getting what they want. This is absolutely not the case. Being happy does not mean that another person must be sad.

I believe this is all merely a matter of semantics. Wanting to have things "one's own way" implies that one "gets one's own way" at the expense of someone else's needs and desires. There is no need for selfishness at all. Selfishness implies that one does not truly believe one can create whatever one desires.

Do I want things my own way? No. In fact, when I think about the one I love I would never want things my own way. Nor does he ever want things his own way. Selfishness is not a part of the equation whatsoever. The exact opposite is true. I never would or could impede the one I love from creating that which he desires, nor would or could he ever impede me in creating that which I desire. I support him in his highest aspirations as he supports me in my highest aspirations. I firmly believe, as did Ayn Rand, that the only influence we should be imposing upon one another's lives is to support each other in our highest aspirations.

What one wants cannot be dependent upon one specific person or situation. Each of us creating that which we desire cannot be dependent upon any one person because we cannot control other people. Two people are together because that is what they both desire. And if they both desire to be together forever they will. And if one person changes their mind it does not exclude the other person from being together forever with someone, they just need seek on further and they will create that which they desire back into their life.

Do I get things my own way? That, again, implies selfishness and stems from a belief that only one person gets their own way and the other does not when in fact everyone can get everything they want. I don't get what I want at the expense of others. Rather, I create that which I desire, as can and should everyone else on the planet.

If some people are into creating negativity at this point in time it doesn't necessitate that we allow them to control us and create negativity in our lives unless we allow them to do so by not taking part in deliberate creation of that which we want in our lives. Just as we cannot control others, nor can we -- if we are actively participating in deliberate creation of that which we desire -- be controlled by others (unless it is our desire to do so).

I am not the least bit selfish or petty. I cannot emphasize that enough. I hope this doesn't take all the fun out of all of it for you, Mykil. I am incredibly nurturing and supportive. I am an incredibly happy person. I am living an amazing, incredible, extraordinary life.

And I am beginning to realize, Mykil, that you are an incredibly happy person and are probably living an amazing, incredible, extraordinary life as well.

So what shall we talk about now that we have left all of the dramatic conflict behind in the dust? How about some knock-knock jokes!

Knock knock.

Who's there.

Amos.

Amos who?

A mosquito bit me.

Knock knock.

Who's there.

Andy.

Andy who?

And he bit me again!

Yours truly,

cc

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Posted in reply to the post by mykil:

Oh come now CeCe; oh lets change that name to CoCo more fitting I am thinking! as I was reading over you last reply I noticed something! You asked about wanting things my own way! What up with that? Tell me honestly, why does this bother you soooo? Do you not want things your own way? Do you get things your own way? Come on now tell us the truth, did this little part upset you because you do not want a man to get things his own way because you have to have things your own way? LOL! Just out of mild curiosity mind you, why would you be set against me having my way atleast half of the time? Why would I not want things my own way, and why would this bother you soooo? I am thinking you are a little selfish yourself just by the fact that you settled on this account my lady! LMAO!!! Tell me your thoughts on what I just expressed please!

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Thanksalot, Now we got to listen to Mykil's D & A theory again

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Posted in reply to the post by constantconnection:

We then, if we are open to it, allow nonphysical Source Energy -- which we were to begin with and still are by nature (though currently uniquely experiencing it here on Planet Earth as a physical energy reality within the context of a time-space continuum) to flow to us and through us, bringing into our life that which we desire. We then desire more and create more and manifest more.

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Hehehehe you know you just love hearing it! If we make an appointment he'll do it live and man oh man a one man show I tell you!!

Hey that's an idea - lets get together and have Mykil perform his soliloquies!

What you think MsTerry? Tea, cakes and Mykil - Like that lunch with Andre film!

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Posted in reply to the post by MsTerry:

Thanksalot, Now we got to listen to Mykil's D & A theory again

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But Shell, you and I and Mykil?
Mykil will never recover from that!
We shouldn't take advantage of the vulnerable and adorable ones,

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Posted in reply to the post by shellebelle:

Hehehehe you know you just love hearing it! If we make an appointment he'll do it live and man oh man a one man show I tell you!!

Hey that's an idea - lets get together and have Mykil perform his soliloquies!

What you think MsTerry? Tea, cakes and Mykil - Like that lunch with Andre film!

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LOL I keep forgetting he's vanilla.

Oh hey I am his shop and he's promising me dinner at his palce. I offically invite you Ms Terry!!

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Posted in reply to the post by MsTerry:

But Shell, you and I and Mykil?
Mykil will never recover from that!
We shouldn't take advantage of the vulnerable and adorable ones,

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Posted in reply to the post by Sylph:

Most of us women want a monogamous love relationship, don't we? How does that whole 'poly' thing work for people? Sexual jealousy is hardwired into us, even if we want to be 'open minded'. Open relationships are fraught with disaster, I would imagine, with hearts being broken and people getting really angry!

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News flash: Closed relationships too are fraught with disaster, with hearts being broken (or drubbed into stultified insensitivity by years of passionless boredom, with "fidelity" enforced by guilt), and people getting really angry (resentful, unfulfilled, etc.). No deep human relationship is immune from disaster, so let's not make fallacious arguments for or against either open or closed relationships based on that. Can you validate that open relationships are a perfectly decent and reasonable choice for those who choose them, whether or not you would?

Dixon

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Posted in reply to the post by constantconnection:

Tell us all, honestly, if you were really, truly, deeply, arduously, fanatically head over heels in love with this woman and it was her and her alone for you not only for right now but from hereon through eternity, just how, exactly, would you feel about her spending a significant amount of her time coming on to other men in your presence in order to boost her ego and her sense of worth and her sense of being able to arouse (i.e. control) other men?
Can you honestly say you want this equal of yours -- a woman who insists on having things her own way in total disregard and disrespect of what you want and what is important to you? Can you honestly say you want this equal of yours -- a woman who openly gets aroused by and gets an ego boost from flirting with other men right in front of you by turning them on sexually by very cheap and easy means?

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Hey, constantconnection--

I would LOVE to be hooked up and madly in love with a sexy woman who flirts openly with others in my presence, or even has sex with them. (Ideally I could videotape it for our later enjoyment). This kind of thing would only make me love her more. And I'm not the only guy who feels that way.

Of course, I'm not making the extremely negative assumptions that you make about the presumed negative motivations and character traits of flirtatious women. I think you needlessly insult sexy, "slutty" women, showing a lack of tolerance for lifestyles that differ from yours, as well as perhaps some insecurity that such women may "steal" a man whom you may think of as your property.

While I recognize that most people--especially most women--are hard-wired for monogamy for good evolutionary reasons, and therefore try not to be too judgmental about monogamy, it's hard for me to see mutual ownership enforced by jealousy and guilt as love.

Dixon

The meaning of life and a knock knock joke, how adorable! Do you do massage?

Yes, I too coincide with the theory that all thoughts are prayer and that pessimistic thoughts alone have a strong negative impact on our universe! I have strong reservations toward wickedness and believe it is a true entity that has to be ousted from our world. The creature being pure thought yes?

Hmmmm as far as getting my own way, I will try and take into consideration your theories on the matter at hand and try and see past my own nose! Seeing other peoples needs more clearly. Trying harder to evolve around a plain and simple plan of attack, this being sharing my own happiness with others more often, making room for them in our world of pure joy and happiness and truly challenging their abilities to find joy and a little cherished attention in their own lives while all the time making sure not to over step any boundary issues that might arouse and just try to enlighten them more clearly, which will put me back at where I am today! LOL Are you sure you don’t want to get married? Getting my own way is sharing and thank you for pointing this out. I never said I wanted to materialize a smart woman! AS far as being selfish, no, I don’t go there; the thought of me being a selfish person does not ring true. EVER! Hell I won’t even be selfish with my own thoughts, not that I haven’t been asked over and over and over… nor my possessions, my heart, my soul or my anything else I have. About the only thing I am really possessive of is my bed, it is sooo friggin comfortable! Soooooo again, this is how I got here In the first place! Soooooo this is what I really would love to hear from you CC my new found friend…

I, as in Mykil, would love to hear your thoughts on setting boundaries for such an event. I tried, with little success, to draw out a few thoughts in an earlier thread entitled boundaries, but did not really get what I was after! Me being raised a complete hippy, a real hippy mind you, well half hippy, half redneck in a kinda backwoods kinda country bumpkin sort of way, WAY BACK, have never ever even thought of manufacturing boundaries. Yet here I am at the ripe age of forty four and thinking I need to find some, get some, buy some at sears, [WE DON’T SHOP AT WALMART ANYMORE] or ask to borrow some of these allusive limitations from friends such as you! Where to begin? Where are they hiding? Hmmmmm

AS you might have read up yonder I am not a selfish individual, I tend to give away all my energy, all my possessions, or if you are poor and look like you are in need, atleast giving them to you what I paid for them, and really have no admiration toward becoming rich and wealthy in the future by doing what I do. I belong to this community and really do my best to give every ounce of my beliefs to this little commune! YEAH we are! Anywayz I am the same with my love and have to find a way to not let the same things happen over and over. Your thoughts about bringing in the energy you want are greatly appreciated, but will they work for me? Probably not! I am going to need one hell of change to make that happen! Quick fixes might include solitude! I hate being alone! Castration! OUCH, there are a few woman that might agree!!!!! Selling everything I own and moving to a monastery on a hill in Tibet! I don’t speak Chinese! Hmmm what to do? I have this overpowering sensation when I see a woman in need and must help her, this in turn ends up into a relationship I do not desire! Yet stick with it on the assumption that one needs my particular help. It is the need to help that gets my heart in trouble and then everything else follows! I need new boundaries! A sense that I can overcome certain admirations in my life such as what I have just described, as to being able to move forward freely with a more powerful and productive relationship or relationships with others also with myself as well and really move forward in my evolution!

What ya think? Can you help with this one or is it beyond the books we read? Now you know me and who I am and what it might take to do this but do you know how I got here? This might be half the battle just knowing I was raised in a very poor environment and producing to help was the only way of life. Helping meant eating plain and simple! I didn’t even know what money was till I was in my thirties for god sakes, everything was done on trade! Sooo giving a helping hand was part of life. Helping a woman out with her children meant she was moving in and taking over the common house and that was nice too! Till she gets on her feet and was able to move on. This is inbreeding on my DNA! This needs to change and as hard as I try to be mainstream I always go back to my roots and have to have the poor woman in distress syndrome that has me memorized when it walks on in. I still want to help don’t get me wrong, I just do not want that to be taken over my life like it alwayz does. Change comes from within but being hardwired makes it a challenge.

The way I wrote the first post way up yonder was my first attempt at achieving this task! Although it wasn’t the best piece of work I have ever written , by all means is was the first draft, the first draft for the rest on my life on the big beautiful blue earth, and I really have to start somewhere! OK Enough whining, give it to me straight! How pathetic am I?

Reply to Dixon:

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News flash: Closed relationships too are fraught with disaster, with hearts being broken (or drubbed into stultified insensitivity by years of passionless boredom, with "fidelity" enforced by guilt), and people getting really angry (resentful, unfulfilled, etc.). No deep human relationship is immune from disaster, so let's not make fallacious arguments for or against either open or closed relationships based on that

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Many relationships are ‘fraught with disaster’…especially our ‘primary love relationship’. I think that is a given. I do believe that adding in other people to the mix as sexual partners is bound to complicate things and lead to more ‘broken hearts’, IMHO.
Of course, love relationships are hard, they don't just happen…sometimes we have chosen the wrong partner, but sometimes the parties involved don’t know how to make the relationship better or don’t think it’s possible. I feel sad for anyone who is resigned to ‘years of passionless boredom’ or who is consumed with anger and resentment toward their partner. However, I am not sure that adding a variety of lovers is the answer to bad relationships.

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Can you validate that open relationships are a perfectly decent and reasonable choice for those who choose them, whether or not you would?

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Sure, go for it!

Relationship in my 10 yr. olds sons dictionary means : connection. What is the relationship of clouds to rain ? Is that not appropriate or what ?(Thorndike Century Junior Dictionary).. I can only say that the "whole" relationship thing is really @$@%$@%@% up! We all want one , we all are afraid and or leary.. Or even just want to give up ! What does one do ? I do commend my good friend Mykil for at least always expressing his needs and wants even if it is not to your approval , he is always honest and truthful. I Know for a Fact !We should all be so honest in this outstanding society of ours ! I think most of us ,as I have written before, are lonely. I am not sure why.. I feel that I am so worthy of someone to share my life with , yet that is not happening.. What does one do ? I do not go out.. I do not look on line .. (hardly ever), I , as a (I do not think that I am just assuming ),we do not even know where to begin.. And mostly anything found is just people whom need extra love and are already committed but not exclusively happy.. Whats up with that ?It is all very disconcerning to me in the whelm of life and I am sure no-one can explain the reasons of any of the above ! Or of course you can try ..

The problem with the my way routine is that people will go to war to have peace their way.......

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Posted in reply to the post by mykil:

All in All Shell is right though! I have to admit, having things my way is a big turn on too me, but what is my way? You would really have to experience this in order for me to elaborate I think. I can try thou! As long as you are happy giggling and have a smile on your face this is my way! Again it is amazing what people red into something, such as the term I would only be happy with a sub! It alwayz amazes me to no ends on what one reads into things! Did I say I was gong to tie you up and really just make you perform for me? When really I am more it just giving and receive and this is really what I want and is my way! My way is the best way! No harm, no unhappiness, I try for pure pleasure and ecstasy! Why would you want it your way when you can have it my way? LMAO!!! PEACE! Who knows? Maybe my way is our way!

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Oh come on! Give me a f*#$%g break. You have dreamed up an image of who I am and what I believe that has nothing to do with me or even with anything I wrote at all. I could care less what your sexual predilections are. Whatever it is you like to do, go and do it. This is not all new and exciting and provocative stuff like you seem to think it is.

I could also care less if people who want to flirt with everyone in sight flirt with everyone in sight for the rest of their lives if that's what makes them happy. Honestly, this whole topic is beginning to bore me.

Just for the record, just to make it incredibly clear to you, I never wrote a single thing about flirtatious women. I never stated or implied that anyone was "slutty" because they were flirtatious.

Let's review: Mykil started a thread entitled "alone again..." to me implying that he didn't want to be alone again, that he wanted to find someone to be with. I was merely trying to point out to Mykil that something he said he insisted on doing (flirting with every woman in sight) was something that most women do not like in a man, thereby highly increasing the statisical probability that Mykil might remain "alone again..."

My post to him was a f*#(*ng public service announcement!

I never insulted "slutty" women. Where did you even get that, Dixon? Highlight it and paste it into a post and show it to me. I do not go around insulting anyone, ever. Ever!, do you hear me? Ever! I am more tolerant of other people's lifestyles that are different than mine than you will ever begin to know because you have some insane desire to paint me as a "baddy" when I'm such a "goody" it's almost beyond belief!

Did you even read my last post, Dixon? I explicitly, unequivocally stated that no one can "own" or control anyone. That's anyone, ever, period, Dixon, just in case I am not making myself totally and completely clear! If you feel jealous, find another situation in which you do not feel jealous unless you enjoy being jealous. If you feel guilty, either get over it or stop doing whatever it is that is making you feel guilty unless feeling guilty is what you enjoy. And don't anyone read into things and accuse me of saying guilt is a good thing or guilt is a bad thing or jealousy is a good thing or jealous is a bad thing. It seems that they'll tell me I've said both when I've never ever said either!

Would everybody please do me a favor and stop projecting their very limited points of view on me?

How can you possibly think that I am someone so insecure that I would be worried that some woman could take my man away simply by flirting with him! My God, if you knew me you would know how totally laughable that statement truly is. Men do not leave me, ever, because they know I have so much more going for me than anyone else. There is no competition. I am incredibly secure. Flirting is something that anyone, anyone can do, and I most certainly would not be threatened by someone who was doing something that anyone, anyone can do.

Would you all please go pick on someone else! I'm out of here!

cc

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Posted in reply to the post by Dixon:

Hey, constantconnection--

I would LOVE to be hooked up and madly in love with a sexy woman who flirts openly with others in my presence, or even has sex with them. (Ideally I could videotape it for our later enjoyment). This kind of thing would only make me love her more. And I'm not the only guy who feels that way.

Of course, I'm not making the extremely negative assumptions that you make about the presumed negative motivations and character traits of flirtatious women. I think you needlessly insult sexy, "slutty" women, showing a lack of tolerance for lifestyles that differ from yours, as well as perhaps some insecurity that such women may "steal" a man whom you may think of as your property.

While I recognize that most people--especially most women--are hard-wired for monogamy for good evolutionary reasons, and therefore try not to be too judgmental about monogamy, it's hard for me to see mutual ownership enforced by jealousy and guilt as love.

Dixon

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Mykil, it seems that you feel you have a pattern of getting involved with women who need help, and you help them, and they use you for the help and then they leave... leaving you alone again... and you want to break the pattern? Am I understanding you correctly? I think I am.

You seem to be in a bit a quandry about how to stop getting involved in this same situation over and over again. I am working on a similar over and over and over again situation, but not in the area of love.

You say that one approach you are considering is to create "boundaries" so that you do not allow someone to take advantage of you again. Hmmm. I don't think creating artificial boundaries works.

But it's 3AM and I can't delve into the topic any further right now. I will get back to you with a few ideas I have.

cc

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Posted in reply to the post by mykil:

The meaning of life and a knock knock joke, how adorable! Do you do massage?

Yes, I too coincide with the theory that all thoughts are prayer and that pessimistic thoughts alone have a strong negative impact on our universe! I have strong reservations toward wickedness and believe it is a true entity that has to be ousted from our world. The creature being pure thought yes?

Hmmmm as far as getting my own way, I will try and take into consideration your theories on the matter at hand and try and see past my own nose! Seeing other peoples needs more clearly. Trying harder to evolve around a plain and simple plan of attack, this being sharing my own happiness with others more often, making room for them in our world of pure joy and happiness and truly challenging their abilities to find joy and a little cherished attention in their own lives while all the time making sure not to over step any boundary issues that might arouse and just try to enlighten them more clearly, which will put me back at where I am today! LOL Are you sure you don’t want to get married? Getting my own way is sharing and thank you for pointing this out. I never said I wanted to materialize a smart woman! AS far as being selfish, no, I don’t go there; the thought of me being a selfish person does not ring true. EVER! Hell I won’t even be selfish with my own thoughts, not that I haven’t been asked over and over and over… nor my possessions, my heart, my soul or my anything else I have. About the only thing I am really possessive of is my bed, it is sooo friggin comfortable! Soooooo again, this is how I got here In the first place! Soooooo this is what I really would love to hear from you CC my new found friend…

I, as in Mykil, would love to hear your thoughts on setting boundaries for such an event. I tried, with little success, to draw out a few thoughts in an earlier thread entitled boundaries, but did not really get what I was after! Me being raised a complete hippy, a real hippy mind you, well half hippy, half redneck in a kinda backwoods kinda country bumpkin sort of way, WAY BACK, have never ever even thought of manufacturing boundaries. Yet here I am at the ripe age of forty four and thinking I need to find some, get some, buy some at sears, [WE DON’T SHOP AT WALMART ANYMORE] or ask to borrow some of these allusive limitations from friends such as you! Where to begin? Where are they hiding? Hmmmmm

AS you might have read up yonder I am not a selfish individual, I tend to give away all my energy, all my possessions, or if you are poor and look like you are in need, atleast giving them to you what I paid for them, and really have no admiration toward becoming rich and wealthy in the future by doing what I do. I belong to this community and really do my best to give every ounce of my beliefs to this little commune! YEAH we are! Anywayz I am the same with my love and have to find a way to not let the same things happen over and over. Because I made financial plans based on what you said I would be earning when you hired me, for the first time in my life I am not going to be able to pay my rent am going to need one hell of change to make that happen! Quick fixes might include solitude! I hate being alone! Castration! OUCH, there are a few woman that might agree!!!!! Selling everything I own and moving to a monastery on a hill in Tibet! I don’t speak Chinese! Hmmm what to do? I have this overpowering sensation when I see a woman in need and must help her, this in turn ends up into a relationship I do not desire! Yet stick with it on the assumption that one needs my particular help. It is the need to help that gets my heart in trouble and then everything else follows! I need new boundaries! A sense that I can overcome certain admirations in my life such as what I have just described, as to being able to move forward freely with a more powerful and productive relationship or relationships with others also with myself as well and really move forward in my evolution!

What ya think? Can you help with this one or is it beyond the books we read? Now you know me and who I am and what it might take to do this but do you know how I got here? This might be half the battle just knowing I was raised in a very poor environment and producing to help was the only way of life. Helping meant eating plain and simple! I didn’t even know what money was till I was in my thirties for god sakes, everything was done on trade! Sooo giving a helping hand was part of life. Helping a woman out with her children meant she was moving in and taking over the common house and that was nice too! Till she gets on her feet and was able to move on. This is inbreeding on my DNA! This needs to change and as hard as I try to be mainstream I always go back to my roots and have to have the poor woman in distress syndrome that has me memorized when it walks on in. I still want to help don’t get me wrong, I just do not want that to be taken over my life like it alwayz does. Change comes from within but being hardwired makes it a challenge.

The way I wrote the first post way up yonder was my first attempt at achieving this task! Although it wasn’t the best piece of work I have ever written , by all means is was the first draft, the first draft for the rest on my life on the big beautiful blue earth, and I really have to start somewhere! OK Enough whining, give it to me straight! How pathetic am I?

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Posted in reply to the post by mykil:

OK Enough whining, give it to me straight! How pathetic am I?

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Did you really want me to answer that Question?
Caus i do know someone, maybe one person that is worthy of your devotion.
One last person that deserves your devoted attention as long as you live.
It would be the one that will never leave you.
Would you be ready for that?

MzT I can see you and you are talking about my grandson yes! Sooo transParent these dayz! Always thinking of the little en’s! No, I am not ready but that does seem to mater, no one wants my advise on what is an appropriate age to have a child, whom the hell am I to say you are tooooo young to bare child dear! hhhhmmmmmmmmm my lovely grand son will be sooo friggin spoiled by our community I might not even get a chance to seethe little sucker but once a month if I am lucky anywayz. When I was raising my wonderful children I finally let loose of the rains during the summer and just let them go. I had call around about a week before school started to see which relative or close friends actually had them! Most of the time it took about a day to track them down! I never even had to worry cause I just new they were safe and having a ball! Anywayz if the was not the right answer then no I don’t need a cat either!

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Posted in reply to the post by MsTerry:

Did you really want me to answer that Question?
Caus i do know someone, maybe one person that is worthy of your devotion.
One last person that deserves your devoted attention as long as you live.
It would be the one that will never leave you.
Would you be ready for that?

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CC wrote:

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Let's review: Mykil started a thread entitled "alone again..." to me implying that he didn't want to be alone again, that he wanted to find someone to be with. I was merely trying to point out to Mykil that something he said he insisted on doing (flirting with every woman in sight) was something that most women do not like in a man, thereby highly increasing the statisical probability that Mykil might remain "alone again

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Here, here! That's possibly one reason why women are leery of a guy who sounds funny, generous, sensuous and who is at least trying very hard to communicate his deepest feelings. Flirting is one thing...one can flirt without crossing societal boundaries, but previous posts by M tell me he is taking it farther. Very few women are going to sign up for an open relationship and will leave when it becomes apparent that they are in one. Shallow flings are easy to find, but I think Mykil wants more (or both!).

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You seem to be in a bit a quandry about how to stop getting involved in this same situation over and over again. I am working on a similar over and over and over again situation, but not in the area of love.

You say that one approach you are considering is to create "boundaries" so that you do not allow someone to take advantage of you again. Hmmm. I don't think creating artificial boundaries works.

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CC has a point here. Understanding your weakness in this area is a good first step but just swearing 'I'll never do this again' is probably not going to work.

This is a lovely response, but it isn't the person I had in mind for you to care of.

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Posted in reply to the post by mykil:

MzT I can see you and you are talking about my grandson yes! Sooo transParent these dayz! Always thinking of the little en’s! No, I am not ready but that does seem to mater, no one wants my advise on what is an appropriate age to have a child, whom the hell am I to say you are tooooo young to bare child dear! hhhhmmmmmmmmm my lovely grand son will be sooo friggin spoiled by our community I might not even get a chance to seethe little sucker but once a month if I am lucky anywayz. When I was raising my wonderful children I finally let loose of the rains during the summer and just let them go. I had call around about a week before school started to see which relative or close friends actually had them! Most of the time it took about a day to track them down! I never even had to worry cause I just new they were safe and having a ball! Anywayz if the was not the right answer then no I don’t need a cat either!

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Awesome post, Sylph, and so right on the money! You so very accurately read between Mykil's lines and are tremendously perceptive.

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Posted in reply to the post by Sylph:

CC wrote:

Here, here! That's possibly one reason why women are leery of a guy who sounds funny, generous, sensuous and who is at least trying very hard to communicate his deepest feelings. Flirting is one thing...one can flirt without crossing societal boundaries, but previous posts by M tell me he is taking it farther. Very few women are going to sign up for an open relationship and will leave when it becomes apparent that they are in one. Shallow flings are easy to find, but I think Mykil wants more (or both!).



CC has a point here. Understanding your weakness in this area is a good first step but just swearing 'I'll never do this again' is probably not going to work.

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Mykil, what you write is nothing less than other-wordly in its beauty, majesty and profundity. You blow me away with your incredible degree of depth.

And, no, I don't want to get married!

cc

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Posted in reply to the post by mykil:

Last night I pulled out my oils, placed my home made redwood easel next to my computer in my living room facing my TV, now I can see all three, so as to start a wondrous winter all by my lonesome, in my cave, on a hill, in the trees, in the woods. Sitting painting next to a warm fire does it for me. I went into the closet and pulled out my trunk and found all my brushes, I have many, a hundred atleast, these have been sitting in seclusion with no one to forward there beauty upon a canvas in years. I have been neglecting my duties as an artist to these little brushes knowing someday soon I would, still the time never seemed right with children under foot running about and never having a moment of peace to myself. This is what I think I am after for a while! Will I get it? Who knows, I am content in my life as of now. I am alwayz content though, so what is the difference? Is there a difference? Not really, I am connected at the hip with the conscience community at hand every step of my life and this is important to me. I am transparent to you all, yet my own evolution is a little elusive even to me! I am thinking it is good things I have do not put much stock into worrying to the extent that some seem to! I am really in no hurry to find a soul mate or a new live in roommate this is for sure. Dating and entertaining a few friends now and again seems appealing to me. Till one day someone with such a strong need will appear with her heart on her sleeve and I will not be able to stop my soul from trying to evolve her and give her the support she needs, all along knowing I will br4ak her heart, and mine. IT will only be a matter of time… This is my pattern and I know it will. Should I evolve and try the poly routine that some many adhere to? Should I stop myself from saving the next poor soul that walks into my life and has the over powering sensation that has the need that can stop a train? Hmmm only time will tell. In the mean time I will just go on with my life and do what I do best. Maybe paint a picture of a broken heart or of all of us combined as one soul in need of our own … ~P~E~A~C~E~ … ;-{

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Alright; Now I am curious! What are artificial boundaries? Are not all boundaries made up? Now I think WE may be on to something here. There are a allot of people around that couch on manufacturing boundaries and this is amusing to me that you might pertain to the idea that new boundaries are not real! What are all these people doing then when [especially woman over forty] say to me when they say you should have known me when I was younger, I used to do everyone, now I have boundaries? I have a problem with this in the first place, if you hear the same thing from a beautiful woman you ask out and she sayz this to you, you have to turn you head in amazement and ask where the hell was I when all this was going on. Why didn’t I get a memo????

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Posted in reply to the post by constantconnection:

Mykil, what you write is nothing less than other-wordly in its beauty, majesty and profundity. You blow me away with your incredible degree of depth.

And, no, I don't want to get married!

cc

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OH CC break my heart already and we have not even met yet! That is OK I have never been married, I am not the stupid!!!

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Posted in reply to the post by constantconnection:

Mykil, what you write is nothing less than other-wordly in its beauty, majesty and profundity. You blow me away with your incredible degree of depth.

And, no, I don't want to get married!

cc

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Mykil , my dear, you are so not appreciating the fact that you do not have chaos , a jealous girlfriend, too many woman to juggle (or jiggle) , and before you know it you WILL be in a relationship again and maybe feeling kind of silly that you have been wasting time dwelling on this moment of aloneness when in reading and listening I am hearing your paint brushes calling your name and that if you might allow yourself the thought and time , you may even really enjoy this time.. alone.. If you need an art project , you ask me and I would love to work together with you on one . What do you think? I think maybe YOU need a spanking to get a new outlook and attitude check ! LOL my sweet friend... xoxoxoxox:fairy:

Ohhh Misty the only other person on that list of yours would be myself yes !!!! Are you just tired latelyor what? get off the fucking youtube and get back in the game man!!!! Take a walk, take a ride. get the mountain air out of your brain get your thoughts clear and come back feeling like you have something to say!!!! Don't fade away... I can feel you slipinnnnnnn

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Posted in reply to the post by MsTerry:

This is a lovely response, but it isn't the person I had in mind for you to care of.

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