Our Plans for the Last Year on Earth

Our Plans for the Last Year on Earth
by Paige Picard and Carl Patrick of Occupy Santa Rosa

Given that the apocalypse is less than a year away, we wanted to put forth our plan for making the Occupy Movement successful before we all become a footnote in the history of the universe.

First off, we would like to thank Time Magazine for naming “The Protester” as their “2011 Person of the Year.” As two protesters, we are honored to join the ranks of such prestigious “1%ers” as Mark Zuckerberg (2010), Ben Bernanke (2009), and our personal hero, Newt Gingrich (1995). Boy do we have a noble and proud legacy to live up to!

However, in 2012 we hope to accomplish a status that no other Person of the Year has yet to attain: the coveted “Person of the Last Year Ever!” It won’t be easy, but here’s our plan:

-We are going to team up with People Magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive,” Bradley Cooper (though we stress that we are OUTRAGED that Ryan Gosling got snubbed. I mean c’mon!) And together we are going to combat the twin evils of Wall St.: corporate greed and systematic un-sexiness.

-We will finally “get a job.” Our opponents have long advised us of the merits of employment, and in 2012 we will heed their wisdom and for once become equal contributors to society. We would have done this sooner but there is a little known provision in the Secret Activist Code that prohibits holding a job, or showering.

-We regret that the Occupy movement single-handedly led to an epidemic in homelessness, rampant drug addiction, untreated mental illness, and violent crime in urban city centers. We will try our best to take things back to the way they used to be, when everyone had a home, no one did drugs, everyone was happy and no one ever broke the law.

-We agree that the Occupy movement needs to have a more clear and concise message. To sum it up, basically we want an end to bad things and all that stuff and we want the government to do only good things, like make justice and freedom. Also we want free ice cream now!

-We firmly believe that there is no such thing as bad press. Therefore we urge the Occupy movement to continue smoking weed in public, organizing 24-hour drum circles, crapping on police vehicles, and killing small business.

-We think the Occupy Movement needs to take a less confrontational approach in order to win over the masses. For example, things like sitting down and doing nothing (like UC Davis students), taking the day off of work (like the Oakland General Strike) and sleeping in a tent (like Occupy in every city) are just too militant for most mainstream Americans. We think a much more effective strategy would be for everyone to put all their passion and energy into re-electing Barack Obama in 2012. We’ve heard that worked really well last time.

And if all these things fail, then our last-ditch option is to spend our last year on Earth engaging in a serious campaign of organizing our neighborhoods, campuses, and workplaces against the domination of the 1%, and to create a new society based on equality and direct democracy for future generations.

Just kidding! That would be a total waste of time…
https://www.occupysantarosa.org

Please, please, please tell us you are not serious about the apocalyptic nonsense for 2012. That dire version of a Mayan calendar forecast has been debunked by anthropologists who have accurately translated the ancient symbolic language. The Mayans did not predict the end of the world, merely the transition to a new era. The last thing our current culture needs is to believe that the world is coming to an end... that would encourage bad behavior: "Who cares, we've nothing left to live for!" (I read about Cheney and other ultra-conservatives buying into this "end of days" scenario and that it affected certain decisions made in the Geo. W. Bush administration. ) What we need to believe in is our power to continually make the world a better place. :2cents:

Birdwatcher/Pam,

I agree with you on the Mayan 2012 End of the World nonsense. In fact a compendium of Mayan Shamans has weighed in saying it's much more complex, that they have several different calendars, and if anything happens at all it will be a transition, not an end.

But the original article in this thread is a sendup of the Woo/New Age huckster version of Mayan 2012. A tongue in cheek call for social and political activism, not an endorsement of millenarian poppycock. Read it again, the joke is pretty obvious and continuously telegraphed.

[sheepish smiley]
I guess that's what I get for a) only reading the Daily Digests and b) composing emails not only after my bedtime (I now reside in EST), but also after a rum tasting. Apologies to all.

... especially the ICE CREAM NOW!!!! :heart:

Quote:

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Posted in reply to the post by Barry:

Our Plans for the Last Year on Earth
by Paige Picard and Carl Patrick of Occupy Santa Rosa

Given that the apocalypse is less than a year away, we wanted to put forth our plan for making the Occupy Movement successful before we all become a footnote in the history of the universe.

First off, we would like to thank Time Magazine for naming “The Protester” as their “2011 Person of the Year.” As two protesters, we are honored to join the ranks of such prestigious “1%ers” as Mark Zuckerberg (2010), Ben Bernanke (2009), and our personal hero, Newt Gingrich (1995). Boy do we have a noble and proud legacy to live up to!

However, in 2012 we hope to accomplish a status that no other Person of the Year has yet to attain: the coveted “Person of the Last Year Ever!” It won’t be easy, but here’s our plan:

-We are going to team up with People Magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive,” Bradley Cooper (though we stress that we are OUTRAGED that Ryan Gosling got snubbed. I mean c’mon!) And together we are going to combat the twin evils of Wall St.: corporate greed and systematic un-sexiness.

-We will finally “get a job.” Our opponents have long advised us of the merits of employment, and in 2012 we will heed their wisdom and for once become equal contributors to society. We would have done this sooner but there is a little known provision in the Secret Activist Code that prohibits holding a job, or showering.

-We regret that the Occupy movement single-handedly led to an epidemic in homelessness, rampant drug addiction, untreated mental illness, and violent crime in urban city centers. We will try our best to take things back to the way they used to be, when everyone had a home, no one did drugs, everyone was happy and no one ever broke the law.

-We agree that the Occupy movement needs to have a more clear and concise message. To sum it up, basically we want an end to bad things and all that stuff and we want the government to do only good things, like make justice and freedom. Also we want free ice cream now!

-We firmly believe that there is no such thing as bad press. Therefore we urge the Occupy movement to continue smoking weed in public, organizing 24-hour drum circles, crapping on police vehicles, and killing small business.

-We think the Occupy Movement needs to take a less confrontational approach in order to win over the masses. For example, things like sitting down and doing nothing (like UC Davis students), taking the day off of work (like the Oakland General Strike) and sleeping in a tent (like Occupy in every city) are just too militant for most mainstream Americans. We think a much more effective strategy would be for everyone to put all their passion and energy into re-electing Barack Obama in 2012. We’ve heard that worked really well last time.

And if all these things fail, then our last-ditch option is to spend our last year on Earth engaging in a serious campaign of organizing our neighborhoods, campuses, and workplaces against the domination of the 1%, and to create a new society based on equality and direct democracy for future generations.

Just kidding! That would be a total waste of time…
https://www.occupysantarosa.org

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