Republican Budget is Assisted Suicide

JUNE 3, 2011

Paul Ryan Vows to Continue Kevorkian’s Work

Medicare to be Replaced with ‘Kevouchers’


WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – In a somber Congressional ceremony, Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI) eulogized the late Dr. Jack Kevorkian today, vowing to “honor his legacy by continuing his good work.”

“Dr. Kevorkian tried to ease the transition of seniors into the great beyond,” an emotional Rep. Ryan told his colleagues in the House of Representatives. “Here in Congress, we have the opportunity – one might even say the obligation – to continue Kevorkian’s work on a grander scale.”

As a first step to memorialize the work of Dr. Kevorkian, Rep. Ryan said that his new budget plan would replace Medicare with a system of so-called “Kevouchers” that could be redeemed for cyanide pills, nooses and bullets.

Andy Borowitz has once again uncovered the truth about the Republican budget. Paul Ryan and the Koch brothers who bought him his seat in the House of Representatives intend to help America's seniors with assisted suicide, whether we want it or not.

Star Man