A cautionary word about Aubergine

Dear Wacco Community,
I write this letter with a very heavy heart and hope that my good intentions will come through and we as a community can compassionately move forward in a positive direction.

Saturday evening at the "Local Eyes" event with Jazz Mafia, me and my staff were repeatedly harassed by Randy Graves owner of Aubergine in Sebastopol. It started with him being very rude and eating our display even after he was told several times that our display was to show people what a CSA box looks like and we didn't want him eating it. He kept telling my staff member that he is the owner of the business. She felt she had no recourse, as who do you go to when the owner is harassing you... When I showed up at 9:30, my staff member made it a point to warn me (and my sister who was going to table with me) about the man who says he is the owner. He immediately came up to our table and was obviously intoxicated. He resumed his antics of eating our display (suggestively at this point) and when my sister asked him not to, he got pretty mean very quickly. He began taunting her and telling her to eat the carrot he was shoving in her face. She backed up and said no and stop. He then went on about how he is the owner and drunkenly tried to shake my hand. I shook his hand and he kept asking me if he had to pay for the vegetables he was still eating. Then he got mad, being drunk and was persisting that he would pay for the vegetables. At this point things were pretty scary. Then he totally crossed the line and asked my sister if the reason why she didn't button up her jacket all the way was because her boobs are too big.

At that moment, we quickly cleared off the table and began packing up our information brochures, sign-up list, table and chairs. We had been at Aubergine for five minutes. There were some several scary moments when we were trying to find my 22 year old niece, get out of dodge and leave. We were very shaken and told the event coordinators what happened.

This is a small town, friends and it didn't take long for me to find out that there was a similar incident with Randy on Friday night, and that the situation there is out of control. One Aubergine staff member told me that it is all coming to a head and something needs to be done quickly. I am so disappointed that this all happened. I trusted this establishment when I sent my employees in earlier in the night. I was looking forward to working with the chef who is interested in featuring local food. I was excited to share my birthday with my sister, niece and the great local cause the "Sonoma County Time Bank" whose benefit we were tabling at. I am horrified by the antics of Randy Graves and feel compelled to give caution to our community.

I hope you are helped, Randy. Please let us all know when you are well. Laguna Farm's relationship with Aubergine was just beginning and so quickly it went terribly wrong.

Jennifer Branham
Laguna Farm CSA
[email protected]
(707)823-0823

Just a quick endorsement of Jennifer. I know her. Whatever she says, I believe it. She's at the opposite end of the spectrum from "trouble-maker", "kook", or "complainer". She's level-headed, hard-working, productive, kind, and strikingly well-balanced. I'd trust whatever she says, and there are few people I'd be so quick to say that about. When I hear about controversy, I usually assume there are two sides to the story (assuming I don't know the participants). In this case, because I know who Jennifer is, I can assume that the situation unfolded exactly as she recounted it, and that her motives are precisely what she stated ....

Of course, most of you don't know me, so my endorsement will mean nothing. But, many of you do know me ... so perhaps it will mean something to some of you!

I don't go into Aubergine because the owner once followed me around the store, holding up the skimpiest lingerie and suggesting that I try it on. I was not even shopping for lingerie that day and felt really freaked by his following me around w used lingerie.

This thread has been painful for me to read because, on top of the egregious sexist harassment of women aspect, which is certainly more than enough, I had begun to warm to the scene at Aubergine.

I've called it the newest, really the best, cool, bohemian, underground, hipster spot in the West County, including Santa Rosa. I know the booker, I was beginning to get to know the other staff and regulars.

I've never been a barfly or lounge lizard, but I love live music, of the kinds I prefer, and dancing to it. I've had several good times there in the past six months. I was looking forward to more.

Even when I don't go out, which is mostly these days, I read the listings. I've been impressed by the variety and quality of the artists who have been playing there.

So this news has been additionally disturbing. With these courageous accounts from Jennifer, and now Holly, both of whom I do not know, I'm sure the word will bet back to Mr. Graves.

Should he make a public apology, clean up his act, and watch his intoxication levels, maybe this mess can be turned around and the good work of the staff, the artists that perform there and his positive efforts can continue. I am committed to reform and redemption. I couldn't have taught for three years in the Reception Center of San Quentin, if I wasn't. At least not with a good conscience, which I have in the case of my own efforts.

I'm not his Momma or Daddy, but the idea comes to mind, that if he gave a trusted staff member the right and obligation to 86 him from his own place, if he starts the creepy nonsense, or even looks like he's headed in that direction, that might be one approach. Along with a public promise to cease and desist and an explicitly stated commitment to empower a trusted employee to do just that.

Given the nature of the male ego, I won't be expecting that to happen. If anyone has any other good ideas, I'm interested, and I hope he and his employees are also listening and interested. All of their jobs may depend on it.

I used to periodically hang out at a place where the proprietor was a jerk, especially when he was in his cups. His behavior wasn't overtly sexist, at least not to me (Hah!) or by report, but being an overbearing, obnoxious asshole takes a toll.

(I know whereof I speak in that regard! I've been accused of the same online!? And occasionally in my personal and political life. Not recently mind you. I have learned a few things over the years. Any recent contretemps are false charges by thin-skinned reactives who I called on their own shit, obviously!! But as always, Opinions Differ. And,Yes, I'm also mostly kidding in this parenthetical paragraph.)

The establishment I was obliquely referring to before I so rudely interrupted myself, is no longer open.

When I told people I ran into in the year and a half before it closed that I no longer went there, more often than not the reply was, "Me too!", or "So have a lot of others."

Karma will out.

And in the business of entertainment, sooner rather than later.

I sure hope this all gets resolved.......I have innocent friends performing there on June 11, "The Groove Merchants" who hope to have a good turn out...!

Dear Jennifer (and anyone else effected on Saturday night at Aubergine),

I want to apologize for my actions and behavior Saturday night. I have no excuse for how I acted and know my behavior was unacceptable.

The critical nature of the events that unfolded that evening has caused me to realize the seriousness of my own situation and the fact that I need to focus on my mental and physical well-being. I am taking an extended Ieave of absence for an undetermined period of time to begin this work.

In the meantime, please know I care deeply about this community and humbly ask for your understanding and forgiveness.

Sincere regards,

Randy Graves

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Posted in reply to the post by Laguna Farm:

Dear Wacco Community,
I write this letter with a very heavy heart and hope that my good intentions will come through and we as a community can compassionately move forward in a positive direction.

Saturday evening at the "Local Eyes" event with Jazz Mafia, me and my staff were repeatedly harassed by Randy Graves owner of Aubergine in Sebastopol. It started with him being very rude and eating our display even after he was told several times that our display was to show people what a CSA box looks like and we didn't want him eating it. He kept telling my staff member that he is the owner of the business. She felt she had no recourse, as who do you go to when the owner is harassing you... When I showed up at 9:30, my staff member made it a point to warn me (and my sister who was going to table with me) about the man who says he is the owner. He immediately came up to our table and was obviously intoxicated. He resumed his antics of eating our display (suggestively at this point) and when my sister asked him not to, he got pretty mean very quickly. He began taunting her and telling her to eat the carrot he was shoving in her face. She backed up and said no and stop. He then went on about how he is the owner and drunkenly tried to shake my hand. I shook his hand and he kept asking me if he had to pay for the vegetables he was still eating. Then he got mad, being drunk and was persisting that he would pay for the vegetables. At this point things were pretty scary. Then he totally crossed the line and asked my sister if the reason why she didn't button up her jacket all the way was because her boobs are too big.

At that moment, we quickly cleared off the table and began packing up our information brochures, sign-up list, table and chairs. We had been at Aubergine for five minutes. There were some several scary moments when we were trying to find my 22 year old niece, get out of dodge and leave. We were very shaken and told the event coordinators what happened.

This is a small town, friends and it didn't take long for me to find out that there was a similar incident with Randy on Friday night, and that the situation there is out of control. One Aubergine staff member told me that it is all coming to a head and something needs to be done quickly. I am so disappointed that this all happened. I trusted this establishment when I sent my employees in earlier in the night. I was looking forward to working with the chef who is interested in featuring local food. I was excited to share my birthday with my sister, niece and the great local cause the "Sonoma County Time Bank" whose benefit we were tabling at. I am horrified by the antics of Randy Graves and feel compelled to give caution to our community.

I hope you are helped, Randy. Please let us all know when you are well. Laguna Farm's relationship with Aubergine was just beginning and so quickly it went terribly wrong.

Jennifer Branham
Laguna Farm CSA
[email protected]
(707)823-0823

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Dear Randy,
Thank you for your apology. All of us at Laguna Farm wish you the best in your healing process. Sometimes these journeys are easier with forgiveness in hand. Please know that you have ours.

Jennifer Branham,
Laguna Farm

I appreciate how consciously and respectfully this matter has been handled by all concerned. :waccosun:

Randy ,
I pray you follow through on your intention to heal . Prayers will be sent your way .
Alcohol and the establishments that serve it need to be more responsible all the way around .
Maybe it is a good idea that the owner stays sober at his place of business( he is working afterall ) and that serving stops hours before closing so people can drive . I have watched bartenders continue to serve people who were already seriously impaired . I too frequented a place ( no longer open) where the owner got drunk all the time . He was an ass and abusive to women who worked for him . I do not drink so I just went for the music and to play pool . I would not give this place my money because of the lack of integrity of the owner. Karma handled that place.
The one job I said I would never do was to serve drinks to people who will drive afterward .
Maybe someday we will all be more accountable for our behaviors.
I have faith that we will . We are a special community and I am sure that Randy's apology has been received. Hopefully , his words will be matched by consistent action.
Betina

May Blessings be with you for your healing Randy

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Posted in reply to the post by Randy Graves:

Dear Jennifer (and anyone else effected on Saturday night at Aubergine),

I want to apologize for my actions and behavior Saturday night. I have no excuse for how I acted and know my behavior was unacceptable.

The critical nature of the events that unfolded that evening has caused me to realize the seriousness of my own situation and the fact that I need to focus on my mental and physical well-being. I am taking an extended Ieave of absence for an undetermined period of time to begin this work.

In the meantime, please know I care deeply about this community and humbly ask for your understanding and forgiveness.

Sincere regards,

Randy Graves

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Posted in reply to the post by Holly Delano:

May Blessings be with you for your healing Randy

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you are forgiven... what ever you did..

What am I forgiving you for?
Jody

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Posted in reply to the post by ladybug5:

you are forgiven... what ever you did..

What am I forgiving you for?
Jody

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Jody, see the beginning of this thread on the website. This will take you there....
Or if you see this in the digest, click on the https://www.waccobb.net/forums/wacco...ns/website.gif button and then scroll up to the first post.

I appreciate the forthright manner that Randy acknowledged the problem.
I'm sure Randy appreciates the gracious forgiveness that is being offered here.

:heart:

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Posted in reply to the post by Barry:

I appreciate how consciously and respectfully this matter has been handled by all concerned. :waccosun:

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I published my first special interest forums in 1997, the "early days" of social networking. It didn't take long to stack up lots of hate mail and even death threats for demonstrating what I percieved as "editorial direction". As social networking has flourished forward, so has most folk's understanding and online social skills.

Barry's acknowledgement of this thread's contributors is a gross understatement of the rich, cultured sense of community this forum has achieved.
Thanks Barry!