The Rapture really happened!

from borowitzreport.com:


May 23, 2011

In Partial Rapture, Credible Republican Candidates Vanish From Earth

Gingrich Left Behind

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) – In what some fundamentalist preachers are calling a “partial Rapture,” all credible candidates for the 2012 Republican nomination have mysteriously vanished from Earth.

While this seemingly Biblical phenomenon has been developing over the past several months, the disappearance of Indiana Gov. Mitch Daniels over the weekend confirmed what many apocalyptic prophets had been predicting: a partial Rapture was underway.

For Rev. Harold Camping, the minister who made headlines by predicting that the entire world would end on May 21, the partial Rapture offered some measure of vindication, he said.

“The world really did end, Republican-wise, when Daniels dropped out of the race of May 22,” he said. “So I was only off by one day.”

According to Camping’s prophecy, Republicans with a shot of winning the White House have completely vanished from the face of the Earth while a series of surefire losers have been “left behind,” including Herman Cain, the former chairman of the Godfather’s Pizza chain, who announced his candidacy – significantly, Camping notes – “on May 21.”

As for the Biblical prophecy that those left behind after the Rapture faced “five months of Hell on Earth, Camping said, “That’s a pretty clear reference to what Newt Gingrich has in store.”

mhqc,

It just goes to the reason I was disappointed the Rapture didn't happen as predicted by "Rev." Camping's camp. If Caribou Barbie is who she claims to be, she would have been outta our hair. (Plus I might have scored some 100 year old single malt in the post "flying saintly bodies show" looting.)

Which is worse? Perishing in a Lake of Molten Lava? Or a Palin Presidency in 2013? I'll take the former.

Luckily it looks like the Obaminator has 2012 sewn up, no matter who the Repubs put forward. (At least lucky for him. For the American (U.S.) people and the people of the global empire? Not so much, but opinions differ.)

Barring a major financial collapse in the mean time, he'll likely get a second term to serve his corporate masters. Given the price of oil, and other "signs & portents" of a concrete economic nature, the possibility of the damage from '08 being compounded significantly, is not negligible.

Lake of Fire anyone?

Since Profit Camping, oh he of the consistent unreliability, has once again revised his claims, and now October 21 is the new "go" date, perhaps we'll be spared. Can't wait to pick up some of the century aged Water of Life!

Jesus's Shot Caller, Self-Proclaimed, aka

this from Stanley Douglas: News of the Great (Re)Depression:


It's a little known wild assertion that the fractured and yawning chasm that is American culture produces narrowly targeted art that goes unnoticed by the mainstream. This is largely due to the passing of our so-called "shared experience" that we, as a people, once knew during our war against the Nazi menace or when we transported live men to the moon. This is also why many readers of internet flummery have never learned of the eccentric and brilliant filmmaking careers of the Koch brothers. Known to many Americans as two rich and scary old men bent on replacing our democracy with something more akin to feudalism, The Koch brothers have toiled in obscurity for decades to co-produce and co-direct their own uniquely quirky screwball documentaries which have captured the hearts and minds of a small but devoted cult audience.
Beginning with White Puppies in 1984 and continuing to this day with the forthcoming Wisconsin Fist Cakes, scheduled for a January 2012 release, the Kochs have entertained scores of other billionaires by tailoring a new brand of cinema expressly for other scary rich men. Their work has never achieved wider notice because, as Koch brother David Koch is fond of saying--"Working people just can't swing $75,000.00 for a ticket."

Quote:

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Posted in reply to the post by mhqc:

In addition to Gingrich, Condi Rice and S. Palin were left behind along with the Koch brothers. The two zillionaires have announced formation of a PAC to support the R & P ticket. Definitely a come-to-Jesus moment.
/mhqc/

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'course there's always the possibility that the rapture happened as advertised on schedule, but there weren't any qualified candidates...

From the Press Democrat, 5/26: Sarah Palin buys house in Arizona, possibly preparing for Presidential run...

Link to the article:
http://www.pressdemocrat.com/article...WIRE/105261080

Quote:

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Posted in reply to the post by mhqc:

Some may have thought this thread was strictly satirical and distinct from “objective reality”or “truth, or whatever it is called.
If so, think again. Life continues to imitate art. I mean, when the NYT thinks a circumstance important enough to put it on its front page, it must be somehow, some way related to “truth,” right?

So... Signs Grow That Palin May Run

https://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/26/u...n.html?_r=1&hp

Read it and laugh -- or weep -- depending on how you look at things.

/mhqc/

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