Off Topic Rambling, Again! A reply to Tars query

Waccoons, Lend me your eyes...

The following was delayed a couple days because I let Barry vet it pre-publication.

On the "Look of Wacco" thread Tars asked about "This sounds ominous. Did something happen?" (I'm paraphrasing.)

I had deleted several parts of my first two posts to the "Look..." thread, in response to a private email from El Jefe.

Read on,

No worries Tars,

I think I'm feeling thin skinned because the intense social whirl I've been on via facebook and the live music and dinner last night, where I saw people I hadn't seen in months. Plus lack of sleep.

When I share my personal observations in posts here, about topics that aren't necessarily directly related, it's because I've become comfortable doing that in the back and forth over the years. In spite of the fact I haven't physically met my other regularly posting wacoons, such as yourself, I feel we've gotten to know each other to some extent. Sometimes I think that this medium simplifies things (Yeah, right!) and actually meeting you all would complicate matters. Plus I like my solitude.

I've always been someone who errs on the side of personal disclosure, to the detriment of discretion. It gets me in trouble, every so often. People don't want to hear it. They think I'm gushing and off topic. And when I do that, they're right. In this forum, even though I write a lot, I try to cut to the chase.

Believe it or not, whether it is visible to you, the reader, or not.

(Don't worry, I can keep a secret. I do not betray my friends. And I strive to be solicitous of their quirks and sensitivities.)

Barry asked me to keep to the thread topic.

I pared down my previous two posts in this thread to reflect that.

I moved my recommendation for Kevin Bjornson to a new post.

And I haven't started a blog on my personal observations, it's not my first priority at the moment, so I deleted my "how I'm doing and what I'm up to" asides. They're mostly trivial, they're also on my new facebook wall, and I figured any of the other active and obsessive wacoons such as myself, had already read them. I think I wrote them because in the week "this" site was down, I missed most of you guys!

Also today I experienced an inadvertent slight from a colleague in the local organizing community, about their, as yet unpublished, letter to the editor. It overlooked some of the work I did, with others, including that person, back in '00 - '03. I haven't gotten a reply yet, it wasn't a huge deal, there are written accounts elsewhere (most written by guess who?) but it did sting a little.

Making contact with people all over the country, the world, that I know to some extent or other. Doing it quickly, easily, (except for the time suck, sore butt and tired eyes) is sort of like being a freshman in High School. I'm nervous, I'm not sure everybody is going to like me. In fact I know some won't. Someone is going to challenge me and I'll have to back them off.* Who needs that aggro? I hope a cute girl notices me and gives me a nod. I don't want to be seen as too eager, but of course, I am. Lot's of emotions.

* It's already happened, once. But y'all know me, I can hold my own. And it was a cute girl!

So telling me to pare it down, stick to the topic, do it my way not yours, and put your personal shit over there out of the way, well... Not fun. Especially when I've taken the time, made the effort, to put myself out here.

At least it's a process I enjoy, usually.

I have the tendency to be the, "overbearing asshole who sucks the oxygen out of the room". I know that, it's something I have to guard against. But also balance that against my need, desire, ability to share with others what I think might be of interest. Sometimes I hit it. Sometimes I blow it. I'd like to think it's more the former, than the latter.

Some of the feedback, from you guys in recent months, supports that conclusion. But they say that for every complaint there are ten people who didn't speak up. I need an editor! The one inside my head is clearly dysfunctional.

It's cool, Barry and I had a civilized exchange. We're both responsible adults. It's not a big deal. I imagine he's pretty stressed about what's going on with this board. And his email to me was clear, professional, friendly and kind.

And now I've violated the category of this thread! Doing exactly what I was asked to desist from...

(I've left the previous line in to preserve the "record" and the joke, it no longer applies to the current thread you're reading.)

I guess I really am an awkward, socially inept, oversensitive teenager in the body of an adult male facing the fact that I've become "middle" aged. With the middle to prove it.

Bring it on Barry! I'll throw down any time you say go!!! (Sic.) :wink:

(See my new Restaurant commentary article, Thanks Barry!, for the context of this faux empty bluff, in an attempt to get a laugh.)