Loss, and The Loss Of Words !

The other day , after spending several days dealing with lawyers and courts and people who know nothing about me and making huge decisions about MY life , ( this is about several lawsuits I have unfortunately been involved in after being seriously injured at work 5 years ago), I had a few moments to stop by my friends shop , Junk n' Jewels, (our beloved Mykil) , to say hello , get a hug and take a breath.

When I arrived I knew instantly something was wrong. As usual we embraced with a loving hug , but it was different and alarming in a sort of needy way , if that makes sense. I asked what was wrong and barely audible Mykil was saying something about Allison and Royce and a child and an accident.

I looked into his eyes and felt like I couldn't breath and asked him what happened. he could barely tell me that there was an accident . He could not really get out any more words yet I frantically asked what happened and he said they were hit by another car and... I have never seen Mykil even near tears or choked up , and I again asked what happened they are alright , RIGHT ! He replied no Addison did not make it . I started to cry as well as Mykil and we held each other for a bit and then, speechless, I left to pick up my own son.

I , at this point had to stop my vehicle and burst into uncontrollable sobs , like what is happening as I write this. Then about 30 thousand thoughts started racing through my mind in complete chaos and no structure. I thought how I would feel if this happened to me. How Ally , Royce and many others were feeling and handling this. . I was thinking what would of been my last words with my child or my last scolding or hug. I was thinking how absolutely devastated I would be and so very angry. How ones life would NEVER be the same and WHY ??

I was thinking that after becoming homeless for 6 months , in pain , scared and feeling like I did not want to live anymore , I almost killed myself last summer and if it wasn't for my son , I would have. I was thinking , I am at a complete loss of words to even nearly express my feelings and thoughts to two people whom I adore and love, even though we have not spent a lot of time together. I have not been able to shake this intense feel of loss in my heart and I am putting out an abundance of love and strength to or friends at Wacco whom have suffered so at this time.

I have been making it a point to really pay attention and acknowledge all around me with a different point of view ! With honesty and sincerity , I send all an embrace !:tinker: