2yr old boy bathing with 58 old women !

I have caught a roomate of mine taking a bath with my 2 yr old son.First time she did I walked in on her and my son naked.She at that point asked me if it was o.k. after she had already done it.The second time I caught her in her bathroom with my son both of them were naked in the bathtub.I immeadately told my son to get up out of the bath!I am confused because she is Psychologists.Is this appropiate behavior for a Doctor of Pyschology.I have been working for this lady for the past 30 days.Living with her since the 2nd of February.Its only been a little time since we met her .She is a a doctor in Pyschology.Is this appropiate behavior?
She says she has been divorsed twice,out of work for 5 years (disabled with fibromyalgia)?Can she practice and diagnose people if she has this disease and what should I do about her talking a bath with my two year old son?

Thanks for feedback
[email protected]

Hi, Steven, Just a few opinions/thoughts about your situation.
First off, being a psychologist does not mean a person has good boundaries, or that they have professional ethics or behavior. Sometimes people are attracted to a career to work out their own issues. (I'm a massage therapist, and I have seen this in my own field. Some people have great professional boundaries, and some, er, do not. )

Obviously, it would have been more appropriate for her to ask if it was "okay", before bathing with your son. (I'm assuming from your post that you would have said, emphatically, "NO"!) In theory I have nothing against an adult bathing with a 2 year old child if there is an established understanding of trust between all concerned. However, secretly doing it with someone else's child, without asking first, and without really getting to know or being known by the parent sounds really, really inappropriate. BTW, did you tell her it was not okay, the first time, then she did it again, later? If so, it sounds illegal, unethical and immoral.

When it comes to children, some women have a huge unmet need for a bond that their bodies are hard-wired for, and have been known to do really inappropriate things.

Another question: do you know for sure that she is certified as a psychologist and currently licensed? I don't want to alarm you, but how do you know she is legit, if she is not currently in practice? You may be able to go on line and find out something about her record as a therapist.

I would get the hell out of your living situation, if you are not able to constantly monitor her behavior with your son. If you think more went on than bathing, you might want to seek out professional help to make sure no damage occurred.

I realize that you may be in circumstances that make it hard to simply pack up and move, so I'm not making these suggestions lightly, however in cases where a child's emotional development is at stake it is probably better to err on the side of protecting the child. If it was a man with a daughter, my guess is you would have already called the cops, Child Protective Services, etc.. right?

I've had female roommates and even ones with young daughters and in general they were extremely careful and protective. Even innocent attention from a man towards a young girl is often looked upon in alarm. If a male took an unauthorized bath with a female roommate's infant daughter, he'd be in the slammer in short order.

You don't have to take my opinion as authoritative advice, but please seek out a real child therapist with experience with this sort of thing and get a professional opinion. If you can't afford it I'm sure there are low or no-cost counselors you can talk with. I'm just speaking as a parent who cares about kids getting to grow up without adults messing with their natural development, too much.

Scott.

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Posted in reply to the post by Steven:

I have caught a roomate of mine taking a bath with my 2 yr old son.First time she did I walked in on her and my son naked.She at that point asked me if it was o.k. after she had already done it.The second time I caught her in her bathroom with my son both of them were naked in the bathtub.I immeadately told my son to get up out of the bath!I am confused because she is Psychologists.Is this appropiate behavior for a Doctor of Pyschology.I have been working for this lady for the past 30 days.Living with her since the 2nd of February.Its only been a little time since we met her .She is a a doctor in Pyschology.Is this appropiate behavior?
She says she has been divorsed twice,out of work for 5 years (disabled with fibromyalgia)?Can she practice and diagnose people if she has this disease and what should I do about her talking a bath with my two year old son?

Thanks for feedback
[email protected]

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Is this a real story?
You're walking in to an unlocked bathroom when you have an 58 yr old roommate without knocking? Twice?
You saw her naked and what part was disturbing to you?

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Posted in reply to the post by Steven:

I have caught a roomate of mine taking a bath with my 2 yr old son.First time she did I walked in on her and my son naked.She at that point asked me if it was o.k. after she had already done it.The second time I caught her in her bathroom with my son both of them were naked in the bathtub.I immeadately told my son to get up out of the bath!I am confused because she is Psychologists.Is this appropiate behavior for a Doctor of Pyschology.I have been working for this lady for the past 30 days.Living with her since the 2nd of February.Its only been a little time since we met her .She is a a doctor in Pyschology.Is this appropiate behavior?
She says she has been divorsed twice,out of work for 5 years (disabled with fibromyalgia)?Can she practice and diagnose people if she has this disease and what should I do about her talking a bath with my two year old son?

Thanks for feedback
[email protected]

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Perhaps the house has no doors.. certainly there are some boundary issues going on..

S.

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Posted in reply to the post by MsTerry:

Is this a real story?
You're walking in to an unlocked bathroom when you have an 58 yr old roommate without knocking? Twice?
You saw her naked and what part was disturbing to you?

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This seems to be a really strange instant of over zealous fathering if you ask me. Was the child dirty? Was the child in need of a bath? Most women take on a motherly quality and this sounds like one of them. Do you really not trust woman this much that you think she is doing something wrong? Did the child wander in on her and ask if he could join, this does happen. The woman is not going to turn her back on the child, and instead of thinking badly you might want to reverse you thinking and accept the help with gratitude!!!! Think before you leap and good luck with being a father…

In regards to raising a child, there are some very personal decisions that need to be made by the parents. This is one of them. Have you asked the mother? Have you asked the child's other relatives? Family values will differ from one family to another, and it's best to seek advice from those who are related to you and your son.

You are asking a question of the general public. How is that different from entrusting your son to a woman you've only known for a month? You've known me even less and yet here you are asking me about her. And I don't know either one of you.

But since you're asking ... everyone? ... it's best to start by asking the woman with whom your son is in the tub. She can answer to her own situation better than anyone else and should be given that right before judgment is rendered or gallows built.

imho

I had a feeling this was gonna be a can of worms type of topic..

Ms. Terry and Mykil apparently think it's normal for a person whom one has only known a short time to bathe WITH his 2 year old baby, without checking to see if it was "okay", first, then to do it again, as far as I can tell, knowing it wasn't okay with the Dad. In thinking more about it, I'm not sure how Steven (the Dad) came to be living with, and working for the psychologist in such a short time. I guess, like Mykil said, it happens. And, I admit, I don't know how one walks in on someone in the bathroom twice in a short time, unless, maybe he was looking for the child?? I've seen parents get a bit freaked out when their kids were not visible. I've also known of cases where infants or small kids can get in remarkable, sometimes dangerous situations when left unattended for short periods of time. Hence the anxiety.

I guess I'd like to know more before having any more opinions. Most parents I know are more or less protective of their babies around people they do not know well, and I consider this to be normal. At some point, one has to let go, but I think this is much later in the child's life. I have felt some people are overly insular and protective, but I figure it's up to the parent to decide what is safe. (not the "outsider"!) Other times it seems the child will be lucky to survive his/her childhood.

I was protective of my son, when he was a very good looking baby, young child and then a teenager, and I made sure to know who he was hanging out with and what he was up to. Later, as he became more mature and independent, I let him have a lot more freedom to be himself, make his own choices, and travel. Now he has traveled outside the US and to Hawaii on his own, with no apparent ill-effects, just a broadened experiential base.

I also tend to feel some sympathy for single dads, (Having had that experience), but in this case I haven't got much info on what has been typical for Steven. I do feel strongly that people are sometimes much quicker to blame the dad for what went wrong and to assume the worst about his character. It can also be lonely when a relationship breaks up, (assuming that there was some kind of relationship, again, I don't know, in this case..) Conversly, I think women often get a pass, and people might assume them to be more maternal and loving than they actually are. Not all women are created equal in this regard, in my experience. Some women have poor boudaries, and some women are not particularly maternal or unselfish.

For the record, I'm actually in favor of family bathing, and I realize some people might be willing to include a lot more people in their circle of intimacy.

I've noticed a lot of discussions on WACCO, (a least some that I got involved in.. maybe theres are just my issues of concern!), have been about differing ideas about boundaries, respect, and sexuality. It seems to me that the West Sonoma County culture emphasizes permissivity and freedom of expression, which I love and appreciate, in certain contexts.

I have some idea where I think this conversation could go, that would be constructive, but I will just see if some more info emerges. I hope this bathing incident was just an innocent misunderstanding, but I do understand why Steven is concerned. I still maintain that the parent should be "the decider", when it comes to trusting people in intimate situations involving their children. That is part of their responsibility as a parent, IMO.

Scott.

...where is the mom? Granted a 58 year old housemate should discuss boundaries with bathing; but where is the harm? Maybe she sees a lack of mothering nurturing and her instincts are to be an empathatic presence...

On second review, it sounds like you are doing some work in exchange for a place to live. It looks like she is looking after your son, while you work.
I am also going to assume that you did not tell her how you feel about this situation.
Do you feel trapped? Abused? Lied to?
What is really going on?

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Posted in reply to the post by Steven:

I have caught a roomate of mine taking a bath with my 2 yr old son.First time she did I walked in on her and my son naked.She at that point asked me if it was o.k. after she had already done it.The second time I caught her in her bathroom with my son both of them were naked in the bathtub.I immeadately told my son to get up out of the bath!I am confused because she is Psychologists.Is this appropiate behavior for a Doctor of Pyschology.I have been working for this lady for the past 30 days.Living with her since the 2nd of February.Its only been a little time since we met her .She is a a doctor in Pyschology.Is this appropiate behavior?
She says she has been divorsed twice,out of work for 5 years (disabled with fibromyalgia)?Can she practice and diagnose people if she has this disease and what should I do about her talking a bath with my two year old son?

Thanks for feedback
[email protected]

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Steven..

Please trust your gut and get the hell out of there... If you have
to ask if this is harmful to your son... then you have an inckling that there
is a problem.. Why risk your son's well being.. ? She is a psychologist?? Run faster..... ! She should know that this would be confusing to a kid..
She is not his mother...but is trying to nurture your son...in an inappropriate way....she has a lot of unmet needs that she is using your son for..

By the way,, where is your son's mother?? What does she say about this?
Ladybug..

What bugs me about the orginating post in this thread, is the Title.

How did "58 old women" fit in one bathtub?

Let alone find room for a "2yr old boy" to fit amongst them?!!!

That's quite a feat.

"Mad" Miles

:burngrnbounce:

YEAH:2cents: How?Big Smile

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Posted in reply to the post by Mad Miles:

What bugs me about the orginating post in this thread, is the Title.

How did "58 old women" fit in one bathtub?

Let alone find room for a "2yr old boy" to fit amongst them?!!!

That's quite a feat.

"Mad" Miles

:burngrnbounce:

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Fitting 59 people into a bathtub? The sheer mechanics alone challenges the principles of physics! Einstein himself would be hard pressed for an adequate answer.

Let's see, if you take all of these people and put them into some incredible machine, let's call it an atom crusher, then yes, you could probably fit millions of people into a standard bathtub. This would be similar to what happens to matter as it approaches a black hole or becomes part of the internal mass of a black hole or a quark star. You would not be able to lift a teaspoon of this very heavy stuff with a giant construction crane.

Does this answer the question?

Edward

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Posted in reply to the post by Lorrie:

YEAH:2cents: How?Big Smile

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Well an answer anyway...
It could really do that?
Wow with a machine like that :idea:....just think of the possibilities....

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Posted in reply to the post by Valley Oak:

Fitting 59 people into a bathtub? The sheer mechanics alone challenges the principles of physics! Einstein himself would be hard pressed for an adequate answer.

Let's see, if you take all of these people and put them into some incredible machine, let's call it an atom crusher, then yes, you could probably fit millions of people into a standard bathtub. This would be similar to what happens to matter as it approaches a black hole or becomes part of the internal mass of a black hole or a quark star. You would not be able to lift a teaspoon of this very heavy stuff with a giant construction crane.

Does this answer the question?

Edward

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You guys haven't been paying attention.
Life is a hologram.
We are all one!
That's how we all fit in a bathtub.

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Posted in reply to the post by Mad Miles:

What bugs me about the orginating post in this thread, is the Title.

How did "58 old women" fit in one bathtub?

Let alone find room for a "2yr old boy" to fit amongst them?!!!

That's quite a feat.

"Mad" Miles

:burngrnbounce:

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We are the bathtub....

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Posted in reply to the post by MsTerry:

You guys haven't been paying attention.
Life is a hologram.
We are all one!
That's how we all fit in a bathtub.

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I've been reading up a bit on black holes and physics and it might be possible to fit the entire planet Earth into a space smaller than a bathtub!

Wow!

Edward

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Posted in reply to the post by alanora:

We are the bathtub....

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This is not funny if it is real.

Change the genders: 2yr old girl bathing with 58 (year) old man! Now is there -anybody- who would think this is a good idea? But I would guess Steven is faking this, or else has another agenda...

I volunteer to bathe with 58 old women.

Dirty Dixon

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Posted in reply to the post by Mad Miles:

What bugs me about the orginating post in this thread, is the Title.
How did "58 old women" fit in one bathtub?
Let alone find room for a "2yr old boy" to fit amongst them?!!!

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