Can Just Anyone Be a Therapist?
And offer unfettered advice?
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Can Just Anyone Be a Therapist?
And offer unfettered advice?
Many people who aren't professional "therapists", like myself,
can and do offer very helpful guidance. I try to avoid giving
"advice", but instead help people to see clearly what may be
blocking their view, and then help them see what their options
are.
I believe that the power to move beyond our challenges must
involve the ability to see our options. Otherwise, when we don't
see or believe that we have any, it can be a path to hopelessness
and despair.
The gift of having an empathetic person point out options and the
actions to utilize them, can make the difference between life and death.
That person doesn't need to be a professional therapist.
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Posted in reply to the post by IgorGold:
So would you ever advise someone to break up their relationship or telling them to ask a partner you had never met to leave?
Would that be considered part of professional therapy, advising your client as to their relationships?
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Posted in reply to the post by Shandi:
I would never give this advice, except if a person was being abused physically or emotionally. Each situation is complex, so there are no quick answers. Even in breaking up with someone, there can be unforeseen consequences if the other person is dangerous. In this case, my advice might be a restraining order or moving to a safe location.
There are too many unknown details in your question. But for the most part, I don't give advice, and don't think that most therapists do.
Sometimes "clients" want advice, so they can escape the responsibility for making the decision, even after considering the "facts" apart from their emotional involvement and fears. This may be unconscious on their part.
I've known people who wanted to be told what to do, because they didn't trust their own judgement. And, from what I've encountered over the years, I think this is very common. We're oriented to authority early on, and many people never question that.
If you want to get a variety of answers, I suggest that you ask your questions on Quora. You'll get some answers from professional therapists, and people like me.
My question to you is: Do you have a specific answer that you're looking for? (hoping to receive?)
Quote:
Posted in reply to the post by IgorGold:
my experience is that there are ways of becoming qualified to help counsel others
besides having a degree from a university
the best validation of one's capacity to help others
comes from the experience of 'clients' who have found a practitioner to be truly helpful
as 'the proof is in the pudding'
when it comes to speaking with one person in a partnership about difficulties they are going through
i experience that one person's view, experience, story
is never the whole story
i also experience that it is best to support the two parties in the partnership
to listen to one another and express themselves
often it is a matter of being able to express in a way that is receivable by the other
when there is upset, anger, fear
actions and speech usually reflect these difficult emotions
this usually causes misperceptions, aggression, an inflated mood, such as anger
which expresses aggression
and is not something one can take in as a listener
my work with counseling and mediating with others
involves helping one to build Presence in order to be aware of the triggers and difficult emotions that arise
i teach or help others to understand
what is going on within themselves
and first learn how to handle the challenges that arise within themselves
when one learns to care for oneself in a loving, compassionate manner
one is simultaneously learning how to communicate with and interact, care for another
i see that we have our eye on the wrong ball, so to speak
instead of learning to watch and catch what is going on within ourselves
and take responsibility for all of that
for the choices we are making in every moment
we are focused on the shortcomings of the other
and often blaming them for our unhappiness
when we learn that we are making choices
and are therefore responsible for the choices we make
and the outcomes we later experience
it becomes quite empowering
as we have the option to adjust our choices
and also look more closely at ourselves
in order to see what we can do differently
to get a more positive and satisfying outcome
i would not encourage anyone to do anything
i would help the person i am working with
to grow their Awareness of themselves first
i encourage people to see what it is they have done in the situation
that is contributing to the difficulty
for many of us it is in how we communicate and the lack of skills in handling our upset feelings
and owning our mess
we each make messes
instead of pointing to and emphasizing the other person's mess
what about seeing and owning our own
which is the only mess we can truly do something about
we've been conditioned to blame, shame, guilt ourselves and one another
for trials and errors that we go through
i see these trials and errors as ways to find what works and what doesn't
a mistake is not FAILURE
it is a result that tells us 'this does not work, try something else'
make adjustments until you find what works
breaking up with someone needs to come from the individual, not from someone else
therapy is a support which helps one to find one's own answers
it is a support for going within to find out what is going on at deeper levels than one can contact on one's own
therapy is a way of getting the support of another's Presence
in order to support the building and strengthening of one's own Presence
as Presence or Awareness is the Truth of who we Are
when one is able to maintain a state of Self in Presence amidst parts oneself that are angry, bitter, hurt, fearful,
one will be able to be there for those upset parts
as a mother is there for you child
with Presence these upset or stuck parts receive the attention and acknowledgement, patience and Awareness they need in order to shift
which is an intrinsic inborn capacity we all have
developing this takes the Recognition that it is needed to relieve our suffering
the Desire to develop this
and the Fortitude to endure the journey of Growth and Evolution
~Yamah
Thanks for the comprehensive reply. I guess I must have had a particularly bad experience with a local Somatic "stress therapist" some months back who took it upon himself to interject himself into his client's love life. I was so shocked by his intrusion and lack of professionalism that I didn't know how to respond. I've since been advised by other counsellors to whom I have described his actions to file an official complaint with his licencing body however he has asserted such control over his client's life, almost like brainwashing, that it would be difficult to convince her to validate the facts surrounding his behavior. I imagine it's difficult to to prove a therapist has an unholy influence on one of his clients when she is fully cooperating with the level of control.
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Posted in reply to the post by Yamah Goodman:
May I ask, what do you mean by "interject himself into his client's love life?" Dealing deeply with your client's love life, or lack thereof, is absolutely essential for comprehending their character and perceiving what they are up against in their struggle for happiness. On the other hand, of course, if you become so intimately involved with a client that you are actually becoming part of their love life beyond the therapy room, it is time to stop getting paid as a therapist. Sometimes the client has no one in their life as kind and deeply understanding as their therapist, so handling this "transference" can be a very delicate dance indeed.
Yamah Goodman's statements are good as far as they go. I would only add that the ultimate effort of the therapist, whether dealing with one client, two in a relationship, or an entire family, should be to uncover the inner child, which is of course the core of a person's character development, and which will bring great clarification into the mysteries of adult embranglements and pecadillos.
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Posted in reply to the post by IgorGold:
"Interject" means that the therapist in question began to initiate long discussions with my partner about her relationship to me without including me in any of the conversations. Having only ever met me once, the therapist influenced my partner into framing me as the sole cause of her stress, in spite of the other mitigating factors in her life. This ultimately led her to follow her therapist's advice, excise me from her life and on his recommendation never speak to me again. I was treated as if I was a criminal and even threatened by him with the police if I did not desist from trying to converse with my partner. Nonetheless it was a 30 year relationship and she persisted in engaging with me but it did untold damage to our relationship. I was scapegoated as a villain without any chance to interact or feedback into the situation. I've been told I should seek legal action against the therapist as well as file an official complaint to prevent him from doing further damage to other clients.
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Posted in reply to the post by occihoff:
Thank you, these more concrete explanations of how you were personally involved in all this is helpful. Yes I certainly agree that you should have been included in this process from the very beginning. It is usually good for each person in the relationship to have some individual sessions, but of course there must also be times when both of you come together. Sometimes it can also be beneficial to have sessions that are focused on deep release for one person while the other person witnesses. Excising a partner from one’s life on threat of involving the police should generally be reserved for violently pathological individuals. If the therapist you are complaining about is as bad as you say, he or she should probably be in therapy rather than practicing it.
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Posted in reply to the post by IgorGold:
No, not just anyone can be a therapist. I am a licensed psychotherapist. I studied for years and did 3500 hours of supervised therapy and took two exams to earn my license. One of the lessons a therapist in training must learn is to avoid projecting onto the client. That means using one's own psychopathology as a lens through which to view the client's problems. Projection is very dangerous and very subtle, and very damaging. Offering unfettered advice is usually a projection, especially if the other person did not ask for or give permission to receive advice. Star Man
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Posted in reply to the post by IgorGold:
All very true. At the same time, all that formal study and licensing does not guarantee that a person will be a good therapist, or that a therapist will be equally good for each individual client. It seems to me that therapy is less like engineering, where there is a relatively straightforward technical course of action, than it is like art. The artist can go to school and study all about composition and drawing and pigments and layering, and graduate with a degree, but all this does not mean that they will produce excellent art. Talent remains the most important, although certainly not the only, factor distinguishing the excellent therapist from the run of the mill.
What the therapist needs above all is a talent for centered empathy--the ability to relate deeply to another person's emotions, while not being overwhelmed by them to a point where the therapist loses his or her ability to function strategically, or become so upset that their own life is put in turmoil. This is an absolute must.
Next, the therapist needs to have a deep feeling and understanding of infantile and childhood emotional needs, and how defensive characterological patterns develop when these needs are thwarted. You need to get to know the client as a child, and get a feeling for their parents and the emotional vibrations of the family. With this understanding, the therapist needs to have a good ability to lead the client into deeper awareness of these characterological patterns, and how they affect their current life and relationships, at a rate the client can absorb.
There is obviously so much more to be said. But the point I want to conclude with here is the importance of an understanding of muscular armoring: the waysuppressed emotions are held in frozen impulses to action in the musculature, and the way emotionally centered bodywork can be utilized to uncover and release these emotions. This is Wilhelm Reich's core discovery, the one for which--in spite of his personal flaws and final craziness--I most deeply honor him.
You can talk and talk with the therapist, and this is certainly a good and necessary thing in itself. But if you don't get into emotional and actual physical release of your current emotions, and as much as possible the primal emotions suppressed and buried in your character structure and muscular armor, you are missing a lot of possibilities for personal healing.
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Posted in reply to the post by Star Man:
Dear Occihoff,
I wrote a book on emotion regulation that Norton published in 2004. I am trained in somatic approaches. I watch my clients' armoring and defenses carefully. Star Man
Dear IgorGold,
I am so sorry for what happened to you.
Star Man,Quote:
Posted in reply to the post by Star Man:
This is a very good thing for me to keep in mind. I am not a therapist, though friends do ask me for advice sometimes, and often online I am drawn to someone who is struggling with something. I don't think I offer therapy though, or maybe I just trust random strangers on the internet not to consider a random stranger on the internet their therapist just because I offer a single post of encouragement.
So, I guess my question is whether I overstep my bounds when I respond to someone's request for help with what I have learned from my own experience.
IMO, Starfarer, it's okay to offer up your life experience to someone who requests help as a way to broaden their perspective and to offer moral support but you must be careful not to present yourself as anyone other than a fellow traveler.
Bear in mind that we teach what we need to learn.
I try to follow Angeles Arrien's Four-fold Way as a way of right-living:
1. Show up. Be present.
2. Pay attention to what has heart and meaning.
3. Tell the truth without blame or judgment.
4. Be open, not attached, to outcome.
I'm a licensed therapist. Since your partner was the client, the therapist would have needed their permission to to talk to you or bring you in. You might want to consider that the therapist may have wanted to have you come in but couldn't. Also what your partner told you their therapist said may or may not be accurate. People often hear what they want to hear. Or misinterpret something. I'm just saying there's another possible scenario here about what you see as the therapist's unprofessional behavior.
I've worked before around allegations of unethical, unprofessional conduct and based on what you've shared, I don't think you would have a case against the therapist. One thing therapists who work with couples a lot learn is that there's always two sides and I've had the experience of a partner being portrayed in a certain way and when I meet them I discover this isn't necessarily true.
This may not be what you want to hear but if you are truly trying to understand what happened, it's something to at least think about.
Best wishes
Karin Wandrei, LCSW