Strong Debate Ratings Make CNN Execs Consider Introducing Substance Into Programming

from borowitzreport.com:

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—The strong ratings for Tuesday’s Democratic Presidential debate have surprised CNN executives, who are now tentatively considering introducing substance into their programming.

The president of CNN, Jeff Zucker, acknowledged that he was “baffled” by the high ratings for the debate, which focussed on the issues and featured few if any personal attacks.

“I was watching them talk about issue after issue, and I was like, ‘This show is gonna tank,’ ” Zucker said. “Substance is usually ratings poison.”

After reviewing the numbers for the debate, however, Zucker decided to launch a pilot program at CNN called Project Substance, which will introduce information and “substance-based content” into the network’s programming, on a limited basis.

“Just to be clear, we’re not suddenly going to flood our programming with substance,” Zucker said. “We know that would be jarring for our viewers.”

By implementing a “dash of substance here and there,” the network will be able to gauge whether viewers’ interest in substance is for real, “or just a passing fad,” Zucker said.

“If, at the end of the day, viewers aren’t interested in serious news, we’ll just go back to what we’ve been doing,” he said.