Americans Worry Rest of World Might See Debate

from borowitzreport.com:

CLEVELAND (The Borowitz Report)—As preparations get under way for the first Republican Presidential debate, on Thursday night, a new poll shows that Americans are deeply concerned that the rest of the world might see it.
According to the poll, there is widespread fear that, if the debate were to be viewed in foreign countries, the cost to the United States’ prestige around the world would be incalculable.
On a more personal level, many expressed concern that any international broadcast of the debate would greatly diminish their desire to ever travel abroad or talk to foreigners.
In another measure of Americans’ discomfort with Thursday’s televised event, two of the TV programs they identified as being the biggest embarrassments to America, “Duck Dynasty” and “Jersey Shore,” still lagged far behind the debate.
Those surveyed strongly agreed that the U.S. government should block the foreign transmission of the debate, or that Fox News should air an explanation of the contest beforehand, but they were at a loss as to what that explanation could possibly be.
And, in a result that seemed to sum up Americans’ anxiety, a broad majority agreed with the statement “God, this is so embarrassing.”