Need help but a logical explanation might help

Greetings.I am the male half of a middle aged couple. For perhaps the better part of a year, I have been reaching out for help, since I was told that if I never asked for it, how would anyone know that I needed it?So here I am again... A brief synopsis of the what, how's and why's of what I'm asking for. My lady and I are homeless. Even as I write this fact, I cringe, because my experience in this area, beginning in early 2012, has led me to a point where I feel as if there is no hope. And this coming from a guy whose motto is, “always make the best out of a bad situation.”

We have been made to feel as if we are less than, as if we are criminals and that we have done something wrong. We are both disabled, but would welcome the opportunity to work at the things we are capable of doing. Neither of us are alcoholics, or drug addicts – we aren't homeless because our vices got in the way of rent or a mortgage. We can barely afford the basics in life, such as food, fuel for our stove, etc. on one person's income. And this single income is all we have since I have been fighting with Social Security to get reinstated. I lost my benefits after being an SSI recipient for 8 years because I received a small inheritance from my deceased mother's estate, and reported it, like the rules stated I should. Because of the decision to terminate my monthly benefits, I was forced from my house, and eventually lost everything I had owned and kept for the better part of 35 years. Even my family photos, and years of poetry and songs I had written were stolen from me.

My lady became homeless when she moved to L.A. to look after her dying mother. Her mother passed, her condo was sold, and she lived on the streets of L.A., but soon came back to Sonoma county where she had lived for almost 30 years. She came up here to live on the streets in her vehicle, hoping that she could get help finding an affordable apartment or house. We both have tried all the avenues suggested and then some: council on aging, ( she is 65 and I am 60 ) Catholic charities, homeless resource center, etc. Our experience is that no one really cares, or if they do, there is always a catch, or some bureaucratic barrier preventing those that MIGHT be able to help from doing so. More often than not, calling the organizations whose purpose it is to help the homeless, merely produces another phone number to call, ad infinitum. The same goes for the web. Clicking a link on the webpage of something advertising itself to be helpful fort he homeless, only takes one to another site making the same claims, and the same result.

Once, my girlfriend filled out 40 rental contact cover sheets and sent them, via USPS because we thought that certainly we would find something. Only 5 of the 40 even bothered to respond, but with nothing positive. We have avoided the homeless shelters since it appears as if there are some homeless who actually WOULD rather spend their income on drugs and alcohol instead of rent,and also because it seems like a “revolving door” type of lifestyle: live in the shelters for the winter, live in the woods in the summer. We would rather not live that way. We have always made our own way, and are still doing so, though at a far lesser degree than we ever had before. We both believe that maintaining our independence is an integral part of that thing that one might deem“self esteem”and would probably not fare well having other people set our schedule, and basically tell us how to live our lives.

We are both as responsible as anyone could be given these circumstances, and we both come from family’s who taught us to respect ourself and other's, the difference between right and wrong, and overall, how civilized people should conduct themselves. We are neither prudes nor prideful, not devious or scandalous. We are basically normal, older folks who are really struggling to survive in these tough times. Even so, within the past 2 years, due to our homelessness, and certain decisions we've had to make because of it, such as where to park for the night safely, we've experienced things we might never had, if we had a home. Some of the things we've experienced, ( maybe even endured ) are as follows. My lady was mauled by a dog. Because we were living in her Blazer, and the event was so extreme and frightening, the vehicle was ruined when I followed the ambulance to the hospital at 60 m.p.h. not knowing until it was too late that the truck had somehow gotten locked into 4 wheel drive low. It made it to the hospital parking lot and never drove again. As if this wasn't bad enough, the security staff harassed me all night and tried to make me feel as if I had done something wrong. They were rude, disrespectful and threatening to me because I could not drive away. They talked down to me and were very juvenile in their attempt to create a problem where there was none.

My lady has recently had both hips replaced due to a degenerative cartilage condition that was hereditary. After the 1^st surgery she was put into a convalescent home to heal. While there, a relative of hers asked to borrow her mini van that the insurance had thankfully replaced after the Blazer died. Being a generous woman,and having no reason to suspect anything was amiss, she said yes.When a few weeks had passed, she began to ask this person to return the vehicle. He did not do so: instead he kept it, knowing she would not report it stolen. After a month and a half I went with a friend to pick up the van. It had been thrashed so bad, it was almost like a different vehicle, no, it WAS another vehicle. The driver's side was crumpled almost the entire length of the van, the ignition had been beaten out of it and so it could be started with a knife or screwdriver, whatever. The battery was shot, and when I finally got it started, the sound was horrible. Almost all the rod bearings were shot, from being driven without oil, and now her once pristine Town and Country sits, awaiting a motor replacement if and when that day arrives.
When it became apparent that we were headed to a tent as our shelter, I began asking people I knew if they knew of and could recommend a secluded area, close to town where we could make a camp. Someplace where what few remaining belongings would be safe from thieves.

At the time, a friend from long ago was down visiting from Cobb mountain and he told me he was a caretaker of this piece of property, and we could stay there. It turned out to be a good deal, since it is hard to get to, and it is small and undeveloped. My friend left, and having no other options we moved in. A few months went by and we set about cleaning up the property, and I repaired the stairs that went up to the camp. One day my lady tripped on a brick, since she is still recovering from hip surgery, fell, and split her head open. We could not stop the bleeding and so we called 911 for an ambulance. I believe that since the call was about a wound, that brought the Sheriffs into it. They came with the ambulance, and told my honey that even though she didn't want to go with the ambulance, (because she had no way to get back to Guerneville from Santa Rosa, and also because she was having great difficulty just walking,)that if she didn't go, they would arrest both myself and the other gentleman who lives with us, and who also I try to care for since he is in poor health, for trespassing. This, even though we had the owner's permission to be there. We talked to the owner the following day, and he went to the sheriff 's sub-station and told them we had his permission to be there. It seemed to not matter to them though, as 3 of them, including the officer who had been so hostile before,returned about 10 days later, and questioned us about some woman that none us knew. They told us that since we did not have permission to be there, in writing, they would be back in 3 days, and if we didn't give them the info about this mystery woman, they would arrest us all. They were, for the most part, arrogant, rude, and hostile. The overly aggressive cop saw something on the ground, took his baton out and begin to savagely attack whatever it was, but gave up after a good 3 minutes. I suppose whatever it was proved to be too much for him. Though we searched later, we never did find out what it was.

Fast forward to now. My lady is recovering from her hip replacements, but now she has a pinched nerve due to a slight curvature of her spine, so she is still in constant pain. Her doctor is suggesting surgery to remedy this, and is working to help her manage her pain, but it's her mental health that I'm concerned about.She cries a lot and tells me she has about all but abandoned any hope of ever having our own place again, and that she feels as if she is going to die out here. It's hard to deny since she had contracted pneumonia due in large part, I believe to her homelessness. Also, the owner of the property is going to be rebuilding on the property and has given us until the end of September to vacate. We have no other place to go. So here is where the title of this ad/post comes in.

The help we need is this: we need a small and alternative living arrangement. A piece of land that is both seclude, yet an easy bike ride to a town. A place where we could setup our tents, or, “flexible houses” as we call them. A barn that is just begging to be converted into an alternate domicile. In short, ANYTHING where we can continue our lives without fear of being threatened by cops, ripped off, and just cast aside, as if our existence has no intrinsic value.We do not want a handout, rather a hand up. We have skills which must have a value to someone, somewhere, and that is the person we are trying to find. Someone who could use some decent, honest people in their life/lives, who would look after their property as if it were our own. We are neat, clean people, and our surroundings reflect our belief that both the way one grooms themselves, and the way one maintains their living space, are a reflection of how that person esteems them self, physical handicaps notwithstanding. Were you to come to our camp at this very instant you would not find the atypical homeless camp with debris scattered about the terrain. What you would find is one extremely pristine and well kept tent that my best male friend, who is by far, the most eloquent and well spoken writer I have ever had the pleasure of befriending, occupies, a 2 room cabin tent that serves as our food and tool storage unit on one side and a“ guest bedroom/ overflow storage unit” on the other side, and then the tent my girlfriend and I occupy.

These 3 tents are all large enough to stand up in, since none of us are “spring chickens”anymore, and we keep the surroundings as neat as our communal “shopcat”, who came to us as a tiny bobtail kitten, will allow. We only take up a space approximately 40 feet by 25 feet, and we haul all of our trash out as daily as we can. I believe if you got to know us,you would like us as people to be around. We love humor, and try to keep things as light as possible, no matter what. We are open to almost any, alternative living arrangement, and can afford to pay with both money and labor in exchange.

Now for the 2^nd part of my post title: can somebody provide me with a logical explanation to the question, “whatever happened to this country that supposedly is the greatest country on the planet?” Is not part of the measure of worth of a nation measured in how well they care for their poor? How did we get to the point of being in such a hurry to “ get ours”, to “make ends meet”, and to ensure that we are seen as “ belonging”, that we can see our brothers and sisters suffering, and look the other way? When did we become so judgmental and sanctimonious that we cannot see ourselves reflected back at us in ways we never imagined in the eyes of our fellow man,especially if they are suffering? And I'm not saying this to anyone in particular. Nobody owes us a thing. I owe nobody, but when I see someone in need, I try to help, and that makes me neither better than, or prideful.

What it DOES is make me feel good even if I try, but can't help, since my inner feeling is that it's just the right response to anyone in need. I understand taking care of oneself, but I just can't see ignoring someone in dire straights. And yes, I understand too, that some people do rip other people off. I have lost everything, mostly to thieves, but I still make the effort when I can. As it was put to me,” if you risk nothing, you gain nothing.”Thank you for reading this, and if I've offended anyone, know that it was not my intention, and perhaps you might discuss it with your spiritual guru. Be well.

Have you gone and talked to social services, recently?

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Posted in reply to the post by Ray Tuley:

Greetings.I am the male half of a middle aged couple. For perhaps the better part of a year, I have been reaching out for help, since I was told that if I never asked for it, how would anyone know that I needed it?So here I am again... A brief synopsis of the what, how's and why's of what I'm asking for. My lady and I are homeless...

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Ray,

I'm so sorry to hear that your plight continues. It's heartbreaking to know that a "conscious community" hasn't reached out to you. I know there have been a few, but sadly not enough.

I helped a homeless person last year, by sharing my own tiny rented room, and even my twin bed. I provided meals, laundry, transportation out of a meager social security income of $1100. At first he seemed willing to contribute his skills, but soon after, that came to a standstill, and was replaced with daily verbal attacks on me, as he called himself "my spiritual teacher". I discovered that this man was highly delusional through his continual, daily pontifications.

I found myself losing energy and vitality, as if my life force was being sucked out of me, and trying to understand why this person would attack me when I was basically saving his life. Still, I couldn't bring myself to put him out on the street, so it went on for 10 long months.

My landlord finally issued an eviction notice, and that was really helpful. I was so drained and exhausted that it was two months before I began to feel myself again.

Two years ago, I helped a homeless family by sharing food, transportation, and doing their laundry. They also had been home owners in Sebastopol, but lost everything when the contractor husband couldn't find work. Their car and belongings in it was impounded for lack of current registration. I stored some of their things until I hadn't heard from them in many months, and it all went to Goodwill.

Now, it's a new situation with a long time friend who has lost his house to foreclosure, and without resources, is forced to live in his truck with his two cats. He's 66 years old, and has a social security income of less than $1000 a month, and has payday loan debt that takes much of his income.

I'm giving him a daily meal, laundry, shower, and internet access. He'd been parking at Walmart since I understood that they allow people to sleep in their cars over night. I guess the policy has changed because he was awakened the other night by the police, and told he couldn't sleep there. I can't give him shelter for himself or his truck, and having 2 cats compounds the problem. Yet, he will not euthanize them.

He doesn't drink or do drugs, but I can imagine why many homeless people resort to these to ease the multiple levels of pain. He's not a thief, and is very quiet, sensitive, and soft spoken. He wouldn't do well in a shelter with the element of homeless people who've been forced to survive in any way possible.

I think that suicide is his plan, and I understand completely when everything else is out of one's control. The ability to take our life may be the last in a series of attempts to achieve the basic needs of life: food and shelter from the elements. Being physically, mentally, and emotionally limited is a huge obstacle to get around.

The basic thing he needs is a quiet place to park and sleep in exchange for some chores that need doing.

We are all coming from one of two places "Love or Fear", and from what I can observe, FEAR rules, while LOVE drools, off in the corner. It seems apparent that FEAR prevails, and this causes an ache in my heart for you and all those who need some compassionate action from those who see themselves as "conscious". It would be helpful to see a response from our community to the question "What is one thing you do to help others who are living lives of quiet desperation?" or "What do you fear from reaching out to those people, to share something you have plenty of?"

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Posted in reply to the post by Ray Tuley:

Greetings.I am the male half of a middle aged couple. For perhaps the better part of a year, I have been reaching out for help, since I was told that if I never asked for it, how would anyone know that I needed it?So here I am again... A brief synopsis of the what, how's and why's of what I'm asking for. My lady and I are homeless...

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You might have tried all these things but you should be eligible for SSI and if you put your inheritance in an IRA and take out $5/month, it is considered exempt. Social Security is not based on income so you should be clear there but Medi-cal and Medicaid are.

Your lady is certainly eligible for SSDI (disability) and you can apply for that on-line. West County Health Centers can help get you free medical care as will Covered California. Food- food banks aplenty. Also food stamps. You can get on the Section 8 list for housing but there is a interminable wait for that. Roommate situation.

Human services on Paulin Drive manages a lot of the county help. I got most of my information and help from the health clinic. They know what to say to the bureaucracy (sp) to get the help you need.

As to being taken to hospital by ambulance, they have always tried to give me a bus pass and put me out on the street. I said "you've got to be kidding, I can't even find my way back to my room. No, I am not doing that." If you speak up, they will get you a shuttle to take you to your door.

Also call 211 who can direct you to more resources if you explain your situation.
Good luck. I hope this helped a little. Will pray for an end to your hardships.

Marilyn

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Posted in reply to the post by Ray Tuley:

Greetings.I am the male half of a middle aged couple. For perhaps the better part of a year, I have been reaching out for help, since I was told that if I never asked for it, how would anyone know that I needed it?So here I am again... A brief synopsis of the what, how's and why's of what I'm asking for. My lady and I are homeless. ...

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It seems that the basic need has been expressed clearly in this statement:

"The help we need is this: we need a small and alternative living arrangement. A piece of land that is both secluded, yet an easy bike ride to a town. A place where we could setup our tents, or, “flexible houses” as we call them. A barn that is just begging to be converted into an alternate domicile. In short, ANYTHING where we can continue our lives without fear of being threatened by cops, ripped off, and just cast aside, as if our existence has no intrinsic value."

Can anyone offer any direct help that addresses THIS immediate priority need, by the deadline indicated?

Catholic Charities has a program for people living in their cars.
I believe they have a safe place to park and perhaps also shower and bathroom facilities.
Your friend should check with them.

Catholic Charities did have a great program at the Fairgrounds in Petaluma, but that's been discontinued due to summer activities. I don't know if it will start up again in the fall; I hope so. If anyone has any up to date information on this "Safe Park" program, please let me know.

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Posted in reply to the post by qidancing:

Catholic Charities has a program for people living in their cars.
I believe they have a safe place to park and perhaps also shower and bathroom facilities.
Your friend should check with them.

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Posted in reply to the post by Shandi:

Catholic Charities did have a great program at the Fairgrounds in Petaluma, but that's been discontinued due to summer activities. I don't know if it will start up again in the fall; I hope so. If anyone has any up to date information on this "Safe Park" program, please let me know.

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The last I knew there was a similar program in Santa Rosa, near the Homeless Services Center on Morgan Street. I think there may be something similar at the fairgrounds in Santa Rosa too, at least for part of the year. Calling Catholic Charities would probably get the straight info.

Thanks to all who took the time to give my problem some thought. We are 2 weeks away from once more being cast adrift with no place to call home, and are no closer to a solution than when I posted originally. It seems as if fear is INDEED the word of the day, and sadly enough, I understand. I have encountered a whole world of immature grown ups, who insist on mistaking kindness for weakness. Though I could, and would guard, protect, and treat someone's property who would be kind enough to allow me to stay on said property, if that person has had bad experience(s) with such an arrangement in the past, how could I ever convince that person that I would do any different? I could not, because a large percentage of people, ( at least in my experience ) do not say what they really mean in these matters, instead opting to say what they think the other person wants to hear, whether they mean it or not. "Say what you mean, and mean what you say" seems to be a rare commodity these days. If anyone can think of an arrangement that would be mutually agreable to all parties concerned, I would be grateful to hear it. Thank you for your time.

Hi Ray - if there is ANY way you can get there come to the Sebastopol Grange this THURSDAY evening and meet the people from Green Valley Village. Perhaps there will be a connect there for you and even if =not the whole moving around "SEBASTOPOL BUILDING CONVERGENCE" and TRANSITION SEBASTOPOL and THE PERMACULTURE SKILLS CENTER , and HARDCORE CAFE are places where you can network and tune in to a lot of neat things that are happening locally.

there is a TINY HOUSE MOVEMENT people are building so many tiny houses there is a surplus of them right now
perhaps someone needs a tiny house sales rep and you folks could inhabit one while helping to sell the other four?

google all the above and maybe get involved?

Nico

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Posted in reply to the post by Ray Tuley:

Thanks to all who took the time to give my problem some thought. We are 2 weeks away from once more being cast adrift with no place to call home, and are no closer to a solution than when I posted originally. It seems as if fear is INDEED the word of the day, and sadly enough, I understand...

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